http://www.bradleysalmanac.com/songs/misc/ElliottSmith-NoName1.mp3
This song describes perfectly how I'm feeling right now (lyrics posted below). I'm a senior in college, and I'd spent all my time forcing myself to go to parties, thinking that that was a solution to my shyness. I attended a shyness support group, and they told me that nobody is judging me, all the negative thoughts I have about myself are irrational and only in my head. I internalized that, and it helped me greatly. However, there are certain people out there who are so insecure with themselves, that are so terrified with awkward confrontations, that they actually cut you out of social circles, ignore you, snub you, and so on. You know, when I'm at a party where I have some social capital (ugh, I hate that expression), and I see some guy who's struggling for any reason, I go up and help him, try to make him feel at most as ease as possible. In my mind, that's the mark of a cool person, someone who's so comfortable with themselves and true to their values that they don't even care about all the bullshit. But no, there are still these insecure jerks who are just trying desperately to run from the nerds that they were in high school. Does this BS ever end? Honestly. I try to keep that kind of people as far away from me as possible, but I can't go to a party and avoid seeing them. They're everywhere.
But anyway, what I'm trying to say is that recently, my moods been low (it goes up and down, I'm fine), and I go to a party, and I can't escape the thoughts ricocheting through my head, so I appear "awkward." In fact, I guess people see the pain in me so apparently that they don't want to have anything to do with me, despite my best efforts to act normal. I'm coming to believe that the only thing I can do in this situation is just to sit at home alone and ride out the storm, because people don't want to have anything to do with my anxiety and depression. ("go home, and live with your pain"). Later, when I get happier, then I'll start making jokes again and having fun. And people will want to be around me again. Until then, I'll just keep posting anonymously on internet forums
.
Anyway, here are the promised lyrics:
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at a party he was waiting
looking kind of spooky and withdrawn
like he could be underwater
the mighty mother with her hundred arms
swept all aside
i hate to walk behind other people's ambition
i saw you waiting
saint like
with your warning
leave alone
you don't belong here
he got nervous
started whistling
every thought a ricochet
did you notice?
well i wondered
what's the worst thing i could say?
and i froze up and sighed
you remind me of someones daughter
i forgot her
i forgot her name ashamed
go home and live with your pain
leave alone
leave alone 'cos you know you don't belong
you don't belong here
and when i go
don't you follow
leave alone
leave alone 'cos you know you don't belong
you don't belong here
slip out quiet
nobody's looking
leave alone
you don't belong here
My take on the lyrics: he's at a party, withdrawn, in the corner, and he sees a girl he really likes, but even SHE seems to give the impression that he's not wanted there. He tries to say something to her, it comes out weird, she rejects him, and the inescapable conclusion is that he needs to leave alone. I like that play on words...
This song describes perfectly how I'm feeling right now (lyrics posted below). I'm a senior in college, and I'd spent all my time forcing myself to go to parties, thinking that that was a solution to my shyness. I attended a shyness support group, and they told me that nobody is judging me, all the negative thoughts I have about myself are irrational and only in my head. I internalized that, and it helped me greatly. However, there are certain people out there who are so insecure with themselves, that are so terrified with awkward confrontations, that they actually cut you out of social circles, ignore you, snub you, and so on. You know, when I'm at a party where I have some social capital (ugh, I hate that expression), and I see some guy who's struggling for any reason, I go up and help him, try to make him feel at most as ease as possible. In my mind, that's the mark of a cool person, someone who's so comfortable with themselves and true to their values that they don't even care about all the bullshit. But no, there are still these insecure jerks who are just trying desperately to run from the nerds that they were in high school. Does this BS ever end? Honestly. I try to keep that kind of people as far away from me as possible, but I can't go to a party and avoid seeing them. They're everywhere.
But anyway, what I'm trying to say is that recently, my moods been low (it goes up and down, I'm fine), and I go to a party, and I can't escape the thoughts ricocheting through my head, so I appear "awkward." In fact, I guess people see the pain in me so apparently that they don't want to have anything to do with me, despite my best efforts to act normal. I'm coming to believe that the only thing I can do in this situation is just to sit at home alone and ride out the storm, because people don't want to have anything to do with my anxiety and depression. ("go home, and live with your pain"). Later, when I get happier, then I'll start making jokes again and having fun. And people will want to be around me again. Until then, I'll just keep posting anonymously on internet forums
.Anyway, here are the promised lyrics:
----------------------------------
at a party he was waiting
looking kind of spooky and withdrawn
like he could be underwater
the mighty mother with her hundred arms
swept all aside
i hate to walk behind other people's ambition
i saw you waiting
saint like
with your warning
leave alone
you don't belong here
he got nervous
started whistling
every thought a ricochet
did you notice?
well i wondered
what's the worst thing i could say?
and i froze up and sighed
you remind me of someones daughter
i forgot her
i forgot her name ashamed
go home and live with your pain
leave alone
leave alone 'cos you know you don't belong
you don't belong here
and when i go
don't you follow
leave alone
leave alone 'cos you know you don't belong
you don't belong here
slip out quiet
nobody's looking
leave alone
you don't belong here
My take on the lyrics: he's at a party, withdrawn, in the corner, and he sees a girl he really likes, but even SHE seems to give the impression that he's not wanted there. He tries to say something to her, it comes out weird, she rejects him, and the inescapable conclusion is that he needs to leave alone. I like that play on words...
