I'm having a relatively good day, and with the friendly welcome I have recieved at this site, I feel comfortable enough to share one of my personal writings with you. You see, writing is among one of my favorite hobbies. I practice it often because I would like to become the best writer I can be. Actually, if it wasn't for getting caught up in life drama, I'd probably already be at that point. But oh well, life happens. Anyway, my writings are about random subjects, and some, not so random.
The following forms part of my collection of personal writings that I have contributed to my Blogger. A couple of weeks ago, I wrote it for my seventeen year old, Elizabeth. Aside being a great daughter, she's my best friend ever. There's a lot of things in life that I have failed at, but as for my daughter, eventhough I don't see myself as the kind of mother she deserves, she has shown me love, support, and patience. Considering she's a teenager, she confides in me and tells me everything, as if I were her best friend. I feel lucky she trusts me. Anyhow, when I wrote the following, I did feel exactly as the title of the thread states.
"I'm sorry if being this version of me makes you feel sad or mad. I know it does. This is not how I wish things were between us. I hate not being able to be there for you in the way that you deserve. I feel that everyday that I allow this version of me to rule my life, I lose you a little bit more each day. Eventually you will grow up and go off on your own to face life, and my dream is that I change in time for you to leave with a memory and or a mental picutre of me that represents who I really am, the true me I'm supposed to be that is completely different as night and day compared to this pathetic sad version of me. I feel it probably doesn't even matter anymore how I got to this point. Fact is, I'm there. Being this person I am right now is equivalent to having a sickness of some kind that I just can't seem to rid myself of. I can't explain why I haven't made any progress yet, only to say that what I think makes things complicated is that being this other person, I think, act, and live my life different than I would being the mentally strong fighter version of me that I feel I still have the potential to be. In other words, when I picture myself from the outside looking in , sort of speak, I don't see me. When I look in the mirror, that lifeless, homely, loser of a being that I see staring back as my reflection, I don't know who the fresia that is, but it's not me. The real me is somebody worthy of getting to know, unselfish, mentally strong and yes, stubborn, but in a good way. On the other hand, this messed up version of me, quite the opposite. I think it's taking me a while to shake this off because I let this go on for much too long, and this dark version has had more than plenty of time to make itself at home and build up in strength enough to take over my heart, mind, and soul in this way."
The following forms part of my collection of personal writings that I have contributed to my Blogger. A couple of weeks ago, I wrote it for my seventeen year old, Elizabeth. Aside being a great daughter, she's my best friend ever. There's a lot of things in life that I have failed at, but as for my daughter, eventhough I don't see myself as the kind of mother she deserves, she has shown me love, support, and patience. Considering she's a teenager, she confides in me and tells me everything, as if I were her best friend. I feel lucky she trusts me. Anyhow, when I wrote the following, I did feel exactly as the title of the thread states.
"I'm sorry if being this version of me makes you feel sad or mad. I know it does. This is not how I wish things were between us. I hate not being able to be there for you in the way that you deserve. I feel that everyday that I allow this version of me to rule my life, I lose you a little bit more each day. Eventually you will grow up and go off on your own to face life, and my dream is that I change in time for you to leave with a memory and or a mental picutre of me that represents who I really am, the true me I'm supposed to be that is completely different as night and day compared to this pathetic sad version of me. I feel it probably doesn't even matter anymore how I got to this point. Fact is, I'm there. Being this person I am right now is equivalent to having a sickness of some kind that I just can't seem to rid myself of. I can't explain why I haven't made any progress yet, only to say that what I think makes things complicated is that being this other person, I think, act, and live my life different than I would being the mentally strong fighter version of me that I feel I still have the potential to be. In other words, when I picture myself from the outside looking in , sort of speak, I don't see me. When I look in the mirror, that lifeless, homely, loser of a being that I see staring back as my reflection, I don't know who the fresia that is, but it's not me. The real me is somebody worthy of getting to know, unselfish, mentally strong and yes, stubborn, but in a good way. On the other hand, this messed up version of me, quite the opposite. I think it's taking me a while to shake this off because I let this go on for much too long, and this dark version has had more than plenty of time to make itself at home and build up in strength enough to take over my heart, mind, and soul in this way."
