Self loathing

[Skid Row 89]

For as long as I can remember I've always hated myself. This self loathing has only managed to increase over the years. I hate my personality and appearance. In high school I was constantly put down for my appearance and for having no backbone, probably because I'm considered timid for a guy which made me feel weak and ashamed. I find it difficult to bring myself to look at my reflection in the mirror any more. I'm unbelievably insecure about most aspects of myself and I always wish I was someone else with good looks and charisma. I don't really relate to people easily either, which also makes me miserable. I don't feel like anyone wants to have a genuine conversation with me. I can't ever imagine me having a normal relatively carefree life surrounded by friends who don't feel obliged to keep me company out of pity. I put on a mask to hide my despair but I honestly don't know how much longer I can continue. Anyone else feel like this/ ever felt like this? What do you do to stop self destructive thoughts?

 

[isthatso]

Your thoughts can behave like badly behaved children. They want your attention all the time. Ignore them. Wait until they start behaving rationally and talking sense before making any hasty decisions.

Meditation is helping me. I hope it can help you.

 

[Kat]

You can't tell yourself to not focus on something and expect to achieve that. You have to "fill the void" by replacing those thoughts with others. You do it by training yourself to think in other patterns with repetition and practice. I recommend you research positive self talk and try to find some counseling involving a cognitive behavioral therapy program which may help you recognize your thought patterns, cope with them, challenge them (and your inner self hatred beliefs), and try to change them.

 

[WallflowerGirl83]

My thoughts get like this all the time, perhaps finding an outlet. I love drawling, writing and meditating. Our thoughts can be very overwhelming sometimes, try to be patient with yourself. I used to stress out a lot in the past but the more kept myself busy I managed to control my negative thoughts more.

 

[Skid Row 89]

I recommend you research positive self talk and try to find some counseling involving a cognitive behavioral therapy program which may help you recognize your thought patterns, cope with them, challenge them (and your inner self hatred beliefs), and try to change them.

Sometimes I think it's too late, I really should have had therapy as a child but I didn't want to feel like a burden to my parents at the time. I've been thinking of going to therapy but I've heard it may not work in some cases.

 

[Kai]

I know how you feel, my friend. And I also know that stuff like therapy isn't always going to cut it.
Or, at least that you don`t seem to me like someone which will really benefit for that.

Anyway. Its hard to really give advice about stuff like this because everyone is different.
Its hard to know which attitude will work for you.
Some people solve this problem by keeping themselves busy, while as other go about this on a more personal level.
Some people do this by going out with friends, engaging in hobbies, putting more efforts into their studies etc (whatever it takes to get their mind off themselves),
while as other people ultimately solve this problem by devoting their attention to more emotional aspects in their life. Some self reflect / mediate, while as others get over this stage by finding a romantic partner. I dunno you at all, so its hard to know which method may work for you. But I do know that once you give up on yourself, than that`s when you really stop thinking about this depression (as a variable in your life), and start living by it (thus making it a part of who you are). And I think that your still too young to be living with it. There`s still hope for you. Or, at least that`s what I think. Some people will never be carefree and be surrounded by friends. Some people live out their life by keeping only a few friend close friends, and their life mate. Perhaps that lifestyle is more fitting for you, being as it is something that you are familiar with. Having a lot of friends doesn't always mean that you will be happy. In fact, sometimes that may even the source of one`s problem. You never know.

So... the best advice I can try to give you, is for you to figure out what makes you tick.
If you can do that, you will better understand when your coming from, and, thus, know where you want to head to next.
And, yes, I know what it sounds like... but that is the only cliche I think is 100% accurate. I find that most clenches and slogans are rubbish people tell each other when they have nothing better to say to each other.
Something like the blind leading the blind, only that most of what they tell each other, is stuff they picked up from movies and cheesy pickup lines - stuff that they wouldn't necessarily listen to, themselves.
However, knowing yourself is a very realistic element in life. Which is why i`m sure that if you follow that line of thought, your going to get somewhere practical.

 

[Skid Row 89]

I know how you feel, my friend. And I also know that stuff like therapy isn't always going to cut it.
Or, at least that you don`t seem to me like someone which will really benefit for that.

Anyway. Its hard to really give advice about stuff like this because everyone is different.
Its hard to know which attitude will work for you.
Some people solve this problem by keeping themselves busy, while as other go about this on a more personal level.
Some people do this by going out with friends, engaging in hobbies, putting more efforts into their studies etc (whatever it takes to get their mind off themselves),
while as other people ultimately solve this problem by devoting their attention to more emotional aspects in their life. Some self reflect / mediate, while as others get over this stage by finding a romantic partner. I dunno you at all, so its hard to know which method may work for you. But I do know that once you give up on yourself, than that`s when you really stop thinking about this depression (as a variable in your life), and start living by it (thus making it a part of who you are). And I think that your still too young to be living with it. There`s still hope for you. Or, at least that`s what I think. Some people will never be carefree and be surrounded by friends. Some people live out their life by keeping only a few friend close friends, and their life mate. Perhaps that lifestyle is more fitting for you, being as it is something that you are familiar with. Having a lot of friends doesn't always mean that you will be happy. In fact, sometimes that may even the source of one`s problem. You never know.

So... the best advice I can try to give you, is for you to figure out what makes you tick.
If you can do that, you will better understand when your coming from, and, thus, know where you want to head to next.
And, yes, I know what it sounds like... but that is the only cliche I think is 100% accurate. I find that most clenches and slogans are rubbish people tell each other when they have nothing better to say to each other.
Something like the blind leading the blind, only that most of what they tell each other, is stuff they picked up from movies and cheesy pickup lines - stuff that they wouldn't necessarily listen to, themselves.
However, knowing yourself is a very realistic element in life. Which is why i`m sure that if you follow that line of thought, your going to get somewhere practical.

What annoys me is that I don't feel genuine connections with most people, and I feel most of my friends could stab me in the back without a thought if they thought it would make them look better. Regardless, at the moment I'm just taking my mind off these negative thoughts any way I can. I agree with you that therapy probably won't cut it for me and I need to solve this myself. Thanks for the advice!

 

[Regumika]

What annoys me is that I don't feel genuine connections with most people, and I feel most of my friends could stab me in the back without a thought if they thought it would make them look better.

Something that just caught my attention.. You don't feel genuine connections with most people, or do most people don't connect with you? and why do you want to connect with person xyz? just a friend? just someone to talk to? personally i dont think that's the right reason to connect. I mean, sure acquaintances are nice to have. People to hang out with on a whim, but they dont have your back. Finding people that will cover your back is hard to find.

but you have to be clear about what you are looking for when you spend time with people. if they arent going to cover your back after 3-4 times. they are not worth it. and what is your "image" really? does it matter what your image is to those people? throw your pride aside and just do it.

 

[Skid Row 89]

What annoys me is that I don't feel genuine connections with most people, and I feel most of my friends could stab me in the back without a thought if they thought it would make them look better.

Something that just caught my attention.. You don't feel genuine connections with most people, or do most people don't connect with you? and why do you want to connect with person xyz? just a friend? just someone to talk to? personally i dont think that's the right reason to connect. I mean, sure acquaintances are nice to have. People to hang out with on a whim, but they dont have your back. Finding people that will cover your back is hard to find.

but you have to be clear about what you are looking for when you spend time with people. if they arent going to cover your back after 3-4 times. they are not worth it. and what is your "image" really? does it matter what your image is to those people? throw your pride aside and just do it.

I suppose I feel that I don't connect with most people AND they don't connect with me either. I let what I feel other people think of me determine my happiness, which is trivial and ridiculous, but for some reason I can't help it. I don't feel good about myself so others have a low opinion of me too. It's a vicious cycle which I have to get out of.

 

[running with pain]

i really hate me. i am just glad i found a site where i can b honest and know there r other people out there like me. like i said, i hate myself. y shouldn't i just kill myself? at least if i did that i would not hurt anyone else and i would not hurt anymore

 

[BrokenInside]

i really hate me. i am just glad i found a site where i can b honest and know there r other people out there like me. like i said, i hate myself. y shouldn't i just kill myself? at least if i did that i would not hurt anyone else and i would not hurt anymore

Is suicide the only solution?

 

[running with pain]

i really hate me. i am just glad i found a site where i can b honest and know there r other people out there like me. like i said, i hate myself. y shouldn't i just kill myself? at least if i did that i would not hurt anyone else and i would not hurt anymore

Is suicide the only solution?

i cant think of another one

---

i really hate me. i am just glad i found a site where i can b honest and know there r other people out there like me. like i said, i hate myself. y shouldn't i just kill myself? at least if i did that i would not hurt anyone else and i would not hurt anymore

Is suicide the only solution?

i cant think of another one

i just wish things would hurry up and get better

 

[ladyforsaken]

i really hate me. i am just glad i found a site where i can b honest and know there r other people out there like me. like i said, i hate myself. y shouldn't i just kill myself? at least if i did that i would not hurt anyone else and i would not hurt anymore

Why do you hate yourself?

 

[BrokenInside]

i just wish things would hurry up and get better

Things will be better. Every pain lessens by the time. You have the power. If you can choose to end your life, you can choose to give it another chance too. Think about what you "can" do, not about what you "can't".

 

[running with pain]

i just wish things would hurry up and get better

Things will be better. Every pain lessens by the time. You have the power. If you can choose to end your life, you can choose to give it another chance too. Think about what you "can" do, not about what you "can't".

thanx. i am glad there r people i dont even know trying to help me

---

i really hate me. i am just glad i found a site where i can b honest and know there r other people out there like me. like i said, i hate myself. y shouldn't i just kill myself? at least if i did that i would not hurt anyone else and i would not hurt anymore

Why do you hate yourself?

because it iz just a habit. i feel useless, i have no special talents, i hate hurting people

 

[Skid Row 89]

i just wish things would hurry up and get better

Things will be better. Every pain lessens by the time. You have the power. If you can choose to end your life, you can choose to give it another chance too. Think about what you "can" do, not about what you "can't".

thanx. i am glad there r people i dont even know trying to help me

---

i really hate me. i am just glad i found a site where i can b honest and know there r other people out there like me. like i said, i hate myself. y shouldn't i just kill myself? at least if i did that i would not hurt anyone else and i would not hurt anymore

Why do you hate yourself?

because it iz just a habit. i feel useless, i have no special talents, i hate hurting people

---

Suicide is never the answer. You say you have no special talents but it could just be that you haven't found what you're good at yet. Everyone has some sort of purpose and reason to live.

 

[ladyforsaken]

i really hate me. i am just glad i found a site where i can b honest and know there r other people out there like me. like i said, i hate myself. y shouldn't i just kill myself? at least if i did that i would not hurt anyone else and i would not hurt anymore

Why do you hate yourself?

because it iz just a habit. i feel useless, i have no special talents, i hate hurting people

You're not useless, you likely do have talents, just haven't figured them out yet and hey! - you're only 16! Soooo young!

You're not hurting us here. So no worries. You're still good. Come on, don't hurt yourself. It's not worth it. You can do so much good - plus hey, I'm jealous that you're so young. You've got a whole life ahead of you dude.

 

[Skid Row 89]

i really hate me. i am just glad i found a site where i can b honest and know there r other people out there like me. like i said, i hate myself. y shouldn't i just kill myself? at least if i did that i would not hurt anyone else and i would not hurt anymore

Why do you hate yourself?

because it iz just a habit. i feel useless, i have no special talents, i hate hurting people

You're not useless, you likely do have talents, just haven't figured them out yet and hey! - you're only 16! Soooo young!

You're not hurting us here. So no worries. You're still good. Come on, don't hurt yourself. It's not worth it. You can do so much good - plus hey, I'm jealous that you're so young. You've got a whole life ahead of you dude.

I agree completely. It's a good thing you're seeking help at a young age. I was even harder on myself when I was 16 than I am now three years later so your outlook will eventually improve.

 

[Susana]

For as long as I can remember I've always hated myself. This self loathing has only managed to increase over the years. I hate my personality and appearance. In high school I was constantly put down for my appearance and for having no backbone, probably because I'm considered timid for a guy which made me feel weak and ashamed. I find it difficult to bring myself to look at my reflection in the mirror any more. I'm unbelievably insecure about most aspects of myself and I always wish I was someone else with good looks and charisma. I don't really relate to people easily either, which also makes me miserable. I don't feel like anyone wants to have a genuine conversation with me. I can't ever imagine me having a normal relatively carefree life surrounded by friends who don't feel obliged to keep me company out of pity. I put on a mask to hide my despair but I honestly don't know how much longer I can continue. Anyone else feel like this/ ever felt like this? What do you do to stop self destructive thoughts?

Hi Skid - may I ask how old you are? Depending on your age, sometimes us humans go through phases during our life time and there's a danger in stepping over a boundary line where your brain won't come out of that phase. Let me know how old you are then I can tell you a thing or two about how and why you are feeling that way. Although no matter what age you are finding something you enjoy or care about to occupy your mind with is a bonus. If you don't have either one of these, then make sure you keep yourself busy with exercising .. exercising builds up all your ''feel good'' endorphins (cells) in your brain and you will automatically start feeling good about yourself, baby steps at a time
Take care.

 

[Skid Row 89]

For as long as I can remember I've always hated myself. This self loathing has only managed to increase over the years. I hate my personality and appearance. In high school I was constantly put down for my appearance and for having no backbone, probably because I'm considered timid for a guy which made me feel weak and ashamed. I find it difficult to bring myself to look at my reflection in the mirror any more. I'm unbelievably insecure about most aspects of myself and I always wish I was someone else with good looks and charisma. I don't really relate to people easily either, which also makes me miserable. I don't feel like anyone wants to have a genuine conversation with me. I can't ever imagine me having a normal relatively carefree life surrounded by friends who don't feel obliged to keep me company out of pity. I put on a mask to hide my despair but I honestly don't know how much longer I can continue. Anyone else feel like this/ ever felt like this? What do you do to stop self destructive thoughts?

Hi Skid - may I ask how old you are? Depending on your age, sometimes us humans go through phases during our life time and there's a danger in stepping over a boundary line where your brain won't come out of that phase. Let me know how old you are then I can tell you a thing or two about how and why you are feeling that way. Although no matter what age you are finding something you enjoy or care about to occupy your mind with is a bonus. If you don't have either one of these, then make sure you keep yourself busy with exercising .. exercising builds up all your ''feel good'' endorphins (cells) in your brain and you will automatically start feeling good about yourself, baby steps at a time
Take care.

I'm 19 so I assume I'm unlikely to come out of this phase since I'm an adult?