Questions for the Women

[Xpendable]

Honest thoughts about the quiet guy?

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Honest thoughts about the quiet guy?

Quiet, but known to be angry at the world, scary.

Quiet, calm and is able to be a little laid back. Nice to be around.

 

[Xpendable]

More elavorate, please?

 

[VanillaCreme]

Honest thoughts about the quiet guy?

Quiet, but known to be angry at the world, scary.

Quiet, calm and is able to be a little laid back. Nice to be around.

Mhm, and I know both types. Though, certain quiet guys aren't all that quiet around people they like and get along with, which is nice to see a different side of someone.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

Do you modern day witches fly vacuums?

 

[kamya]

I dunno amy. Do ya?

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I am not a modern day witch. Dysons cost too much. I like my Vileda brooms more.

 

[ardour]

Quiet, but known to be angry at the world, scary.

Quiet, calm and is able to be a little laid back. Nice to be around.

How do you tell which is which?

 

[Serenia]

....

 

[bleed_the_freak]

Someone quiet and calm again in my experience is more likely to smile warmly from the eyes.

And then there are those who fake it really well (e.g., Ted Bundy)

 

[TheSkaFish]

Quiet, but known to be angry at the world, scary.

I'm angry at the world because of the way some things are and the way things have gone for me in the past. I'm not like that because I think it's "cool" or "brutal" or whatever nonsense. See, logically I realize how and why what you described is a problem. But I can't just turn those feelings off just like that. If things had gone differently, I would have been a different person with less anger. There is something I've been thinking about lately that I think I'll have to post about, regarding this issue.

Though, certain quiet guys aren't all that quiet around people they like and get along with, which is nice to see a different side of someone.

Yeah, this is me pretty well. I'm quiet around people I don't know but can open up around people I know I get along with.

 

[Veronika]

Honest thoughts about the quiet guy?

Quiet guys are usually great listeners. They're also a nice contrast to my talkative and boisterous personality. Quietness is completely fine but if the guy lacked confidence, then I might have difficulty seeing him as a potential partner but it still wouldn't stop me from wanting to be his friend

 

[TheSkaFish]

Quietness is completely fine but if the guy lacked confidence, then I might have difficulty seeing him as a potential partner but it still wouldn't stop me from wanting to be his friend

This is pretty much exactly what I mean when I suspect that my personality came out all wrong for the purpose of getting a romantic relationship, because it doesn't have the components for creating attraction - much like you wouldn't go racing in an economy car, or if you did, you'd do badly because it's wrong for that purpose. I did this without knowing that I was doing it, and certainly wouldn't have done this consciously.

So I have to ask, how would you feel a quiet guy can also be confident and show it, enough that you would see him as a potential partner?

I'd be happy to have answers from any woman on this by the way, not just the person whose quote I was referring to.

 

[Veronika]

This is pretty much exactly what I mean when I suspect that my personality came out all wrong for the purpose of getting a romantic relationship, because it doesn't have the components for creating attraction - much like you wouldn't go racing in an economy car, or if you did, you'd do badly because it's wrong for that purpose. I did this without knowing that I was doing it, and certainly wouldn't have done this consciously.

So I have to ask, how would you feel a quiet guy can also be confident and show it, enough that you would see him as a potential partner?

I think if you're naturally quiet, and if you feel at peace being that way, then its better to be quiet. But if you feel like you should talk more and if while trying to change this trait, you're able to embrace it, then that's okay too. People always tell me that I shouldn't change who I am, but I feel like our personalities don't have to be written in stone. Well, I can't speak for everyone, but I do believe that trying to change to better one's life experience is a positive thing, but I say this for myself

On the other hand, if trying to change makes you uneasy and like its not quite you, then this might make the situation worse as you may not come across as being authentic. I think this whole thing requires some trial and error and lots of self reflection. Eventually though, it seems likely that we'll figure out what's best for us.

I think confidence is shown not by outward expressions, but rather how one generally makes others feel around them. Like if a guy always puts himself down, or made self depreciating jokes too much, that might indicate to me that he lacks confidence. If a guy blamed other people too much for all the failures or wrongs in his life, that too would make me think he was meek, because he wasn't strong enough to accept and deal with problems. I would also think a guy insecure if he was clingy or possessive.


So the opposite of these, a guy who when he speaks, is able to talk about himself modestly but without highlighting his weaknesses, who is able to deal with problems objectively for the most part, who is able to spend some time independently from his partner, or who is okay with his girlfriend doing things with other people, and even having other male friends....these are some of the things that would make me think a guy was confident, regardless of whether he was quiet or not.

Sorry about the long reply, was hoping it would be helpful

 

[TheRealCallie]

Personally, I don't feel that it matters if you are loud or quiet, smart or dumb, good looking or not good looking or whatever else you want to offer up.
What matters is who you are, what you represent and how you portray yourself to the world or even just a few people. And of course, whether or not the connection is there. So if you are, at the very least, talking to the person or taking (non creepy) glimpses of her that she catches, she will likely know you want something to do with her. If/when she talks to you, she will know if there's a connection, regardless of whether you are quiet or not.

 

[BadGuy]

Personally, I don't feel that it matters if you are loud or quiet, smart or dumb, good looking or not good looking or whatever else you want to offer up.
What matters is who you are,

what you represent and how you portray yourself to the world or even just a few people

. And of course, whether or not the connection is there. So if you are, at the very least, talking to the person or taking (non creepy) glimpses of her that she catches, she will likely know you want something to do with her. If/when she talks to you, she will know if there's a connection, regardless of whether you are quiet or not.

Sounds more like who you can pretend to be ?

 

[TheRealCallie]

Personally, I don't feel that it matters if you are loud or quiet, smart or dumb, good looking or not good looking or whatever else you want to offer up.
What matters is who you are,

what you represent and how you portray yourself to the world or even just a few people

. And of course, whether or not the connection is there. So if you are, at the very least, talking to the person or taking (non creepy) glimpses of her that she catches, she will likely know you want something to do with her. If/when she talks to you, she will know if there's a connection, regardless of whether you are quiet or not.

Sounds more like who you can pretend to be ?

Well, sure, anyone can pretend and if you want a temporary girlfriend, have at it. But you can't keep up with pretending forever, so if you have any hope of finding someone you can be with long term, you don't want to pretend because secrets always come out....people don't generally like their partners lying to them, you know?
It's better to just be who you are. If you're working at something, sure keep working at it, but don't just show her pretending.

 

[VentVentVent]

Honest thoughts about the quiet guy?

Personally I don't mind a quiet guy unless he's completely unreadable. That kinda freaks me out a little

 

[ardour]

Quiet guy = creepy guy, unless he ticks all the other boxes that is.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Quiet guy = creepy guy, unless he ticks all the other boxes that is.

Quiet doesn't mean creepy right off the bat.