surrounded by people yet still alone

[sagrita29]

Hi,

I have plenty of friends, but all my close friends live about 300 miles from me. I moved to take a new job, and since moving the people I have met have all been nice and fun. But, I don't seem to have formed any proper friendships. I am good at socialising, to others I always seem like the happy go lucky fun person. I have lots of friends but none of them really know me. My close friends, since moving away have become more distant, and I am now worried that in a few months time, when I move back home that I will no longer be able to relate to them! I even have a b/f back home that I have been dating for years, and I moved away for a contract job only for a year, and I fear that it has changed me into a different person that now lacks the ability to relate to people on a deeper level. I now feel that I dont fit in here, and I fear that when I move back home that I wont fit in there.

Has anyone else been through anything similar and can you offer advice???

 

[Elaeagnus]

Hi- If I understand your situation right, you have moved away, but are only staying where you are for one year before you head home again. Is that right? How long have you been in the new place? It can take a long time to make close friends, so if you haven't been there the entire year yet, there might not have been enough time for your new acquaintances to become your friends. As for your friends back home, they are probably not used to having long distance relationships. If you have strong bonds with them, no doubt your interactions with them will improve as you all get used to the distance or once you return home for good.

Will you have the opportunity to go home for a visit? That might help you keep in touch with your old friends.

I hope everything works out for you.

 

[sagrita29]

Hi- If I understand your situation right, you have moved away, but are only staying where you are for one year before you head home again. Is that right? How long have you been in the new place? It can take a long time to make close friends, so if you haven't been there the entire year yet, there might not have been enough time for your new acquaintances to become your friends. As for your friends back home, they are probably not used to having long distance relationships. If you have strong bonds with them, no doubt your interactions with them will improve as you all get used to the distance or once you return home for good.

Will you have the opportunity to go home for a visit? That might help you keep in touch with your old friends.

I hope everything works out for you.

Thank you for your reply. I've been here for about 8 months now. I go home about once a month or two months to see my b/f but its strange now that the time for moving back home is getting closer I feel that I have changed so much since moving away and that I have had all these thoughts about my friends back home changing that I feel very strange about moving home. I feel sure that I will be ok, I have always been the type of person to fit into all sorts of situations. But its just that these feelings are very strange for me. I lived abroad before, for around 7 months in Spain, and never once did I feel alone. But yet this time, I am closer to home but I feel alone. When I lived in Spain I had the language barrier as well, and I moved there on my own leaving my b/f, but I seemed to manage a lot better. But, I think you are right that my friends are no good at long-distance relationships, and maybe things will be ok when I get back! I hope so,

Thanks so much for replying, its nice to know there are nice people out there willing to listen to my ramblings

 

[Elaeagnus]

If you want to share more or get to know the people here better, you could consider registering. This is a great place, with many supportive and warm people.

I hope you are feeling a bit better now that you have found the site.

You might be feeling lonely now because you are close to home, but far enough away for it to make a real difference. When you were in Spain, you were probably so far away and in such a foreign place that you expected to be alone, and maybe you were experiencing excitement at your new surroundings that crushed any loneliness you might have felt.

Anyway, all the best.

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Sagrita,

I agree with Elae--being overseas is more like culture shock. May I ask where you are from originally?

I don't think your friends would change or dislike you after such a short period of time. Moving back home may be an option, if you truly like your friends and situation back there. May I ask why you moved away in the first place? I'm a pretty adventurous person and would like to live overseas someday. I'm only close to my family and have few close friends so that wouldn't stop me. lol

 

[Vortex]

I've been through this, having felt that I didn't any longer belong where I came from yet knowing I didn't belong where I presently was either. I've also met others who felt this way. It's not uncommon at all.

Life makes us grow in 1 form or another and sometimes we just have to discover where we presently are in our growth to be able to understand where we need to be and/or are going.

In the meantime it's good to know that there's nothing "wrong" with us. We're just in the middle of a period of growth/movement/adjustment of self.

As I've learned though, most of the difficulty comes in the form of not being able to let go of the where we came from portion. It's difficult feeling like you won't belong anywhere for a while  but that does pass [if we let it]. What helps is acknowledging that our growth is "ok", having patience with ourselves through the adjustment, and realizing that these issues will come to pass once we make the necessary adjustments.

Hi,

I have plenty of friends, but all my close friends live about 300 miles from me.  I moved to take a new job, and since moving the people I have met have all been nice and fun.  But, I don't seem to have formed any proper friendships.  I am good at socialising, to others I always seem like the happy go lucky fun person.  I have lots of friends but none of them really know me.  My close friends, since moving away have become more distant, and I am now worried that in a few months time, when I move back home that I will no longer be able to relate to them!  I even have a b/f back home that I have been dating for years, and I moved away for a contract job only for a year, and I fear that it has changed me into a different person that now lacks the ability to relate to people on a deeper level.  I now feel that I dont fit in here, and I fear that when I move back home that I wont fit in there.

Has anyone else been through anything similar and can you offer advice???