Questions for the Women

[VanillaCreme]

Can ia guy compliment you on your outfit without it seeming like he's hitting on you?

Sure.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Can ia guy compliment you on your outfit without it seeming like he's hitting on you?

Yes, but it will depend entirely on how you word the compliment.

 

[kamya]

Why is it that in every job I've had, my coworkers that are women can't ever get along? They are always trying to take each other down and make everything a competition and full of drama. They constantly act super phony to each other while talking behind each other's backs. You can't really take any of them seriously or trust their word. I can only think of two that weren't like that out of...30? Of course those two got honeysuckle on the most by the rest.

 

[Rainbows]

Why is it that in every job I've had, my coworkers that are women can't ever get along? They are always trying to take each other down and make everything a competition and full of drama. They constantly act super phony to each other while talking behind each other's backs. You can't really take any of them seriously or trust their word. I can only think of two that weren't like that out of...30? Of course those two got honeysuckle on the most by the rest.

Because humans are cruel..

Or bored with life and try to amuse themselves with drama.

Then again, guys talk behind other guy's their back too - they don't show it as much.

 

[ardour]

How come women hardly ever ask questions yet seem to resent it if I don’t show an interest in their lives? With the women I’ve just met or known for a short time, the conversation is always ‘one way’ in the sense I’m asking the questions, making comments on their answers and trying to include some details of my own life in the process (in the hope they may ask something next time.) Some of these same people seem to think I’m okay, which is fine I guess; but rarely will a female acquaintance in my age group ask me about my weekend, how work or study is going etc. I’m quite shocked when it does happen.

Am I expected to talk about myself without prompting? Is that what confidence is about – being willing to share without worrying about seeming self-absorbed? It’s disheartening sometimes.

 

[painter's radio]

They are probably shy, lack conversational skills, or not interested. Or yes, maybe some are expecting you to Alpha the honeysuckle out of that conversation. Shouldn't be like that though. It's nice when someone pays an interest.

 

[ardour]

I suspect it's one of:

*I'm ugly and they're paranoid about giving me the "wrong idea" by appearing inquisitive... but.. (just as men do,) still enjoy talking about their own lives, appreciate attention and get offended if it isn't forthcoming.

*They assume a position of superiority because of gender norms or I'm not cool or good looking enough - it's up to me to prove myself, lead the conversation and be entertaining before they will ask questions.

*I'm actually boring, but as said, everyone likes talking about themselves...they just can't be bothered reciprocating.

Most of the time I get discouraged and give up.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Or perhaps it's just the people you attract or go out with. NONE of my female friends do that.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I can't say none of my female friends do that. I know one or two who constantly try to one-up even the smallest of things. Irritates the piss out of me. Not because of them being female, but because I don't get why they just can't be happy for someone when something goes well. I don't do silly honeysuckle like that myself, so I can't begin to tell the reasons why. Wish I could.

 

[Solivagant]

How come women hardly ever ask questions yet seem to resent it if I don’t show an interest in their lives?

Maybe it's just the kind of people you meet? In my life, a majority of people I encounter are like that, male and female. There are countless reasons they might behave this way: Some are self-absorbed, enjoy attention, or just like to talk about themselves and aren't really interested in other people (or only certain kinds of people)... I don't know you or them so I can't really say whose end the issue is on, or what (if anything) you could do about it. I understand how you feel though, I too find the one-sidedness frustrating and baffling.

 

[Accidental_Nun]

I suspect it's one of:

*I'm ugly and they're paranoid about giving me the "wrong idea" by appearing inquisitive... but.. (just as men do,) still enjoy talking about their own lives, appreciate attention and get offended if it isn't forthcoming.

*They assume a position of superiority because of gender norms or I'm not cool or good looking enough - it's up to me to prove myself, lead the conversation and be entertaining before they will ask questions.

*I'm actually boring, but as said, everyone likes talking about themselves...they just can't be bothered reciprocating.

Most of the time I get discouraged and give up.

You could just accidentally be picking self-asborbed women!

 

[LonelyOrchid]

How come women hardly ever ask questions yet seem to resent it if I don’t show an interest in their lives? With the women I’ve just met or known for a short time, the conversation is always ‘one way’ in the sense I’m asking the questions, making comments on their answers and trying to include some details of my own life in the process (in the hope they may ask something next time.) Some of these same people seem to think I’m okay, which is fine I guess; but rarely will a female acquaintance in my age group ask me about my weekend, how work or study is going etc. I’m quite shocked when it does happen.

Am I expected to talk about myself without prompting? Is that what confidence is about – being willing to share without worrying about seeming self-absorbed? It’s disheartening sometimes.

WOW Ardour, we must have lived In a parallel universe because I think that about men and in my previous relationship I always felt I was working too hard to talk to my ex. I would ask "how was your day, how are you doing" only to get one word answers... I love to communicate with people so I've never found that to be my thing

 

[Triple Bogey]

I suspect it's one of:

*I'm ugly and they're paranoid about giving me the "wrong idea" by appearing inquisitive... but.. (just as men do,) still enjoy talking about their own lives, appreciate attention and get offended if it isn't forthcoming.

*They assume a position of superiority because of gender norms or I'm not cool or good looking enough - it's up to me to prove myself, lead the conversation and be entertaining before they will ask questions.

*I'm actually boring, but as said, everyone likes talking about themselves...they just can't be bothered reciprocating.

Most of the time I get discouraged and give up.

I hardly get this. When I talk to women at work, either customers or colleagues, they always listen. I could be talking about literally anything, football, golf, the weather, something very personal to me, they still listen and sometimes give their opinions.

I think out of politeness people in general listen anyway.

Last week this guy was talking about cricket to this girl. He was on about something very technical and she obviously didn't have a clue what he was on about yet she still listened to him and made some comments.

Women are always asking me about my day, what I am getting upto, how I am etc. I think there is only one woman at work who doesn't ask me how I am.

 

[ardour]

I hardly get this. When I talk to women at work, either customers or colleagues, they always listen. I could be talking about literally anything, football, golf, the weather, something very personal to me, they still listen and sometimes give their opinions.

I think out of politeness people in general listen anyway.

Last week this guy was talking about cricket to this girl. He was on about something very technical and she obviously didn't have a clue what he was on about yet she still listened to him and made some comments.

Women are always asking me about my day, what I am getting upto, how I am etc. I think there is only one woman at work who doesn't ask me how I am.

Almost never here. Sure they'll listen but won't chime in with any thoughts. Women generally don't say more to me than what's required to remain polite. Rarely do they offer an opinion and hardly ever change the topic to keep the conversation going. As said maybe it's that I'm dull, creepy or doing something else wrong. Even those that appear neither wary nor hostile are still just as indifferent, never initiating or asking a thing. I've an Aunt, one female friend my age and a couple of middle-aged female friends/colleagues/well wishers who sometimes ask how things are going but that's about it.

As for accidentally happening upon self-absorbed women, in a way I hope so because the other explanations aren't as easy to accept. Whining on the topic is getting me nowhere.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I hardly get this. When I talk to women at work, either customers or colleagues, they always listen. I could be talking about literally anything, football, golf, the weather, something very personal to me, they still listen and sometimes give their opinions.

I think out of politeness people in general listen anyway.

Last week this guy was talking about cricket to this girl. He was on about something very technical and she obviously didn't have a clue what he was on about yet she still listened to him and made some comments.

Women are always asking me about my day, what I am getting upto, how I am etc. I think there is only one woman at work who doesn't ask me how I am.

Almost never here. Sure they'll listen but won't chime in with any thoughts. Women generally don't say more to me than what's required to remain polite. Rarely do they offer an opinion and hardly ever change the topic to keep the conversation going. As said maybe it's that I'm dull, creepy or doing something else wrong. Even those that appear neither wary nor hostile are still just as indifferent, never initiating or asking a thing. I've an Aunt, one female friend my age and a couple of middle-aged female friends/colleagues/well wishers who sometimes ask how things are going but that's about it.

As for accidentally happening upon self-absorbed women, in a way I hope so because the other explanations aren't as easy to accept. Whining on the topic is getting me nowhere.

Do you work in an office ?
I did when I was younger and found nearly all the people were rude and the women were exactly how you describe. When I started work in a small retail shop I noticed the difference straight away. Women were asking me questions and seemed interested in me. The shop I work in now is exactly the same. People who work in smallish shops are friendly. Yeah a few don't talk much but overall the staff can't be anymore friendly.

That's why I like it.

I doubt you are creepy or boring. Just in the wrong place.

 

[ardour]

I hardly get this. When I talk to women at work, either customers or colleagues, they always listen. I could be talking about literally anything, football, golf, the weather, something very personal to me, they still listen and sometimes give their opinions.

I think out of politeness people in general listen anyway.

Last week this guy was talking about cricket to this girl. He was on about something very technical and she obviously didn't have a clue what he was on about yet she still listened to him and made some comments.

Women are always asking me about my day, what I am getting upto, how I am etc. I think there is only one woman at work who doesn't ask me how I am.

Almost never here. Sure they'll listen but won't chime in with any thoughts. Women generally don't say more to me than what's required to remain polite. Rarely do they offer an opinion and hardly ever change the topic to keep the conversation going. As said maybe it's that I'm dull, creepy or doing something else wrong. Even those that appear neither wary nor hostile are still just as indifferent, never initiating or asking a thing. I've an Aunt, one female friend my age and a couple of middle-aged female friends/colleagues/well wishers who sometimes ask how things are going but that's about it.

As for accidentally happening upon self-absorbed women, in a way I hope so because the other explanations aren't as easy to accept. Whining on the topic is getting me nowhere.

Do you work in an office ?
I did when I was younger and found nearly all the people were rude and the women were exactly how you describe. When I started work in a small retail shop I noticed the difference straight away. Women were asking me questions and seemed interested in me. The shop I work in now is exactly the same. People who work in smallish shops are friendly. Yeah a few don't talk much but overall the staff can't be anymore friendly.

That's why I like it.

I doubt you are creepy or boring. Just in the wrong place.

An office yes. Unfortunately that's the nature of the career path I've chosen.

 

[SofiasMami]

That's interesting - I work in an office with mostly women and see the same people every day. Chatting about the same things day after day can be mind numbingly boring so I mostly stay to myself at my desk (On the plus side, I get loads of work done! )
But I've worked a number of jobs with the public in the past and met a lot of really nice people, some of whom I still think about to this day.
I've found it much easier to sink into a loneliness-funk these days if I don't force myself to go out in public and try to meet new people during my off work hours.
And meeting men? Forget about it! There's no men to meet at my job, I gave up on online dating and I'm too shy to approach men out in public!

-Teresa

 

[ucxb]

Nevermind ~_~

 

[Triple Bogey]

That's interesting - I work in an office with mostly women and see the same people every day. Chatting about the same things day after day can be mind numbingly boring so I mostly stay to myself at my desk (On the plus side, I get loads of work done! )
But I've worked a number of jobs with the public in the past and met a lot of really nice people, some of whom I still think about to this day.
I've found it much easier to sink into a loneliness-funk these days if I don't force myself to go out in public and try to meet new people during my off work hours.
And meeting men? Forget about it! There's no men to meet at my job, I gave up on online dating and I'm too shy to approach men out in public!

-Teresa

In small shops there is always something happening. It is never boring. Somebody is arguing with somebody. Somebody is shagging somebody. Somebody said something etc. It's non stop. Plus add in customers, good and bad, it's never dull !

 

[Hawx79]

To any women here, what would you think if a man asks for your age before you really know each other.