Rudeness online.

[wolfshadow]

For anyone that has ever used the internet for more than five minutes, you will almost certainly have witnessed or even suffered first hand experience of abusive conduct.

The internet does provide the luxury of anonymity and quite naturally I'm sure that all of us at some stage have let things slip that we would probably otherwise refrain from saying. I'm not suggesting that this is a bad thing per se as it gives individuals the freedom to excercise dimensions of their character that may otherwise lie forever dormant.

Sometimes though I really do think that some people go too far. On an exclusively ethical basis, I don't believe that it is approriate to subject a complete stanger to abusive torment just because there are unlikely to be direct reprecussions for doing so.

If people are allowed to say just as they please without meaningful consequences, does this open the door to a sub-culture of moral vacuity that could possibly spill over into the real world?

What do you think?

Have you been on the recieving end of unwarrented hostility, or have you been resposible for conducting yourself in an unreasonably offensive manner?

If it is to be considered a serious issue, what, if anything, can be done to done to counter the trend of deliberately anti-social behaviour in cyberspace?

All and any opinions welcome.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Wolfshadow, this is an EXCELLENT topic!!!!!

 

[wolfshadow]

Wolfshadow, this is an EXCELLENT topic!!!!!

Thank you very much Eve.

Also I strongly encourage members to comment on this issue because this is something that directly effects all of us.

 

[Melanie]

People are mean in general, whether it's in real life or on the computer, you will encounter people who just don't care anywhere you go. Luckily, you don't need to subject yourself to that though. I have never been on the receiving end of cyber hostility or have been involved in any cyber hostility, for that matter. "Moral vacuity spilling over into the real world?" It's already in the real world.

The internet is a gateway for bad, and is a gateway for good as well. It depends if you're smart about it, and if you decide to get involved in the cyber muck or not.

 

[wolfshadow]

"Moral vacuity spilling over into the real world?" It's already in the real world.

That remark implies that I have a rose tinted view of the world, rest assured, I know that apathy and immorality predate the internet by quite some time.

I'm well aware that there are a lot of people in the world that aren't very nice and that if one involves themselves with such people, the chances of things happening to them that also aren't very nice increase rather dramatically.

What I'm trying to get to is that as the internet is a medium of reletive impunity, people can say the most diabolical things without having to account for their actions. Is this a heathy thing?

 

[wolfshadow]

My last comment read much more severely that I intended to make it sound.

No offence intended Melanie.

 

[Melanie]

No, it's not a healthy thing at all. The computer is a great buffer. People stay anonymous like you said, and say outrageous things, things they may not ordinarily say in real life. It's not right according to most standards, and yes people do go too far, but I don't think it's going to change any time soon.

I don't quite get what you mean in the sense of "having to account for their actions" though because if one says "diabolical" things in real life, what account is there for their actions anyway? Physically hurting someone is one thing, and there are obvious consequences for that, but saying cold, unkind things is something totally different, and alot of the times, most people don't see any reprocussions for that, even in the real world, let alone on the computer.

Either way, it's mean, but I don't think there is any way to prevent it.


*I didn't think it was severe, and none taken

 

[Spare]

I agree with Eve. This IS an exellent topic.

Countering the downward spiral of cyberspace decency is a sticky subject. Freedom of speech, and all that. So broad regulation is out. Trying to talk sense into these internet nare-do-wells rarely works, either. Constructive criticism generally leads to debate, which generally leads to an arguement, which is precisely why these people stir the pot in the first place.

The best way (as far as I can tell) of dealing with such inflammatory people is to not give them the satisfaction of a response. Just ignore them. Treat them like bullies; if you don't give them any power over you, eventually they will get bored and leave you alone.

Also, do your best to inject some positivism into whatever cyberspace communities you frequent. Counteract their destructiveness with constructiveness. Do your best to show people that for every Troll there's a handful of decent folk ready and willing to be courteous and friendly. This is applicable in real life, too.

Or, we could dust off our pitchforks and torches, throw together an angry mob, and go Troll hunting. That might be more fun.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

it depends how I go about it...or percieve it.

I can simply use it as a stepping stone or a simulation of what can happen in real life.
I can allow myself to participate in rude behaviors...give it and recieve it.
Experinment it , experience it...to get to know myself better or take notes of myself.
Know and recognize what my buttons are....how i react, my thoughts, my emotions
At the sametime ..I also get to practice my livin tools or coping skills.

I can also use it to practice my love, patience and tolerance of people.
I excersize my tolerance as I would do with exercising my muscles.

I get the very sametype of experince attending support groups sometimes..
People come in all wacked out, rude and talking smack or saying things i don't agree with or approve of.
I simply sit still and experince it...experince my thoughts, emotions and body.
I can come and go as i please in a support group meeting...If it gets too much for me..I'll simply apply my
freedom to leave. Go outside for a little while until that person gets done sharing.

I'm free...I always have that chioce. I can choose to bash my PC in or simply trun it off.
The responsiblity is on ME. I have a chioce.

There's rude people everywhere. In real life too. I can simply chose not to participate
nor enterlize rude people behaviors or tell them to fresia off..lol

By allowing myself to experince such conditions...I belive I'm able to handle myself or conduct
myself better...I recognize the warning signs faster. I make better decisions.

In other words...whatever gets me to the piont of enough is enough.
I've have enough of that honeysuckle...on-line or off line...

I can't change anyone else...I can change me though.

It also helps me when dealing wiht others straight across the board.
At work, at home and at play.

Sometimes my father will get very aggitated with whatever..and he takes it out on me...
Bacially he's rude as a son of a ***** to me sometimes. I'm learning better not to take it to heart...wheather
I ignore what he said or just let it go in one ears and out the other.

I'm going through the very samething with my ex-gf...she talks honeysuckle about me...it gets on my nerves.
But by taking a look at myself...how i react to it.. The mistakes that I've made by reacting over and over again.
I learn not to take what she saids to heart or not worry what she said or dose with her life.

These are some of the two people very closest to me or I love very much. They are however alcoholics...
The every same lessons i learned on line I can apply in my life.
The very same healing process with my father is an indirect corrolations of the relationship I have with my ex-gf.

It's bascailly me...I've changed..I'm learning how to heal and process things different.
I learned how to take myself out of the victim role.

Steel was giving hints about that in verious post. It wasn't directed exaclty towards me.,,about playing the victim.
I became willing to see the answers or salutions. I really had to get honest with myself. I saw myself acting the very sameway.

It's been a process. The result of where I'm at today. I'm much..much better or more well.

I learned how to take back myself and not let other people control me..
Bascailly letting go....

 

[Nyktimos]

My last comment read much more severely that I intended to make it sound.

No offence intended Melanie.

This represents one of my greatest concerns about communicating on forums, as well as text messageing on phones. When typing, a certain tone of voice exists within one's head which doesn't exist in the receiver's. I tend to worry about it less now unless someone says they were offended, but it can easily spiral into a rally of abuse. This happened once when I texted a girlfriend.

I can't change anyone else...I can change me though.

Once again, you've nailed it! What can it teach us about ourselves? That's probably what we should focus on.

On the plus side, people have more time to respond with moderation on forums, if they choose to. In real life, people jump to defend a point of view so aggressively, conversation degrades into argument. This doesn't have to happen on forums, if people take this advice:

Countering the downward spiral of cyberspace decency is a sticky subject. Freedom of speech, and all that. So broad regulation is out. Trying to talk sense into these internet nare-do-wells rarely works, either. Constructive criticism generally leads to debate, which generally leads to an arguement, which is precisely why these people stir the pot in the first place.

The best way (as far as I can tell) of dealing with such inflammatory people is to not give them the satisfaction of a response. Just ignore them. Treat them like bullies; if you don't give them any power over you, eventually they will get bored and leave you alone.

 

[Oceanmist23]

The best way (as far as I can tell) of dealing with such inflammatory people is to not give them the satisfaction of a response.

Exactly. If every person was able to do this all the time then this topic wouldn't even exist. But I don't believe that's possible. There will always be times when another person's comments or behaviour will affect us negatively and we will respond to it, be it an outright abusive comment or a comment we misinterpret as abusive.
Personally it depends on who I'm talking to, what type of relationship I have with that person, and whether it's online or offline. It also depends on my mood at that particular time, whether I'm happy or sad before engaging in a conversation. The happier I am the less likely it is that any abusive comment will make me respond to it negatively. I will either just laugh at it, make a joke or ignore it. I find it most satisfactory to laugh and joke about it. Making their abusive BS into something hilarious feels goooooood lol

When typing, a certain tone of voice exists within one's head which doesn't exist in the receiver's. I tend to worry about it less now unless someone says they were offended, but it can easily spiral into a rally of abuse.

Yes. Yup. Agreed. Indeed. This is a major thing for me.
Example: One time a friend of mine stopped using smileys and "lols" on msn. It felt terrible cos I couldn't pick up on what tone of voice they had at any time. I didn't know when they were joking and when they were serious. There were no expressions there at all. It was like talking to the wall. I took it as them being depressed and not interested in talking to me, even though they were talking to me.
Smileys are the best substitute we have for expressing how we feel during a text based conversation. When you can't see the other person's facial expressions, nor hear the tone of their voice, you need something that will make you understand exactly what they mean and how they feel. Otherwise it's an open road to misunderstandings and arguments. That is at least my own personal experience, about a 100 times too many...

 

[Van Hooligan X]

internet flame warz = building of the character inside of youz!!!


The internet is serious buisness.

 

[Minus]

internet flame warz = building of the character inside of youz!!!

That type of character may be the "sub-culture of moral vacuity" that Wolflshadow foresaw.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Well, some people are only kept in check by those around them. They know if they do something wrong offline that it'll get around and they'll get a bad reputation or go to jail.

Those who dont care much for the feelings of others, get away with it once the social stigmatism is removed by the anonymity of the internet.

The people who are held in check by empathy/genuine concern for those around them are going to be the nice ones online.

Or at least, that is my theory.

 

[stella]

man, you guys take things so seriously. If you can't cope with the internet world how the hell do you expect to cope in the real world where people are a thousand times worse.

grow some balls

 

[Minus]

man, you guys take things so seriously. If you can't cope with the internet world how the hell do you expect to cope in the real world where people are a thousand times worse.

grow some balls

So you disagree that the anonymity, or distance on the web can promote rudeness and find that people are more likely to be rude face to face?

 

[stella]

in my own experience, i've had more abuse in real life. Yeah i've had the odd nasty comment shot at me online but its nothing compared to real life abuse e.g like when my mother would beat me to a pulp as a child and lock me in my bedroom alone for days. Or the time when i was bullied in school by all the popular kids for being too skinny.

i just think people need to wise up as to what 'real' abuse is, and a few snarly comments on a forum or chat room in my eyes does not seem serious enough to be called abuse.

 

[Melanie]

in my own experience, i've had more abuse in real life. Yeah i've had the odd nasty comment shot at me online but its nothing compared to real life abuse e.g like when my mother would beat me to a pulp as a child and lock me in my bedroom alone for days. Or the time when i was bullied in school by all the popular kids for being too skinny.

i just think people need to wise up as to what 'real' abuse is, and a few snarly comments on a forum or chat room in my eyes does not seem serious enough to be called abuse.

I couldn't agree more...
People need to grow up.

 

[PieBeNice]

Being rude on the internet is funny though, makes Pie feel big and hard behind the safety of the monitor.

 

[Nyktimos]

in my own experience, i've had more abuse in real life. Yeah i've had the odd nasty comment shot at me online but its nothing compared to real life abuse e.g like when my mother would beat me to a pulp as a child and lock me in my bedroom alone for days. Or the time when i was bullied in school by all the popular kids for being too skinny.

i just think people need to wise up as to what 'real' abuse is, and a few snarly comments on a forum or chat room in my eyes does not seem serious enough to be called abuse.

I couldn't agree more...
People need to grow up.

I'm really very sorry to hear of your abuse, Stella. Of course, what happens on the internet is extremely trivial in comparison. But this is only a discussion. Perhaps we need to leave out the word 'abuse' for this purpose. But the internet community is something we all have in common, so we are bound to take an interest in it's dynamics. Again, I'm very sorry for what has happened in your life. I hope things have improved for you.

Being rude on the internet is funny though, makes Pie feel big and hard behind the safety of the monitor.

Shame on you!