Relapse

[SelfDefenseFamily]

Okay, so I had a confidence boost last week. Like i really felt better about everything. I went to sleep at reasonable hours, woke up early. Made something of my day. Went out for job interviews. things were going fine. Until Friday. I had a job interview here for a store in my town, and i was convinced it went pretty well. They said they would call. but no call. I've been looking for a job for over 5 months and every time I get stood up. It gets really demoralizing. I try my best but somehow it's never good enough. I do really feel like a low life, do nothing moocher people make me out to be when I tell them I've been unemployed for so long. I always felt ashamed of myself and now even more. And what's even worse is my solution to feel better. Go out drinking. I went out drinking, drank way to much ended up puking my guts out and falling asleep. The next day brought at least something to look forward too. I had planned to go watch my local football (soccer) team play and there had sometime to catch up with some very old friends who knew me from when i was a kid. Football was a huge part of my life. My dad and me weren't really close back then. But there was one thing we both loved with a passion and that was our local club. He took me to see games from when i was 7 until i was like 13 years old and that was the best time of my life. So of course being there was super uplifting. The atmosphere, the people. I had a chance to forget everything that had occurred earlier for a while. It was after the game (which we won) that I thought to myself well, why not go out for a victory drink. I did and well, I really shouldn't have done that. Me and a friend went to a local bar where a mate of ours works. My friend went home but i stayed behind. Normally when i'm sober I don't really talk to people but when i'm tipsy i'm more sociable.
I started talking with people. I should not have done that. talking with people and seeing them be indifferent or dismissive really slammed me on the head. It was not like I was saying dumb things or anything like that. I was still sober enough to have a normal conversation. I went home. But before that I went in an other bar to get a soda, and to see if there was no one I knew there. There was but they stared just passed me, as if i wasn't even there. I'm sure they recognized me but they didn't even say hi. Being really disenchanted with people in general I went home, listened to some music and cried like a kid for the next couple of hours. I don't know what's wrong with me. But there definitely is something wrong with me. I'm back at the some spot where I started and that is something that really happens alot with me.

 

[Tiina63]

The employment situation is hard for a lot of people and it is not a reflection on you or on your worth as a person that you can't find work even though it may feel that way to you. You are NOT a lowlife because of being out of work. I read the other day that back in the 1930's unemployment was seen as a great evil, but that the unemployed were seen as victims of this evil rather than being the 'scroungers' and layabouts which the much of the media make them out to be nowadays. It is not your fault that you can't find a job.
I don't know why the people in the bar ignored you. I have had people ignore me as well. Sometimes I think that the human race is screwed up beyond redemption. It does hurt a lot to be ignored and I hope that you can eventually put this upsetting incident behind you and look forward.