About the stomach chakra and it's role in posessions, stability, self esteem, and ones place in the world.
http://meditation-mantra.org/stomach.html
As a young child I was exposed to constant violent arguments in my house. I developed extreme IBS from the age of five onwards, and has only gotten worse over the years.
The problems in my stomach made it so difficult to do anything that I typically missed two or three days of school a week, or spent hours in the bathroom. IBS is really unfair for me to have, because I don't like vegetables and just about anything I do like eating is bad for me or makes the IBS worse even including stuff like cereal. I mean really, you will see the list and think what the heck CAN I eat? No one should have to eat food they don't like, imho.
Plus the whole change your diet thing doesn't work well with me, I've tried to some extent. Even if I fast for a week without eating, my stomach pains remain. I still wind up spending hours in the bathroom, only it seems like I'm blocked because in that case my belly is empty and there's nothing to get rid of, but somehow my stomach still wants to hurt all day and send me to the bathroom. I was always stressed out, deep, and serious.
By the time I was finished with high school I had learned the weed is wonderful and helps my stomach. Were there a medical marijuana plan back then, I would have gone for it, but seeing that the one thing that DID help my stomach was illegal, that only added to my hatred for the system and this dehumanized modern way of life where you can't do anything without filling out hundreds of technical forms, taking 2-3 personality tests online.
So um, what chance do I have amidst thousands of applicants? With my poor self esteem / inferiority complex I gave up any hope of work before I even tried. With my stomach condition, schedules are out of the question, yet I could not obtain any disability benefits for it regardless of how bad and debilitating it was for me. In short, I had no faith in the system at all.
I also knew people that were stuck $30,000 or more in debt because they went to some college for something, and wound up working as an alarm monitor and not even using that degree, or were unable to find a job for it. Of course paying for school to be able to work is already unacceptable in and of itself, but getting stuck in debt and finding out that you can't do something once you get to the details, or drop out, or can't find a job and wind up with all that debt is insane.
Luckily I did have an inheritance, which lasted for a quite a while. I ordered all the home business opportunity programs, and have been ripped off every time. I had a best friend that stole my money and ripped me off, a father that killed himself and who wanted to get rid of me when I was born, a mother who tried to kill me when I was a baby, and who I never knew, and a general hatred for my satanic lineage (I wanted a normal mother and father who loved each other, not the insanity that is my family."
And so my negative situations caused these problems in my stomach chakra, creating such stomach problems that I was unable to do anything, which further causes me to have no self esteem, no place in the world, and has become a vicious cycle that perpetuates itself. Onward I fought the good fight, trying to maintain my values amidst this robotized inhuman society.
2008 and I had some money saved, I made the mistake of getting involved with someone, who like everyone else in my life became someone close to my heart, but only to stab me in the back. My heart remains broken, I lost all the money, and in more pain and more empty that ever.
At the same time I begin my study in things which are hidden. The occult, government conspiracies, etc. and I learned about all the poison they put in foods, chemtrails, the nwo, illuminati, etc. This was really the last straw. I mean it was nice to know that my attitude about this society was correct, but upon learning about all of this I felt more doomed and hopeless then ever, every day desiring to end my worthless pointless existence.
The way I see it, now that I remain broken God is happy. There was no purpose in life for me except that I suffer. I conclude I must have been someone horrible in a past life. I don't trust anyone or become close to anyone anymore, I don't believe anyone and find myself having contempt for compliments and gentle acts of kindness.
My anger has reached the point where I just can't take it anymore. It's always close to the surface and ready to explore. If whatever action I take when I'm angry does not fix whatever I'm angry about, my anger increases explosively with each compounded frustration.
This brings a retreat to the spiritual, and knowing I have a lot of talent in this area, and over deep and philosophical things in general, I feel utterly wasted. For God to give me all this talent and no way to use it, because I'm stuck with this curse, is really hitting below the belt.
I more then likely am cursed. I detest my name, which was after a song about someone who is cursed. My father being heavily involved with satan and black magick while I, even as a child, read the Bible is more then a little ridiculous. I look at my lineage and my life and look to heaven and ask "what the heck do you expect me to do with this? why do you place a soul such as mine in flesh that was created by a satanist and a harlot? Surely I am nothing to you and there is no purpose for me other then to suffer.
Add to that maybe reading the Bible as a child was not such a good idea. I took it all to heart. Jesus said satan is lord of this world, so my distrust of society began there. And I read about how the least here would be among the greatest in heaven, and about one expects persecution in life. All of that stuff didn't make me go to church and live a happy slaves life, it made me rebelious, self righteous, and along with my other problems guaranteed that I really would be the lowest of the low, the least in this world.
And so now finding out the stomach chakra and it's relation to purpose, position, esteem, posessions, etc, my life is a hopeless mess of pain waiting to end. But I had a lot of inner strength because I thought I'd die and go to heaven, be eternally who I am there.
Unfortunately I didn't find reincarnation in the Bible till much later. Now I knew that I would no longer be me, death would simply be an end of me and I would become just like everyone else. I couldn't have asked for a more detestable ending, I would almost rather suffer in hell, as myself, then become like everyone else in this world.
Moreover, my belief in reincarnation enabled me to see that my only purpose in life is to suffer, give up, and die. Anyone else in my shoes would've checked out long ago.
I had a dog that was rather timid, he had been abused prior to my getting him. You could tell there were permanent scars. so I have a dog and I have a god, the dog is to me what I am to my God. For a while I questioned everything. A part of me so deeply wanted to conclude that God hates me, rejects me, and seeing the sheer volume of trauma and tragedy in my life, and of ignorance of reincarnation and my purpose despite praying everyday for help, guidance, truth. I couldn't help but feel rejected and hopeless.
Well, I dont want to get into spirituality too much. Lets just say that I have seen more strange occurances in 2011, then in my whole life. I can't really explain it. Whereas Lucifer is regarded as giving us the gift of intellect, God has more to do with the heart. Luciferians tend to be snobbish elitist intellectuals, whereas Gods people tend to get everything wrong to the point of stupidity but have heart. I find myself in the unique position of having this mixed pagan / christian paradoxical heritage.
So it is difficult to explain, but in my time of trouble I found myself talking to people I hadn't spoken to in years. They mysteriously came around in my darkest moments, and each conversation made me realize something that helped to cheer me up. So what I'm trying to expain here is that the state of a persons heart, and the opening or hardening of it, seems to be the way God operates. The Bible is full of examples, like when he hardened Pharoahs heart.
It is important to understand the duality of things. Love is constant, but truth is evergoing, knowledge is as a bottomless pit which is shown in the Qabbalah. When we think we have ideas, inspirations, know-it-all, delusions, this comes from the mind and from lucifer. Everyone has gone off in their own way, and the result is dischord. The Atheist sees that spiritual people do not agree and gives up all hope of finding any truth in it.
Well its about time I conclude this story. They say that God chastizes those he loves, and brings the mighty low. For that I have the advanced mind of a luciferian, and the advanced heart of a believer. I still love the deep qualities I have been given, enough not to want to be someone else.
I am of the type who doesn't like the totally self serving way of society. Were the right people to be in my life, I would have enormous strength to keep going, or to help them, and would finally have the place I sought for. If I had friends, I'd actually clean my room. If I work on a project for myself I'm likely to put it off, but I'm working on something for someone else I finish it very quickly. This doesn't carry over to work, unfortunately, where one feels as a slave amidst strangers, and whatever good you do is not something great, but is just doing your job, and being obsessed with the endless complexities of money is totally stressful.
I not only didn't get the people I needed, I lost the ones that I did have. So that I would know what's like to have a family, and yearn for what I will never have again. Indeed everything in my life has been set in such a way that it would perfectly destroy me, or maximize the pain and bs involved.
The end result is that I greatly fear God, and also love him. He that is forgiven of much loves much. I mean you know you're pretty far gone when you happen to see a full arch double rainbow outside and it doesn't cheer you up. Even so, it continues to cheer me up now. Just like when my father died, I couldnt feel sorrow or anything on the day that it happened. Normal wounds heal with time, these kind start soft and get worse with time.
I wanted to kill myself. I was ready to say its all hopeless, I still do to some extent. Were it not for the many impossible and unlikely spiritual events of 2011 I'd have concluded, despite my suffering here and honest attempts, that God hates me, rejects me, and that is that. And there remains great frustration because of my mixed feelings about God. On one hand he has done this, but what about all the nights I cried to him in the past? It got to where I assumed he didn't want me to do anything for him. I couldn't even stop my father from shooting himself when I mysteriously awoke right before he did it and decided to go back to sleep. There was no becoming a new creation whilst I lived in my life feeling like a murderer who had gone in the way of cain.
Even after all my suffering in life, I then learned about reincarnation and wondered why I didn't see it before. Had I known what I do now, my life would have gone very differently. So I can only conclude that he wanted me to go through all of this pain and torment, for which I often feel depressed, angry, and forsaken. There is therefore a war raging in my spirit between the part of me that wants to conclude God hates me and be done with him, and the part that believes he does care.
http://meditation-mantra.org/stomach.html
As a young child I was exposed to constant violent arguments in my house. I developed extreme IBS from the age of five onwards, and has only gotten worse over the years.
The problems in my stomach made it so difficult to do anything that I typically missed two or three days of school a week, or spent hours in the bathroom. IBS is really unfair for me to have, because I don't like vegetables and just about anything I do like eating is bad for me or makes the IBS worse even including stuff like cereal. I mean really, you will see the list and think what the heck CAN I eat? No one should have to eat food they don't like, imho.
Plus the whole change your diet thing doesn't work well with me, I've tried to some extent. Even if I fast for a week without eating, my stomach pains remain. I still wind up spending hours in the bathroom, only it seems like I'm blocked because in that case my belly is empty and there's nothing to get rid of, but somehow my stomach still wants to hurt all day and send me to the bathroom. I was always stressed out, deep, and serious.
By the time I was finished with high school I had learned the weed is wonderful and helps my stomach. Were there a medical marijuana plan back then, I would have gone for it, but seeing that the one thing that DID help my stomach was illegal, that only added to my hatred for the system and this dehumanized modern way of life where you can't do anything without filling out hundreds of technical forms, taking 2-3 personality tests online.
So um, what chance do I have amidst thousands of applicants? With my poor self esteem / inferiority complex I gave up any hope of work before I even tried. With my stomach condition, schedules are out of the question, yet I could not obtain any disability benefits for it regardless of how bad and debilitating it was for me. In short, I had no faith in the system at all.
I also knew people that were stuck $30,000 or more in debt because they went to some college for something, and wound up working as an alarm monitor and not even using that degree, or were unable to find a job for it. Of course paying for school to be able to work is already unacceptable in and of itself, but getting stuck in debt and finding out that you can't do something once you get to the details, or drop out, or can't find a job and wind up with all that debt is insane.
Luckily I did have an inheritance, which lasted for a quite a while. I ordered all the home business opportunity programs, and have been ripped off every time. I had a best friend that stole my money and ripped me off, a father that killed himself and who wanted to get rid of me when I was born, a mother who tried to kill me when I was a baby, and who I never knew, and a general hatred for my satanic lineage (I wanted a normal mother and father who loved each other, not the insanity that is my family."
And so my negative situations caused these problems in my stomach chakra, creating such stomach problems that I was unable to do anything, which further causes me to have no self esteem, no place in the world, and has become a vicious cycle that perpetuates itself. Onward I fought the good fight, trying to maintain my values amidst this robotized inhuman society.
2008 and I had some money saved, I made the mistake of getting involved with someone, who like everyone else in my life became someone close to my heart, but only to stab me in the back. My heart remains broken, I lost all the money, and in more pain and more empty that ever.
At the same time I begin my study in things which are hidden. The occult, government conspiracies, etc. and I learned about all the poison they put in foods, chemtrails, the nwo, illuminati, etc. This was really the last straw. I mean it was nice to know that my attitude about this society was correct, but upon learning about all of this I felt more doomed and hopeless then ever, every day desiring to end my worthless pointless existence.
The way I see it, now that I remain broken God is happy. There was no purpose in life for me except that I suffer. I conclude I must have been someone horrible in a past life. I don't trust anyone or become close to anyone anymore, I don't believe anyone and find myself having contempt for compliments and gentle acts of kindness.
My anger has reached the point where I just can't take it anymore. It's always close to the surface and ready to explore. If whatever action I take when I'm angry does not fix whatever I'm angry about, my anger increases explosively with each compounded frustration.
This brings a retreat to the spiritual, and knowing I have a lot of talent in this area, and over deep and philosophical things in general, I feel utterly wasted. For God to give me all this talent and no way to use it, because I'm stuck with this curse, is really hitting below the belt.
I more then likely am cursed. I detest my name, which was after a song about someone who is cursed. My father being heavily involved with satan and black magick while I, even as a child, read the Bible is more then a little ridiculous. I look at my lineage and my life and look to heaven and ask "what the heck do you expect me to do with this? why do you place a soul such as mine in flesh that was created by a satanist and a harlot? Surely I am nothing to you and there is no purpose for me other then to suffer.
Add to that maybe reading the Bible as a child was not such a good idea. I took it all to heart. Jesus said satan is lord of this world, so my distrust of society began there. And I read about how the least here would be among the greatest in heaven, and about one expects persecution in life. All of that stuff didn't make me go to church and live a happy slaves life, it made me rebelious, self righteous, and along with my other problems guaranteed that I really would be the lowest of the low, the least in this world.
And so now finding out the stomach chakra and it's relation to purpose, position, esteem, posessions, etc, my life is a hopeless mess of pain waiting to end. But I had a lot of inner strength because I thought I'd die and go to heaven, be eternally who I am there.
Unfortunately I didn't find reincarnation in the Bible till much later. Now I knew that I would no longer be me, death would simply be an end of me and I would become just like everyone else. I couldn't have asked for a more detestable ending, I would almost rather suffer in hell, as myself, then become like everyone else in this world.
Moreover, my belief in reincarnation enabled me to see that my only purpose in life is to suffer, give up, and die. Anyone else in my shoes would've checked out long ago.
I had a dog that was rather timid, he had been abused prior to my getting him. You could tell there were permanent scars. so I have a dog and I have a god, the dog is to me what I am to my God. For a while I questioned everything. A part of me so deeply wanted to conclude that God hates me, rejects me, and seeing the sheer volume of trauma and tragedy in my life, and of ignorance of reincarnation and my purpose despite praying everyday for help, guidance, truth. I couldn't help but feel rejected and hopeless.
Well, I dont want to get into spirituality too much. Lets just say that I have seen more strange occurances in 2011, then in my whole life. I can't really explain it. Whereas Lucifer is regarded as giving us the gift of intellect, God has more to do with the heart. Luciferians tend to be snobbish elitist intellectuals, whereas Gods people tend to get everything wrong to the point of stupidity but have heart. I find myself in the unique position of having this mixed pagan / christian paradoxical heritage.
So it is difficult to explain, but in my time of trouble I found myself talking to people I hadn't spoken to in years. They mysteriously came around in my darkest moments, and each conversation made me realize something that helped to cheer me up. So what I'm trying to expain here is that the state of a persons heart, and the opening or hardening of it, seems to be the way God operates. The Bible is full of examples, like when he hardened Pharoahs heart.
It is important to understand the duality of things. Love is constant, but truth is evergoing, knowledge is as a bottomless pit which is shown in the Qabbalah. When we think we have ideas, inspirations, know-it-all, delusions, this comes from the mind and from lucifer. Everyone has gone off in their own way, and the result is dischord. The Atheist sees that spiritual people do not agree and gives up all hope of finding any truth in it.
Well its about time I conclude this story. They say that God chastizes those he loves, and brings the mighty low. For that I have the advanced mind of a luciferian, and the advanced heart of a believer. I still love the deep qualities I have been given, enough not to want to be someone else.
I am of the type who doesn't like the totally self serving way of society. Were the right people to be in my life, I would have enormous strength to keep going, or to help them, and would finally have the place I sought for. If I had friends, I'd actually clean my room. If I work on a project for myself I'm likely to put it off, but I'm working on something for someone else I finish it very quickly. This doesn't carry over to work, unfortunately, where one feels as a slave amidst strangers, and whatever good you do is not something great, but is just doing your job, and being obsessed with the endless complexities of money is totally stressful.
I not only didn't get the people I needed, I lost the ones that I did have. So that I would know what's like to have a family, and yearn for what I will never have again. Indeed everything in my life has been set in such a way that it would perfectly destroy me, or maximize the pain and bs involved.
The end result is that I greatly fear God, and also love him. He that is forgiven of much loves much. I mean you know you're pretty far gone when you happen to see a full arch double rainbow outside and it doesn't cheer you up. Even so, it continues to cheer me up now. Just like when my father died, I couldnt feel sorrow or anything on the day that it happened. Normal wounds heal with time, these kind start soft and get worse with time.
I wanted to kill myself. I was ready to say its all hopeless, I still do to some extent. Were it not for the many impossible and unlikely spiritual events of 2011 I'd have concluded, despite my suffering here and honest attempts, that God hates me, rejects me, and that is that. And there remains great frustration because of my mixed feelings about God. On one hand he has done this, but what about all the nights I cried to him in the past? It got to where I assumed he didn't want me to do anything for him. I couldn't even stop my father from shooting himself when I mysteriously awoke right before he did it and decided to go back to sleep. There was no becoming a new creation whilst I lived in my life feeling like a murderer who had gone in the way of cain.
Even after all my suffering in life, I then learned about reincarnation and wondered why I didn't see it before. Had I known what I do now, my life would have gone very differently. So I can only conclude that he wanted me to go through all of this pain and torment, for which I often feel depressed, angry, and forsaken. There is therefore a war raging in my spirit between the part of me that wants to conclude God hates me and be done with him, and the part that believes he does care.
