Sort of have the friends part down, but...

[Zorg]

So in the past year I got hired at this movie theater, met a lot of cool people and made a lot of new friends. At first I was really quiet as usual, but as time went on I was forced to converse with my coworkers and eventually I was invited to their awesome parties and became somewhat close with a few of them.

The catch though, is I'm still not very talkative. In group conversations I usually don't say much, and I feel that some of my new friends can get a bit annoyed by this. I don't want to be the tag-along who doesn't input anything. Does anyone have any ideas on how to be more outspoken when with a group of friends?

 

[Claire1978]

Hmmm... Well, I seem to have the same problem as you, so I am not sure how much help I will be. I often feel that way in groups - as though I need to be contributing something worthwhile in conversation in order to be considered fun or likable.

It is great that you have been able to make new friends, and I think in time, you will develop a level of comfort that will allow you to speak up more. I think if you can just go in with the awareness that your friends do like you as you are - hence the invitation to the parties - your confidence will grow to the point that you will be comfortable expressing yourself in a way that works for you.

 

[Brian]

Hey Zorg,
I found myself in a similar situation a couple of years ago. Almost identical, in fact, except we didn't really party.

Now that you have a job and friends, you should start finding more to talk about with people. It's very important to be out doing things, as experience is the basis of general conversation.

But, some general tips in the meantime while you get the hang of it:

-Just generally laugh at jokes or funny remarks.
-Read news pertinent to you and your friends' interests. Or just general local news. Talk about these things.
-Some time, try just pointing something out that you kind of know about and commenting on it. Example: You're walking down the street and you see the new Ford F-550 roll down the street. If you are knowledgable about pickups and cars, you would say "Holy honeysuckle look at the lift on that ******!" If your friends are male, notifying them of attractive women is a very appropriate practice.

Aside from that just try and make a genuine effort to remember jokes or things to talk about. Before hanging out, try and come up with at least one or two things to mention that have happened or that you've done since you last saw your friends. Asking them questions is a great way to continue and be talkative; "Hey, ____, did you ever go and _____?"

Hope this helps. You should get the hang of it in no time! When I met my current group of friends I was really quiet too...but, things worked out; I got a job and started doing stuff. And now they can't shut me up.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

There's no big secret to it...just speak up and practice.

Eyes contact...not a stair down..but look people in the eyes when you're
speaking or listening to them. You can look away every so often..but re maintain
eyes contact.

I go to my meetings..it helps me in so many way.
It's kind of like group therapy.
I bascailly share whatever is on my mind , how i feel or what's
going on with me. By doing so..I've became more accustom
or have practice talking in front a group of people without
the fear of being judge or I might say something wrong.

After a while..I'll just say whatever...without always having
to be the center of attention all the time...but I'll crack jokes
and what have ya. Sometimes they'll laugh , other time they
won't...it's okay. Sometimes I'll say some random stuff...lmao
You should hear me in the chat room sometimes...lol
Some people probably think I'm a space case...but that's okay,
I'm not tense or too self aware and in a playful cheerful mood.
The key is...if I can laugh at myself...then I'm not too worry
about making an ass out of myself...and even if i did make
an ass out of myself..it's okay. It's basic self esteem.
Plus laughter gets me to smile naturally..So if I'm smiling and luaghing I'm more
approchable.

I don't worry what people think about me. I'm not a mind reader.lol
If i go too deep into my thoughts and worry...Then I start thinking or
become too self aware and recoil. Then I'll give off an un easy vibe.
People can feel the tension. If I know people will enough..they'll
either say something to crack me up or change the conversation..
sort of shifting gears to get me to stop thinking so dame much.lol

There's also voting involve if I do service work. So somtimes
I get practice at speaking out in front of people on what I want
to do.
If I run a meeting..i also get pratice at leading a meeting,but
also allowing people to talk and listen.

Attending meetings also gave me plenty of practice at listening to people. Sometimes I need to listen to people...lol
I've been more aware ...sometimes I'll cut people off when they
are saying something to me...I catch myself faster and faster.

I've been working on being positive so..I'm more aware to not
say negative things. I compliment people and stuff like that..
then the conversation sort of have a life of it's own. Just
going with the flow and being in the moment I suppose.
Sort of like lowering my expectations and leaving things open.

Then I bascailly transfer that to every where ever i go.
The ladies at work comes to my desk and chat with me all the time now.
I moslty compliment them or get them to laugh ..and they pretty much do the
same with me.
It's not a tence work enviorment and makes work more peaceful when we get along.

If somehow i get into a one on one conversation or it's pretty much
the sameway for me...a lot of it has to do with trust if we
talk about personal matters. Sometimes i do get into these conversations...but most of the time i just listen.
Of curse, i don't crack jokes when it's not appropriate.

 

[Cherrytree]

The advice given here previously may be better than mine, I just got two simple words for you:
Be loud.

People will notice you and interact with you more if you stand out a bit and make some noise, be energetic.
Give your opinion on things and don't try to be too serious. Try not to overdo it, cause you don't want to annoy anyone either.

 

[LonelyDragon]

I have this same problem. All I can say is to practice whenever you get a chance. Whenever the topic does turn to something you have input on make the most of it.

 

[SilentThinker]

We do have a common interest

Common interest is separated into two categories:
Major Topics
Minor Topics

Major topics are simply things that people are focusing on and minor topics are simply things that people are not focusing on.

Focus on the major topics that friends normally talk and you will do well.

Speak loud and try not to think too much.Just talk because people are willing to listen most of the time.