TexDuder4575
New member
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2015
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Hello...I'm not quite sure what I'm doing here, or what I'm going to get out of it...but I just felt that maybe talking about it with people that are going through the same thing could help. First, a little about myself. I just turned 38 years old. I'm in a relationship with an amazing woman that I love dearly, but I've never been married and I have one child, a son, that I raised on my own and had full custody of. He's 20 and moved out (yes, I had him young). I have never felt so lonely in my life. I feel utterly alone. I didn't always feel this way. I used to be quite happy. I was very close to my mother, had quite a few friends, and met the love of my life. Life was good. Then, it just seemed to all fall apart at once. My family is extremely small. I have other relatives in another state (my dads side of the family) but I'm not close with them and never see them. Anyway, about a year and a half ago, I lost my best friend (was like a brother to me) to a drug over dose. He was the best friend that I ever had, and I loved him dearly. He was a veteran, and had severe issues with PTSD, and began to self meditate with Hydrocodone. He got addicted, and took too much of it while mixing it with other things, and over dosed. That kinda started it all. 5 months after that, my mother died unexpectedly from a brain anueorism. I think I spelled that right. Just completely out of the blue, literally here today, gone tomorrow type of situation. It was devastating. Since then, her scum bag husband (my parents have been divorced for years) has already moved another woman in her house and is getting remarried. He was on dating websites less than 2 months after mother died. On top of it, he tried to trick me into waiving my rights to my mother's estate, and we are currently waiting for the probate court hearing. Then, just last month, my father died of a heart attack after going on a 2 month drug and alcohol binge. To top it all off, my sister is in rehab. I feel so alone. My mother and I were the only ones in the family that did not have drug and alcohol addiction issues, and did not have any mental illness. With her being gone, I feel like the last one left that is not an addict or completely messed up mentally or emotionally. Most of my friends barely talk to me anymore because really, who wants to be around someone that has that many issues going on in their life? The only happiness I get is when I'm with my girlfriend, but we don't live together, and I don't see her every day. That can't be healthy, my happiness being dependent on how often I see her. My son is moved out and has his own place, and I **** near have to beg him to spend any time with me. It's just a miserable situation right now. I'm not an alcoholic, I'm not going to start abusing drugs just because I'm depressed....but I just don't want to feel so alone all the time. I feel like this is just about the lowest point in my life...when will things turn? It's just so hard waiting for it...all I can do is deal with it, and tough it out. It just sucks. I miss my friend...I miss my mom and dad...I wish my family was not so dysfunctional. I feel a huge weight on my shoulders.
