I probably most fit into:
The psychologically impaired. I had my first nervous breakdown at 13 (notice:
first. I've had 3 thus far, institutionalized all times and I'm only 27). Anyway, everyday life is really difficult for me. I'm officially diagnosed with
Bipolar I, mixed and probably throw in rapid cycling there too.
Living in itself is simply exhausting. I'll go through mania and depression so many times in one month. Sometimes it's not that bad (i.e. suicidal thoughts), but usually it's enough to lower functioning severely. I can't keep a job longer than 3 months straight and that's including several accommodations from my employer.
Anyway, it's mostly organic, meaning that it's all brain chemistry. I really don't have much to complain about: I have a loving and supportive family, loyal friends, etc., childhood was, for the most part, pretty good. Before the depression and mania started at 13 I was a pretty well-rounded kid: had straight A's, was completely social, played tennis, had high self-esteem, talented and creative artist and writer. Basically, I had great potential (as everyone seems to call it).
Then all hell broke loose.
Now, I take five different meds: Depakote, Wellbutrin, Abilify, Lamictal, and Paxil -- just to keep me alive and functioning as much as possible. It's taken 10 years to find the right combination of meds and dosage but the road to that was absolute hell. Due to the nature of the meds, it takes a few weeks to a month to adjust so the periods during the time of adjustment are often chaotic -- and plus, you don't even know if the meds will work!
So, in essence, my whole life was turned completely upside-down and now I have to live with this. I will be like this for the remainder of my life.
Please, I'm not asking for sympathy by writing this. It's just the facts.
Yes. That, in a nutshell, was and is me.
- e.
