Talking isn't enjoyable

[toba122]

I'm confused on what the joy of talking to others is sometimes. It just feels so uncomfortable sometimes. There have only been a few times where it hasn't felt awkward to talk to some one. I guess its good when you want to get something off your chest ,but sometimes that issue can be too deep for most people to understand anyways. So I usually just keep my thoughts to myself and as a result, can't carry out interesting conversations with people very easily. Is talking to others a pain for anyone else sometimes?

 

[Minus]

Very difficult for me, and sometimes even depressing afterwards.

 

[Stagnant]

I get embarrassed and turn red and when I notice who I'm talking to has turned red because of me I just want to run away,actually I find it easier to BS's with some one I dont know for a few minuites than to carry on a conversation with someone I do know, I think I turned everyone red at Thanksgiving

 

[evanescencefan91]

ya it's so hard, once you get past the hey how are you what is there to talk about and how do you know what the other person wants to talk about

i doono you can ask them what they did that day or over the weekend

a current book your reading

 

[h i]

i do small talk at work. normally sharing of information or opinion, a general question about their life, then an experience of my own, then i leave. we bond. it builds trust. were all cool.

at home i call a girl i like. i use lingo for unlimited minutes, but it disconnects the call every 2 hours. i didnt even realize we had talked for that long until the line went dead. i called her back because this actually happens a lot. were okay with it. then we continued talking again. lol.

i talk on forums like this and in runescape.

 

[jjam]

Conversations of common interests are usually the ones with the most potential, I find. Depending on the subject and how passionate I sense the other person is about it, I could have really long conversations. I had better "deep" conversations with friends when I was younger. In fact, there are two friends that come to mind from high school and earlier years, one from college years. It has gotten worse for me, but I think it's because I'm growing more and more jaded when it comes to people. I think a big part of the trick to it for me is feeling like the person I'm talking to actually gives a **** about me, and I about him/her. Once that feeling is established, then I feel like I have the green light for potentially wonderful conversations. The problem? Well, who gives a ****? Do I even give a **** wehther someone gives a ****?

 

[SophiaGrace]

eh i've kind of given up on trying to make friends irl for the time being I dont really talk to anyone on campus anymore regularly.

 

[Lawrens]

I don't like to talk verbally, does that count? As the OP said, it's nearly impossible for me to talk and say exactly what's in my head, when the problem is too deep. I'd say them wrong and people would misunderstand me anyway, or they'd skip the words they don't want to hear and could only see people the way they want to see them, at the end, they just end up to be small talk about nothing, pretty pointless.

There's the problem that people forgetting about what they've talked about, it could probably happen to me, but people seem rather forgetful about what they say. I often make conversation with someone and the next week they'd forget they say exactly that. He'd say something racist and the next week pretend (or forget) they've ever said that, right, whatever, as I said, talking is sometimes a waste of time, because there are just so many layers of data being omitted, made up, and forgotten that makes them really pointless, people see what they want to see, they talk about what they want you to accept, and the only thing you could to is nod your head in agreement.

 

[Jeremi]

I enjoy talking to other people. At work is pretty much the only time I get that opportunity. Pay attention when you're talking to someone. Know what's going on in their lives. What have they been up to lately? What are their activities? Take some mental notes. Show interest in their activities, even if it's something you know nothing about. One guy at my work play soccer. I always ask him if he's played any matches lately. From there I can ask tons of questions. How's his team doing? When's the next match? Are you enjoing it? And I can always throw in a bunch of lame jokes like "So when's Barcelona going to sign you?" I'm really not interested in soccer, but I know it's something lots of people like to talk about, so it's an opportunity that shouldn't be thrown away. That's just an example

One coworker came into work and told me that she'd just been to her last dance class. She's been dancing for 14 years straight. Next time I meet her I'll keep that in mind, and I'll ask her how she feels about it. Does she miss it? Will she pick it up again later in her life? Another coworker mentioned that she would be going to the dentist to fix a tooth that's been bothering her lately. I will ask her later how it went. And then we could talk a little about our dentist experiences. Some more examples ^^

Getting to those true deep conversations isn't that easy. I think that you have to trust the person you're talking with and open up. Maybe a little, or maybe a lot for some. The other person would have to do the same. There's one woman at work who I'm really comfortable talking to. A while back she was open enough to tell me about a date she was going to. At first she said it was a secret, but then she opened up and told me about it, and I felt a little honored that she decided to share it with me. So I felt that if she was honest enough to share that with me, I wanted to give a little back. Now we talk a lot about relationships and dating, and I don't feel like I have to hide anything from her. She's the only person I've ever talked to about stuff like that, and I really enjoy it. It's all about trust

 

[toba122]

Wow Jeremy, you sound like an excellent talker!
I understand what you mean by sometimes not knowing who cares
or not caring myself, jjam. It isn't always easy to talk to some one
about my own interests cuz they're so different, but I guess
It would help if I were less selfish and cared more what others had
to say.

 

[Coverage]

I'm a decent small talker. Overall I do enjoy talking with other people I just have problems starting any kind of dialect and I can have problems if the conversation gets into the "lets get to know each other better" stage.

I dont talk to strangers at all really, however its something that I'm working on and I hope to be able to train myself into talking to people I dont know.

 

[coricopat]

I'm great talking to total strangers. Put me in a room with a random person and in 30 minutes I can tell you their life story. But put me in a room with about 5 or more friends and I can't utter a peep. One on one I'm ok, but in a crowd I'm lost.

 

[criminalhaysoos]

I sort of agree with talking not being enjoyable, especially when it's small talk. I hate small talk. I realize to form some relationships that's where it starts, but that never happens for me. I know a lot of acquaintances but i only have one true friend. So I just stay quiet or give the occasional smile and ask " How's it going? Good." Sometimes I pretend to be interested in what the other person is saying so I seem engaged but in the end I don't really care. It's very difficult for me to be genuinely interested in people, reason why I don't just start conversations with people in order to widen my very non existent social circle.

 

[Antihero]

I often find prolonged interpersonal contact and communication physically exhausting.

This is especially bad because my job depends on it as I have to talk to people over the phone and often regarding unpleasant and personal financial issues.

I get by... I've built up more of a tolerance for that sort of thing. Gotta find the silver lining some where.

 

[trinitygirl]

I'm confused on what the joy of talking to others is sometimes. It just feels so uncomfortable sometimes. There have only been a few times where it hasn't felt awkward to talk to some one. I guess its good when you want to get something off your chest ,but sometimes that issue can be too deep for most people to understand anyways. So I usually just keep my thoughts to myself and as a result, can't carry out interesting conversations with people very easily. Is talking to others a pain for anyone else sometimes?

It is a total pain for me oftentimes and I really don't know what to do.Sometimes I feel obligated to talk when I simply don't feel like talking so it gets awkward for me.

 

[Janjara]

Well, I guess it depends on who you're talking to. My extended family tend to attack me with a barrage of questions not realising how long my real answers would be :rolleyes2:

Conversely, I do enjoy talking to strangers and think that it stops me from becoming dull

 

[Forlorn]

i enjoy talking to certain people sometimes. its enjoyable to talk to my mom, dad or one of my very few friends from time to time but its not something i enjoy on a regular basis. Alot of times it just feels like theres nothing to say really which just makes for an annoying and uncomfortable situation.

 

[Yanni S]

I can't talk to anyone. It's like I have nothing interesting to say. No wonder why I don't have any friends :S

 

[DrawingCircleCircles]

Well I believe talking is a game that we all need to play if we really want to get our way in life. Not only does it allow us to get our way, talking is a tool that helps us discover who we are unconsciously. How many times have you said something during a rant that helped you figure out how you really felt?

I like to think of talking like a game of ping pong. If you ever have been in a good rally during a ping pong match, you should know what I'm talking about. Its fun to bounce off ideas to each other and get a good vibe going. You could discover new perspectives on topics or joke around with people or even hear a good joke. I really wasn't a great talker a couple years ago and even avoided confrontations, but I surrounded myself around good talkers and story-tellers, and I worked on it to a point I can tell a story to keep things interesting. Practice makes perfect.

A few pointers in addition to what Jeremi said previously are:
* If you want the conversation to keep going ask a question (who, what, when, why, how)
-- the 'why' and 'how' questions are golden because they provoke a long response, enough time to think of another clever question or a good tangent off the topic
-- look at the person as a mysteriously wrapped present that you gotta take piece by piece to figure them out
* Most people like to hear themselves talk about themselves. I don't really know that many people who deep down do not like to talk about themselves.
* Try to end conversations on high notes. Sometimes its best to cut things at a high point to keep a good memory of the event. People usually only remember the beginning and ending of things.

I realize that you said did not enjoy talking, and really I agree with the other posts that the art of conversation does take work and effort, but I believe its a really important part of everyone's lives that needs to be kept sharp in order to get what you want in life, whether it be that higher wage, better grade, or that new friend.

 

[Eath]

I can't talk to anyone. It's like I have nothing interesting to say. No wonder why I don't have any friends :S

Look around... seriously you're just missing them!