So there's this girl I like

[PlayingSolo]

And I think she may like me back. Let me explain.

I've worked in retail for about 3 years now, and for the last year or so I've mostly been a cashier. I also have fairly severe social phobia. When I first started my job I would hardly say a word to anyone, but as time went on I started getting more comfortable with being there and now it almost feels like a home away from home. If you were to come and see me at work on a normal day, you would never know that I had any anxiety problems.

Now, for as long as I can remember working there, there's been this girl that works at the other retail building next door. The first time I saw her I thought she was attractive, but also that I had no chance with her, so I didn't really bother trying (this was years ago). She doesn't really come into my store much and I don't really see her very often (I've maybe seen her shopping there 10 times total in 3+ years). I also noticed long ago that she was more the quiet type and seemed to mostly stick to herself, although I guess I didn't really realize it until the other day.

Now that the background info is out of the way let me get to what's making me think lately. Sometime near the beginning of summer, she came in and bought some stuff and asked me some questions about how things work in my store. At this point in time I had long given up on trying to make any moves on her and so I was perfectly calm and not anxious at all. But from the way she was talking, she seemed like she was very anxious and nervous about talking to me. I also think I noticed her hands were shaking quite a bit as well, but it could have just been my imagination.

So I started thinking about all this and a few days later I went into her store for a change. It was pretty late at night and I actually did need to buy something there, so it wasn't just to see her. Anyways, as I was walking around, I turned a corner and there she was. We made eye contact and both of us quickly looked away. Neither of is said anything and (sadly) that was that. I was feeling really anxious the entire time so I got what I needed and left. Something else I should mention: I listen to a lot of heavy metal and was wearing a T-shirt that featured one of my favorite bands that night. It has a skeleton on the front and I thought that maybe it turned her off, because I didn't see her again up until a few days ago.

So after a long period of silence (almost all summer), I wasn't really sure she was even still working there, so I decided to take another shot at it and went into her store again before my shift started. After casually looking around for a few minutes, I spotted what looked like her (she didn't see me yet), except her hair was a bit different so I wasn't really sure. So I kind of stopped and turned around to look at some merchandise on the shelf. Less than a minute later, she comes around the corner and walks right in front of me. I think she saw me first, cause when I looked at her, her eyes were turned away from me looking at the stuff on the shelf that I was pretending to look at. She seemed...nervous? Or maybe just surprised and unprepared. But once again, neither of us said anything to the other. I thought "well at least I know she still works here" and called that a victory for the day so I left and went to work. This all happened less than a week ago.

About 2 days later (i think), it was fairly late at night, I was working and we weren't too busy.ever since the other day when I saw her, I just couldn't stop thinking about her and every time the door opened my heart would stop thinking it was her. It was sage to say my anxiety about her was back. So right when I least expected it (of course) she comes walking in the door. Unfortunately I was somewhat busy with a task and my supervisor was working right next to me, so there wasn't much I could do. I never saw her look at me but I'm pretty certain she knew I was there. She looked around at some stuff near the checkout and then left after a few minutes without buying anything (I think she may have just been on her break and didn't have much time to stay). That was the last time I've seen her.

SO. Here are some of my thoughts. First, I think its too big of a coincidence that I don't see her for months, but then a few days after I show my face in her store, she comes into mine only to not buy anything. I also think she may have some form of anxiety problems too, considering the avoidance of eye contact, shaky hands, and the nervousness I perceived the one time I rung her up recently. (I actually consider this a good thing, I think it may be the biggest reason I'm attracted to her, ironically enough). It also kind of seems like we're almost playing store tag (she comes to me store, I go to hers, she comes to mine, etc etc) yet both of us are too chicken to anything to the other.

Now I could be totally wrong on all of this. For all I know, she's happily in a relationship and this could all be my imagination. I'd love to hear anyone thoughts on the whole situation. I would love to have a shot at her, but I've never asked a girl on a date in my life and sadly enough I don't really see that changing any time soon (when analyzing my current level of self confidence, it just doesn't seem like something Ill be able to do anytime in the near future), but I try to keep telling myself "she's in exactly the same boat as I am: scared shitless to talk to me" but it doesn't really seem to help in any of my efforts lol.

Anyways, thanks for reading. This turned out to be a lot longer of a post than I expected. Also, sorry for any grammar issues, I'm typing this on my phone and it likes to correct certain words into other words LOL

If I remember any other details I will post them.

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One other thing I forgot to mention, although I'm not sure if it's relevant or not. I don't think I've ever seen this girl smile. She never really seems happy, although she's never come off as really sad either though. A long time ago (like over a year) I remember asking her how she liked working there, and she said she hated it. That was probably the most personal conversation I ever had with her. At that time she didn't really seem interested in me per se, but she seemed like she did want to talk, or was a little hesitant to leave. Like she wanted someone to talk to maybe.

 

[Montreal Skye]

Wow this sounds familiar, I've been through that too. It's hard when both of you are (or in her case seem to be) so anxious and nervous. I think that the next time you see her you should just walk up to her and say hello...go for it. Talk about the weather or a bad customer or some kind of small talk, just to ease the tension a little bit. If she acts disinterested, then I think you'll know that it's not going to happen. But it might make her feel more comfortable, maybe she'll even smile?

 

[Sci-Fi]

Sorry I didn't read all that just kind of scanned through it. Talk to her more, even if you just say "hi how are you". I'm petrified of making eye contact with people in stores, especially in the small town I live in. A lot of people know me from where I work. Now that is totally different than what your situation is but my point is that whenever someone says "hi" even if it's just passing by it makes me feel better. Less scared. That might help the both of you.

 

[PlayingSolo]

Wow this sounds familiar, I've been through that too. It's hard when both of you are (or in her case seem to be) so anxious and nervous. I think that the next time you see her you should just walk up to her and say hello...go for it. Talk about the weather or a bad customer or some kind of small talk, just to ease the tension a little bit. If she acts disinterested, then I think you'll know that it's not going to happen. But it might make her feel more comfortable, maybe she'll even smile?

Yeah I was kind of thinking the same thing. But it's just so difficult! I'm scared she'll see right through me and also of coming off as a nervous freak lol

Sorry I didn't read all that just kind of scanned through it. Talk to her more, even if you just say "hi how are you". I'm petrified of making eye contact with people in stores, especially in the small town I live in. A lot of people know me from where I work. Now that is totally different than what your situation is but my point is that whenever someone says "hi" even if it's just passing by it makes me feel better. Less scared. That might help the both of you.

Yeah maybe. She did seem to enjoy the slightly more personal conversation we had so long ago. But it's just so hard for me to act calm. My brain goes into panic mode when I see her now.

 

[Montreal Skye]

I'm scared she'll see right through me and also of coming off as a nervous freak lol

If she's nervous too though, she's probably thinking the same thing!!

My brain goes into panic mode when I see her now.

Tell yourself it's not panic mode. Keep repeating "this is so exciting"...it won't stop the jitters, but it might put a little more positive spin on things when you see her.

The worst thing you can do is nothing. I say that, because no matter how frightening (exciting? ), a situation is, you don't want to ever regret having given up a chance. Even if it doesn't go the way you want right?

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I'd say that you should make sure you at least say "hi" to her whenever you get the chance. If you don't say anything you're liable to make her think that you're not keen on her!

All too often I've realised that being shy can actually make a person seem rude sometimes without realising. Ensure that you make some contact with her, even if your supervisor is about, just a quick smile or nod will do.

Okay, I'm going to be a massive hypocrite now and advise you to do what I never can...

1. You like her.
2. There is a very high probability she likes you. Girls don't get shaky hands and nervousness around guys for no reason.
3. By not doing anything, you're making both of you nervous and basically denying yourself a relationship!

Thus, next time you see this girl say hello. Perhaps ask first of all if she needs anything in your store (this will also allow you to gauge if she's actually there to see you in the first place - if this question makes her a bit shy, chances are she is).

Regardless of her answer, ask her what she's been up to and how life is treating her, this will allow you to talk more personally.

After that, there are two ways you can take things.

1. Compose yourself, then pay her a genuine compliment. This can be really hard to do, but it's worth it. Pick out something nice about her appearance or personality and comment on it sincerely, if she likes you she'll very much appreciate this and it'll get a lot easier to talk to her in future.

OR

2. After you begin talking to her and get onto more personal topics, say something like "You know, you seem really nice. Would you like to get a coffee with my sometime?" Of course it does not have to be coffee, but if you've known this girl years on-and-off, if she likes you she'll probably be very pleased you said this.

If I were you, I'd try option 2. It's really really tough to do either when you're shy (especially with an actual social phobia!), but you're practically guaranteed to get a yes from this girl from the sounds of your post.

Put yourself in her shoes too - the poor lady's getting shaky hands with the amount she fancies you, but she's probably clueless as to whether you like her back at all. Give her a big hint that you do if you do, before it's too late to do anything

EDIT - Also, realise that she's possibly a little bit lonely if she's a shy girl. She's not going to bite your head off for talking to her, so relax and just treat her as a friend. She will probably be ecstatic that you're making your feelings clear, thoughts of your nervousness will be far from her mind.

 

[PlayingSolo]

Haha that's some pretty good advice SolitaryMan. Option 2 seems like a longahot for me though haha. The one time I saw her with her hair down I thought she looked beautiful and kind of wanted to say something about it, but the next time I saw her it was back to being tied back. But maybe I can still work this into a compliment somehow >.>

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Haha that's some pretty good advice SolitaryMan. Option 2 seems like a longahot for me though haha. The one time I saw her with her hair down I thought she looked beautiful and kind of wanted to say something about it, but the next time I saw her it was back to being tied back. But maybe I can still work this into a compliment somehow >.>

Option 1's always good for the long run if you feel asking her out is too tough right now. She'll at least get a hint that you're interested and probably be flattered that you appreciate her appearance

At the same time though, a casual invitation to a coffee could simply be friendly, she doesn't have to interpret it as a "date", so don't see it as such a big deal.

You two would just be chatting in a more practical environment, it's not like you'd be trying to snog the girl's face off instantly

Being up front that you like her could be exactly what she's waiting for - subtlety does unfortunately have limits in conveying romantic desire. You said yourself you find her beautiful, so I'd seize that thought and go make an impression on her.

Good luck!

 

[Among the Sleep]

Just talk to her, man. Not that you should go out of your way and make it obvious. Figure something out that you wanna buy at whatever store she works at haha. Put it on the counter, ask her how it's going, and then make some bullshit small talk about the weather. That's where every personal relationship that isn't family starts from, bullshit small talk. If you can break down that barrier it may lead to other things. Seems like you're both kind of waiting for eachother to make the first move. To be honest, she probably won't do it. And if she has some kind of anxiety issues herself, no one is gonna understand more/judge less than her, as far as if you seem nervous when you're talking to her or something.

Bullshit smalltalk. It's the segway to everything.

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And not to get too flowery and metaphysical about it...and as you said, maybe she doesn't even notice you...but I think when you're that attracted to someone you don't really know, I think that's nature...the universe...whatever you wanna call it trying to tell you that there's potential there. You're connecting on an energetic level without even realizing it, I think.

 

[PlayingSolo]

And not to get too flowery and metaphysical about it...and as you said, maybe she doesn't even notice you...but I think when you're that attracted to someone you don't really know, I think that's nature...the universe...whatever you wanna call it trying to tell you that there's potential there. You're connecting on an energetic level without even realizing it, I think.

Ha, I never really thought of it that way, but that's an interesting way to put it. I suppose it's possible, although I've never been much of a believer in that kind of stuff.

Anyways, whatever I end up doing I better do it soon, cause school starts in about two weeks and after that I'll be working a whole lot less, aka I'd probly have less chance to see her. Although this just adds to my anxiousness/stress level haha

 

[Among the Sleep]

And not to get too flowery and metaphysical about it...and as you said, maybe she doesn't even notice you...but I think when you're that attracted to someone you don't really know, I think that's nature...the universe...whatever you wanna call it trying to tell you that there's potential there. You're connecting on an energetic level without even realizing it, I think.

Ha, I never really thought of it that way, but that's an interesting way to put it. I suppose it's possible, although I've never been much of a believer in that kind of stuff.

Anyways, whatever I end up doing I better do it soon, cause school starts in about two weeks and after that I'll be working a whole lot less, aka I'd probly have less chance to see her. Although this just adds to my anxiousness/stress level haha

I think that type of thing exists. I've had one or two similar experiences that have led me to believe that, but that's just me. I think what you put out there is what comes back to you.

But either way...idk, the only advice I can give you is just to talk to her. I don't have anything better to offer than that, cause I've never really asked a girl out on a date and I'm not real good at that type of thing. But I think if you just make an effort to make small talk with her, there's a good chance you guys will hit it off. And if you don't, then whatever. What's the worst that can happen, really? You have an awkward, forced conversation, it's a little embarrassing for like 5 minutes and then you move on with your life.

 

[PlayingSolo]

it's a little embarrassing for like 5 minutes and then you move on with your life.

Well see that's one of my faults, I tend to remember bad experiences and dwell on them :/

 

[Among the Sleep]

it's a little embarrassing for like 5 minutes and then you move on with your life.

Well see that's one of my faults, I tend to remember bad experiences and dwell on them :/

Me too, so I don't even mean to downplay it. I'm just looking at it objectively. You need to overcome that fear, though...you and me both. Cause I mean, really. What's the worst that's gonna happen?

 

[PlayingSolo]

it's a little embarrassing for like 5 minutes and then you move on with your life.

Well see that's one of my faults, I tend to remember bad experiences and dwell on them :/

Me too, so I don't even mean to downplay it. I'm just looking at it objectively. You need to overcome that fear, though...you and me both. Cause I mean, really. What's the worst that's gonna happen?

Yeah I realize nothing really bad would happen if she wasn't interested, but still... lol. Fears are hard to overcome

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Yeah I realize nothing really bad would happen if she wasn't interested, but still... lol. Fears are hard to overcome

On the other hand, if you lose her without doing anything that'll be a definite negative consequence. So you know what you have to do

 

[putter65]

Yeah I realize nothing really bad would happen if she wasn't interested, but still... lol. Fears are hard to overcome

On the other hand, if you lose her without doing anything that'll be a definite negative consequence. So you know what you have to do

ive been in a situation like this a million times.

I like a woman, does she like me ?

The answer was a million 'no's

 

[PlayingSolo]

Yeah I realize nothing really bad would happen if she wasn't interested, but still... lol. Fears are hard to overcome

On the other hand, if you lose her without doing anything that'll be a definite negative consequence. So you know what you have to do

This is true. Thanks for the support everyone. Now I just have to do it LOL

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On a side note: Among the Sleep, I misread your username as Among the Sheep and it made me think of this

http://xkcd.com/1013/

 

[putter65]

Yeah I realize nothing really bad would happen if she wasn't interested, but still... lol. Fears are hard to overcome

On the other hand, if you lose her without doing anything that'll be a definite negative consequence. So you know what you have to do

This is true. Thanks for the support everyone. Now I just have to do it LOL

---

On a side note: Among the Sleep, I misread your username as Among the Sheep and it made me think of this

http://xkcd.com/1013/

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yes do it, get it over with, good luck

 

[PlayingSolo]

Well I haven't seen her since I started this thread... Kinda bummed about it.

One of her coworkers is a frequent shopper in my store. He's really cool and I get along with him really well. I thought about mentioning it to him, maybe asking him if she has a boyfriend to try to indicate that I'm somewhat interested. This has all been building up inside me I guess, because I'm normally completely calm around him like he's my friend, but today when I saw him I kind of freaked out, had a mild anxiety attack. I don't think he noticed, but I was pretty panicked the whole time he was in the store. I kept thinking about asking him the whole time but in the end I couldn't. I don't really know what to do. If I can't even ask her coworker about it, I don't think there's much hope in actually talking to her directly about it.

Idk, like I said, just kinda bummed about the whole thing.

 

[PlayingSolo]

UPDATE:

Well its been quite a few weeks since I made this thread. A bit has happened. I'll explain if anyone cares to listen. I'm going to assume you've read the first post I made so I don't have to repeat myself.

I started visiting her store once a week on the days I knew she'd be there. I think I did this 4-5 times and pretty sure I saw her each time. The last of the two were the most impacting though I think.

The first one I actually got to talk to her. Probably the first real conversation I had with her in a long time, even though it probably only lasted about a minute. I'll spare the details, but some important things to note was that when we first made eye contact, she quickly looked away (i thought she had noticed me before this, but based on her reaction I guess not). Besides that, I learned she actually works two jobs and this was (i guess) more of a side job for her. Despite not asking her out or anything, this made me feel pretty good that I actually had a conversation with her.

The last time I went in there (last week), nothing of great importance happened, but she did ring me out. I was happy I got to see and briefly talk with her, and that was that.

But last night she came into my store. And when I was least expecting it. I hadn't seen her work on a Sunday in quite a long time. She wasn't wearing her normal work clothes though, so I knew she wasn't working that night. She was wearing normal street clothes, and it was the first time I'd seen her in such. She was beautiful. My heart stopped when I saw her, even though she didn't initially look at me. I was shocked that she actually came into my store on her day off.

Anyway, she didn't take long to get what she needed and walk up to the counter. We both greeted each other and then there was a slight moment of awkward silence. She made a quick smalltalk statement to ease the tension (i guess) and then told me the worst news I've heard in a long time: she was quitting her job next door. I was so anxious that my brain didn't really fully process what that meant at the time. We talked about that for a few seconds and then she left (there was a guy behind him so she couldn't really stay and talk).

It's pretty obvious that she only stopped by that night specifically to tell me she was quitting. I'm pretty devastated over this. Partly because I may not ever get to see her again, which hurts pretty bad in and of itself. But also because she stopped by just to tell me that. Which tells me that she really does like me and possibly may be trying to say "look, this is your last chance, make a move". And that hurts 10 times more. The one time I meet a girl I like, and she actually likes me back, and I feel like we're getting torn apart.

My last hope is that her work requires some kind of 1-2 week notice before someone can quit. Which hopefully means I'll still get to see her this week. But I'm really not sure about that. Like I said, I can only hope. I'm really scared I'll never see her again and that I blew my chances with her. I also had the thought that maybe, since she came to tell me she was leaving, she may come to see me from time to time on her own accord. But I can't really count on that.

Like I said I'm pretty devastated over this whole thing. I can't stop thinking about all of it. One time I heard someone equate the words "lost opportunity" with social anxiety. That's pretty much what I'm feeling now. I feel like I have a deep connection with this girl, despite knowing hardly anything about her. I feel like she's the only one that would really understand me, and that I might understand her pretty well too. It's kind of weird now that I'm thinking about it. It seems strange of how much this is affecting me. Like I said, I hardly know this girl.

I'm mostly just venting... Thanks for reading