Equinox said:
I believe chemistry is very important in a relationship. Chemistry is what makes people attracted to one another.
[...]
That's not to say two people can't develop chemistry over time, though, if they just decide to stay together no matter what. I've heard of practical marriages where those involved learned to love each other later on, chemistry and all. Humans are highly adaptable, and can usually adjust to almost anything - which is very fascinating.
I think if I love my partner as a love interest rather than a good friend, chemistry is most likely the distinguishing factor (like in your anecdote), and hopefully that also contributes to the sexual chemistry too. Humans are adaptable, arguable more so subconsciously than consciously, but still.
Of course, like everything else, it depends on the person.
Badjedidude said:
I also understand (and agree with) the argument AGAINST abstinence. In my mind, it seems silly to sacrifice the memories you could have while putting off sex, HOPING for no reason at all that somehow your future partner will be an amazing lover without any practice at all. Sex is a skill; it takes practice to get really good at it.
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Why the fresia would you MARRY someone if you had no idea how they were sexually? I'm pretty sure that a LARGE number of marriages fail due to problems with sexual intimacy/ability.
Just so you know, I did read your entire post thoroughly, but I just want to comment on the above. I don't hope at all that my future partner will be amazing in bed. I'm not someone who thinks that the first kiss or sex will be amazingly wonderful and inserts images of flowers for the heck of it. I actually expect both to be completely awkward, but that's where practice comes in. It's not like the first time is the be all to end all - it's just the beginning!
I don't think the marriages that fail due to sex is usually the case where they wait until after marriage. On the contrary, it might be because their relationship was more or less built on sex and married each other because of the intimate feeling. I'm not trying to generalize though. People are mostly rational enough to consider a multitude of things, including their sex life, before marrying their partner.
Thanks for taking the time to reply with such a long post.
I do see where you are coming from.
Peter Lorre said:
I think it's an admirable goal.
I also can't see any reason why two people who haven't had sex before their marriage, wouldn't be able to get good at making love when they work at it together and remain patient. Everyone's different anyway and not everyone likes the same things in bed, so past experience might be somewhat useless sometimes.
It's all about being passionate for eachother, patient and willing to experiment/learn.
Thanks, I agree.
How many different kinds of things can you even do in bed anyways... (don't answer that). >__>//;
freedom said:
personally, i don't believe in marriage, so i don't believe in what you're saying. i can see where you're coming from though, because as someone that grew up in a Christian household, that is the belief that is held.
It sort of saddens me that whenever people think of waiting until after marriage for sex, they think of religion.
It's not that religion is a bad thing, but I was hoping that people would decide to wait on their own accord without religious influence. Even if it's not to wait after marriage (since marriage may not mean that much any more) but wait until they are sure that person is whom they will spend the rest of their life loving. Even my parents never told me to wait - they respect whatever decision I make (as long as I don't sleep around too much).
Ak5 said:
If you like her and she likes you, sure! I don't believe in doing it with someone you don't love; doesn't make any sense at all, the same as waiting for something that might not work out in the end.
I think it's been out-dated for centuries.
I'm a girl, but yeah.
I think a majority of people who have sex with their lover, they really do think they love them at the time. A relationship like that still doesn't always work out though. That's why as an alternative to waiting until marriage, I say "until it's someone I will spend my life loving" rather than "until I find someone I love." But it's hard to figure something like that out, so I wait until marriage where you're legally bounded as well.
Kataphractos said:
Even Christians aren't waiting for sex anymore.
Since I'm not religious, I really don't see a need to wait for marriage for sex. I think maturity and knowing the consequences if things go wrong (ex. no protection/pregnancy, not knowing partner's sexual history, etc) are much more important.
Again, I'm not religious. xD; What you're saying is fair. If two people mutually want to have sex and they fully informed, then I say go ahead. Just not with me.
beans said:
I am a 28 year old female virgin. I am having a tough time with this. I am surrounded by girls and guys who are okay with having sex before marriage. And whenever I tell them I only want to have it when I get married, they laugh and belittle me saying I'm so naive and old fashioned. Like I just came out of a village or something. They say "Which era do you come from?"
I am not going to have sex just because I get taunted but I do wonder if there is a guy out there who shares the same sentiments as me?
I really like how you don't let those people get to you and stick to your own values. I'm a lonely girl, so even if people around me think it's stupid to wait, it's not like they know my thoughts and therefore can't mock me. But if they did, I want to be able to think just like you.
annik said:
I'm glad you can see my point. I just felt betrayed and like I wanted some show of commitment before going there again. Of course marriage is no defence against getting betrayed. I know that all too well.
*hug*
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...I had something to add on, but I forget... I hate my memory.
