h3donist
Well-known member
Hi everybody
I'm hoping that this forum will be what I have been looking for
I live in the midlands, UK. I'm 34 years old male although I still feel 16, like my life hasn't really begun yet if that makes sense.
Like many people feeling lonely - I really shouldn't have a reason to be. I'm married, have a full time job and a handful of friends, but I can't shake the feeling that I've fallen in a gap somewhere in my journey through life, and I just don't get the interaction I need. So I've decided to do something about my loneliness rather than sitting on Facebook, scrolling through page after page of happy families, smiling children and people on amazing adventures (although I'm pretty sure they have their own demons to face).
I drive, have traveled and still have hopes and ambitions but loneliness still haunts me pretty much constantly, like I don't fit in with the world. I feel very insular - when I walk down the street I exist in my own little world, sometimes even pretending I'm actually a cyborg and my eyes are a computer screen with code scrolling down like The Terminator. Yes, I know/ I like to sit in cafes and pubs with a notebook and pen, watching the world go by, making notes for another book that I probably won't write.
In terms of my marital situation, things aren't ideal. For reasons I don't want to go into publicly, my wife and I can't share a bed often and so I sleep alone in the spare room. She also goes to bed very early leaving me sitting up all night, alone, doing whatever I can to stave off the loneliness. Sometimes it's writing (I have written two books, one of which is published on Amazon), sometimes it's gaming or other times I just read things online - fan fiction, news stories, etc. When I'm alone in bed, I sometimes pretend that there's someone else there. Not in a kinky way, just having someone lying next to me or holding me - and I've even got an imaginary friend who lies with me sometimes. We look at the stars (the plastic glow in the dark ones on my ceiling!) and I imagine talking to her (her name is Shanice - I don't know where she came from but my brain decided I needed a companion so she came along!) Imaginary friend at 34 year old eh? Didn't see that one coming!
I work alone as an IT technician, which can be liberating at times (not being stuck at a desk all day) but when people don't want to talk to you once their computer has been fixed and all my colleagues are on another site it means I can't even escape loneliness at work.
My family moved away up north two years ago which means I don't get to see them very often - this has been incredibly difficult as they often talk on Facebook about the Christmas parties they are having and I feel very isolated. My wife has her group of friends she goes out with, which I don't begrudge at all - I'm really happy she has a group of friends she sees often, I just wish I had the same sometimes. My friends either live far away or run their own business so I don't get to see them as often as I like.
I had a brain haemorrhage when I was 14, which still dominates my life today as it means that my memory and speech aren't great, which makes it challenging for people to empathise with me when I struggle with names and arrangements (I do have a cool scar though!).
So with my wife out all the time, my friends busy and my family nearly 200 miles away, I'll realised that the nagging feeling of sadness I feel is indeed loneliness. So I want to do something about it..
So that's pretty much me - I'm hoping to find some people to talk to, perhaps even meet one day, providing I haven't made myself sound too nuts!
Hope you all have a wonderful day.
I'm hoping that this forum will be what I have been looking for
I live in the midlands, UK. I'm 34 years old male although I still feel 16, like my life hasn't really begun yet if that makes sense.
Like many people feeling lonely - I really shouldn't have a reason to be. I'm married, have a full time job and a handful of friends, but I can't shake the feeling that I've fallen in a gap somewhere in my journey through life, and I just don't get the interaction I need. So I've decided to do something about my loneliness rather than sitting on Facebook, scrolling through page after page of happy families, smiling children and people on amazing adventures (although I'm pretty sure they have their own demons to face).
I drive, have traveled and still have hopes and ambitions but loneliness still haunts me pretty much constantly, like I don't fit in with the world. I feel very insular - when I walk down the street I exist in my own little world, sometimes even pretending I'm actually a cyborg and my eyes are a computer screen with code scrolling down like The Terminator. Yes, I know
/ I like to sit in cafes and pubs with a notebook and pen, watching the world go by, making notes for another book that I probably won't write. In terms of my marital situation, things aren't ideal. For reasons I don't want to go into publicly, my wife and I can't share a bed often and so I sleep alone in the spare room. She also goes to bed very early leaving me sitting up all night, alone, doing whatever I can to stave off the loneliness. Sometimes it's writing (I have written two books, one of which is published on Amazon), sometimes it's gaming or other times I just read things online - fan fiction, news stories, etc. When I'm alone in bed, I sometimes pretend that there's someone else there. Not in a kinky way, just having someone lying next to me or holding me - and I've even got an imaginary friend who lies with me sometimes. We look at the stars (the plastic glow in the dark ones on my ceiling!) and I imagine talking to her (her name is Shanice - I don't know where she came from but my brain decided I needed a companion so she came along!) Imaginary friend at 34 year old eh? Didn't see that one coming!
I work alone as an IT technician, which can be liberating at times (not being stuck at a desk all day) but when people don't want to talk to you once their computer has been fixed and all my colleagues are on another site it means I can't even escape loneliness at work.
My family moved away up north two years ago which means I don't get to see them very often - this has been incredibly difficult as they often talk on Facebook about the Christmas parties they are having and I feel very isolated. My wife has her group of friends she goes out with, which I don't begrudge at all - I'm really happy she has a group of friends she sees often, I just wish I had the same sometimes. My friends either live far away or run their own business so I don't get to see them as often as I like.
I had a brain haemorrhage when I was 14, which still dominates my life today as it means that my memory and speech aren't great, which makes it challenging for people to empathise with me when I struggle with names and arrangements (I do have a cool scar though!).
So with my wife out all the time, my friends busy and my family nearly 200 miles away, I'll realised that the nagging feeling of sadness I feel is indeed loneliness. So I want to do something about it..
So that's pretty much me - I'm hoping to find some people to talk to, perhaps even meet one day, providing I haven't made myself sound too nuts!
Hope you all have a wonderful day.
