Quite a problem!

[Death-cap]

Just because he's having an affair, doesn't mean it's right for her to. Two wrongs don't make a right. And as far as her coming on to you, you could have walked away. It doesn't matter who came on to who first. You still went through with it. But if you're happy, then I guess that's all that matters. And if she feels like it's okay, and perhaps her and her husband aren't really in sync anymore, then that's her choice.

I only know at this point what i am told and are forced to assume that is fact. Anyway what i have been told is they have basically been apart for years. Simply living together for the children. Now she is Russian so i am not sure if that matters as far as keeping up a dead marriage for the sake of the kids. But this is what i have been told.
Now if i was asked whats more wrong. To live a fake life for the benefit of the children.
Or to have sex with another person when there is no active marriage and the Husband is openly cheating on her then i would have to say living the fake life would be worse.
I dont honestly see whats wrong with us having sex.
If for example the Married couple in question were to have an OPEN relationship or be swingers would it then be ok?
I find this to be somewhat a Grey area. Outright cheating is and always will be wrong.
What happened between us is different. I know some of you may not understand that but i assure you.

 

[incognitowithh]

Thankyou all for your support. It has been helpful and i must admit i did take alot of it to heart.
Now i had to go into work today (weekend) by myself. I often have to. Its a side effect of my position at work. Anyhow she turned up! We had a chance to talk without any distractions.

You all were correct. I jumped the gun a bit. She does not want to leave her family EVER!
But she is not happy (sexually) at home and does want to continue what we have.
Given my adsence from the scene so to speak i cant complain.
Sure there is a piece of me that wants a permanent thing but i guess for now i will take what i can get.

Again thanks all for your advice and support.

I'm not going to preach to you like the others. Nothing good comes out of being with a married person, been there, done that...never again. But the fact of the matter is, it happens all the time...and as shitty as it sounds, it's HER problem, not yours. SHE'S the one betraying her husband and family.

Anyway, having said all of that...YOU can't handle a relationship like this. You are clingy and a bit delusional to the situation as it is. There's nothing wrong with you wanting a nice relationship and woman to yourself, we all deserve that. You're almost like a female in that you feel that sex means more than just the physical side. You need to stop this because she's going to make you mental and get to the point where you will literally try to sabotage her marriage. Leave it alone, it's her job to divorce her husband and move on to get all the randoms screws that she wants.

Yeah, that's totally not preaching. At all... However, I do agree with the fact that it's an issue she needs to sort out. With everyone it sounds like. Husband, children and any other person she's seeing on the side.

---

No, it's not wrong...it's time for her to get a divorce and do what she wants to do.

She's doing what she wants without bothering with divorce. So, what's the point when she's doing what she wants anyway...

---

Touche, I suppose I was...just not about him being the bad guy and a homewrecker. That's not his responsibility to care about a stranger.

Because nothing good comes out of it...time to move on. Even if she doesn't actually get a divorce, separate...whatever. Doesn't really matter though. The point is Death is confusing sex with "love". I've seen this sorta thing happen...this stuff can make you crazy. She yanked his pants off and he thought she must want to leave her family for him. I just think he needs to understand the difference and he seems like a fragile guy that can't handle a strictly F-buddy relationship.

 

[VanillaCreme]

If I were married, I would just tell my husband I wasn't happy. I know moms and dads seem to think that keeping up the marriage for the kids may be a good thing, but they probably know. So, I'd just free myself from the chain of marriage and then I'd be okay with myself enough to go on ahead and be with other guys.

"Touche, I suppose I was...just not about him being the bad guy and a homewrecker. That's not his responsibility to care about a stranger."

That's what's wrong with society today. Not caring about other people at all. So, because he doesn't know the guy, it's perfectly fine to sleep with his wife, irrelevant of what's going on... That's a sad attitude to have.

 

[incognitowithh]

If I were married, I would just tell my husband I wasn't happy. I know moms and dads seem to think that keeping up the marriage for the kids may be a good thing, but they probably know. So, I'd just free myself from the chain of marriage and then I'd be okay with myself enough to go on ahead and be with other guys.

"Touche, I suppose I was...just not about him being the bad guy and a homewrecker. That's not his responsibility to care about a stranger."

That's what's wrong with society today. Not caring about other people at all. So, because he doesn't know the guy, it's perfectly fine to sleep with his wife, irrelevant of what's going on... That's a sad attitude to have.

It's not okay, never said it was. But he didn't take the vows, so it's really her problem. I did what I did, not proud of it and would never do it again. If anyone in my life tells me they are or want to do it, I tell them that it's not good for anyone. But if it were MY husband...I hold him completely responsible...not the young lady that just loves the attention a married man gives her.

 

[VanillaCreme]

It's both parties. Not just one. Takes two to tango. If you know someone is married, then you're just as responsible as they are. Doesn't matter if it's your vows or not. I'd be a little more light if he didn't know she was married. If he didn't know, then yes, it's just on her.

 

[shells]

I only know at this point what i am told and are forced to assume that is fact. Anyway what i have been told is they have basically been apart for years. Simply living together for the children.

Interesting, the children must not be so "grown-up" after all.

 

[Mysis]

I only know at this point what i am told and are forced to assume that is fact.

Outright cheating is and always will be wrong.

You're not forced to assume anything. You always have the option of saying "I don't believe you".

I mean, look at this scenario... She's a cheating wife... Already, not the most credible person to tell the truth. Now if she told you honestly that she's just cheating on a loving husband, she knows you probably wont sleep with her. But she wants you to sleep with her. And with no moral quarrels about lying to obtain sex... You see what I'm getting at.

What takes more assumption to believe? That a father is having relationships with a niece and nobody in the family is speaking up, stopping it, or reporting it to the police, and that the mother is staying with this husband for the sake of her kids who are old enough to move out? Oh but wait... Despite this husband of hers...

She does not want to leave her family EVER!

So does that make more sense than a cheating wife lying to you as easily as she's lying to her husband?

I dunno, you obviously don't think it's right to cheat on someone and contribute to the deterioration of a family... So with so much questionability, and no way of you knowing for sure, maybe it's best you just didn't get involved, cause y'know, you could get dragged into a lot more than she's telling you. I mean what happens if he is just a loving husband and eventually finds out? Now you're in the middle of it feeling like an idiot, a tool, and a piece of honeysuckle. I think until she can provide evidence of this wild story she's pitching you, it's best that you walk away so you don't end up feeling like an idiot in the future.

 

[Death-cap]

Well i had been thinking and thinking for the past few days about this.
All advice had been considered from here and i thank you all.
The one common answer kept appearing.
Its not love its SEX. Our emotions are wrong. Our actions are wrong.
Well i took this advice and on Friday morning i told her i am actually seeing someone else and its getting serious. And based on that i would have to stop seeing her. (Certainly not true but i felt it would soften the blow)
Well that was a BIG MISTAKE.
She went completely NUTS on me. SCREAMING and CRYING. Screaming so the whole factory could here!
I think people think i hit her or something. She went into histarics. Even pulling on her hair??
She is a grown woman and she pulls her hair out? WTF seriously that weirded me out more than ever before.
Well she ran out of the factory crying and screaming and i was left to tell the boss what was wrong.
Now concerned i have made even more problems i did not tell him the truth rather told him i think she has family problems.
Seriously though. What the hell do i do now?
As far as i am aware she told her Husband we were seeing each other.
I cant say for fact as she could be lying quite possibly.
I have the power at work to have her fired. I am willing to do that. But not sure.
Whats your thoughts? If she continues to be silly i think i will have to to be honest.
I dont want her to bring the whole company down because of this.

 

[VanillaCreme]

So she freaked out and made a fool of you. Exactly what some of us thought would happen. I surely thought it; One way or another she'd make a fool out of you. And that's what she was aiming for. You got your way, and she got hers.

Also now, you might have a job issue. She may decide to make your time at work a living hell, or even try to get you fired. An array of many other issues may arise from this, when you could have just stepped your foot out of the circle and avoided all this. Our decisions always have consequences.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

lmao @ this entire situation.

wait till he finds out hubby is a navy seal

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^ LOL. Yup.

 

[Luna]

There's no clean-cut answer to this disaster.
I'm sure you and everyone else at work, knew that she was married.
The fact that you even participated - your reputation is still damaged even if you fire her.

She may even pull the victim mentality on you.
"I was struggling with my marriage etc..." and lead others to believe that you were the one that lured her in while she was in an emotional, vulnerable state.
Basically, like you took advantage.

My intention is not to scare you - but this is what could very well happen or is already happening.

Nilla worded it the best...should have never gotten involved in the first place.
You weren't thinking with the right head.
There's no use dwelling on it at this point...what's done is done.

The only thing that I can suggest...is you simply take it as it comes.
There's going to be a shitload of drama coming your way.
And you may have to keep your career options open at this point.
It is unlikely that everything will return to the way it was before this all happened.
Everything that we do...catches up to us at one point or another.

 

[Death-cap]

Ok well some good points here and a few hate words. Thats ok i take them how they come.
Honestly the honeysuckle i get on this forum over this issue is nothing compared to what happened today.
I always get to work first. I open up the factory. (Beauty of being a supervisor)
Anyway. She come in with her Husband as has been largely expected by some here and to be honest i sort of expected it today myself.
Did he want to talk about this? Nope not at all.
Did he want to fight over this? Yes he did.
Did he end up on the floor with possibly a broken jaw? Yes he did.
Did i get hurt? No i did not.
Did his wife get fired on the spot? Yes she did. ( I worded the boss up on the whole disaster before she arrived)
So ultimately this problem is now over short of the sons or someone else coming to my work or home to try tackle me some more, however i highly doubt that.
I might add first off. I tried to talk to him but he attempted to hit me.
BIG MISTAKE! Over 20 years of Martial Arts Training made short work of him i assure you.

Now back onto the issue at hand here.
I was and am single ok? I had a lady from my work come onto me! Were both grown adults so one could argue at this point we are both responsible for our actions.
Now she is Married so in my eyes she is the one breaching the trust and her vows not me.
I cant look into a glass ball and find out the truths and lies behind every statement.
She wanted to have me and i obligated.
Am i upset about it all? Nope. She was a good lay. What can i say.
Do i care if she breaks up with her Husband? Nope not a bit. She was the one to risk it all. Not me.
No one in my life upset with me for what i did. Far from it. Some have said well done.
Dunno. Its easy to throw stones at me. But few here ever judged her yet ultimately she is equally responsible for her actions as am i. However she carries more luggage in that respect and therefor ultimately she was more in the wrong.
Funny how things turn out though isnt it?
The day we made out first i had no idea what she had planned.
I had never thought about having sex with her to be honest.
I really just went with the flow of the situation yet people here say i was thinking with my dick.
Yet clearly she was thinking with her private parts not me initially. Now sure i could have said no but why? Seriously. Why? I enjoyed getting blown in the way i did.

 

[Badjedidude]

So ultimately this problem is now over short of the sons or someone else coming to my work or home to try tackle me some more, however i highly doubt that.

Unless he comes at you with a gun next time.

And I don't care HOW much martial-arts training you've had; barehands against a gun is never a good situation to find yourself in. Especially if he shoots before you know he's there.

However she carries more luggage in that respect and therefor ultimately she was more in the wrong.

She's not MORE wrong. You both carry equal responsibility for what you did.

I really just went with the flow of the situation yet people here say i was thinking with my dick.

lol "going with the flow" in that situation IS thinking with your dick.

Look, no one is HATING on you for what you did. It's your life and this was your decision just as much as it was the woman's decision. I just happen to think that it was a poor decision; one that shows a lot about who you are as a person. Do you really not care that you've assisted in causing damage to another man's life? Are you that calloused and unempathetic?

You might stop to think about that a bit.

 

[Luna]

Regarding the "honeysuckle you're getting in this forum".

Okay.
You had a good time.
You don't care.
We get it.

After all, it's your life.
Your decisions with your life aren't going to affect the lives of any of us here.
You're more than welcome to post - of course, anyone is.
But if you're seeking validation or approval from everyone here, you aren't going to get it.

 

[Steel]

You see, most people post a thread in the issues section because they are in need of advice.

In your case, you ignored everything everybody said to you, and did the exact opposite. You come back and boast of breaking the jaw of a man who had done you no wrong whatsoever, and getting the woman fired. You have interfered in other peoples' lives, caused them suffering, and shown absolutely no remorse.

Karma is a *****.

 

[shells]

So ultimately this problem is now over short of the sons or someone else coming to my work or home to try tackle me some more, however i highly doubt that.

Unless he comes at you with a gun next time.

And I don't care HOW much martial-arts training you've had; barehands against a gun is never a good situation to find yourself in. Especially if he shoots before you know he's there.

However she carries more luggage in that respect and therefor ultimately she was more in the wrong.

She's not MORE wrong. You both carry equal responsibility for what you did.

I really just went with the flow of the situation yet people here say i was thinking with my dick.

lol "going with the flow" in that situation IS thinking with your dick.

Look, no one is HATING on you for what you did. It's your life and this was your decision just as much as it was the woman's decision. I just happen to think that it was a poor decision; one that shows a lot about who you are as a person. Do you really not care that you've assisted in causing damage to another man's life? Are you that calloused and unempathetic?

You might stop to think about that a bit.

I agree with this.

More importantly, there are kids involved in this situation. It's not just about a ruined marriage or career, but the children as well.

That fact alone pisses me off that you almost seem proud of yourself at this point.

 

[SophiaGrace]

i hope Death-Cap is proud of himself. :/

man, did you learn your lesson to keep away from married women from now on?

 

[Mysis]

It's great that you came to your senses and decided to end it...

But gloating about how you got off scott free and beat the honeysuckle out of the guy... Pretty heartless... Might have something to do with why you're single... Should probably consider learning a little compassion and sympathy for other people... It's a good trait that people look for in a partner.

Anyways, that's not the last you'll hear of him... I can pretty well guarantee that... He'll probably go after your house, car, pets, lawn, reputation, etc next... Anything that you can't directly pin on him, and that doesn't involve a face to face confrontation...

 

[VanillaCreme]

You see, most people post a thread in the issues section because they are in need of advice.

In your case, you ignored everything everybody said to you, and did the exact opposite. You come back and boast of breaking the jaw of a man who had done you no wrong whatsoever, and getting the woman fired. You have interfered in other peoples' lives, caused them suffering, and shown absolutely no remorse.

Karma is a *****.

I agree. I also agree with with Luna.

I will say this one last thing:

I find what you did, I don't care if it's negative or not, spineless and gutless. Instead of making a wrong a right, you went ahead and broke up lives like no big deal. And for what? To come to an internet forum and brag about it?

Karma is a *****, but there's no point in telling you anything. You glide right over our words, like we are the wrong ones. It certainly doesn't matter to any of us here. We can sleep at night knowing we didn't ruin not one person, not two people, but a whole family.

Like said before, karma is a ***** indeed, and you will get yours.