Questions for the Women

[ardour]

I guess... still don't think it's nice to leave someone wondering when you know their feelings for you.

Yeah, especially as he was probably just starting to get over it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I think you do need that sort of connection just to make sure that you can raise your kids in a good environment, where there's no crazy hate going around. I'm not saying that the kids have anything to do with it, just think it's better to have a good relationship once you're separated and have to stay in contact -- if you still appreciate and love that person, that's good, I know love is not enough to keep a relationship going.

When there's no need to be close or no intention on being friends afterwards (seems like wuku's situation) it is very weird for someone to show up trying to just catch up and be all "I love you". Maybe I'm just cynical, but I'd think they want something from me. Could be just having a good relationship and trying to be friendly, I guess... still don't think it's nice to leave someone wondering when you know their feelings for you.

Perhaps, but she did state that she didn't want to get back together, so the wondering really has nothing to do with that.  You'd have that with any situation though, be it friend or ex. 

I had an ex (not the father of my kids) contact me after 5 years (after calling my parents multiple times trying to get my phone number), he just wanted to say hi and see how I was doing.    I was a real ***** to him, because at the time, I hated myself.  Then another 4 years passed by and I contacted him.  We still talk from time to time, but I wouldn't call us friends and we both know that things will never be the way they were before between us and we will most likely never get back together.
Yeah, I wondered why he called me, but does it really matter?  It was nice to hear from him again and know he was okay.  I admit my story is a little different since years had passed, but in the end, it boils down to the same thing.  You can't know why others do what they do and it's pointless to wonder why.  Take the good from it and just move on.  Sometimes people just want to check on you and make sure you are well.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I didn't say all women, but for those who do this, it's the likely explanation. It's a fairly common experience: guy gets dumped without an explanation given (crushing him), then a few months later his exe hits him up claiming to want to be friends and making those "I still care about you" noises.

If she really cared  it would have been better not to do that and let him move on.

You don't know if she really cared or not. You just want to think she really didn't because you don't agree with her actions. You'd have to talk to her and hear what she has to say in order to determine that.

 

[DarkSelene]

You can't know why others do what they do and it's pointless to wonder why.  Take the good from it and just move on.  Sometimes people just want to check on you and make sure you are well.

It would probably be difficult to be this casual about it if you still had feelings for him, but yeah that's fair enough.

 

[wuku]

Thanks for all the replies and discussion, I really wasn’t expecting that.

I realised when I asked the question that there could never be a definitive answer, as has been pointed out, only she knows. But it has given me food for thought.

I think the fact that she has said she needs to move on with her life, and hasn’t initiated texting with me except for the first time, nor answered my last text, shows she isn’t romantically interested in me. Our relationship didn’t end badly, but she was hurt and it was mostly my fault. At least by texting me she has shown she doesn’t hate me. Wether “I will always love you” means exactly what it says, or just means she will always care about me, I don’t know. I think I will always carry a torch for her though. At 49 I think I can say she was the love of my life, and I can’t see me meeting anyone else, certainly not in my current situation. A lonely life indeed...

 

[DarkSelene]

Sorry about that, Wuku. 49 is still very young, don't give up on your own happiness just yet.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Sorry about that, Wuku. 49 is still very young, don't give up on your own happiness just yet.

Indeed. 49 is nothing compared to Mick Jagger and Ronnie Wood, who at 74 and 70 respectively, each have kids under two. So age is literally nothing but a number. Literally.

 

[wuku]

I try not to give up, but in my current situation it’s difficult not to. Ive always been a shy unconfident person, and have only had a handful of relationships. I’m also an introvert, and am not much good with small talk with people I don’t know well. I’ve spent much longer single than I have in relationships during my life, while everyone else was enjoying dating. I have never approached a woman in a pub or club, and I used to be out almost every night when I was younger. Some of my friends even thought I might be gay because I didn’t chase girls. I wanted to, I was just so scared of the initial chat that I couldn’t do it. It’s ridiculous, but it’s like a phobia. The girlfriends I have had, except for one, approached me and got to know me before. I think women can tell if your shy and unconfident, and it’s not attractive to them. I don’t think I’m good looking at all, though I have been told I am, or at least was when I was younger. So for me to meet someone feels impossible now, when I don’t even get out anymore and am still as terrified of the initial contact as I ever was. Add to that that I still love my ex, and future relationships look unlikely. I hope I’m wrong.

 

[DanMann]

Why you dont pick up guys?

And develop seduction skills like guys do?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Why you dont pick up guys?

And develop seduction skills like guys do?

Some women do pick up guys, and are very seductive.

 

[Xpendable]

I think the message was for wuku only, but somehow it translated to "women never pick up guys". Weird.

 

[Paraiyar]

I think the message was for wuku only, but somehow it translated to "women never pick up guys". Weird.

Given that Wuku is a male I think that's unlikely.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I think the message was for wuku only, but somehow it translated to "women never pick up guys". Weird.

This thread is aimed for any and all women to answer. If it were targeted for a specific person, then their name would be in it or a PM would be exchanged. So nice try.

 

[wuku]

I did wonder about that, but after vanillacreme answered it, it made much more sense lol

 

[Xpendable]

Lol I realize the confusion. It was another question, not related to the previous comments by wuku. My apologies.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Why you dont pick up guys?

And develop seduction skills like guys do?

Yeah, sorry, that's not something only men do.  I never did understand why people think the other gender never does something simply because it doesn't happen to them.  It's a big world out there, with lots of people...more than just you encounter.

 

[DarkSelene]

To be fair, it's common practice all over for males to be the ones who'll approach. Women show interest in a more subtle way, most of the time.

I'm pretty sure that it boils down to the biology of it, females choose the best male and they're the ones who have to peacock their way into bed, etc.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

To be fair, it's common practice all over for males to be the ones who'll approach. Women show interest in a more subtle way, most of the time.

I'm pretty sure that it boils down to the biology of it, females choose the best male and they're the ones who have to peacock their way into bed, etc.

That's shockingly gender-specific and terribly unfair to the other 143 genders.

Lol

 

[kamya]

I chuckled. =p

 

[Xpendable]

The male PUA community is huge compared to the female part. I'm not so sure to say there's even a female culture about pick-up.