Questions for the Women

[Nicolelt]

I've a question which I've been meaning to ask for a while now:

Would the fact that a man might be slightly boring put you off dating him even if you were attracted to his looks and personality?

I think this has been my major pitfall a few times in the past when it comes to attracting women. I'm just not very dynamic but it's not in my nature to be that way I suppose.

Here is another "Nicole you are going the hell answer"

I hate boring, I can't do. If a guy is boring, nope.

But like beauty, boring is in the eye beholder. You get into "What is boring?" Some people think sitting in the living room playing games on a laptop and watching netflix as boring, but I do not.

 

[Serephina]

If I found a guy boring,then yes I wouldn't go out with him but surely that is part of a persons personality. Someone else might not find that person boring and they would be a better match. So it would be wrong for both of us to be with each other.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I've a question which I've been meaning to ask for a while now:

Would the fact that a man might be slightly boring put you off dating him even if you were attracted to his looks and personality?

I think this has been my major pitfall a few times in the past when it comes to attracting women. I'm just not very dynamic but it's not in my nature to be that way I suppose.

I wouldn't mind. Though, I don't understand how one could be attracted to a personality but think the person was boring. Isn't being boring a personality trait? I don't know... Wouldn't bother me though. I'd much rather prefer that over someone who wants to go out and party-hearty all the time.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

He can be boring, I just don't want to hear how bored he is :club:

 

[Aisha]

I've a question which I've been meaning to ask for a while now:
Would the fact that a man might be slightly boring put you off dating him even if you were attracted to his looks and personality? I think this has been my major pitfall a few times in the past when it comes to attracting women. I'm just not very dynamic but it's not in my nature to be that way I suppose.

I wouldn't mind. Though, I don't understand how one could be attracted to a personality but think the person was boring. Isn't being boring a personality trait? I don't know... Wouldn't bother me though. I'd much rather prefer that over someone who wants to go out and party-hearty all the time.

Boring vs Interesting is subjective, isn't? As in, it depends on who you ask. Someone who is out all night partying isn't my idea of interesting either, although it might be to many other people. We're all boring to someone. Don't worry skid row, you're someone's idea of just exactly right.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Boring vs Interesting is subjective, isn't? As in, it depends on who you ask. Someone who is out all night partying isn't my idea of interesting either, although it might be to many other people. We're all boring to someone. Don't worry skid row, you're someone's idea of just exactly right.

Sure, it's subjective. It really depends on the person. Partying and the club scene is actually boring to me. I don't see the point of it. And I'm boring myself. Maybe that's why I don't mind. I would just figure that boring or interesting, aren't they considered personality or characteristics?

 

[Aisha]

Boring vs Interesting is subjective, isn't? As in, it depends on who you ask. Someone who is out all night partying isn't my idea of interesting either, although it might be to many other people. We're all boring to someone. Don't worry skid row, you're someone's idea of just exactly right.

Sure, it's subjective. It really depends on the person. Partying and the club scene is actually boring to me. I don't see the point of it. And I'm boring myself. Maybe that's why I don't mind. I would just figure that boring or interesting, aren't they considered personality or characteristics?

That's true, boring or interesting are characteristics. Or words people usually use to describe someone's personality. I was a bit puzzled when I read the question. Not sure how you can be attracted to someone's personality and also be put off by him being boring. Maybe skid row meant abilities, skills, and that sort of thing? hmm..

 

[Sometimes]

He can be boring, I just don't want to hear how bored he is :club:

Abso-bloomin-lootely!

---

I've a question which I've been meaning to ask for a while now:

Would the fact that a man might be slightly boring put you off dating him even if you were attracted to his looks and personality?

I think this has been my major pitfall a few times in the past when it comes to attracting women. I'm just not very dynamic but it's not in my nature to be that way I suppose.

When I was young (late teens, twenties), boring was a no-go. This was because I was looking for myself, and I needed lots of experiences to begin to find out who I am. My life was so *nothing* and I needed input and lots of it. I had no solid center, no ME.

I became boring somewhere in my 30's, I think. And I'm now enough ME to not need someone else to provide all that input. I can generate experiences for myself. I think sharing what life provides is better than "exciting".

Mostly I just want to share what I've got and what he's got, and we can show each other all kinds of appreciation.

 

[TheSkaFish]

LOOK OUT BELOW.....MONDO POST!!!!!

Depends on what kind of personality you're looking for,everyone is different and like different things. Me personally,I have dated men who have been dominant and men who have been more submissive,I have found that I would prefer a man who is somewhere in between. I don't like men who are too submissive because I want a man who has his own opinions on things and doesn't just go with what I want to make me happy,I like to be challenged. On the other hand I don't want a man who is too dominant,because dominant to me is controlling and from past experience it made me feel like crap. I would rather have someone who listened to my opinions and had mutual respect and who I had something in common with.

Well, the women I go for seem to be intelligent, passionate, adventurous, and free-thinking.

I wouldn't say I am too submissive, because I do have my own opinions on things. But I think I might falter in that I sometimes either forget or neglect to express my opinions on things. I have gone along with the women on things because I reasoned that it things were going pleasantly and whatever it was that I objected to wasn't worth picking bones about. I thought I was showing maturity by not arguing, and I valued these women's company over anything I disagreed with them on.

I did listen to their opinions, and I would say that I did have at least some interests or ideas in common with each of them. I guess I should have challenged them more on the things I disagreed with.

---

Skafish

First of all, if that is how you are to women, you sound incredibly considerate. Which I find to be a very attractive quality in men. That genuine wanting to get to know someone is something I personally look for.

Thank you, I try. I am not just looking for someone I want to have sex with but rather someone I actually want to spend time with. I have never really been a hook-up kind of guy.

I have only recently learned to say what I want. I am very much that pushover girl that will be like "wherever you want to go". Now that I am more comfortable with it, I would prefer to split those decisions. If I feel someone is genuine and really wanting to know me, it makes it a lot easier to throw out suggestions. I wouldn't want someone who made all the decisions, all the time. Or not even ask for my input.

Yeah, see, I'm almost a pushover in that regard as well. Like I said, I don't go out a lot so I don't know what activities and places to go are good. I've heard that you are supposed to show a woman "part of your world", but my world has consisted of home, friends' houses, walks and bike rides. I don't really know anything else. So I'd be open to going wherever. I also don't want to be so distracted by what I am doing that I am not paying attention to getting to know the person.

Now, I like a sexy dominance (which I am not going to get into). I could never handle a man who said "I will order us this" or "I will take us here". Funny enough, I have had men try to get me to be that way with them, so they can skip having input. Make the decisions with me, or take turns, but I would never want one person to be making all those choices.

I almost wish you would get into that, because I still don't know for sure what that really means and when it is appropriate. I have had women say sexual things to me before, but because I didn't know how to respond, I replied in a friendly tone and I think I dropped the ball.

But anyway. Making decisions WITH you, not FOR you. Yes, that makes sense to me.

Stay true to who you are. You sound very considerate. And that is a very attractive quality

Thanks again Amy!

---

@skafish - I love the word "let's". I really like a man who knows what he'd like to go do, and is willing to say it, and once doing it is able to enjoy it. I cannot stand a man who tells *me* what I want to do, what to do, what I will do.

I love love love that word "let's" and I almost never hear it.

But in my case, I'm a man who does not know what he wants to do since I don't go out a lot. Would it be a problem if I deferred to the woman on our activity choice, if I don't know a lot of cool things to do?

I get what you're saying though, and I see the appeal of "let's". It's democratic, it's a very "partner" word. It implies camaraderie, not dominance. I'll keep that in mind.

---

TheSkaFish,

I think it really depends on the personality of the person in question and what she prefers.
I don't like a person who's controlling but I don't consider suggesting a place as controlling, I take it as interested. It could even be a suggestion.
I think even if you love being in the house, and I know that about you, i'd appreciate the effort you made in trying to look for a place to go or something to do.

I also really appreciate people who don't like to argue over unnecessary things. I do not, however, like a guy who agrees with me all the time, even when i'm obviously very wrong.

That's just me.

Well, lots of times I don't suggest a place because like I said to the others - I just don't know what's good since I stay in a lot. I don't consider a suggestion as controlling either. But I'll keep that in mind about showing extra effort though.

I think I may have made the mistake of being too agreeable in the past though. There have been times where I've been talking to a woman and she's said some very wrong things but I let it go because I liked her and was enjoying her company. But again, I thought I was doing a good thing by showing that I valued her more than whatever wrong things she's done.

---

My boyfriend is the first non-dominant guy I ever dated, and it was the best decision of my life.

Thank you for restoring my faith in woman-kind by reminding me that not all women really want some kind of Hollywood tough guy!

---

Uhh... You do know that not every woman likes an alpha, dominant man, right? The fact that you think that is probably more of an issue. Like I've been telling you for I don't even know how long now - It's the mentality of it all.

No, I don't. That's the problem. And a lot of dating advice I read only adds to the confusion. It was enough to make me wonder if I was simply being punished for going against nature. It made me wonder if deep down, women like an alpha because of our instincts from caveman times and they haven't gone away, and that is why women say they want a nice guy but go after the tough guy instead.

Not to mention this:

I have never met a dominant man who didn't have partner or was found unattractive.

I've only ever really seen more timid kinds of men have a hard time getting a girlfriend. And I have NEVER heard of a douchey businessman, Jersey Shore type, or a guy who looks like Snake Jailbird from the Simpsons complaining about not being able to get a girlfriend.

It only further convinced me that despite these types' unpleasant traits, women go after them anyway because of instinct.

---

The other thing about me though is that in addition to not knowing what the good things to do are or the cool places to go, I also just don't know a lot about the world. I come off as naive. I'm not really an expert at anything, so again, I display a lack of dominance. Sometimes I come off as boyishly innocent about things and I've heard that's a problem. Do you agree with this? And what can I really do about it? I can't just catch up on all the knowledge I should have by now in a week or two.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Uhh... You do know that not every woman likes an alpha, dominant man, right? The fact that you think that is probably more of an issue. Like I've been telling you for I don't even know how long now - It's the mentality of it all.

No, I don't. That's the problem. And a lot of dating advice I read only adds to the confusion. It was enough to make me wonder if I was simply being punished for going against nature. It made me wonder if deep down, women like an alpha because of our instincts from caveman times and they haven't gone away, and that is why women say they want a nice guy but go after the tough guy instead.

Not to mention this:

I have never met a dominant man who didn't have partner or was found unattractive.

I've only ever really seen more timid kinds of men have a hard time getting a girlfriend. And I have NEVER heard of a douchey businessman, Jersey Shore type, or a guy who looks like Snake Jailbird from the Simpsons complaining about not being able to get a girlfriend.

It only further convinced me that despite these types' unpleasant traits, women go after them anyway because of instinct.

---

The other thing about me though is that in addition to not knowing what the good things to do are or the cool places to go, I also just don't know a lot about the world. I come off as naive. I'm not really an expert at anything, so again, I display a lack of dominance. Sometimes I come off as boyishly innocent about things and I've heard that's a problem. Do you agree with this? And what can I really do about it? I can't just catch up on all the knowledge I should have by now in a week or two.

---

It's okay if you're not worldly or an expert at life. But I just don't really see how someone could assume that everyone in one group likes just one thing. There's plenty of dominatrix women who wouldn't blink an eye at a man doing anything for her, much less trying to be dominant with her.

It's like saying that all guys like sports. There are some guys who really don't and don't even bother with anything to do with sports.

And perhaps you've never heard of "douchey businessman, Jersey Shore type, or a guy who looks like Snake Jailbird from the Simpsons" complain about getting or having a girlfriend because maybe you don't really know any. Or perhaps because they don't come out and say it? People go through things just as you do, but some don't talk about what they go through.

Also, just because that's all you've ever seen, that doesn't mean other things don't exist or happen.

 

[TheSkaFish]

It's okay if you're not worldly or an expert at life. But I just don't really see how someone could assume that everyone in one group likes just one thing. There's plenty of dominatrix women who wouldn't blink an eye at a man doing anything for her, much less trying to be dominant with her.

It's like saying that all guys like sports. There are some guys who really don't and don't even bother with anything to do with sports.

And perhaps you've never heard of "douchey businessman, Jersey Shore type, or a guy who looks like Snake Jailbird from the Simpsons" complain about getting or having a girlfriend because maybe you don't really know any. Or perhaps because they don't come out and say it? People go through things just as you do, but some don't talk about what they go through.

Also, just because that's all you've ever seen, that doesn't mean other things don't exist or happen.

See, I thought of it more like, it's not really a choice but instinctive. I thought all women want tough guys the way all tigers naturally desire meat. Sure, they might go for something else if they HAVE to, but they naturally gravitate to what instinct directs them towards.

I've heard a lot that women want a man who can "lead", and as someone with little worldly knowledge, I'm not in a position to "lead". Most women will be vastly ahead of me in terms of worldliness. I'm just catching up. I wonder if that puts a lot of women off.

While it's true that I don't know any of those types I mentioned personally, (and I don't want to know them because I don't like them) I have seen them in life and I have seen a lot of women's attitudes about them, and they tend to be overwhelmingly favorable. I have seen much more women say that they don't want a timid guy than seeing them say they don't want a tough guy. If a tough guy doesn't have a girlfriend it seems like it is always by choice and it is usually because they want to be a player. And when they want a girlfriend they tend to get one very quickly and with little effort. On the other hand, when you look at the guys who have never had a girlfriend by their late 20s, 30s, and 40s, it's always timid guys, never alphas - never the businessmen, never the guys who cultivate a "desperado" image. I feel that Hollywood is partially to blame, but it made me wonder if there wasn't something deeper to it.

I feared that although I didn't want to agree with them, maybe the alpha males were right all along. It just made me wonder if I was only hurting myself by not being cocky, defiant, and macho like them because maybe that's what women want deep down. Not that I had much choice...I don't think I could be like them if I wanted to.

---

Anyway. I didn't want to turn this into nice guys vs alphas again. I was just wondering if dominance is required to create attraction because of instinct, and if I was just fundamentally unattractive without it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm not saying anything about nice guys versus alpha guys. My point was that all women don't like one particular thing. You just tend to categorize people so they fit into a package that explains things for you. And that makes you not even notice things about the individual. You can't package people up into neat little boxes. Sure, there are some women who do like dominant men, but they also like other aspects of whatever guy they like.

I get what you're saying about the instinctual part of it. But, I think it's safe to say that humans have grown far from those cave days. We no longer have to think that way.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Sure, there are some women who do like dominant men, but they also like other aspects of whatever guy they like.

Perhaps, but a lot of the time, women fall for guys who have pretty bad traits. Like in high school, a lot of women went after the jocks when they could be card-carrying misogynists. In college, the frat boys were the desired item - again, they could be pretty terrible human beings but they were loud and cocky, had money, and status. And of course, my nemesis the cocky, defiant "bad boy" rebel without a cause never seems to go out of style with women, especially the younger ones. All of them are bad people who are quite proud of their brutish "qualities" that logically, should send women running in the other direction. But they are all dominant types. Honestly that only makes me think even more that instinct has something to do with it, because some of these guys have some very serious red flags. Ones that are much more serious than indecisiveness and a lack of confidence if you ask me. Sure I don't have all the answers and I might not be as confident or as accomplished as I should be, and I can even see how shyness and innocence can come off as annoying sometimes. But at least I can be trusted to not wind up in jail, not be found high on who knows what, not to spend stupid amounts of money on booze and drugs, or just to be mentally stable from one day to the next.

Like I said, I can see how a woman might get fed up with my lack of worldliness but I also feel that these guys' attitudes of "everyone look at me, I'm so tough, I'm so cool" can get annoying too. It's adolescent in the worst way. I'm not a woman but I've never liked cocky people, I don't see the appeal. For one, I never felt like I had any way of justifying that attitude and for two, I always figured luck could change. If a person has a car or money they could still lose it. If you have a business, it could still go under. If you win at something one day, you could lose the next. I almost don't understand even non-cocky confidence, for this reason.

Anyway. Cockiness is annoying and immature but for some reason, it doesn't make the women run away nearly as much as a lack of dominance seems to. I just wonder why.

I get what you're saying about the instinctual part of it. But, I think it's safe to say that humans have grown far from those cave days. We no longer have to think that way.

I hope so. But while we no longer HAVE to think that way, unfortunately it seems a lot of people still choose it.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You still refuse to get over placing people in genres. I don't think you'll ever see the forest through the front line of trees if you continue to think that way.

No, not all women like dominant men. Simple answer for you.

 

[TheSkaFish]

You still refuse to get over placing people in genres. I don't think you'll ever see the forest through the front line of trees if you continue to think that way.

I don't know. I can avoid placing people in genres on the grounds of nationality or things like that, but on things like subculture, it's a choice. People choose to take up a certain lifestyle knowing that these lifestyles send specific messages, and in doing so they place themselves in genres. I think you can stereotype subcultures fairly accurately. You won't be right all the time of course, but you will be right a good portion of the time.

No, not all women like dominant men. Simple answer for you.

Well, I still believe that while not all women like dominant men, I think those women are in the minority, especially among younger women. I think we have Hollywood and the idea that rebellion is "cool" to thank for that.

But I can accept your statement, and the statements from the other women on this thread, that not all women like dominant men - however few there may be. I will consider this question answered, and can rest my case.

 

[Skid Row 89]

I've a question which I've been meaning to ask for a while now:

Would the fact that a man might be slightly boring put you off dating him even if you were attracted to his looks and personality?

I think this has been my major pitfall a few times in the past when it comes to attracting women. I'm just not very dynamic but it's not in my nature to be that way I suppose.

Here is another "Nicole you are going the hell answer"

I hate boring, I can't do. If a guy is boring, nope.

But like beauty, boring is in the eye beholder. You get into "What is boring?" Some people think sitting in the living room playing games on a laptop and watching netflix as boring, but I do not.

No problem Nicolelt, glad you're being honest. I think I'm screwed in regards to attracting women unless I suddenly wake up one day with excessive charisma... ain't gonna happen

---

I've a question which I've been meaning to ask for a while now:
Would the fact that a man might be slightly boring put you off dating him even if you were attracted to his looks and personality? I think this has been my major pitfall a few times in the past when it comes to attracting women. I'm just not very dynamic but it's not in my nature to be that way I suppose.

Don't worry skid row, you're someone's idea of just exactly right.

You're the only one who thinks so, Aisha, but thanks for the kind sentiments regardless.

---

Boring vs Interesting is subjective, isn't? As in, it depends on who you ask. Someone who is out all night partying isn't my idea of interesting either, although it might be to many other people. We're all boring to someone. Don't worry skid row, you're someone's idea of just exactly right.

Sure, it's subjective. It really depends on the person. Partying and the club scene is actually boring to me. I don't see the point of it. And I'm boring myself. Maybe that's why I don't mind. I would just figure that boring or interesting, aren't they considered personality or characteristics?

That's true, boring or interesting are characteristics. Or words people usually use to describe someone's personality. I was a bit puzzled when I read the question. Not sure how you can be attracted to someone's personality and also be put off by him being boring. Maybe skid row meant abilities, skills, and that sort of thing? hmm..

I suppose I meant along the lines of say for example, a woman thinks of a man "he seems like a nice guy" but then talks to him for a while and finds him dull. It took me around half an hour of conversation to completely put off a woman who was interested in me (for a short while at least)... if that isn't depressing I don't know what is.

 

[Shiloh253]

I did have a question that's been on my mind for a while. For the girls: How would you feel about hanging out with a guy who doesn't have a car/can't drive? I've got vision issues that stop me from doing so and that's always been a huge fear of mine. Finally working up the courage to ask someone out, then having to tell them I can't get around on my own if it's not on foot/bike/via bus. Maybe it's just my apprehension, but to me that would seem like a major turn-off.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I did have a question that's been on my mind for a while. For the girls: How would you feel about hanging out with a guy who doesn't have a car/can't drive? I've got vision issues that stop me from doing so and that's always been a huge fear of mine. Finally working up the courage to ask someone out, then having to tell them I can't get around on my own if it's not on foot/bike/via bus. Maybe it's just my apprehension, but to me that would seem like a major turn-off.

If you live out in the middle of nowhere or far away it might be a slight inconvenience at times, but I don't see why it would stop anyone from hanging out with you or having a relationship with you.
Not everyone can drive, not everyone wants to drive. It wouldn't bother me at all.

 

[Shiloh253]

I did have a question that's been on my mind for a while. For the girls: How would you feel about hanging out with a guy who doesn't have a car/can't drive? I've got vision issues that stop me from doing so and that's always been a huge fear of mine. Finally working up the courage to ask someone out, then having to tell them I can't get around on my own if it's not on foot/bike/via bus. Maybe it's just my apprehension, but to me that would seem like a major turn-off.

If you live out in the middle of nowhere or far away it might be a slight inconvenience at times, but I don't see why it would stop anyone from hanging out with you or having a relationship with you.
Not everyone can drive, not everyone wants to drive. It wouldn't bother me at all.

I live in the definition of "middle of nowhere" What surprised me is that I asked this question on another forum, but left out the part about my vision issues and just said that I didn't have a car or license. Almost every response was "If a man can't drive me around he must be weak/insecure" or "then he must have done something bad to get it taken away or doesn't care about the person he's dating".

 

[ladyforsaken]

I did have a question that's been on my mind for a while. For the girls: How would you feel about hanging out with a guy who doesn't have a car/can't drive? I've got vision issues that stop me from doing so and that's always been a huge fear of mine. Finally working up the courage to ask someone out, then having to tell them I can't get around on my own if it's not on foot/bike/via bus. Maybe it's just my apprehension, but to me that would seem like a major turn-off.

I personally could care less about if a guy drives or not. We'll just make do.