aspalas
Well-known member
Hi there, it's been a while since I've posted here but I really need to vent.
So, about a year ago I had a couple of panic attacks leading to social anxiety within my social life and especially within my studies. 2 years ago I decided to attend an art school, a year later I switched to another one because I didn't like the school I attended first. A couple of months after I started here the anxiety started too. I've been seeing a therapist until a month ago or so, I've pretty much eliminated the issues I've had in my social life but now the issues within my studies (extreme stress before class and presentations) have continued. Since I moved to the city my school is in 2 months back I'll have to find a new psychologist here, I'm working on that. Anyway, it's a real burden, and it partially lead to the following decision.
I'm quitting art school. I absolutely despise it. I hate almost every single student and teacher within my department. I never knew these kind of people existed, I'd best describe them as hugely condescending sociopaths, both my student councilor within the school aswell as my (ex-)psychologist, and the few friends I have within my department and school, agree on this according to my stories or in case of my fellow students their own experiences. Just to give an example, once I was told everybody within the department hated me and the 2 friends I have/had (1 dropped out) because "we didn't fit in". To be exact, I'm not a typical art school student, I have a broad interest and am a pretty normal guy in terms of lifestyle, interests, future plans, whereas most students in my department are enormously extravagant and, in my opinion, trying way too hard to be different. Besides that, filthy looks, no response when I greet people, this includes some teachers. A couple of days ago I've actually filed some official complaints against them for their behaviour, we'll see how that will work out.
Not only is this an absolutely awful social environment which probably is part of the cause of my social anxiety (not just that, also some other issues I won't discuss here), I also don't know why I've ever chosen for this, I don't like art that much, I don't want to be an artist, I'd rather be a normal person with a job and hopefully a family. I decided to only do things I like now, which kind of relieves the huge stress I feel every day before going to school (I'm always scared of having a panic attack or what not, every day I have to go to school, which is obviously taking it's toll). I decided to just finish the year doing whatever I want and not following courses, mandatory or not, I don't like. I'll probably apply for history at a university nearby. I know some other people who study there (not history though) and say it's a nice place to study.
Anyway, the thing that bothers me the most now is the social anxiety. I'm not sure if I'll overcome it, ever. I used to be outgoing and very comfortable in school (I've had a bit of a shitty home situation so school has always been my "safe place"), and now it's been the place I hate the most. I'm afraid I won't be able to cope with studying history either because of it. I'll try to see a psychologist ASAP but at the moment I just don't know what to do.
Thanks for reading, any comments are hugely appreciated.
So, about a year ago I had a couple of panic attacks leading to social anxiety within my social life and especially within my studies. 2 years ago I decided to attend an art school, a year later I switched to another one because I didn't like the school I attended first. A couple of months after I started here the anxiety started too. I've been seeing a therapist until a month ago or so, I've pretty much eliminated the issues I've had in my social life but now the issues within my studies (extreme stress before class and presentations) have continued. Since I moved to the city my school is in 2 months back I'll have to find a new psychologist here, I'm working on that. Anyway, it's a real burden, and it partially lead to the following decision.
I'm quitting art school. I absolutely despise it. I hate almost every single student and teacher within my department. I never knew these kind of people existed, I'd best describe them as hugely condescending sociopaths, both my student councilor within the school aswell as my (ex-)psychologist, and the few friends I have within my department and school, agree on this according to my stories or in case of my fellow students their own experiences. Just to give an example, once I was told everybody within the department hated me and the 2 friends I have/had (1 dropped out) because "we didn't fit in". To be exact, I'm not a typical art school student, I have a broad interest and am a pretty normal guy in terms of lifestyle, interests, future plans, whereas most students in my department are enormously extravagant and, in my opinion, trying way too hard to be different. Besides that, filthy looks, no response when I greet people, this includes some teachers. A couple of days ago I've actually filed some official complaints against them for their behaviour, we'll see how that will work out.
Not only is this an absolutely awful social environment which probably is part of the cause of my social anxiety (not just that, also some other issues I won't discuss here), I also don't know why I've ever chosen for this, I don't like art that much, I don't want to be an artist, I'd rather be a normal person with a job and hopefully a family. I decided to only do things I like now, which kind of relieves the huge stress I feel every day before going to school (I'm always scared of having a panic attack or what not, every day I have to go to school, which is obviously taking it's toll). I decided to just finish the year doing whatever I want and not following courses, mandatory or not, I don't like. I'll probably apply for history at a university nearby. I know some other people who study there (not history though) and say it's a nice place to study.
Anyway, the thing that bothers me the most now is the social anxiety. I'm not sure if I'll overcome it, ever. I used to be outgoing and very comfortable in school (I've had a bit of a shitty home situation so school has always been my "safe place"), and now it's been the place I hate the most. I'm afraid I won't be able to cope with studying history either because of it. I'll try to see a psychologist ASAP but at the moment I just don't know what to do.
Thanks for reading, any comments are hugely appreciated.