delayed_relapse
Well-known member
I've noticed (long ago) that I have the tendency to blame myself for a lot of things, and this of course manifests in relationships.
In the past, when I would get rejected by a girl, or get dumped, or whatever, I would be outwardly hostile to the girl but yet place blame on myself inwardly. I'd be pissed off, but at the same time pissed at myself for sucking too much, to put it frankly.
In later years though, I have sort of withdrawn into myself somewhat, much more than in previous times. And where relationships are concerned, I've begun to feel even more intensely that things are my fault when things go wrong (after all, I'm the one who's messed up, right?).
[This leads too often to self-loathing, which can end up being a very serious problem if one is not careful. Placing the blame on yourself (when it is undeserved) can lead to a hatred of oneself, ultimately landing you in the depths of Depression-ville. A depression like this becomes perpetual, as the person who hates himself (thinks himself inadequate, inferior, miniscule, etc.) transfers even more blame upon himself in not only relationships, but even the most trivial of everyday situations.]
But the worst part is... I know deep within myself that I am not to blame all the time. I know fully well when things are my fault and when they aren't. I know when I've screwed up, and I usually try to admit my fault and move on, try and fix it or something; anything but deny it.
How can a person feel victimized as a result of their own actions? I mean, how can someone actually believe that something is another persons fault unless they have reason to believe it is? Otherwise, they'd be lying, wouldn't they? (I'm really wondering, this sort of thing does my head in; I could write a thesis about the philosophy of Love
). I conclude that, unless a person is lying, a victimization occurs as the result of outside impetus (i.e., someone else, not yourself).
The moral of this rant is that you should definitely know that you are NOT the only human being on the planet.
This creates two realities:
1. That you are not alone, that billions of others exist, and that as much as the common spirituality may claim to the contrary, we are not ONE.
2. Your individuality is capable of being influenced and acted upon by other individuals, which inevitably means that other people can effect your individuality for good or ill.
What does this have to do with the price of beans?
Other people can have an effect on you, and they can do things for which they should be held responsible. A person should not hold himself or herself responsible for something s/he did not do. Transferring that to oneself is unhealthy, and deep inside a person knows the truth, whether or not s/he was really to blame.
Look, I don't know what I'm trying to say, just don't hate yourself. And don't love yourself too much either. You have to respect yourself, respect others, and where love is concerned, give yourself to Fate if only to experience the bliss of it all. Why be a tyrant of love? A love dictator? Why try to control it?
And then again, you can't just let it all happen when it happens, or else nothing would ever happen...
Approach it all like destiny. No meeting is coincidental. It's destiny, and every action we make is destined. (yeah I know there are a lot of people who believe differently, but please allow me my romantic fantasy.
I'm sure someone knows what I'm trying to say even though I'm too tired to be able to say it properly.
It's wrong to take someone for granted, and its wrong to be taken for granted by someone else.
In the past, when I would get rejected by a girl, or get dumped, or whatever, I would be outwardly hostile to the girl but yet place blame on myself inwardly. I'd be pissed off, but at the same time pissed at myself for sucking too much, to put it frankly.
In later years though, I have sort of withdrawn into myself somewhat, much more than in previous times. And where relationships are concerned, I've begun to feel even more intensely that things are my fault when things go wrong (after all, I'm the one who's messed up, right?).
[This leads too often to self-loathing, which can end up being a very serious problem if one is not careful. Placing the blame on yourself (when it is undeserved) can lead to a hatred of oneself, ultimately landing you in the depths of Depression-ville. A depression like this becomes perpetual, as the person who hates himself (thinks himself inadequate, inferior, miniscule, etc.) transfers even more blame upon himself in not only relationships, but even the most trivial of everyday situations.]
But the worst part is... I know deep within myself that I am not to blame all the time. I know fully well when things are my fault and when they aren't. I know when I've screwed up, and I usually try to admit my fault and move on, try and fix it or something; anything but deny it.
How can a person feel victimized as a result of their own actions? I mean, how can someone actually believe that something is another persons fault unless they have reason to believe it is? Otherwise, they'd be lying, wouldn't they? (I'm really wondering, this sort of thing does my head in; I could write a thesis about the philosophy of Love
). I conclude that, unless a person is lying, a victimization occurs as the result of outside impetus (i.e., someone else, not yourself).The moral of this rant is that you should definitely know that you are NOT the only human being on the planet.
This creates two realities:
1. That you are not alone, that billions of others exist, and that as much as the common spirituality may claim to the contrary, we are not ONE.
2. Your individuality is capable of being influenced and acted upon by other individuals, which inevitably means that other people can effect your individuality for good or ill.
What does this have to do with the price of beans?
Other people can have an effect on you, and they can do things for which they should be held responsible. A person should not hold himself or herself responsible for something s/he did not do. Transferring that to oneself is unhealthy, and deep inside a person knows the truth, whether or not s/he was really to blame.
Look, I don't know what I'm trying to say, just don't hate yourself. And don't love yourself too much either. You have to respect yourself, respect others, and where love is concerned, give yourself to Fate if only to experience the bliss of it all. Why be a tyrant of love? A love dictator? Why try to control it?
And then again, you can't just let it all happen when it happens, or else nothing would ever happen...
Approach it all like destiny. No meeting is coincidental. It's destiny, and every action we make is destined. (yeah I know there are a lot of people who believe differently, but please allow me my romantic fantasy
.I'm sure someone knows what I'm trying to say even though I'm too tired to be able to say it properly.
It's wrong to take someone for granted, and its wrong to be taken for granted by someone else.
