So....where to go from here?

[kolmer]

So my fiancee who i've been together with for 6 years just broke up with me, saying taht her feelings for me had changed and she loved me more as a friend now. Via text no less. Feeling kinda broken and have no idea where to turn next.
Any helpful tips or anything would do me wonders right now

 

[Alone By Faults]

Clingy and or needy is what you do not need to project even if you are those things. As the dumpee, you are at her whim as she called the shots of the break up. Maybe the reason she told you was legit...maybe she is interested in someone else. Whatever the case...one course of action that can help you heal is the following.

The No Contact Rule

At leat 30 days of having no contact. This mean texting, phones, accidental stalking, answered prayers, or whatever. No peeking in on social media or liking something she posts. If you are friends with her on Facebook or whatever, cut her out of your life.

1. Fastest way to heal from this
2. Allows her the space she may need...
3. gets both people thinking from a more level place.
4. Might actually foster feelings that she misses you.

You do this to heal over this..if after that period, contact comes, and it is of a reconcile nature then you might proceed.

Otherwise you might be better off with you telling her that you are her ex rather than a friend...she choose to do this to you.

Wish you luck...lots of good meaning people here

 

[TheRealCallie]

In addition to not having contact with her, stay busy. Whatever you have to do to not think about it. Go out, have a good time. Do NOT let this stop you from living your life. It's hard, yes, but you will move on from it. Just don't wait around for her.

 

[kolmer]

Hard to go out with no money. And i'll try all you said, it's just a kick to the balls right when I was happiest. Going to be hard to trust again.

 

[Danielle]

Sorry to hear Kolmer... That is a very hard situation to be in. I agree that you should keep no contact. It's eaiser said than done, but just get through it one day at a time. I also agree that you should go out with friends or do things that you find enjoyable.

I also think you should allow yourself to grieve if you haven't already. That is am important step, dont push your feelings aside..feel them then get through them. Also easier said than done.

I know this is a sucky situation, but you can get throught this.

 

[Alone By Faults]

Hard to go out with no money. And i'll try all you said, it's just a kick to the balls right when I was happiest. Going to be hard to trust again.

A lot of things to do with no money...got to think when you were a kid and you just had fun....

Dude I feel for you..I am the dumpee in a five year relationship...

after months she was still feeding me stuff like I have not closed the door on us and I have love for you...

Your chances of healing go down when you pick at a scab...

 

[Mouse]

Text dumping is despicable.

Leave her behind and move on. In the beginning it will be tough; rather like walking up a bank of shingle only to take steps backwards. But it does get better in the end.

 

[h3donist]

How awful, she should have had the decency to at least talk to you in person.

All the "you're better off without her" etc messages, no matter how true they are won't be helpful right now. Make sure you look after yourself, maybe treat yourself to something nice that you wouldn't have bought while you were with her, or try something you've never done before - like a college course or voluntary work. Something that keeps you occupied and brings you happiness.

Finally there are loads of people here who will happily chat to you when you are feeling low so stay in touch and just take things a day at a time.

All the best

 

[kolmer]

Thanks guys, all your support does help, honestly. The problem is I'm at uni now but when I'm home I live directly next to her..... And since I have a job in my home town after my final year it's gonna be kinda hard to avoid her. She admits she was scared about it all and hence the text thing bit but I'm not sure I can believe that it's a sudden thing. Anyway, it's way too late, and I've had way too much rum so I'll see you all tomorrow if I make it!

 

[ardour]

"Thanks for not respecting me enough to tell me in person."

"Thanks for blindsiding me after coming to terms with this while still in the comfort of the relationship."

These are the thing's I'd want to say. Probably not a good idea though.

Re-iterating what others have said - as little contact as you can manage. You're not obliged to be friends with her either.

 

[AspiringCatLady]

Kolmer it sounds like you've had a lucky escape if she's prepared to dump you via text after a 6 year relationship. You definitely deserve better. And if this is the way she feels, then it's pointless pursuing her. That's providing her reasons are true. And if she's just used that as an excuse and is seeing someone else, then she's not worth it either. Either way, she just ain't worth it. Move on with your life with someone who values your qualities as a partner and lover, not just as a friend. Good luck and stay strong x

 

[kolmer]

Thanks for the support everyone, I'm trying to do what you've said, keeping busy and the like. There are, obviously, other things which add to all she did but that's not something for a public post..... It's hard not to give up and just imagine spending my life alone. I wasn't that much of a catch in the first place and I'm no good at talking to people, especially women.

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Thanks for the support everyone, I'm trying to do what you've said, keeping busy and the like. There are, obviously, other things which add to all she did but that's not something for a public post..... It's hard not to give up and just imagine spending my life alone. I wasn't that much of a catch in the first place and I'm no good at talking to people, especially women.