So I think he's adorable.

[Bells]

But we don't exactly know each other.

I feel really drawn to this guy in one of my classes. I think it's because he looks so much like my ex, who I still have feelings for. Big red flag, I know, but that's how it is. I've been extremely lonely and depressed, and I just want someone to help give me some relief. Having someone to care for and who cares for me would really, really help. It's just how I know myself to work, even if it isn't "ideal". I hope others can understand that. I am aware that I have unresolved issues I need to work out, but that's a whole other can of worms.

Point being...I want to get to know him. I've never really spoken with him before. I tried to once, and he just turned away really quickly after he had answered my question. Didn't seem too interested.

How can I get to know him? Or get his attention? I've been in three relationships before, but they were all instigated by me. I felt confident enough to do it because they were kind of socially below me and I had known them for quite some time beforehand, as bitchy as that sounds.

My problem is that if I think a guy's cute or could be a nice guy to date, I get really nervous and shy and lock up. It's hard to be myself and I automatically think he won't like me or he'll think I'm weird, unattractive, boring, etc. I've never had good social skills and I'm lost as to how I should go about things. I don't know what to say to him. This would be my first time purposely trying to make friends with someone and my first time trying to get to know someone I'm initially attracted to.

 

[Badjedidude]

*crosses fingers* Is it meeeee? Go ahead, talk to me, I promise I won't turn away again!!!

Haha...but seriously...

He may have just been a bit busy the first time you talked to him....or just very shy himself. Have you made it completely clear to him that you're interested? Sometimes guys need it to be bleedingly obvious that a girl likes him before he makes the slightest move.

I don't think he won't be interested in you...just make it clear to him that you wanna hang with him. "Hey, do you want to get lunch or something after class?" Something like that will probably almost always work. Or you could go with, "Hey, why don't you ask me out to lunch, mister?" Seriously. Try it.

----Steve

 

[Bells]

LOL!! Oh darn, you found me out.


I don't think he was busy...the class is fairly low key. I wonder if maybe he just has a girlfriend? The thing is I'm scared that he'll be creeped out if he thinks a girl he's never even talked to is trying to get at him.

I don't know how to make it obvious is the thing .

I'm too scared to try something like that ! ...Plus I have work after class >_>.

But then if we went to lunch...it would probably be really awkward. I would be so nervous, and I wouldn't know what to talk about. I've never done something like that before. I mean, I don't exactly sit by him and there aren't many opportunities in class where the kids get to socialize without everyone else watching and listening in on it.

 

[Badjedidude]

The thing is I'm scared that he'll be creeped out if he thinks a girl he's never even talked to is trying to get at him.

LOL well, I can't speak for all guys here, but....if a random girl I didn't know came up and wanted lunch with me, I'd be freaking ecstatic! haha that's not weird at all. It's awesome.

Here's my advice: Don't worry so much. You're building this up into a huge deal in your mind...and it doesn't need to be. You're convincing yourself that EVERYTHING hinges upon you being perfect and talking perfectly to him and being perfectly interesting....and that's just unrealistic.

Go ahead, make mistakes! It's ok to be nervous and say the wrong things. I actually find it very endearing and cute when a girl stammers or accidentally does something silly on a date or whatever. Chances are, this guy will be the same. Honestly, women fear making all of these "mistakes"....and guys don't even SEE them as mistakes!

So don't worry so much, and don't blow this up into something bigger than it needs to be. It's one human asking to hang out with another human....nothing else! ^_^ Just do what comes naturally to you. And I was serious with my advice in my previous post. Be blunt...say something like that! "Hey, do you want to get lunch some time?" Honestly, try it.

----Steve

 

[Tramp]

Rebound?

 

[Bells]

Heheh okay :shy:.

You'd be ecstatic if a PRETTY girl reacted to you that way. If it was an ugly/average girl, then maybe you'd be a little weirded out...okay, so not YOU, but the general "you".

I will try to take your advice . You are probably right. It makes sense, but it's hard for me to do. I really want it to work out because I'm just attracted to him...I can't exactly say why.

Well...I will CONSIDER trying it. Is there anything less brazen I can try for starters?

This is confusing because I've been told by several people that girls should try playing hard to get and be extra confident and let guys go after them...and that if a guy isn't instantly interested, then he probably just isn't, and won't be, that into you. I'm assuming you disagree with this? I'm under the impression that making the first move will make me seem desperate.

---

Rebound?

What do you mean exactly? I know what a rebound is, but what are you insinuating, specifically??

 

[Badjedidude]

You'd be ecstatic if a PRETTY girl reacted to you that way. If it was an ugly/average girl, then maybe you'd be a little weirded out...okay, so not YOU, but the general "you".

Haha **** straight, not ME. I enjoy any attention from any girl. Because I think that every woman is pretty in her own way.

Nawww, making the first move won't make you seem desperate. That way of thinking is history.

Haha ok...something less brazen...well, you could play the "forgetful" game. Just "forget" your homework assignments or notes every now and then, and ask him if you could copy his or something. That should give you a foot in the door to chat a bit with him, to maybe let him know you like him. Heh I hope that helped a bit.

----Steve

 

[Bells]

Then you are definitely a rarity!

Yes, you are helping lots . Thank you very much.

I could try something like that I guess...I would have to get a little innovative because the class doesn't require note taking and all the assignments are on a website.

 

[Badjedidude]

Hmmmm....then you could be drastic and miss a day of class, then come in the next class period and ask him what you missed. Haha I guess my point is this: If you really want to make a connection, don't worry about making it perfect, and just be creative. You don't have to get his attention, just make him aware that you exist through simple small talk (and maybe batting your eyelashes or blushing a bit ). That's often enough to snap a guy to attention and focus on you.

----Steve

P.S. Darn. I was hoping I had a secret admirer in one of my classes. -_-

 

[Bells]

But then he would just wonder why I didn't just ask the girl that sits next to me, who I generally talk to in that class.

But I get what you're saying :]. Small talk. Got it.

My co-worker suggested to me that I squeeze my boobs together when I'm talking to him during a shrug or something...LOL. Um...hm.

A few hundred miles too far for that I'm afraid .

 

[Badjedidude]

My co-worker suggested to me that I squeeze my boobs together when I'm talking to him during a shrug or something...LOL. Um...hm.

Haha! Good advice! Hook your arms behind your back and push out that upper chest! Indeed. That'd work for me.

----Steve

 

[Bells]

Ha! Right-O.

"Oops! I seem to have carelessly dropped my book!"
>_>

Jk . I think I'll just let the ladies do their work on their own.

 

[Badjedidude]

LOL!! Haha well you still have to talk a bit. Just boobies alone might be a bit weird. Erotic, but weird. XD

I think you'll be fine, don't worry about it. ^_^

----Steve

 

[Bells]

Hehe, oh .

Thanks :]. And thanks for the optimism. Optimism generally makes me feel worse, but it didn't this time.

 

[Badjedidude]

Optimism generally makes me feel worse, but it didn't this time.

Awesome! lol I feel useful today!

----Steve

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Maybe he's more socailly retarded than the rest of the guys you've dated
Maybe he's gay and isn't attracted to women.
Maybe he's on a mission to remain a virgin for the rest of his life.
Maybe he has a GF already.

Rebound..mean you're on an emotional roller coaster after a break up. Hitting a bottom, you feel empty, and a little desperate.
You want to filll that void. You're more vunable than usual. You make decision base on your emotions...Sometimes getting
involve in another relationship too fast or getting involve with someone that you don't really have anything in common with.
Being moe vunable than usual...you'll sometimes do things that you wouldnt usually do or might regret later. The romance
stage will fill that viod for a while...it's only a banage job...You wake one day and tell yourself...WTF am i doing..I don't
really like this person. Then you might stick around in the relationship becuase you feel guilty or you might break it off
again becuase you found out your new partner and you don't mix..like oil and water....Then you go through the roller coaster
stage again after another break up. You might make a different chioce...and give your time to heal and also get to know
yourself better after the roller coasters...

Caught serveral women on the rebound. Also been cought on a rebound myself serveral times.
It's all good...it's better than sitting home alone wanting to blow your brains out.

You can simply take the direct approch of just asking him out or to go hang out....you might have to do this a couple of times...
If that's who you really want to be with....
Sometimes us guys are retarded...you gatta give us..3 or 4 or 5 or 6 hints before we get it.

it's not that wierd.. I have photo of my ex-wf and ex-gf. I put them side by side...They look almost the same.

Looking back on my relationship with my ex-gf...we hardly have anything in common.
We have differnent beliefs, different view on life, different taste in music, we dress different, differnent friends, different taste in food, we have differnent interest of hobbies..etc
The pyshcial attraction and sex. And of course...her ex-bf perviously before me was also a musician. And of course she was on a rebound as I was I.
She has just gotten out of a long term relationship as I was. If I honeslty write down the date from my previous break up..it was less than 60 days when I ran into her.
For her...it was even less. 60 days seem like a life time when you're on the roller coaster but it's relatively overnite.
Of course she came after me, ask me out and of course my ex-wf also asked me out. I can't say it was all bad. We had a lot of good times together.
We were very much in love for the first 5 years of the relationship. The last 7 years was a living hell. Separation after separations..trying to make it work
becuase of the time and energy we both invested into the relationship. Techniquelly she was my wife becuase we lived together for so long.
Ulitmately we both ended up hating each other. That's what we have in common, now. The hate.
I hated myself for not being able to break away, i hated her for getting messed up out of her fucken mind all the time. We were both very unhappy in the relationship,
it got very toxic. I felt more lost, lonely and along living with her. She escape through getting high and gambling all the time. We had sex all the time inspite of everything.
Even when we were separated...we had sex almost everyday. it became like an addiction becuase we both were in so much pains. Mind numbing sex to cope or escape.
I used it to cope...she used it to escape. Aside from that....I have nothing in common with her.

It got really bad...until the pains of staying got greater than the pains of leaving....I was staying.
I felt like I was going to die if i leave her and the sex addiction kept me in the cycle. The thoughts of having to go through another break up roller coaster also made me feel sick to my stomuch.
After you live with someone for a long time...you kind of get afriad of dating or having sex with another person...std ect.
Fears rules your life, the guilt and shame throgh moral and vaule of feeling like you're a failure. All of these negative feeling couple together keeps you in a very unhealthy cycle.

 

[Just_Some_Dude]

Sometimes us guys are retarded...you gatta give us..3 or 4 or 5 or 6 hints before we get it.

yep. i'm living proof of that.

 

[Enchantress]

Geez I know how that feels.I have the exact same problem.But mine is worse in a way and better in another

Well it's worse because the guy is not with me in any of my classes and none of my friends know him and I don't know any of his (which are mostly all guys) -_-!! And what keeps me sane is that I'm sure that he likes me too.Well,we two keep staring at each other for like umm 2 minutes straight (literally) or whenever possible And I'm sure he's not that dumb as to haven't realized the meaning of this.I'm sure he did.Even his friends seem to tease him about it abit.He's such a coward for not speaking up to me till now though !! But hopefully it's getting closer.

After my midyears we had a 2 weeks holiday I think I've broken the record of the number of times Ive thought about him.But hey it's all HIS fault anyways for being so adorable and because he keeps giving me those looks that make me want to hug him cause he seems like he's trying to say something!

So to all the guys on here,WHY make a girl notice you like that and like you then keep her waiting like that and not do anything about it.Please help me to help him.Is he not sure if I like him? Doesn't want to come across as creepy and how can I make him know he wont appart from apparently liking him ? Should I talk to other guys more often and make him jealous?Have more guy friends to make him feel like im okay with talking to guys and that everybody wont think that he's got a crush on me if they see him talking to me? Let my friend make it obvious that I like him with grimaces and so??
Cause I'm tired of waiting,and im sure he likes me but doesn't know what to do,and I really want to talk to him too and end the confusion.I want to know him so that I can either be sure that I truly like him appart from his looks or move on with my life if not.This has been like that for just too long *sigh*
Someone with knowedge of the teen guy's brain enlighten me? I will never quite understand guys.

Sorry Bells that im asking this here I hope you don't mind but I think ur problem is a bit like mine I hope you can figure it out!

 

[Aedammair]

Just because he turned away doesn't mean he's not interested.
Help him figure it out a little.
You don't have to do that verbally. Let him catch you looking at him once in a while. Smile at him as you walk past each other. The list is endless. Try something
Just a suggestion though. Don't really flaunt yourself. It drives us guys crazy and makes it harder for us to think (Honestly. and if he's a good kid then he feels like a jerk or a creep). Besides... you don't want him to be solely interested in that.
I actually am trying to figure out what to do with a girl in my class. She is extremely beautiful. I think she may like me. We don't sit right next to each other but we are close in the class room. I say hello to her every now and then and held a couple conversations with her (unfortuanetly only about school work ). I am shy beyond belief. Just because he doesn't ask you out doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for you.
If he turns out not to be interested or something, don't beat yourself up. He can't be that perfect

Good luck
Aedammair

P.S. Enchantress... if this guy is acting this way don't try and make him jealous. Usually back fires and he thinks you don't like him and he gives up. If he is the kind of guy who gets jealous he's probably not the type you want to have a relationship with. If you can pull it off, walk up to him when he's alone (generally. it doesn't have to be a deserted alley way ) and introduce yourself. If you want better answers (and more in depth) you should post your own thread.

 

[Enchantress]

Thxx Aedammair for your advice alot I won't try and make him jealous ,cause even for me I personally find a guy who is always sarrounded by girls and they're all flirting with him a turnoff ,like where would I fit,what would make me special and yeah ofcourse it's frustrating to watch so I won't do it =]
Well I have had a thread about this before but a while ago at the very beginning of this so I don't want to keep posting new threads about the same thing.It bores people >.<

And Bells yes I agree he might be a shy guy and that's why he turned away.I sometimes when I get too anxious find it best to escape the situation before I give myself away.Take it slow and try to befriend him to see if he has feelings for you too.Atleast you have reasons to talk to him !