Please tell me that I'm stupid...

[BeyondShy]

JHK, what happened with your parents is not your fault. You've done nothing wrong. I'm not going to tell you that you are stupid for thinking of them and wanting to be loved and part of a family.

Your parents never grieved properly, and took it all out on you, which was not fair, and never will be.

Have you been to therapy to delve into your upbringing and your parents? If not, it could do you a world of difference. If you can make peace within yourself and honestly see that none of that was your fault, then maybe that would be a good time to confront your parents without expectation, if you are so inclined to do so.

I kind of told him the same thing.

 

[Danielle]

JHK, what happened with your parents is not your fault. You've done nothing wrong. I'm not going to tell you that you are stupid for thinking of them and wanting to be loved and part of a family.

Your parents never grieved properly, and took it all out on you, which was not fair, and never will be.

Have you been to therapy to delve into your upbringing and your parents? If not, it could do you a world of difference. If you can make peace within yourself and honestly see that none of that was your fault, then maybe that would be a good time to confront your parents without expectation, if you are so inclined to do so.

I kind of told him the same thing.

Whatever....

 

[beautiful loser]

JHK, what happened with your parents is not your fault. You've done nothing wrong. I'm not going to tell you that you are stupid for thinking of them and wanting to be loved and part of a family.

Your parents never grieved properly, and took it all out on you, which was not fair, and never will be.

Have you been to therapy to delve into your upbringing and your parents? If not, it could do you a world of difference. If you can make peace within yourself and honestly see that none of that was your fault, then maybe that would be a good time to confront your parents without expectation, if you are so inclined to do so.

I kind of told him the same thing.

Whatever....

LOL...I'm catching your drift, Danielle.

 

[Paraiyar]

JHK, what happened with your parents is not your fault. You've done nothing wrong. I'm not going to tell you that you are stupid for thinking of them and wanting to be loved and part of a family.

Your parents never grieved properly, and took it all out on you, which was not fair, and never will be.

Have you been to therapy to delve into your upbringing and your parents? If not, it could do you a world of difference. If you can make peace within yourself and honestly see that none of that was your fault, then maybe that would be a good time to confront your parents without expectation, if you are so inclined to do so.

I kind of told him the same thing.

Was that really necessary?

 

[reynard_muldrake]

JHK, what happened with your parents is not your fault. You've done nothing wrong. I'm not going to tell you that you are stupid for thinking of them and wanting to be loved and part of a family.

Your parents never grieved properly, and took it all out on you, which was not fair, and never will be.

Have you been to therapy to delve into your upbringing and your parents? If not, it could do you a world of difference. If you can make peace within yourself and honestly see that none of that was your fault, then maybe that would be a good time to confront your parents without expectation, if you are so inclined to do so.

I kind of told him the same thing.

Was that really necessary?

That query applies to most of his comments on here, really.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Don't start anything.

 

[SofiasMami]

JHK, what happened with your parents is not your fault. You've done nothing wrong. I'm not going to tell you that you are stupid for thinking of them and wanting to be loved and part of a family.

Your parents never grieved properly, and took it all out on you, which was not fair, and never will be.

Have you been to therapy to delve into your upbringing and your parents? If not, it could do you a world of difference. If you can make peace within yourself and honestly see that none of that was your fault, then maybe that would be a good time to confront your parents without expectation, if you are so inclined to do so.

I kind of told him the same thing.

Was that really necessary?

That query applies to most of his comments on here, really.

Yeah, I 've noticed the passive aggressive swipes, too. It's a shame, really.

-Teresa

 

[VanillaCreme]

Move on, please.

 

[BeyondShy]

Whatever....

There was nothing meant by what I said except for the fact that we offered the same advice. But you can say whatever you want.

Yeah, I 've noticed the passive aggressive swipes, too. It's a shame, really.

You do? Where, when and why? But you are not guilty of this yourself. Absolutely not.

Don't start anything.

It's ok VanillaCreme. Let them say what they want. They looked for something to pounce on and that was that.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's ok VanillaCreme. Let them say what they want. They looked for something to pounce on and that was that.

It's not okay. I'm asking everyone to stop. This post was not for people to argue over anything.

 

[JHK]

Your parents never processed their grief, never went for counseling...thus, they will not change and learn how to be kind, caring and compassionate. They've shut off the niceness faucet because of the hurt. I've witnessed this very effect with my ex GF and her parents - their oldest son drank and drugged himself to death over time. Thus, they take things out on their daughter, which, in turn, makes their daughter angry, acting out, etc.

Sad to say, but you will always be a trigger for your parents.

My advice might not be worth a grain of salt, but I always try to see things from a realistic point of view.
You need to just let go, accept that they are damaged and try to discover yourself, all of your great and unique qualities that make you who you can be - if you allow yourself to do so. going back to a toxic family situation will prove even more damaging for all involved.

Let your parents come to you in the future, maybe you will be strong enough to realize whatever transpires, it will have no bearing upon who you are.

I'd let the past go, and move onward without your parents. You are still very young (me, speaking as a forum member elder statesman) and have a lot to seek out. Don't let your desire to reconnect overwhelm the potential which awaits.

I'm a trigger.
Well, being an addict, that's a good way to put it that I can really get it.
Thanks.

---

JHK, what happened with your parents is not your fault. You've done nothing wrong. I'm not going to tell you that you are stupid for thinking of them and wanting to be loved and part of a family.

Your parents never grieved properly, and took it all out on you, which was not fair, and never will be.

Have you been to therapy to delve into your upbringing and your parents? If not, it could do you a world of difference. If you can make peace within yourself and honestly see that none of that was your fault, then maybe that would be a good time to confront your parents without expectation, if you are so inclined to do so.

I kind of told him the same thing.

No worries. You and other's can tell me several times, I'm something of a slow learner.