Question

[lopakhin]

Have any of you ever not pursued a relationship with someone because you felt that in the long run they would be better off with someone else? I seem to be doing this a lot more recently.

Since I'm such a private and socially inept person, i often feel that being in a relationship with me would just be hurtful to someone else and ruin the fun that they can have in life. I just don't want to hold anyone back from experiencing new things just because I'm so introverted.

 

[Knight]

I sometimes I feel like that whether I don't interact with the girl or the girl and I get seperated by moving.

 

[Knight]

Oh and welcome to our humble forum.

 

[Unacceptance]

If the ride is good, the ending is easier to deal with. Enjoy the relationship, if it ends awfully at least some good came from it. I would think.

 

[Minus]

Welcome lopakhin

I have had concerns like you mention but i don't remember what happened with the concerns.

These days i don't really feel that i can hold anyone back. They will do what they want.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Have any of you ever not pursued a relationship with someone because you felt that in the long run they would be better off with someone else? I seem to be doing this a lot more recently.

Since I'm such a private and socially inept person, i often feel that being in a relationship with me would just be hurtful to someone else and ruin the fun that they can have in life. I just don't want to hold anyone back from experiencing new things just because I'm so introverted.

Hi, and welcome.

Remember one thing: If a person has entered into a relationship with you, unless you're adept at hiding it, they already KNOW you are introverted. Yet, there they are, in a relationship with you anyway. And being in a relationship is never "hurtful" to someone, unless the relationship is unhealthy in some way; such as abuse. Everyone brings something to a relationship. Instead of focusing on the fact that you are introverted, instead, try to focus on your good qualities.
Some women LIKE introverts.
On the other hand, if you are in a relationship with someone and they decide that they're unhappy for whatever reason, that's on them, not you.
I know the saying is a cliche', but it IS better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all.

Again, welcome to the forum.

Eve

 

[lopakhin]

Thanks for the welcome everyone.

Yeah, I find that I'm good at hiding it for awhile, but eventually it comes out. It's almost as if I'm just playing a role trying to fit in with all of the other happy people. It makes me so uncomfortable. I just want to be able to get excited about things and have fun like everyone else. At a certain point I realize how stupid it is and just withdraw again.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Thanks for the welcome everyone.

Yeah, I find that I'm good at hiding it for awhile, but eventually it comes out. It's almost as if I'm just playing a role trying to fit in with all of the other happy people. It makes me so uncomfortable. I just want to be able to get excited about things and have fun like everyone else. At a certain point I realize how stupid it is and just withdraw again.

Always be yourself, dear. You are unique and special to SOMEONE, even if you haven't met them yet. Don't try to hide who you are. It isn't fair to either party. If you want to find someone who wants you for who you are, then BE who you are. I'm not making much sense, am I? I'm an insomniac, I'm allowed to sound a bit loopy sometimes.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I'm gernerally shy before I really get to know someone or even a group of people.
I'm introverted for the most part but I'll open up over time.
It's just my trust issues. And it dose carries over into the bebroom.
Generally my partner don't want me to talk to other women about my issuse.lol.
She wants me to be introverted...just towards other women.lol

Some of it also has to do with my self esteem or the way I was raise.
I can trace some of it back to how my father treated me.
Everything I did wasn't good enough or I wasn't deserving enough.
A lot of hard work and re programing/parenting.

The more I learned to accept myself as I am , The better I got.
Life change, we all change. Some of us take longer to adjust than others.
It comes back to loving myself no matter what as I go through different stages of life or maturity.
I'm still me, but I'm not the exact same person as I was 10 years ago.
My views, ideas, understanding, or perceptions of life changes through experince.

We do have to play or take on a role to a certain extent.
Think of it just as driving with the flow of traffic...we have too, If we don't
we'll cuase an accident. But we are also free to pull over or take the side rodes if we wish.

We all have variouse triats, personallities,charactors or mood.
We are all capiable of being the meaness person that ever walked this earth
and we are all capiable of being the nicest person.

As far as personal interest, activities or hobbies. There's alway people that
will have common interest as i do. Some activites that I might find very interesting
might be exreemly boring for others.
A simple example would be football or sports. Some women hates football.
I personally find shopping boring as hell...unless we were shopping for my toys.lmao

 

[Naleena]

Have any of you ever not pursued a relationship with someone because you felt that in the long run they would be better off with someone else? I seem to be doing this a lot more recently.

I have ended relationships based on what is better for the other person. One was the most recent, who needed someone who could be more attentive and submissive. The other was because he wanted to have children. Even though he said he was happy, from time to time he would mention wishing he had children. I couldn't be selfish and ask him to live his life like that. I missed him so when he was gone. He was so much like a friend and he always made me laugh. We would kid around and play with each other. We had these inside jokes between us and it was great! : ) I ended it and now he is a daddy. I believe he is happy now though during the time we broke up, he wasn't.

I think when we honor another person by ending a relationship in thier best interest, we honour ourselves as well. To stay in a relationship knowing the other person isn't happy, isn't fair to either person. I miss them both, but, the latter one the most. I really loved him. I still think of him a lot and hope is doing well. I was very close to his family and we keep in touch. He will always have a special place in my heart.

Apparently, these men were not for me. And you know what? That's ok : ) I chose to remember the good times and some of the bad as to take away the lessons I learned. I chose only to think of them in a positive way and to wish them happiness in their lives.

Keep your chin up. There is someone out there for you. Someone who will be very much like you. You are perfect for someone : )
It takes time to run into them. A lady told me years ago when she found her "soulmate" she said she had given up and then he came into her life. They say it is when you least expect it : )

 

[Steel]

Have any of you ever not pursued a relationship with someone because you felt that in the long run they would be better off with someone else? I seem to be doing this a lot more recently.

Since I'm such a private and socially inept person, i often feel that being in a relationship with me would just be hurtful to someone else and ruin the fun that they can have in life. I just don't want to hold anyone back from experiencing new things just because I'm so introverted.

Yes. Speaking personally, I don't want to be in a relationship with someone when I can't see it lasting... I feel like I'm being dishonest.

However, I'm a little confused by your second paragraph. Is it possible you are judging yourself too harshly? Being introverted is not the same as not wishing to experience new things, so I'm wondering if its your self-esteem talking, or is indeed just the way you like to live your life?

Anyway, welcome !