Questions for the Women

[WallflowerGirl83]

Yes I agree, I don't think changing for anyone is a good idea at all. Many of my ex boyfriend asked me to change and it left me feeling as if I wasn't good enough. After awhile it got me wondering if they truly loved me or not in the first place. When someone loves you for who you are, than everything fits perfectly together. I much rather be with someone who loves me for who I am.

 

[Boring-Weirdo]

What are appealing characteristics, both physical and otherwise, you would look for in a potential date? Where and how would you like to be approached by this person?

And also: what are un-appealing characteristics, both physical and otherwise, you would not want in a potential date? What are bad ways to approach you for a date?

 

[ladyforsaken]

Why don't you want a man to try to change himself into something closer to your ideal? How could that be bad?

Because (whether it works out or not) later there will be resentment. You can't pretend to be something you're not forever, and if she turns out to be just human(inevitably), you're gonna resent changing for her. And it's basically lying. And it's kinda weak changing yourself rather than having the strength to be yourself and let someone love you for that.

Unless that person wants to change for the better, for himself or herself and wants to do it out of his or her own will.

What are appealing characteristics, both physical and otherwise, you would look for in a potential date? Where and how would you like to be approached by this person?

And also: what are un-appealing characteristics, both physical and otherwise, you would not want in a potential date? What are bad ways to approach you for a date?

Appealing characteristics: physical - as long as he doesn't look purposefully sloppy; otherwise - kind, honest, attentive, understanding, good listener, loves animals

Unappealing characteristics: physical - purposefully sloppy or dirty; otherwise - arrogance, unkindness on all levels

 

[Boring-Weirdo]

What would make a good first impression?

Say you were on a dating site: what kind of message would make you want to date the sender?

How would you like to be approached in public?

 

[SofiasMami]

Since I did some online dating, I can speak from personal experience-
There's no one magic message that would make me want to meet up with someone. I always responded to messages though that showed they read my profile or to guys that had some similarities in their own profile.
Also any message that just says "hey baby ur cute" gets passed over

In public, I think a lot of men are reluctant to approach a complete stranger so I don't think that happens very much. I was grocery shopping once and a guy blurted out an offer to meet for coffee (I was in a relationship so I said no). Another time I found a note on my car in a park. I was with my kid at the time so he got points for that A friendly smile goes a long way in most any situation

-Teresa

 

[ardour]

A friendly smile goes a long way in most any situation

If it's sincere all the better, but often it's a shield women use to ease out of conversations they don't want, where they feel uncomfortable for whatever reason.

Like most truly ugly guys I'm used to those "friendly smiles."

 

[Bones 2.0]

In December, 'M' decided she only wanted to be best friends and cried continuously for the next two days over it & repeatedly sent texts she did not like the idea of only being best friends. And, I was very supportive of her decision even though I did not want the relationship to change.

My question ...

- Why would a woman cry after making a decision out of the blue like that?
- And, why would a woman start backtracking with texts an hour or two later?

(This was phrased as a woman instead of her because it has happened to me before in the past and wonder if being too attentive backfires somehow.)

 

[ardour]

In December, 'M' decided she only wanted to be best friends and cried continuously for the next two days over it & repeatedly sent texts she did not like the idea of only being best friends. And, I was very supportive of her decision even though I did not want the relationship to change.

My question ...

- Why would a woman cry after making a decision out of the blue like that?
- And, why would a woman start backtracking with texts an hour or two later?

(This was phrased as a woman instead of her because it has happened to me before in the past and wonder if being too attentive backfires somehow.)

She's looking for closure. So she expresses regret in the hope that you won't resent her for ending it abruptly like that.

Then she can move on.

 

[Bones 2.0]

Ardour,

The 'breakup' (if you really want to call it that) was less than two days.

I simply do not understand the logic of why she - out of the blue - would want to:

~ change the relationship,
~ cry about her decision for two days, and
~ start recanting with texts an hour or so later.

It makes no logical sense to me and she started backtracking within hours after making the decision.


If it helps, she is an INFJ and I am an INTJ for our personality traits and she is an extremely co-dependent person.


I have experienced this in previous relationships as well before and never could understand it.


(Everything is still great for us and it was a two day bump in the road. Obviously, she wanted something, but what? Thanks for the response.)

In December, 'M' decided she only wanted to be best friends and cried continuously for the next two days over it & repeatedly sent texts she did not like the idea of only being best friends. And, I was very supportive of her decision even though I did not want the relationship to change.

My question ...

- Why would a woman cry after making a decision out of the blue like that?
- And, why would a woman start backtracking with texts an hour or two later?

(This was phrased as a woman instead of her because it has happened to me before in the past and wonder if being too attentive backfires somehow.)

She's looking for closure. So she expresses regret in the hope that you won't resent her for ending it abruptly like that.

Then she can move on.

 

[ardour]

Right well you didn't say anything about her co-dependence and actually getting back together.

Often when it appears "out of blue" she has made the decision some time ago, coming to terms with the end of relationship while still in the relationship, while the guy is none the wiser.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Theoretical question from a newbie:

Do you like guys who cook? I love cooking and I'd like to do a meal for a girl one day. Just sort of meet her for an evening, have some wine, follow a fancy recipe from one of my cookbooks, that kind of thing.

Problem is, I think it's equally stupid/implausible as a date idea as it is interesting. I can't imagine getting that close to someone emotionally that they'd actually want me to cook at their place, feels like miles away :\

(I guess I'll stick with the standard "movie date" idea for the time being.)

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

My uncle did rather well with women, and he was a cook.

 

[SofiasMami]

Well heck yeah! Who wouldn't want someone to cook a decent meal for them. It's been so long since someone cooked for me, I'd be happy with a grilled cheese sandwich at this point!
Are you free this weekend?

-Teresa

 

[EveWasFramed]

Well heck yeah! Who wouldn't want someone to cook a decent meal for them. It's been so long since someone cooked for me, I'd be happy with a grilled cheese sandwich at this point!
Are you free this weekend?

-Teresa

I am!!! Forget about HIM - pick me!!!!

Plus I cook! lol

 

[Solivagant]

Theoretical question from a newbie:

Do you like guys who cook? I love cooking and I'd like to do a meal for a girl one day. Just sort of meet her for an evening, have some wine, follow a fancy recipe from one of my cookbooks, that kind of thing.

Problem is, I think it's equally stupid/implausible as a date idea as it is interesting. I can't imagine getting that close to someone emotionally that they'd actually want me to cook at their place, feels like miles away :\

(I guess I'll stick with the standard "movie date" idea for the time being.)

Cooking ability is a bonus in my opinion! Sounds like a great date to me (minus the wine)!

I wouldn't care for movie dates, too hard to get to know someone that way.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Theoretical question from a newbie:

Do you like guys who cook? I love cooking and I'd like to do a meal for a girl one day. Just sort of meet her for an evening, have some wine, follow a fancy recipe from one of my cookbooks, that kind of thing.

Problem is, I think it's equally stupid/implausible as a date idea as it is interesting. I can't imagine getting that close to someone emotionally that they'd actually want me to cook at their place, feels like miles away :\

(I guess I'll stick with the standard "movie date" idea for the time being.)

For a guy to cook his date a fancy meal sounds like such a sweet thing to do, compared to the standard movie date idea.

 

[rudechaos]

I appreciate more a guy's effort making a meal for me than bringing me to a fancy restaurant.

 

[SofiasMami]

Well heck yeah! Who wouldn't want someone to cook a decent meal for them. It's been so long since someone cooked for me, I'd be happy with a grilled cheese sandwich at this point!
Are you free this weekend?

-Teresa

I am!!! Forget about HIM - pick me!!!!

Plus I cook! lol

Ok, it's a date, I'll bring the tomato soup!!
Sorry, guys!

-Teresa

 

[EveWasFramed]

Well heck yeah! Who wouldn't want someone to cook a decent meal for them. It's been so long since someone cooked for me, I'd be happy with a grilled cheese sandwich at this point!
Are you free this weekend?

-Teresa

I am!!! Forget about HIM - pick me!!!!

Plus I cook! lol

Ok, it's a date, I'll bring the tomato soup!!
Sorry, guys!

-Teresa

Awesome! I have a special pan for making grilled cheese.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Wait what? You have a special pan for making grilled cheese?