People find me *creepy* in general.

[Luna]

Well, my loving auntie sat me down today, and wanted to have a heart-to-heart discussion with me.

She spoke of how she used to have a colleague, who was shy and always kept to himself. One day, she said "Good morning" to him out of politeness, and saw that his eyes sparkled and how he suddenly lit up. She mentioned that she could feel his desperation, his joy at someone noticing his existence for the first time.
Translation: She found him *creepy* and ignored him from that day onward.

Me: I could feel my heart sink in when I heard that...that must be how others feel around me?
Maybe I make their skin crawl? I have met people from online dating sites, volunteering, church groups - the list goes on. They'll mention of an upcoming party, meetup etc., but when I message/phone them (I only do it ONCE, mind you), they never answer.
It is always after the first meeting, that they'll avoid me. Yet during the first meeting, they'll laugh at my jokes and suggest that we hang out another time? The conversation will go great in fact, but...

She said to me...how she saw a change in me whenever I was around people. How joyful, funny, happy that I am...and she said there were several instances, where she saw that I tried to befriend others, only to have them not smile back and reject me. She stated she didn't want to bring it up before, because she didn't want to remind me of those moments.
But if she sees it, maybe everyone else can too...

...

Well...

fresia them, fresia me, fresia you, fresia everyone.

*puffpuff*

;-;

 

[Coverage]

I'm sorry that your aunt said that too you. No offense, but if she thought that would help you then she obviously didn't think that plan through all the way.

Listen, unless you are walking around with human skulls tied to your belt then the average human is not going to think your creepy. In my opinion you are probably just like me, which is so shy and resurved that it turns people away from you. People will not talk and socialize with people they dont feel comfortable around, and it is generally the confident, social type of person that makes people want to be around them.

I cant be sure about the situations you mentioned, but think about it. If these people got a bad vibe from you or thought you were creepy then would they laugh at your jokes or suggest that they want to hang out with you again?....no..they wouldn't.

You wont be able to befriend everyone you encounter, but it takes plently of effort and *confidence* to make people feel comfortable around you. Dont let what your aunt said get into your head, and I hope things get better for you.

 

[Brian]

Translation: She found him *creepy* and ignored him from that day onward.

Me: I could feel my heart sink in when I heard that...that must be how others feel around me?
Maybe I make their skin crawl? I have met people from online dating sites, volunteering, church groups - the list goes on. They'll mention of an upcoming party, meetup etc., but when I message/phone them (I only do it ONCE, mind you), they never answer.
It is always after the first meeting, that they'll avoid me. Yet during the first meeting, they'll laugh at my jokes and suggest that we hang out another time? The conversation will go great in fact, but...

Did she say more that you didn't mention? Just curious how you deduced that she found him creepy or that she ignored him.

I get a lot of the same 'run around' stuff. Recently someone I kind of thought of as a pal (one of our volunteers) had a birthday and he and some friends were going out to do something. I'm always training with this guy and going out of my way to set aside entire days to do drills with him when he comes up to stay a shift. Yet right in front of me he invites another dept. member to come with him (the three of us are all about the same age, I'm the oldest by a couple years) for the evening and doesn't even mention anything to me. Kinda bummed me. I don't even think I was working that day. I might've considered going since he and the other guy would've been there. Bah. Ass.

I think there's probably a lot of people who notice that about people like us. As confident as I can be in my professional environment, I find myself really uncomfortable outside of my box. I was hoping college would've been a good experience to meet people my age, but it's really not. To be honest I'm glad most of my classes only require me to go in for tests. I think to the other students, I must come across just as you've described.

And Coverage is spot-on, I think. At work and at professional functions I do get on fine because I'm confident and comfortable there, and people relate to me well enough. So, ironic as it is, it has to be our reserved quietness that most people find put-offish at first glance.

Don't be sad, at least you're not alone, even if there's distance involved.

 

[Luna]

That was pretty much it for her to be *creeped* out by him.
She did in fact, state it very clearly: "He was SO creepy!".
To which she also mentioned: "I have ignored him since then, because I don't want him to think that I'm into him! Blah blah blah"
And then continued to reinforce this (poor) fellow's apparent *creepiness*.

I find that people in general, crave for that they cannot have.
When someone or something is readily available, many will lose interest.
Such as this fellow - perhaps if he did not respond the way that he did (happy, friendly, delighted that someone acknowledged his presence), she may have not at that point, decided to ignore from that day onward.
Perhaps if he acted aloof, mysterious, disinterested, it might have peaked her curiosity in getting to know him.

But however, as that wasn't the case...
She then, provided me with numerous other examples of her encounters with other *creepy* people.

:club:

But anyhoo...awww...Brian...(((((((((hug)))))))))

You're a sweetheart and I know the feeling of getting the 'run around'.
What an ass.

Hence my lovely "fresia them, fresia me, fresia you, fresia everyone" part of my post.

Except you're not included with my raging insults, because I think you're awesome.

Translation: She found him *creepy* and ignored him from that day onward.

Me: I could feel my heart sink in when I heard that...that must be how others feel around me?
Maybe I make their skin crawl? I have met people from online dating sites, volunteering, church groups - the list goes on. They'll mention of an upcoming party, meetup etc., but when I message/phone them (I only do it ONCE, mind you), they never answer.
It is always after the first meeting, that they'll avoid me. Yet during the first meeting, they'll laugh at my jokes and suggest that we hang out another time? The conversation will go great in fact, but...

Did she say more that you didn't mention? Just curious how you deduced that she found him creepy or that she ignored him.

I get a lot of the same 'run around' stuff. Recently someone I kind of thought of as a pal (one of our volunteers) had a birthday and he and some friends were going out to do something. I'm always training with this guy and going out of my way to set aside entire days to do drills with him when he comes up to stay a shift. Yet right in front of me he invites another dept. member to come with him (the three of us are all about the same age, I'm the oldest by a couple years) for the evening and doesn't even mention anything to me. Kinda bummed me. I don't even think I was working that day. I might've considered going since he and the other guy would've been there. Bah. Ass.

I think there's probably a lot of people who notice that about people like us. As confident as I can be in my professional environment, I find myself really uncomfortable outside of my box. I was hoping college would've been a good experience to meet people my age, but it's really not. To be honest I'm glad most of my classes only require me to go in for tests. I think to the other students, I must come across just as you've described.


Don't be sad, at least you're not alone, even if there's distance involved.

 

[samba101]

Luna, don't let your aunts coversation get to you, she should never have said anything to begin with and by her thinking that it might of helped you it did more damage than she ever could think it did. Your not a creepy person and don't even allow those cruel thoughts to ever enter your mind.

She lacks compassion and seems to not realise that kind words can do wonders for people.

I'm disgusted and would never want a lady as your aunt to be my friend.

Sadly others don't realise how good they've got it, wonder what she'd do if the roles were reversed!

 

[Ekstra]

I'd hate to be that guy you aunt is referring to, though I know that on the inside I am him. Unfortunately the only way to not be that guy is to be apathetic which might only make you more distant. Looks like you lose either way. Your aunt appears to be exactly the thing I'm afraid of....people even more judgmental than me! I'll never have the courage to wear orange shorts at this rate :/

 

[h i]

you should post a picture of yourself. theres a thread in general i believe for sharing pictures. after the writings that ive seen from you, im very curious.

around age 19 i stopped caring what others thought of me. during high school i would have panic attacks just trying to get dressed for school. now i wear whatever. short shorts, mix and match colors, redneck shirts, etc. i like it, and nothing bad really happens. i dont have to look mean to be dominant. im told wearing colors is a sign of self esteem, and i wear a lot of colors.

you shouldnt focus on how other people view you, otherwise they control you. and thats just wrong...

i dont light up when other people talk to me. cant really suggest anything for that. i like saying Hi to people, so most generally acknowledge my existence and say hi to me. i lack a real connection with them. but were still friendly.

 

[coricopat]

Luna, your aunt gives me the creeps

 

[evanescencefan91]

I'm so sorry Luna I feel I can relate to that a lot,

although I'm not really as shy as i use to be i am maybe a little socially reserved i am very open in class, but I've always felt more comfortable talking or discussing in class , because well teachers judge you on academic level and not on a social level

I am also very careful around girls i don't want them to think I am into them, i would feel terribly embarrassed if i scared someone off because of that

i agree a lot with what coverage said

i think what the problem is

is that those fortunate people have all those great normal friends and rarely see anyone really different that someone with just the slightly different persona will freak them out

this kind of reminds me of the one thread "view attractive girls as threats* of course i don't think the media really helps much

showing the differnt people as crazy voduo peple or serial killers

but Luna you're not creepy, you're just differnt

i donno if that helped or not

 

[Luna]

Thank you everyone...for your advice, insight and sharing your experiences. For those struggling also...wish you all of the best. ((( )))

P.S. Ekstra, wear those shorts! Screw them. Orange FTW F0R3VER!11
P.P.S. H i, curiosity killed the cat. Remember that.
P.P.P.S. Coricopat, hahah. That made me smile.

 

[h i]

but, im so curious that it really is killing me. you should post a picture. just one. i posted one and like only one person responded to it. lol. but least its there, done, and over with.

 

[nerdygirl]

Your aunt's story sucks. If I randomly greeted somebody and he lit up like a Christmas tree, I'd feel sad that he'd been so neglected by people. Of course, I usually end up befriending (or hooking up with) the "creepy" people.

 

[Twitchy]

That was pretty much it for her to be *creeped* out by him.
She did in fact, state it very clearly: "He was SO creepy!".
To which she also mentioned: "I have ignored him since then, because I don't want him to think that I'm into him! Blah blah blah"
And then continued to reinforce this (poor) fellow's apparent *creepiness*.

Your auntie blows goats for dollars. Please tell her I said so.

Thanks in advance...

 

[DontPanic]

Everyone use to call me weird..
This made me believe I was weird..
So I acted weird..
But that' s because you act the way you feel..
And they didn't understand me..
Weird part is.. I exactly liked being different from them..

 

[packyourbags]

wow
i agree with the person that said that he finds HER creepy :/
i don't think she is right
i know that i have been so low sometimes, that just a friendly hello from someone would make me feel so much better - and there is nothing creepy about that

if anything, people like your aunt are creepy for thinking that just because someone is shy and unnoticed they must be avoided

(((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

you are not creepy (hug)

 

[lostnalone]

It disgusts me that people react this way. As others have said, her behavior was more 'creepy'. I know I've been seen as creepy, I've even overheard comments from people. I make it a point to ignore those people now. They may see me as creepy, but I see them as ignorant. I don't know what your aunt was thinking by telling you that, if anything it reflects upon her inability to understand and react appropriately in those situations. Rest assured the world is full of people who do understand and don't see you as creepy, myself and everyone on this forum included.

 

[BornMisfit]

around age 19 i stopped caring what others thought of me. during high school i would have panic attacks just trying to get dressed for school. now i wear whatever. short shorts, mix and match colors, redneck shirts, etc. i like it, and nothing bad really happens. i dont have to look mean to be dominant. im told wearing colors is a sign of self esteem, and i wear a lot of colors.

you shouldnt focus on how other people view you, otherwise they control you. and thats just wrong...

i dont light up when other people talk to me. cant really suggest anything for that. i like saying Hi to people, so most generally acknowledge my existence and say hi to me. i lack a real connection with them. but were still friendly.

THIS is the BEST reply! Wish I'd had this attitude at 19. Always so admired my friends who never gave a rat's ass for what people thought of them. It's totally the way to live. This guy is right that allowing others' opinion to get to you is allowing them to control you, and personally it's THAT which gives me the genuine creeps - me permitting others to CONTROL me and my behaviour because I permit their opinion to get to me. That SUCKS!!

So WHAT if people find you creepy! Personally I think you jump to conclusions due to paranoia and lack of confidence, plus when you project this attitude in your manner and expression and eyes other people read it and it puts them off, so you come across as creepy to them.

YOU need to change, or you need to ACCEPT that few people will ever warm to you. That's YOUR choice to make.

Plus, give your aunty a break. She's entitled to her opinion and she doesn't shape your life YOU do! You need to stop blaming everyone and start shaping up or facing up.

 

[androidhippy]

Well, my loving auntie sat me down today, and wanted to have a heart-to-heart discussion with me.

She spoke of how she used to have a colleague, who was shy and always kept to himself. One day, she said "Good morning" to him out of politeness, and saw that his eyes sparkled and how he suddenly lit up. She mentioned that she could feel his desperation, his joy at someone noticing his existence for the first time.
Translation: She found him *creepy* and ignored him from that day onward.

Me: I could feel my heart sink in when I heard that...that must be how others feel around me?
Maybe I make their skin crawl? I have met people from online dating sites, volunteering, church groups - the list goes on. They'll mention of an upcoming party, meetup etc., but when I message/phone them (I only do it ONCE, mind you), they never answer.
It is always after the first meeting, that they'll avoid me. Yet during the first meeting, they'll laugh at my jokes and suggest that we hang out another time? The conversation will go great in fact, but...

She said to me...how she saw a change in me whenever I was around people. How joyful, funny, happy that I am...and she said there were several instances, where she saw that I tried to befriend others, only to have them not smile back and reject me. She stated she didn't want to bring it up before, because she didn't want to remind me of those moments.
But if she sees it, maybe everyone else can too...

...

Well...

fresia them, fresia me, fresia you, fresia everyone.

*puffpuff*

;-;

I've gotten the same vibe from people. I think it's because all people are basically lazy (you and me too, let's not kid ourselves) and regard shy people as requiring more "effort" to be around. People instinctively interpret shyness as fragility, and out of compassion they feel like they have to pay more attention to look out for a shy person's feelings than with someone with a thicker skin. Given the choice of putting up the effort, or just hanging out with someone who's less work, people tend to choose the latter. It's not an insult, it's an act of stupidity, but its just what people do.

It's why obnoxious ******** rule the world. Because out of our misdirected compassion we give all our attention to the people who will end up caring the least about us. Lots of people grow out of acting this way, but usually only after years of painful experiences and a moment of clarity.

I've found that practicing nonchalance works. If you act like you can give or take a person they keep coming back.

 

[sb8686]

I don't think others notice it as much as your Aunt does.

Theres nothing wrong with being friendly!
What are you supposed to do give dirty looks?

It's hard making friends!........when you don't have many to begin with!

 

[dbsherri]

I don't know the real reason your aunt found this guy "creepy" but it could be it was because he could see through her. People don't want to give up their secrets until they are ready; perfectly understandable. But if they sense you are someone who can see through them, they run and hide. The problem is, you can't do much about that ability, assuming you have it. I suspect you have it, Luna.

If you are someone who seems to 'know' people very early on, if you feel you can guess at what's bothering them, what excites them, what they fear, etc., you have this gift. I'm thinking that might be an issue for you. So if it is, I have some suggestions.

Do NOT volunteer anything about someone you just meet. Do not say, for instance, (just an example) "Did you have a hard childhood?" or "Did you just breakup with someone?" While you might think that relating to them is a way to get closer, people do NOT want to be seen before they are ready to show themselves. Just like you, Luna.

I have no idea whether or not I'm close or a million miles away from your challenges....but true friends are few and far between...and do not reveal your soul to anyone but soulmates (soulmates are NOT the same as life partners).

Be patient. Be loving. Be you. Don't be a treasure hunter; you are the treasure. Let others do the hunting.