Romantic Tension

[TheSolitaryMan]

Could do with some opinions on this, apologies for a long read! :\

There's this girl I know, we've been talking for months and months, and she's sort of been cuddling up to me a bit every now and then, complimenting me, pleasant stuff like that.

When I'm around her, it's sort of like we're looking at each other a lot, talking a lot and she sometimes stands/sits "closer than normal" to me, but at the same time we're not actually going out. It's odd!

I sort of attempted to ask her out somewhere a few weeks ago. Unfortunately she couldn't go (family trip she had planned), so I felt like a bit of an idiot. But then she insisted I tell her what I wanted to do with her, so I did.

She told me she was planning to do the same activity with some other people soon, and said "Well, we'll invite some others along as well and do it."

From that comment I started thinking "Really, I just wanted to be alone with her for once, so perhaps she's not keen on me romantically."

Then next day, she invites me to this event with her on our own o_0

Her friends seem to know me (and I've never met them), implying that she tells them about me. She also keeps bringing up the subject of "her type of guys" when I'm talking to her and the qualities she talks about seem to be the same as the things she compliments me with.

For example: "I really like friendly guys who are kind." was said to me a few days after she'd said that she considers me to be like that.

Recently, we spent an hour just sort of talking to each other while working and I decided to finally be a little more daring and snuggle up to her more blatantly. She didn't pull away and if anything kind of encouraged me to move closer to her - she kept leaning into me to say stuff.

It was super nice to be honest, I almost felt like we were going to kiss at times, we were pretty much whispering right to each other's faces :shy:

So...I'm confused. I mean, the girl invites me out places with her, but when I suggest a "proper" sort of date, she wants to bring random people along too. Other times she seems to be flirting with me heavily both verbally and physically, but she never seems to instigate a hug or anything, which stumps me again!

What do you guys think of all this? Do I need to just sweep the girl into my arms and stop being a complete pansy? Or is that extremely ill-advised? :\

She's a really nice girl and the best friend I've had for a long time, so I don't really want to risk that all for a hug, you know? Hmmph

 

[putter65]

Could do with some opinions on this, apologies for a long read! :\

There's this girl I know, we've been talking for months and months, and she's sort of been cuddling up to me a bit every now and then, complimenting me, pleasant stuff like that.

When I'm around her, it's sort of like we're looking at each other a lot, talking a lot and she sometimes stands/sits "closer than normal" to me, but at the same time we're not actually going out. It's odd!

I sort of attempted to ask her out somewhere a few weeks ago. Unfortunately she couldn't go (family trip she had planned), so I felt like a bit of an idiot. But then she insisted I tell her what I wanted to do with her, so I did.

She told me she was planning to do the same activity with some other people soon, and said "Well, we'll invite some others along as well and do it."

From that comment I started thinking "Really, I just wanted to be alone with her for once, so perhaps she's not keen on me romantically."

Then next day, she invites me to this event with her on our own o_0

Her friends seem to know me (and I've never met them), implying that she tells them about me. She also keeps bringing up the subject of "her type of guys" when I'm talking to her and the qualities she talks about seem to be the same as the things she compliments me with.

For example: "I really like friendly guys who are kind." was said to me a few days after she'd said that she considers me to be like that.

Recently, we spent an hour just sort of talking to each other while working and I decided to finally be a little more daring and snuggle up to her more blatantly. She didn't pull away and if anything kind of encouraged me to move closer to her - she kept leaning into me to say stuff.

It was super nice to be honest, I almost felt like we were going to kiss at times, we were pretty much whispering right to each other's faces :shy:

So...I'm confused. I mean, the girl invites me out places with her, but when I suggest a "proper" sort of date, she wants to bring random people along too. Other times she seems to be flirting with me heavily both verbally and physically, but she never seems to instigate a hug or anything, which stumps me again!

What do you guys think of all this? Do I need to just sweep the girl into my arms and stop being a complete pansy? Or is that extremely ill-advised? :\

She's a really nice girl and the best friend I've had for a long time, so I don't really want to risk that all for a hug, you know? Hmmph

I would stop worrying for a start. Sounds like you have a nice friend there.

If you want more then invite her somewhere. For a coffee for example or cinema. Make sure it's just you and her though, make this clear ! You have nothing to lose. If she says 'no' then I don't think you will lose her friendship.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Go for it, if you don't she'll eventually find another guy and you'll always wonder "what if". Don't wonder "what if", find out how she feels about you. Sounds like she's interested, she talks about you with here friends, invites you out alone, talks about what she likes in a guy, I think she's trying to drop you some hints.

 

[passage]

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Its so obvious for me what to do in those situations, but its hard to explain. Kiss her, passionately. The moment doesn't have to be perfect but for the love of god just do it.

"But then she insisted I tell her what I wanted to do with her, so I did." (hehe, I could think of a few things)

Shes probably just shy, or doesn't want to be blatant about it, liek saying "solitary man I really like and would like to go do something together just the two of us...etc", much the same way you don't want to say that for fear of rejection, awkwardness/whatever. But one of you has to do it, or make a move and its probably not going to be her. Shes probably wondering why you havent kissed, and wtf doesn't he understand all the signals I'm sending him.

I still suggest a walking "date". The weather is nicer now, so walk through a park, river...etc. Find somewhere nice to lie down, look at the sky and talk about things that you are passionate about. Also you'll probably have good moments to go for a kiss and not be awkward. Best moment is when the romantic tension is high.

But do something together. If she says "ya we'll go with x, y and z. Tell her you want to do something just the two of you".

"Do I need to just sweep the girl into my arms and stop being a complete pansy?"

No offence, but yes, for the love of god do that. It makes sense too, shes going to send signals that shes interested but never make a blatant move (biologically female role,maybe not biological role, but typical of women). You, and your role as a male, is to respond accordingly to those signals AND MAKE A MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!

As a side note, I would recommend being honest with this girl about your lack of experience with women. Don't worry, they won't get turned off by it, unless she is like a pornstar or something (even then they probably wouldnt).

Good luck!

 

[kamya]

Yup next time you are cuddling just go in and start kissing her Hard to explain but yeah. You just do it. The reason the tension is there and keeps building up is because you aren't doing anything. She's probably been expecting you to do something for a while now. It could be possible that you already blew your window but it's worth a shot. If she's not into it she'll let you know.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Youre tripping....man

Thets a lot of bulkshit you paiinted in you're
mind fot the so call perefect moment or move.

Just slapp her ass FFS.
Shell let you know if she liikes it or not.
If she donst...skapp her ass less.
If she likes it...slapp her ass some more.

Make your move onrway or the other.

its not that complixated.

 

[putter65]

Youre tripping....man

Thets a lot of bulkshit you paiinted in you're
mind fot the so call perefect moment or move.

Just slapp her ass FFS.
Shell let you know if she liikes it or not.
If she donst...skapp her ass less.
If she likes it...slapp her ass some more.

Make your move onrway or the other.

its not that complixated.

I would never dream of slapping a woman's arse. I am always concious of even invading their space, not standing to close.

Working in retail, I have seen stuff. This manager bloke sat on this woman's lap and started dry humping her. I've seen a bit of arse touching. None of the women ever liked it and would always say there are complaining about it.

 

[Campbell]

Without knowing her, I can say from what you have written, she must be pretty shy or have her own awkwardness with the opposite sex.

You need to insist on a date with just the two of you. I would say something like, "It has been so fun hanging around with you in a group but I would really like to enjoy a meal at (restaurant name) with you alone because I love that place and would like to share a meal there with just you."

 

[Okiedokes]

I have to agree as a girl I would feel kinda weird to make the first big move, unless I knew the guy had never had kissed before. In that case, it's like, well maybe I will do it. Anyways, if she's letting you get closer and didn't pull away then she may have been waiting for you to make a move. I mean..I know some people are FWB, but... you know what she wants and what she's looking for in a guy. She said you are like what she described, so it must mean something good. Let us know how it goes. :]

 

[Lost Drifter]

Well let’s look at this from her point of view for a second. She’s been talking to a nice lad (you) for a couple of months now, complimenting him, telling her friends about him, describing him as the sort of man she likes, trying to get physically closer to him etc. but what signals is he sending her? What is he telling her? Why isn’t he making the move as men are usually expected to do? Does this mean he doesn’t like her? Perhaps she should invite other people to downplay her own expectations?

I think it’s time to stop all of this guessing brother and just ask her out, I tell you that as someone who wants the best for you, this delaying will end up doing more harm than good so just sit her down and tell her how you feel. Even though it sounds like she really likes you not a lot of women are prepared to make the first move, you can be waiting forever and a day for that, social expectations aside she could just be shy herself and I’m afraid one of you is going to have to take the plunge in this case.

Relationships are all about compromise; consider this one your first. You can do it, otherwise I’m coming over there and asking her myself

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Well let’s look at this from her point of view for a second. She’s been talking to a nice lad (you) for a couple of months now, complimenting him, telling her friends about him, describing him as the sort of man she likes, trying to get physically closer to him etc. but what signals is he sending her? What is he telling her? Why isn’t he making the move as men are usually expected to do? Does this mean he doesn’t like her? Perhaps she should invite other people to downplay her own expectations?

I think it’s time to stop all of this guessing brother and just ask her out, I tell you that as someone who wants the best for you, this delaying will end up doing more harm than good so just sit her down and tell her how you feel. Even though it sounds like she really likes you not a lot of women are prepared to make the first move, you can be waiting forever and a day for that, social expectations aside she could just be shy herself and I’m afraid one of you is going to have to take the plunge in this case.

Relationships are all about compromise; consider this one your first. You can do it, otherwise I’m coming over there and asking her myself

Lol, thanks LD

I don't know, I paid her a compliment today and she didn't really react to it (possibly she didn't hear me). Previously she was sort of extremely happy I said something nice to her, but that was like a month ago. Perhaps she's just going off me now? Quite possible.

I just don't get these things I suppose. I'm 100% sure she used to "like" me, but now I'm just so confused.

It all boils down to me not being much of a "man" I guess, I just can't understand these things.

Like just leaning in and kissing her! For starts I don't even know how to kiss (lol ), and additionally I just get the impression that she probably wouldn't like that.

I should emphasise that we haven't "properly" cuddled. She just sort of leans into me every now and then, sometimes it's hard to tell if she's doing it on purpose.

Passage, a "walking date" sounds nice, but I could seriously never just lay down on some grass with a girl and start talking. It just sounds completely impossible! o_0

I wish I could do what's being suggested, I think all these replies are right, but for some reason I just...can't. It's like the part of me that is meant to recognise "signals" doesn't work anymore.

Sorry for such a defeatist reply, I'm just starting to wonder who I was kidding when I mentioned (months ago) that I liked this girl. I think perhaps initiating actual relationships is just beyond me

 

[Lost Drifter]

I think the biggest obstacle here is your logical mindset looking for specifics where they don’t exist, that’s not an insult of course, but there just aren’t any defined rules or behaviours when it comes to relationships and that is where having a lot of faith and a little hope comes into play. Don’t over think things in regards to her hearing compliments (and remember, actions speak louder than words) and never ever expect to be 100% sure of her feelings. That very rarely happens for anyone.

You’re not lacking in masculinity and you sure as hell aren’t going to give up now when you’re so **** close to getting what you want, I’m not allowing that one to happen sunshine, no sir. I understand you wanting specifics, I know what it’s like to be nervous and seek comfort in assurance but in all honesty there just aren’t any concrete answers or solid guarantees to what you’re asking. That’s not because of you or her, that’s just life my friend, that’s how the universe works.

The problem is that unless you’re in a 90’s sitcom all this “will we-won’t we” tension isn’t healthy for either of you. I’ll leave you with another Shawshank Redemption quote, this one in particular led me to taking so many risky (but rewarding) chances and I hope it helps you as much as it helps me: "Get busy living, or get busy dying"

Simple but so **** effective.

 

[kamya]

I honestly think you more than most would benefit a lot from some of the basic PUA stuff. Not the PUA mindset or attitude because it seems like you are ok with getting at least some girls to like you. I think it could help you learn how to escalate things after you already know she's interested. You just seem too scared to ever make a move. Scared of what? I don't know. It's ok if you make a move and she's not interested. It won't be the end of the world. I think after one or two times you will get the hang of it.

I said before that your window of opportunity might have already passed. She probably decided you aren't interested in her. Either way, don't let that stop you. You won't know anything for sure until you go for it.

When she leans into you, hold onto her =P. If that goes well, then try talking to her about what you are thinking.

 

[Ronald]

If you're not comfortable with kissing for the first time, than just hold her hand. I agree with most replies here - there are no secret rules. The more you talk to her and share with each other, the more your relationship will grow. That is until you start stopping it and start making it unnatural and introverted. Keep doing what you are naturally doing and like her, admire her, talk to her and get close to her. But keep progressing and don't second guess yourself. I think your only possible barrier is fear and maybe misconceptions that society, tv, or particular people may have planted on you. Screw those things. Put the fear aside on the shelf and just enjoy the experience.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Youre tripping....man

Thets a lot of bulkshit you paiinted in you're
mind fot the so call perefect moment or move.

Just slapp her ass FFS.
Shell let you know if she liikes it or not.
If she donst...skapp her ass less.
If she likes it...slapp her ass some more.

Make your move onrway or the other.

its not that complixated.

I would never dream of slapping a woman's arse. I am always concious of even invading their space, not standing to close.

Working in retail, I have seen stuff. This manager bloke sat on this woman's lap and started dry humping her. I've seen a bit of arse touching. None of the women ever liked it and would always say there are complaining about it.

I guess not...
You wont even allow yourself to write the fucken word.lol

I slapped Sarahs Ass last...So i dont wirte stuff Im not willing
to do myself.
I dont work with Sarah. This is the only second time
Ive seen her and I saw naked this time.
Anyhow...her response to that was..."ouch too hard".
So I didnt slap her ass so hard anymore.
I definitely wasnt invading Sarahs space. She allowed me in.
Actaully she was all over me.lmao

Anyhow...My piont to what I wrote was...
MAKE YOUR MOVE...whatver is appropricate for the situation.
MAKE YOUR MOVE...
A woman will let you know oneway or the other.

If you dont make your move if she's interested in you....eventaully she'll take it as your rejecting her.
When women feel rejected...they move on.

Learn how to use your head wisely.

Geeze man...do you want play by play?

The first time I saw her was last week. So we just chit chated while she was palying the paino.
Then I sat and played with her. I listen to her talk so she would feel more comfortiable.
Then I bascially passed out and dont remember what happen the rest of the night at the party.

It just so happened last night. I ran into her again. I wasnt planning on seeing her again.
I just went to go visit my friend. Sarah lives near my friend or knows him.
So Sarah came over to hang out. I hardly even know her.
I was sitting acoss the room from her. Then I'd spoke to her.
Then gruadually we got closer so we can hear each other talk so we woulndnt have to shout across the room.
Then we chit chated some more about whatevaaa. Then she open herself up more...Talking about adult stuff.lol
Anyways...somehow or another I got my hands on her hips.. I basicially grab her hips already before I said..."come here"
She didnt freakout or push me away...We were chit chat through all of it. Our bodies where only inches away.
Then later she went to adjust the music. I had my hands rubbing up and down her back. She didnt push me away.
Then I ran my hands through her hair as she was focusing on the music player trying to find her favorite songs.
Then I told her she was beautiful. Her repsonse was " I KNOW" as she giggle.lmao
Then she turn on dancing music and started dancing. I danced with her and my hands all over her body...ect..ect
And the rest is history.

If Sarah wasnt sexually interested in me...she would have let me know.
I had to make my move to find out. I had to respond to her also becuase she was making herself avaliable to me.

It's not that complicated.

 

[putter65]

Youre tripping....man

Thets a lot of bulkshit you paiinted in you're
mind fot the so call perefect moment or move.

Just slapp her ass FFS.
Shell let you know if she liikes it or not.
If she donst...skapp her ass less.
If she likes it...slapp her ass some more.

Make your move onrway or the other.

its not that complixated.

I would never dream of slapping a woman's arse. I am always concious of even invading their space, not standing to close.

Working in retail, I have seen stuff. This manager bloke sat on this woman's lap and started dry humping her. I've seen a bit of arse touching. None of the women ever liked it and would always say there are complaining about it.

I guess not...
You wont even allow yourself to write the fucken word.lol

I slapped Sarahs Ass last...So i dont wirte stuff Im not willing
to do myself.
I dont work with Sarah. This is the only second time
Ive seen her and I saw naked this time.
Anyhow...her response to that was..."ouch too hard".
So I didnt slap her ass so hard anymore.
I definitely wasnt invading Sarahs space. She allowed me in.
Actaully she was all over me.lmao

Anyhow...My piont to what I wrote was...
MAKE YOUR MOVE...whatver is appropricate for the situation.
MAKE YOUR MOVE...
A woman will let you know oneway or the other.

If you dont make your move if she's interested in you....eventaully she'll take it as your rejecting her.
When women feel rejected...they move on.

Learn how to use your head wisely.

Geeze man...do you want play by play?

The first time I saw her was last week. So we just chit chated while she was palying the paino.
Then I sat and played with her. I listen to her talk so she would feel more comfortiable.
Then I bascially passed out and dont remember what happen the rest of the night at the party.

It just so happened last night. I ran into her again. I wasnt planning on seeing her again.
I just went to go visit my friend. Sarah lives near my friend or knows him.
So Sarah came over to hang out. I hardly even know her.
I was sitting acoss the room from her. Then I'd spoke to her.
Then gruadually we got closer so we can hear each other talk so we woulndnt have to shout across the room.
Then we chit chated some more about whatevaaa. Then she open herself up more...Talking about adult stuff.lol
Anyways...somehow or another I got my hands on her hips.. I basicially grab her hips already before I said..."come here"
She didnt freakout or push me away...We were chit chat through all of it. Our bodies where only inches away.
Then later she went to adjust the music. I had my hands rubbing up and down her back. She didnt push me away.
Then I ran my hands through her hair as she was focusing on the music player trying to find her favorite songs.
Then I told her she was beautiful. Her repsonse was " I KNOW" as she giggle.lmao
Then she turn on dancing music and started dancing. I danced with her and my hands all over her body...ect..ect
And the rest is history.

If Sarah wasnt sexually interested in me...she would have let me know.
I had to make my move to find out. I had to respond to her also becuase she was making herself avaliable to me.

It's not that complicated.

I went and saw that woman I know yesterday. (the one who lied about her holdiay) She sent a few alarming texts on Monday. I was worried about her state of mind so I asked if I could pop round and see her and she said 'yes' - she seemed okay enough, loads of problems as usual. When we said our goodbyes I wanted to hug her or touch her shoulder but she kept well away. I took this as a sign she isn't interested in anything more than friends. (I'm not that bothered)

The OP should make some of kind of move. Whatever is comfortable for him. Lettings things drag on is doing him no good. You can almost talk yourself out of it, over thinking things.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

We were sat together again today (working this time). I'm not sure how to read her body language, really.

For like an hour I was thinking "Should I just cuddle up to her a bit?", but I just couldn't really bring myself to do it because I'm never sure she'd like that attention.

She was sort of glancing over at my leg every now and then, she also shifted in her seat seemingly towards me a little bit, so perhaps she did want that kind of attention? I got really nervous though.

Weird thing is, if she cuddles up first I can reciprocate without feeling worried at all. It's when I have to take the initiative that I feel like I'm being too forward.

Anyway, when we were talking today (with some of our friends), she said "If I ever have a partner...I'd like to do *activities here*".

I'm guessing this is kind of a hint that she wishes I'd do something, presuming she means me - she was looking at me when she said it.

I think perhaps if I can get a bit more comfortable with being flirty with her life'd be much more comfortable. Do you think it's alright to be a little bit risque (verbally) with her? I just fear causing offence.

Thanks for the advice, by the way

 

[Ak5]

Increase the romantic (Edit - I mean sexual) tension. Ask her out!

Do, or do not, there is no try.

 

[putter65]

We were sat together again today (working this time). I'm not sure how to read her body language, really.

For like an hour I was thinking "Should I just cuddle up to her a bit?", but I just couldn't really bring myself to do it because I'm never sure she'd like that attention.

She was sort of glancing over at my leg every now and then, she also shifted in her seat seemingly towards me a little bit, so perhaps she did want that kind of attention? I got really nervous though.

Weird thing is, if she cuddles up first I can reciprocate without feeling worried at all. It's when I have to take the initiative that I feel like I'm being too forward.

Anyway, when we were talking today (with some of our friends), she said "If I ever have a partner...I'd like to do *activities here*".

I'm guessing this is kind of a hint that she wishes I'd do something, presuming she means me - she was looking at me when she said it.

I think perhaps if I can get a bit more comfortable with being flirty with her life'd be much more comfortable. Do you think it's alright to be a little bit risque (verbally) with her? I just fear causing offence.

Thanks for the advice, by the way

I hope you've done something by now. I hope you've asked her out. Come on here and tell us how it went.

 

[LostInTheSupermarket]

Okay, I just read this thread and already I can't stand it anymore.

From a female perspective?

ASK. HER. OUT.

She's given you so many opportunities to ask her out. Even if she suggests some other people can come along, if it scares you to say no to that then say okay to that - maybe she's more comfortable with that for the first time. Just make a **** date. (Frankly, you both sound crazy.) Anyway, if you're in a group you can pair off. At least you'll be out with her and see what she's like to be around. And if she's a dud maybe she'll have a hot friend. You never know.

This is like bungee jumping. Stand at the ledge and repeat to yourself I will not die I will not die I will not die. Then take the leap. Just do it. There is an entire forum of people here waving pom-poms and holding a safety net. Seriously. I don't even know you and I've got your back.

Sorry to sound harsh, but this was some tough love for you. Tough love to get you some love.