Should I change my personnality?

[DakotaDesert]

Each time I am in a relationship, it never last more than a month. According to my friends, it is because I am a strong and independente woman. Apparently men like when women need them, become dependente and I am not that kind of woman. To make it short, my independence scares men.
So tell me:
- Men, are my friends right? Do independente and strong women scare men?
- Women, is it a handicaps? Should I change my personnality and make more concessions?

 

[Jesse]

I would say, never change, never compromise yourself. "To be yourself is all that you can do."

As for independent and strong women scaring me; well all women scare me, so it doesn't matter what type you are

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I say change or adujst the meter accordingly. Maybe take it out of overdrive.

Compermise, find a balance perhapse or make consession

I like a strong independent women..but not to the piont of it's her way or the highway
Her way is the only way becuase she dosn't need a man. Not to piont of where it
becomes a control issue. Not to the piont of where love is used as a bargining chip
or withholding love becuase a woman is so..so strong.
It dosn't scare me...it turns me off. I'm not afriad of women. I love women.

I don't want a mommy...I want a woman...
As you don't want a daddy to tell you want to do or rule you.
I don't want to be your daddy..you can let your guards down a little bit or let your hair down and relax.
Take down your walls and still knows your boundaries.

All I know is..if I didn't change from a lot of old behaviors I used to do as a child
or a young man or even 1 year ago....I would be in the grave by now.

I can't be wearing a snow jacket during the summer at the beach,
if my life is no longer in a log cabin during the winter.

Shift gears or be flexiable.

 

[DakotaDesert]

I say change or adujst the meter accordingly. Maybe take it out of overdrive.

Compermise, find a balance perhapse or make consession

I like a strong independent women..but not to the piont of it's her way or the highway
Her way is the only way becuase she dosn't need a man. Not to piont of where it
becomes a control issue. Not to the piont of where love is used as a bargining chip
or withholding love becuase a woman is so..so strong.
It dosn't scare me...it turns me off. I'm not afriad of women. I love women.

I don't want a mommy...I want a woman...
As you don't want a daddy to tell you want to do.

All I know is..if I didn't change from a lot of old behaviors I used to do as a child
or a young man or even 1 year ago....I would be in the grave by now.

I can't be wearing a snow jacket during the summer at the beach,
if my life is no longer in a log cabin during the winter.

Shift gears or be flexiable.

I am not independente or strong to the point of it is a controlissue. I just like to be able to do things on my own but I am financially independente, I have a good job with responsabilities, I do not like when a man who is not my kids dad tells me how I should raise my kids, I do not always ask the guy I am with to come on a trip with me and I go by myself, I want to be able to go out with my friends and not always invite him...... The way I want it is: being in a serious relationship made of love and trust but each of us keeps its own home, habits... Is it too much to ask? Am I abnormal? Maybe I do not know anyting about relationship. I am ready to hear it if it is the case.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I say change or adujst the meter accordingly. Maybe take it out of overdrive.

Compermise, find a balance perhapse or make consession

I like a strong independent women..but not to the piont of it's her way or the highway
Her way is the only way becuase she dosn't need a man. Not to piont of where it
becomes a control issue. Not to the piont of where love is used as a bargining chip
or withholding love becuase a woman is so..so strong.
It dosn't scare me...it turns me off. I'm not afriad of women. I love women.

I don't want a mommy...I want a woman...
As you don't want a daddy to tell you want to do.

All I know is..if I didn't change from a lot of old behaviors I used to do as a child
or a young man or even 1 year ago....I would be in the grave by now.

I can't be wearing a snow jacket during the summer at the beach,
if my life is no longer in a log cabin during the winter.

Shift gears or be flexiable.

I am not independente or strong to the point of it is a controlissue. I just like to be able to do things on my own but I am financially independente, I have a good job with responsabilities, I do not like when a man who is not my kids dad tells me how I should raise my kids, I do not always ask the guy I am with to come on a trip with me and I go by myself, I want to be able to go out with my friends and not always invite him...... The way I want it is: being in a serious relationship made of love and trust but each of us keeps its own home, habits... Is it too much to ask? Am I abnormal? Maybe I do not know anyting about relationship. I am ready to hear it if it is the case.

No, you're not abnormal. It's just a matter of perference.
No..if that's how you want to live your life.
Actaully it's what a normal or a healthy realtionship is as discribe
in a lot of relationships articles.

That's pretty much how I lived when I was in a relationship.
I had my own hobbie and interest. So when I spent time with
my gf it was quality time. ( I felt it...I'm not sure if she felt
the sameway) I didn't drink or go to bars. I just go to my
R/C flying field and hang with the guys on weekends that
we didn't have plans together.

It's why it was difficult to hook up with a partner that's
compatiable with your perfernce. If you're just dating
and havn't built up a strong bond or a foundation.
Men are stepping away from you after a while becuase they want more?
Are you just dating at the moment ?
Do you have a live in partner at the moment ?

Maybe you just need to keep dating more men until you find a man that's more compatiable with you.

My parents had been married for almost 40 years.
My mom gose shop with her friends or go bolwing with out my father all the time.
My father also gose on gigs and jam out with his band.
They have thier challenges but they spend time together.

As far as relationship ..there always going to be sometype
of compermise

 

[ensom]

Hey,

I don't think you should ever change just to please another person or to gain a relationship (unless it is a maladaptive trait). You'd likely be miserable, and besides, the type of person you really want to be in a relationship with is someone who accepts and loves you for who you are. I say just keep on looking until you find someone who you can be yourself around.

In the past I've tried adjusting my personality, and it was never fun. I felt like an actor, when I should have been at ease and myself. I don't think you'd want to be in a long-term relationship where you'd constantly have to go against your natural impulses.

As for being scared of strong, independent women, though my experience with women is nil, I'd say no. Sounds like an admirable quality to me.

 

[DakotaDesert]

I say change or adujst the meter accordingly. Maybe take it out of overdrive.

Compermise, find a balance perhapse or make consession

I like a strong independent women..but not to the piont of it's her way or the highway
Her way is the only way becuase she dosn't need a man. Not to piont of where it
becomes a control issue. Not to the piont of where love is used as a bargining chip
or withholding love becuase a woman is so..so strong.
It dosn't scare me...it turns me off. I'm not afriad of women. I love women.

I don't want a mommy...I want a woman...
As you don't want a daddy to tell you want to do.

All I know is..if I didn't change from a lot of old behaviors I used to do as a child
or a young man or even 1 year ago....I would be in the grave by now.

I can't be wearing a snow jacket during the summer at the beach,
if my life is no longer in a log cabin during the winter.

Shift gears or be flexiable.

I am not independente or strong to the point of it is a controlissue. I just like to be able to do things on my own but I am financially independente, I have a good job with responsabilities, I do not like when a man who is not my kids dad tells me how I should raise my kids, I do not always ask the guy I am with to come on a trip with me and I go by myself, I want to be able to go out with my friends and not always invite him...... The way I want it is: being in a serious relationship made of love and trust but each of us keeps its own home, habits... Is it too much to ask? Am I abnormal? Maybe I do not know anyting about relationship. I am ready to hear it if it is the case.

No, you're not abnormal. It's just a matter of perference.
No..if that's how you want to live your life.
Actaully it's what a normal or a healthy realtionship is as discribe
in a lot of relationships.

That's pretty much how I lived when I was in a relationship.
I had my own hobbie and interest. So when I spent time with
my gf it was quality time. ( I felt it...I'm not sure if she felt
the sameway) I didn't drink or go to bars. I just go to my
R/C flying field and hang with the guys on weekends that
we didn't have plans together.

It's why it was difficult to hook up with a partner that's
compatiable with your perfernce. If you're just dating
and havn't built up a strong bond or a foundations ...
Men are stepping away from you after a while becuase they want more?
Are you just dating at the moment ?
Do you have a live in partner at the moment ?

My parents had been married for almost 40 years.
My mom gose shop with her friends or go bolwing with out my father all the time.
My father also gose on gigs and jam out with his band.
They have thier challenges but they spend time together.

As far as relationship ..there always going to be sometype
of compermise

Nope, no dating, no man in my life. I am giving up looking for a man. I am tired of failing with men. If Mister Right has to come, he will, I will be patiente. Men are not stepping away because they want more. I am the one who is stepping away when they say that they want more because they usually do not understand my point. It creates drama and I hate drama so I prefer to end it.

 

[Steel]

No, don't change. What's the point in being in a relationship if you have to act the part they want you to be?

 

[Punisher]

Don't you bloody dare change for a man!

 

[Brian]

I like independent women, but I don't like to be snubbed or ignored. It's one thing for a significant other to be capable and have their own thing that they do...in fact the closest thing I've had to a relationship was a girl who called me ever half hour or so, it seemed, and it drove me up a wall. But it's another if they don't show they appreciate you somehow and things just degenerate in to kind of a bland, tepid company with each other with no real interpersonal connection or intimacy.

 

[Divinitywolf]

You may change your personality and get a man but feel unhappy about how you've changed.

I reckon you'll feel happiest if you stick to who you are and wait for that one perfect guy who loves and cherishes your independence. Trust me there will be some out there and I bet one is just waiting for someone like you.

 

[Nyktimos]

Hey,

I don't think you should ever change just to please another person or to gain a relationship (unless it is a maladaptive trait). You'd likely be miserable, and besides, the type of person you really want to be in a relationship with is someone who accepts and loves you for who you are. I say just keep on looking until you find someone who you can be yourself around.

In the past I've tried adjusting my personality, and it was never fun. I felt like an actor, when I should have been at ease and myself. I don't think you'd want to be in a long-term relationship where you'd constantly have to go against your natural impulses.

As for being scared of strong, independent women, though my experience with women is nil, I'd say no. Sounds like an admirable quality to me.

I'll echo this. I started my current relationship being someone I wasn't because I knew she couldn't cope with everything about me. It seemed natural to do that at the time. After a while, I just felt lonely and apart from her (she still seems besotted with me). Oddly, she feels she's the same type of person you are; independent and capable. Actually, she needs people more than almost anyone I've ever known, otherwise she wouldn't put up with me.

I struggle to trust people, so an independent woman who wants a lot of her own space and doesn't actually need me for anything is just an dumping and/or infidelity waiting to happen. That's my problem, my issue; I don't know how common it is in men. You shouldn't need to be someone different to keep a paranoid man happy. I say keep trying. If you're tired of short relationships now, give it a break for a while. But don't write off the whole thing.

 

[Van Hooligan X]

lol in my opinion you shouldn't change it mate

be yourself and patient if you can


changing it is as stupid as brian calling football 'soccer'
it just shows stupidity in any way, shape or form

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Women, is it a handicaps? Should I change my personnality and make more concessions?

NEVER change your personality. That is not something that anyone can sustain for a long time, and I think that it can come at the expense of your mental health.

What any of us can change are our actions and reactions, particularly if they're negative or harmful.

Be wary of compromise; make sure that it includes concessions on both people's part or you will find yourself like I did, being the only person making changes in the relationship. It's not a good feeling. In the end, I felt as though I was living a half-life because he was always on me to change this, change that to suit his needs. Nothing I did was ever any good, but he was never accountable for anything.

Real compromise is engendered out of mutual respect as well as affection NOT as some sort of ultimatum.

 

[Sodium]

Dont change who you are.

They were just intimidated by you

I know a couple of guy who actually prefer independent women. They felt like she wasnt into them just because of their job.. money.. etc.. because she could/wanted take care of herself.

 

[StarStrider]

Each time I am in a relationship, it never last more than a month. According to my friends, it is because I am a strong and independente woman. Apparently men like when women need them, become dependente and I am not that kind of woman. To make it short, my independence scares men.
So tell me:
- Men, are my friends right? Do independente and strong women scare men?
- Women, is it a handicaps? Should I change my personnality and make more concessions?

Personally I think you should remain you. Even if you "changed" it would just be an act and become increasingly exhaustive to maintain.

Strong and independent women frighten the honeysuckle out (some) of us. For me I guess when I look at a woman who is self contained and independant, it makes me wonder (beyond the 'nakedly' obvious lol) what an earth I would have that she would really need or want.

All that means is that I personally am unsuitable material for that type of woman but there are plenty of men out there who relish those qualities, typically of a secure, motivated and fulfilled dispostion. But if you try and change, it'll make it that much more difficult to find the proverbial Mr Right.

 

[Naval_Fluff]

I think someone can become more mature, or maybe mellow out, bu thte idea of changing a personality is horrible! That's who you are, that's the reason some people may or may not like you! That's the reason everyone's unique, because of their personality. I think you should just be yourself. Yeah, some people won't like the way you act, but who cares? They aren't worth it.

 

[DakotaDesert]

It's been a long time since I posted that thread and I had a lot of advices and good advices from you guys. At that time I was with the guy who did not want any commitement. he still does not want (I guess) but he went back with his ex 2 months ago (if it is not a commitment, how should I call that??) Anyway... Too make it short, his ex is a drug addict, does not have a job, is not stable and each time they go back together, they split after a while, he asks her to leave and she comes back after few weeks and it continues on and on and on. Before him, I was with a guy who has been told by his ex (after she heard about me) that according to her, they were still together, and he went back with her. And before that guy, I was with a guy who did the same, he went back to is ex. They all say that I am smart, funny, cool cuz I don't do drama and never get upset, never scream, I make them feel better and more self-confident. So why do they always go back with their ex? Why do I have to be the one who is always dumped? Why do they go back to someone who makes their life miserable? What's wrong with me?

 

[cheaptrickfan]

They all say that I am smart, funny, cool cuz I don't do drama and never get upset, never scream, I make them feel better and more self-confident. So why do they always go back with their ex? Why do I have to be the one who is always dumped? Why do they go back to someone who makes their life miserable? What's wrong with me?

First, there is nothing wrong with YOU. Some people are, I swear to GOD, addicted to drama, and there's a lot of drama to be had in pathological relationships.

The problem is with those guys. I bet they do genuinely like you and love the fact that you're drama-free, but in the end, they're not ready to lose the drama from their lives and go back to their dysfunctional relationships. They have to change their mindset in order to make changes.

It sucks, I know.

 

[DakotaDesert]

They all say that I am smart, funny, cool cuz I don't do drama and never get upset, never scream, I make them feel better and more self-confident. So why do they always go back with their ex? Why do I have to be the one who is always dumped? Why do they go back to someone who makes their life miserable? What's wrong with me?

First, there is nothing wrong with YOU. Some people are, I swear to GOD, addicted to drama, and there's a lot of drama to be had in pathological relationships.

The problem is with those guys. I bet they do genuinely like you and love the fact that you're drama-free, but in the end, they're not ready to lose the drama from their lives and go back to their dysfunctional relationships. They have to change their mindset in order to make changes.

It sucks, I know.

Yes it sucks. Do "normal" men exist somewhere? What is the point of living life with drama and problems? I have a cool, nice, fun life. I like it that way. I hate when problems happen and try to avoid them. Life is short, we have to take advantage of the good and get rid of the bad as fast as we can. Living in drama make them feel alive? It is not my philosophy of life.