Hi. I’m a girl turning 17 this year. Can you believe it that we are around 3 months away from 2014?! Time flies so quickly. As I look back at those days I spent this year, all I can remember are those late nights crying to sleep, that 1 side of the pillow drenched with tears, faking smiles & laughter concealing those hidden scars and those days where everything seems to be tearing apart.
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I’m in a clique with 2 other girls in a new school. Both of them are of the same race except me. IMO racial backgrounds should never be a barrier for friendship. At first, everything turned out perfect. I thought that I was lucky enough this time. Little did I know that the joy isn’t going to last. The 2 of them are closer to each other and so I had to accept the fact that I am now the ‘3rd person’ = loner.
How would you feel if your so-called friends talk in another language that you don’t understand and you are just there standing with eyes glued to your phone to make yourself seem busy & feel less awkward? Maybe you didn’t do that but that’s what I had to do most of the time. It just hurts me inside to see both of them texting each other everyday having fun and then there’s me checking my phone if anyone texted me. You know it. Nobody did.
Both of them joined a club with their ‘own’ people. Members in the club are of the same race being set up by the school to sustain the culture & traditions those kind of activities. Both girls made a lot of new friends such that they would meet them whenever they had a chance. That feeling when I’m seated at a table with the 2 girls I know & a bunch of complete strangers for HOURS almost every single day. When everyone takes a group photo together & I’m like the awkward sheep walking away. Break times are like a nightmare to me now. I’d rather be in class the whole day. I can’t wait to graduate!
I also get bullied. I knew I only had myself to fight against all those mean people. Beating me up. Drumming every insult inside me repeatedly. It’s like I’m a nail and there are so many hammers. They won. My self-esteem is really low. I just feel so bad about myself. I have this strong urge to put something over my head so no one can see me..
I tend to get all those suicidal thoughts in my head but I can’t help myself to do it. I used to cut but I stopped. It’s so hard to find true friends. Find new friends? It’s easier said than done. Everyone is in their own circle of friends. Join a club? I already did but my presence barely makes a difference. Talk to my parents? They don’t understand me. Consult my teachers for help/advice? They have this mind set that we are old enough to deal with our problems alone. Besides, I’m not comfortable enough to open up to any of them. Its obvious that the people I’m with aren’t real friends. But I have to put up with them or I’m just going to be like an alien in class. I just feel like giving up on everything. I don't really matter to others. Just a...burden I suppose.
I hope I can talk to some nice people. Or if anyone needs someone to talk to I’m here pm me. Sorry for the long post :3
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I’m in a clique with 2 other girls in a new school. Both of them are of the same race except me. IMO racial backgrounds should never be a barrier for friendship. At first, everything turned out perfect. I thought that I was lucky enough this time. Little did I know that the joy isn’t going to last. The 2 of them are closer to each other and so I had to accept the fact that I am now the ‘3rd person’ = loner.
How would you feel if your so-called friends talk in another language that you don’t understand and you are just there standing with eyes glued to your phone to make yourself seem busy & feel less awkward? Maybe you didn’t do that but that’s what I had to do most of the time. It just hurts me inside to see both of them texting each other everyday having fun and then there’s me checking my phone if anyone texted me. You know it. Nobody did.
Both of them joined a club with their ‘own’ people. Members in the club are of the same race being set up by the school to sustain the culture & traditions those kind of activities. Both girls made a lot of new friends such that they would meet them whenever they had a chance. That feeling when I’m seated at a table with the 2 girls I know & a bunch of complete strangers for HOURS almost every single day. When everyone takes a group photo together & I’m like the awkward sheep walking away. Break times are like a nightmare to me now. I’d rather be in class the whole day. I can’t wait to graduate!
I also get bullied. I knew I only had myself to fight against all those mean people. Beating me up. Drumming every insult inside me repeatedly. It’s like I’m a nail and there are so many hammers. They won. My self-esteem is really low. I just feel so bad about myself. I have this strong urge to put something over my head so no one can see me..
I tend to get all those suicidal thoughts in my head but I can’t help myself to do it. I used to cut but I stopped. It’s so hard to find true friends. Find new friends? It’s easier said than done. Everyone is in their own circle of friends. Join a club? I already did but my presence barely makes a difference. Talk to my parents? They don’t understand me. Consult my teachers for help/advice? They have this mind set that we are old enough to deal with our problems alone. Besides, I’m not comfortable enough to open up to any of them. Its obvious that the people I’m with aren’t real friends. But I have to put up with them or I’m just going to be like an alien in class. I just feel like giving up on everything. I don't really matter to others. Just a...burden I suppose.
I hope I can talk to some nice people. Or if anyone needs someone to talk to I’m here pm me. Sorry for the long post :3