Cathedral
Well-known member
A few weeks ago, out of curiosity, I tried alcohol. I like the feeling I get from 2 cans of beer worth of alcohol, but not much more. I have been taking Zoloft and Abilify for several months, to no result. I recently got switched over to Citalopram or whatever it's called. But since discovering that a little bit of alcohol can make you feel good, I don't think I have any need for these worthless depressants. It's not life changing, but it's a small improvement.
You see, I have life-long problems with depression and loneliness and on those nights when I just feel so angry because of it, so I take a few shots of vodka and in a few minutes, I start feeling a little better. Now, I wish pot was legal, so that I can safely try that and see what it does to me.
But for now, I might have to end up drinking alcohol just about every day to cope with being so alone and depressed. I don't have but 1-2 friends I communicate with online. Even less IRL. I hate that. I want to socialize a little bit, not feel like no one cares about me nor my wellbeing, and having to resort to drugs, things which could harm my rather weak and fat body.
I also binge eat, which I am trying to stop. Over a period of several months, I have gained so much weight. Last spring, I think I was 225 lbs, now I am over 300 lbs. It's getting harder for me to walk a mile or so, because of my weight. And starting this spring, when I have to go back to college, I will have to take the city bus there and the bus stop is quite a few blocks away.
It would do me good to get a little walking in, but I wish I didn't have this weight on me to begin with, because after even a half a mile, my ankles begin to hurt.
Another thing that bothers me about going back to college is that I have almost no social skills at all. I cannot make any friends on the Internet, much less IRL. Mostly due to my Asperger's Syndrome. And the fact that due to my childhood, I was never taught anything by my deadbeat parents nor my family.
I hope this wasn't too incoherent, because I suck at writing. I have almost no talent in anything. I give up too easily. I tend to put forth the minimal amount of effort into things. That hurts me. I'm a better person than that. I must be. Because I want friends and a girlfriend and I want them NOW!
You see, I have life-long problems with depression and loneliness and on those nights when I just feel so angry because of it, so I take a few shots of vodka and in a few minutes, I start feeling a little better. Now, I wish pot was legal, so that I can safely try that and see what it does to me.
But for now, I might have to end up drinking alcohol just about every day to cope with being so alone and depressed. I don't have but 1-2 friends I communicate with online. Even less IRL. I hate that. I want to socialize a little bit, not feel like no one cares about me nor my wellbeing, and having to resort to drugs, things which could harm my rather weak and fat body.
I also binge eat, which I am trying to stop. Over a period of several months, I have gained so much weight. Last spring, I think I was 225 lbs, now I am over 300 lbs. It's getting harder for me to walk a mile or so, because of my weight. And starting this spring, when I have to go back to college, I will have to take the city bus there and the bus stop is quite a few blocks away.
It would do me good to get a little walking in, but I wish I didn't have this weight on me to begin with, because after even a half a mile, my ankles begin to hurt.
Another thing that bothers me about going back to college is that I have almost no social skills at all. I cannot make any friends on the Internet, much less IRL. Mostly due to my Asperger's Syndrome. And the fact that due to my childhood, I was never taught anything by my deadbeat parents nor my family.
I hope this wasn't too incoherent, because I suck at writing. I have almost no talent in anything. I give up too easily. I tend to put forth the minimal amount of effort into things. That hurts me. I'm a better person than that. I must be. Because I want friends and a girlfriend and I want them NOW!