Premonition of Death

[VengeanceBurning]

A few months back I was driving to a friends house when I suddenly became very nervous for no reason and felt this presence near me that scared me. I even checked my rearview expecting to see someone in the back seat. I suddenly thought about dying and my mortality, and I felt this awareness, this foresight, that my end was coming soon.

Since then I've spiralled into a depression, though not because of that, because of other things. I hate my life, and I don't want to live anymore. It's really that simple. I mean I tried to figure thing's out, tried to hold on. I bought this necklace of St Jude the patron saint of Lost Causes, cause I was hoping maybe he'd look out for me, show me something, anything. But nothing has changed. I don't see a future.

I was worried for awhile after my premonition, but not anymore, the Ol' Reaper wants me, he can have me. I'm not scared of the *******, and I ain't afraid to die. Screw the reaper, screw God, screw saint Jude, and screw this world! I ain't carrying this cross no more!

Someone once told me about this place where troubles melt like lemon drops and dreams that you dare to dream really do come true. It ain't far at all, just on the otherside of the rainbow. I'd sure like to see that place, sounds really nice.

 

[jamesey]

wow, don't let it take control of your life man. goodluck

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Vengeance,

DO NOT go gentle into that good night. Rage, RAGE against the dying of the light!

Please DO NOT really do anything to off yourself. I don't want you to. I think you have a good purpose in this life and this f-ed up world. THERE ARE really good things in this world! There IS great pleasure. You CAN experience it again! Please PM me so that I can hear your specific circumstances and so I can try to hear you out. There are people who care. Life can get better. Give it more time, more effort. Sometimes you just have to sit out a depression. Fighting kicking and screaming won't scare it off. It just takes time.

BIG HUGE HUG.

 

[lonelygirl]

I'll be 100 percent honest. You seem like an intellectual, and a skeptic, but I can tell you my thought (I'm am NOT religious, but...

I do believe there is a spirit of suicide. This particular demon preys on those who are in the deepest of depressions. It can be the presence you feel or fear you feel when alone in a house or a room.

I do think that the solution must be to rebuke it and to pray for protection.

Suicide is a whispered lie from these demons, which want to trick people into thinking suicide is a way out of the pain, when it so clearly is not! Because there is another life after this. And we are not supposed to kill ourselves. We must persevere.

Please, please don't give in to it.

 

[justjames]

the sensation of someone being behind you can be caused by mild seizures in the temporal lobe. It's the same neurological phenomenon that makes people think they are floating above their body when they have near death experiences. it kind of fritzes up your brain's perception of where your body is in relation to the world, and you perceive a kind of shadow of your own body hovering behind you.

apparently anyone can have these mild seizures from time to time; they also cause deja vu and intense religious feelings. people with temporal lobe epilepsy tend to be hyper-religious.

of course if you're feeling suicidal, you could view the sensation through that lens and feel like death is behind you.

as for the way you feel about your life, you need to get some professional help if you don't have anyone you know to help you. it's as simple as that. I felt the same way, and i couldn't even imagine a way that it could ever be put right, but i decided that the choices were

-constant pain
-a senseless death
-getting some help

so i picked the latter as the other two are too horrible to entertain. your life absolutely DOES NOT have to be like this, but by the sound of it you are going to need someone who knows what they are doing to help you sort it out.

 

[AaronAgassi]

Amazing how you folks all jump so effortlessly to consensus upon a conclusion as to what sort of response is called for from VengeanceBurning's initial post, just however as each of you may happen to relate thereto. VengeanceBurning, if you are still monitoring this thread which you have started, pardon me, but is there a question in there somewhere? And if so, what? How may we make ourselves of assistance to you?

I cannot guess if any of the subsequent responses are helpful to VengeanceBurning. Perhaps he was only venting, and didn't even subscribe to this thread to read the responses. -His being, after all, something in the nature of a suicide note, after all. Then again, sympathy or attention at all may have it's solace to offer. Beyond that, however, emotional problems per se, are simply not helped by even the very best advice, sought or unsought. And for strategies in resolving whatever practical problems, I, for one, would begin by seeking further information. But I am peculiar that way.

The only clue proffered might be in the distinct choice of a handle, VengeanceBurning, in case that can be taken at face value, and not, say, simply as a Heavy Metal reference. And so, at the risk of adding to the current accumulation of sheer unsupported presumption, I can proffer the self disclosure that whenever I, myself, burn in frustration for vengeance, or if one prefers, for justice, I often yearn for active assistance in this lonely world, for whole hearted collaboration against evil doers. Then again, one way or another, I have occasionally been advised that I simply ought to be more self reliant.

Indeed the question arises, by what criteria do others decide whether or not however to involve themselves? For my own part, I first would seek to be apprised and know that assuredly the cause and the means are all each just and even legal, before lending whatever my support. But, again, perhaps I am just peculiar that way.

 

[justjames]

can you give a specific example of a situation where you've wanted someone's help in this way and they haven't given it?

 

[AaronAgassi]

justjames, I assume that you are addressing, moi, AaronAgassi...

I have various medical issues that I do not know how to pursue. Indeed, I cannot even secure assistance in researching experimental medication and treatments, much less source custom frames made for my reading glasses or special adjustments to my CPAP.

Also see: http://www.FoolQuest.com for the cooperation I seek, in vein, even in collaborative fiction writing, not to mention entrepreneurship.

I have had spectacular passive aggression from people who recruited me to help them!

Once, I actually found an MBA, a moneyman, to help seek capital for the mad scheme of a Utopian computer programmer who then evaded and insulted the MBA! The MBA finally quit.

More specifically, as regards justice, browse my anti-bullying page at http://www.FoolQuest.com/cliquebusters.htm

I've had a couple of email responses of enthusiastic approval for the above, that never the less utterly refused to discuss with me the central concept!

Even more specifically than disclosed therein, I seek to recruit in the Boston area for a proxy fight, a hostile take over of an incredibly destructively bullying non profit organization, pursuant to some much needed reforms. But I am getting nowhere.

Or by far the more grave, I have been stymied what to do for years now, how to see justice done in the suspicious death of someone very dear to me, ruled natural by the Medical Examiner whom I believe was withheld crucial evidence, several years ago. I suspect that the police are protecting the rightful prime suspect, a greedy estranged relative standing to inherit, because he is an ex-cop.

I only hope soon at long last, to secure an at all reliable attorney with any positive recommendation. The last one screwed me years ago!

Heck, I'm just glad to finally get contractors around the house who won't waste my time completely!

Non cooperation? Heck, don't get me started!