Sad miserable old bag -- just joined

[cherrystar]

^^yep that's me.

Hello !

Have joined the site today as seemed to be
pretty much spot on in terms of how I'm living. Just a few facts:

-I am female, 41, live in UK.

-I live in a flat alone

-I have exactly 1 friend, no other friends/acquaintances at all

-My family live abroad,
We speak occasionally on the phone but it's difficult to converse coherently since: my mum has Alzheimer's and my dad has become
an alcoholic

-I was made redundant from a job I worked at for many years.
Since then i have not worked for THREE years and am ashamed

- However I'm paralysed to take steps to change job situation since I have zero selfesteem, major social anxiety and BDD and think everyone hates me and can see through me to what a freak I really am inside my head.

-I can go days & days literally without speaking/seeing another
single human being and I VERY OFTEN do.
A lot of the time that is OK but a lot of the time it is not.

-I have no family (kids/husband) of my own (am divorced) and feel a failure as most women my age have achieved that.

-I have no love interest/boyfriend.
Cue: sexual frustration. but we won't go into that.
Sometimes I go on internet dates but it takes major effort and courage.

-This past week I got out of bed every day at 5 pm as I am getting worse.
I hate everything that's outside. That's not healthy & not normal.

-My major obsession is that I am ugly/weird looking, and that's another reason I steer clear from people as I don't want to subject them
to my ugliness.


^^OK i think that'll do for starters.

It sure paints a wonderfully bright and
positive picture of my situation (sorry about the sarcasm).

I am hoping that that if I see my situation in black and white it can spur me on to change things for the better.

 

[Badjedidude]

Welcome to the site.

Maybe you'll make some friends here! ^_^ Anyway, we're nice people, so feel free to jump right in!

 

[grainofrice24]

Hey cherrystar! Welcome to the forums!

A lot of friendly helpful people around to hopefully cheer you up and help you move forward. I joined about a month ago, and it's been a great help for me!

After reading your intro, all I can say is dwelling on the negative is never a good thing...EVER. I can somewhat identify with the whole "I don't want to subject others to the atrocity that is me", but I heard about a study that helped me see things differently. You gotta remember, we are 99.99% of the time our own worst critic. People seldom notice a lot of the things you'd notice about yourself. Remember, other people are self conscious too. Cut yourself some slack and remember that nobody "out there" is perfect either. Don't be scared .

If I can leave you with a couple quotes that help me get through the rough patches:

1) You have the rest of your life to make your life better than it was today
2) Do SOMETHING and SOMETHING will happen, do NOTHING and NOTHING will happen.

Hopefully that helps a little.

Good luck, and WELCOME

 

[Minus]

Welcome

 

[Nina]

Calling yourself any sort of "old" anything is simply not allowed!!! I'm 42 ! Welcome to the site. PM me if you ever feel like just kabitzing.

 

[Electric_Fusilier]

Hiya Cherrystar, from a fellow UK-er.

That's a rough, rough time you're going through there, mate.

Stick around on these boards though. It's a good way to make friends, and if you make some good ones, it's often very nice to find a message in your inbox from one of them. I can personally say that some of the people here have been a very big help to me.

Take care. Please come back

 

[cherrystar]

Hiya, and thanks to everyone for the warm welcome, it's very much appreciated.
I do hope to make friends here, as most of you guys mentioned,
that would be fab and I'm pleased for those of you who have
managed to do so as it seems like a v. friendly place.

Firstly I wanted to just quickly say I am 100% aware that it is
down to ME and no one else to improve my life --

Certainly no fairy is going to come along with a magic wand.
Oh yep, i am fully aware of that.

Prob is, I am stuck in a rut right now, and a bit like the U2 song
really...stuck in a moment ... etc., I have a total mental block
which impedes me from doing even the most trivial
tasks & this is hampering any improvement, big time.

I am terrified and uncomfortable being around people I don't
know. Just going to the corner shop or the job centre
means panic attacks galore and hyperventilation.
Applying for jobs is hellish to an almost indescribable degree.
It sucks, I admit.

My self esteem is so low it's almost invisible. I don't know
how to make friends anymore, I think I am boring and have
nothing to give people except negativity, and I also think
I am impossible to put up with for very long, since my mood swings
are like some yo-yo on speed, enough to drive anyone
mad.

grainofrice24 thx for the welcome & I am entirely in agreement with
your comments, and have put that philosophy into practice
for most of my life -- (doing nothing changes nothing)
however it seems my body/mind have just given up and are just too tired to do it anymore.

That's why in my case it has to be BABY steps all the way...


Nina, thx for the welcome - just wanted to say, sorry about the age comment - wasn't at all meaning that we're ALL old has-been bags
after 40 yrs old, what I really meant was that I FEEL like a miserable old bag at 41 cos in reality I feel about 82. You're as young as you feel, and all that!

So no offence of course.

I shall be lurking around, since with my shyness I'll prob.
post v. little to start with -- but thx again to all for the welcome

 

[SherryGee]

hey cherrystar

 

[Nina]

Cherrystar--
I took no offense! I was just teasing. I do want to tell you straight away though that you in NO WAY sound boring! Your writing is clear and vivid and I'll bet you anything that under the issues you mentioned, there is a mischevious and fun gal just waiting to break loose and have some fun. Baby steps are a good way to get there. We all need to pace ourselves in accordance with what works best for us. I'm just glad your here!

 

[All In The Mind]

Welcome to the site ya boring old bag

 

[Punisher]

Hi cherrystar

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

hi cherrystar,

be kind to yourself and don't forget to blame society (cause lets face it, it's avoiding its share)

i was recently walking through a park and two girls sitting on bench, talking, laughed as i walked by. my first thought was that they were laughing at my oddly shaped head, in which resides a hairless mark the size of a small banana where no hair grows. other aspects of my head, i sometimes muse, also have certain repulsive qualities in my minds eye.

i even went and asked my friend if perhaps i had shaven my head badly and missed a thatch here or there. apparently i hadn't.

as the afternoon wore on it occurred to me that i really had no idea what they were laughing about. i didn't make much eye contact, so i wasn't sure if they were looking at me as i passed by, they weren't pointing directly at me when the chuckle-fest began and they were speaking czech.

so i figured that they might as well be laughing at the speed of doubt.

take it easy cherry ;]

 

[cherrystar]

Hey -- thanks for more welcomes.

You guys sound like really nice people, and funny too.

thanks Nina for saying I am not boring. Hmm I hope I haven't given a false impression of myself
I have and often bore myself to the point that I'm practically comatose.

I'm quite OCD, I forgot to add that -- and that's soooo tedious when u live with it 24/7.

PoWer2tHePeOpLE - been there done that, in a sense -- not outright laughing but just a general feeling that even if I fix myself up
to looking vaguely acceptable to myself, people who catch sight of me will think OH my god that ugly minger really thought that her hair,
makeup and clothes are gonna make her cute? What a loser.

And so on.

Feeling a bit out of place here cos there are so many more young people here and/ or people who actually have loads of friends but still feel lonely - am I being para?

Thx again, see u on the boards, if I pluck up courage to spout something.

 

[Nina]

Don't feel out of place! Don't let the yourthful ages throw you off either. A LOT of common sense and wisdom floats around here from some VERY young minds. I think it's good to step out of your "age group" and listen to what others have to say. Keeps you young!

I came in here three months ago and I was a mess. I had a very serious issue going on and had literally no one to hash it over with. My friends were and are, all still involved with their own problems and I've always been their sounding board.

I poured my guts out, in here and so many of these kind folks rallied round and supported me like NONE of my, "peers" could or would at the time. There are a number of other 40-something folks in here too!!

Pm me anytime you want to swap. "coma" stories . I always say I have the basic nature of a coma victim myself. Nothing much bothers me and I love to kabitz back and forth with others.

You're a perfect fit here! So pick the courage up and come on and SPOUT!! You'll be glad you did.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

There are a number of other 40-something folks in here too!!

*raises hand* I'm one of them.

Welcome, cherrystar. It's a good place we've got here.

 

[Wishtobemyself]

To dearest Cherrystar, welcome to the site! Wow, it takes a lot of courage to open up about yourself like that. I'm sure you're a wonderful person, and right now maybe you just happens to be lost. I think there are people with hearts on this site that you can talk to. Also, you can PM me if you want to. Wish you the best, cherry

 

[cherrystar]

Thanks Nina, for giving me that insight into your situation, it's great that you were able to get so much support and friendship;
sounds like there are some really amazing folk here.

It really does help having someone who can listen and empathise especially when in real life as you said yourself, that can be severely lacking
even amongst those closest to us, for whatever reason.

In my case, I can only unburden myself to ONE person, so I try to keep it limited or the poor guy would shoot himself.

So as you can imagine, I have a lot bottled up.

Sounds like it helped you out loads to share your troubles, which is greatly reassuring to me as well,
as I could do with some of that probably, but clearly without going overboard.

Nice to see other older people around too by the way ..... Errrr Is it becoming obvious that since hitting the big 4-0, I am having REAL TROUBLE coming to terms with my age??? Thought so.


Hi cheaptrickfan and Wishtobemyself and thx for the welcomes

 

[Nina]

Cherry--
Hitting 40 is rough. But we're NOT dead yet so we might as well have some fun. That's one of the nicest things about being around all the younger posters....Takes ya right back to those good-ole-days!!! I'm more of a one-on-one person too. I have promised myself that I will get use to the chatroom in here eventually though. A lot of folks love it, so you might want to give it a look sometime too! Maybe we can pick a day and go in together!

 

[Electric_Fusilier]

So glad you came back, Cherrystar Though in an ideal world, people wouldn't have to come to ALL in the first place.

I can vouch for Nina, by the way - she is a freakin' godsend! Helped me so much with my problems - loneliness, anxiety, depression, and an emotional entanglement with an issue-laden lady who stole my heart and much of my sanity with it. Yes indeed!

 

[RobertJW]

Hi Cherrystar, if you ever need a chat just PM me, I am yet another 40-something with way too much time on his hands