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Unsigned said:
I like HS Cheeleaders...from a far....
Only from a far....
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I did, at the time.

But I couldn't have been further from their type. I was more of a Star Wars and DnD kind of guy.

I didn't even smoke weed or drink back then (and actually I was happier, maybe naive, mix of both).

Unfortunately my main "hobby" back then was being a germophobe.

If I could go back in time, maybe I would have told myself, quit phobias, listen to bands, learn the guitar. It could have been my ticket to coolguy-dom.
 
TheSkaFish said:
I did, at the time.

But I couldn't have been further from their type. I was more of a Star Wars and DnD kind of guy.

I didn't even smoke weed or drink back then (and actually I was happier, maybe naive, mix of both).

Unfortunately my main "hobby" back then was being a germophobe.

If I could go back in time, maybe I would have told myself, quit phobias, listen to bands, learn the guitar. It could have been my ticket to coolguy-dom.
Click to expand...
I would have lifted & boxed....
 
Unsigned said:
I would have lifted & boxed....
Click to expand...

I did lift back then, but I lifted for running, not for muscle. More muscle would have been nice.

If I had more muscle, and listened to some oi!, I have no doubt I would have torn the people screwing with me to shreds. There weren't many, mind you, but one is too many. They definitely deserved some "free dental work" 👊
 
SquareBin said:
- I was born a boy, and I wish I was born a girl. it's not sexual, I started stealing my mother's clothes and makeup to pretend being a girl at 8yo, all the way until 13-14. Now at 23, with a masculine face and a slim masculine body, I get depressed a lot by it. I've come to accept that I am a man and will stay that way for a long time

- I do not want to wear a suit and go to conventions, however my porn addiction has led in many a-wrong fetishes, the biggest one being furries. Yes you can shoot me in the head if you want. others include bestiality, scat/similar, bdsm, roleplay and hentai/18+manga. Despite this degeneracy, I prefer real sex with a real person. I just don't have access to normal sex right now.

- In school, I felt bad for school shooters, because they were having a bad time in life and their lashing out was a cry for help. I looked up to them because I hated feeling left out of my school/class social life/other problems. Sometimes I wondered how it would be like in their shoes, and I guess unhealthy revenge runs deep when you're a loser.

- I looked up to the nazis at some point. Maybe it's because they were "efficient" or they had something going on that attracted me to their system. After I lost my 1st gf because of my descent into nazism (and other things) I stopped the "nazi" forums, however so many things still remains inside my brain. It's complicated, but once you lose your innocence, only death gives it back to you (I'm talking about myself)

- I don't think I'd feel bad killing bad people. there's one guy in school that I hated, he was a bully to both me and my little brother. If I could kill and get away with it, I'd choose him. many other children fell to his bully's ways. yeah it's bad I know, but some people are betond salvable



it's a lot to take in, and there's more. yes, I'm very F***** Up I know. Therapists probably will be overwhelmed when I explain everything
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I'm not overwhelmed, even though I am not a therapist. While reading your experience, I saw my future self , if I keep continuing to be alone and social media addictive etc. But, truth is what you feel, is not you. It's just a feeling or an urge to do an action. It doesn't make you whole. My friend, just look at yourself deeply and you will find what you need and what makes your thoughts and you will laugh (I promise).
 
Well well well, confession, that sounds great. So, coming to my confession. I'm just a normal person with no interests of any type. I believe in "Individualism". Not to be ruled, not to be governed. I don't feel any kind of sad or pity towards anyone, I stopped feeling them a long ago.

Even, I see a heart wrecking news, I am normal both outside and inside. It's hard to find people similar. So, what I do is, I study about myself. Why I am thinking this?what is the reason? It's more of a self-care thing.

Since, it's confession, I wanted to kill my ex (out of rage). But, then I realised, people just go and flow. I'm no murderer, the thing or incident that happened, no longer exist, it mixed in time. What I feel is a moment of present. Feel happy about myself, enjoy a little bit by making myself happy.

Coming to my next date, I'm not gonna date anyone. Because, my thoughts are too far from dating. I'm a possesive a**hole, I see dating more like, a emotional connection and if you have someone who can take my place, I'm no longer there. I'm indirectly a narcissist (possesive, but doesn't torture intentionally, I just wanna be around with them, it makes me happy). And I realised after my heartbreak, no woman in this world is worth, ruining my Life.

I just realised feelings are nothing, they change overtime and attachment kills. Since, you read my qualities, I bet you thought "THIS A**HOLE, IS NEVER FINDING ONE". But, I think, Life can be good without the family or partner, by living individually and working on something I love and with a couple of drinks and Netflix on my bed by myself.


Yeah, if I could change anything in my past, I wish I never download Facebook. My Life would be just like others (normal). But, my thoughts are philosophy, my actions are psychological, I'm not longer a part of the herd. I'm all by myself and I wish I never met my ex. I had this belief that, you would meet someone, where you live with that person happily for the rest of your Life. I no longer believe in it.

So, a lonely, depressed, individual whale (I'm fat) in the ocean.
 
okidoke said:
I got confused sorry. How do you mean you’re vulnerable? And I’m not sure that there’s anything wrong with being an idealist, apart from it perhaps wasting some one’s time and energy.
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Oki, to be honest, i'm confused w your question too :). Maybe the problem is that i haven't expressed my thought well enough.

I mean that i'm vulnerable more than average in terms of emotional hurt and harm. Some of us react to emotional hurt in the "stronger" way, i.e., they don't allow it to go to deep, others of us react in the "weaker" way and let it go deep af. I intentionally put the quotation marks. Bc, how ur personality/reactions/needs are, is absolutely not 100% under ur own control. I have approved it to myself in practice and it is just a long topic to place it here, but, it is not under our control how things impact us. That is why it is so f****** important ppl to be good to each other. Bc u never know if u aren't being the last straw that breaks someone's spine.

And maybe it is not every kind of hurt/damage that is significant to a person, but still, to a respective person respective kind of damages (or areas of life) are significant and super-sensitive. I think, it happens so bc the design of the individual (before birth) interacts w the initial environment of the individual (after birth) in a way whicht forms the specific significant needs of the individual. That is why a specific area of life is not equally important to all individuals. Then, later on, if the person doesn't get some usable options to heal its initial damages/weaknesses, OR modify its significant needs (if we take that this is a thing to do), then, the possible super-vulnerabilities remain always active. I've pondered on the topic pretty much, and i'm not a psychologist professionally, but the area is interesting to me, so what i say is not a b*******, i daresay.

So, to me, the specific area are the love matters. I can bear much in life, i mean, much in terms of hardships, of any other kind, but when it is abt some story breaking my heart, i simply go down, and go down bad (in a bad way). That's how it is, in my case; and for quite long i was stupid enough to listen to the accusations that it is my fault to get so broken, bc i should not be SO SENSITIVE. it took me a while, to understand that it is wrong and arrogant to want from someone to be sth that he/she is not designed or even meant to be. They all enjoy my sensitive nature when it is about showing support or compassion to them, or advise them in some specific and MORE SENSITIVE way, but, when it is about to respect my way of interactionns w the environment and react to the environment, my sensitivity becomes a vice. Lol. I'm honestly SO TIRED of the double-dealing in this world, and to that, it is 2-dealing that the ones who do it DON'T EVEN BOTHER TO NOTICE that they do it.

I hope this answers u, Oki, although it doesn't go i detail.

As for the other question, ... it brings me to the double-dealing again. Bc, many ppl would pretend that they are "on the side of the right things" -- which, actually, idealism is about, in my opinion -- but then they will act in the completely opposite way, as if it is normal and REQUIRED to proceed like that, to be 2-faced. This drives me sad, but mad too. In this aspect, i DO feel myself wasted, sometimes, bc i gain no visible effect, just accusations and stubborness to be blind to one's own vices, but to strive to point such in the other person. Yet, i don't stop trying. I think it would be wrong to stop. giving up is not an option in some stuff, and, in our personal/individual lives we may give up to this or that, but when it is about things that are more than just personal, giving up is not an option, in my honest opinion.

-------

I don't know if i have to apologize for such stuff or not, but i prefer to do it, just in case, against taking it as some type of disrespect:

It is not possible (due to emotional or other reasons) to me to respond w/o delay. If it happens to do it, it happens by accident. In no way the delay means disrespect to someone or lack of interest in his/her words.
 
Walnut said:
Thanks! I’m honestly not intelligent enough to respond. I appreciate your answer.
Click to expand...
:) Hey, rest assured, Walnut: if u two didn't make the clarification, i would have asked for it myself. Sometimes, humans fail in understanding each other. It is not intelligence, it is just life.
 
Kortelan said:
Well well well, confession, that sounds great. So, coming to my confession. I'm just a normal person with no interests of any type. I believe in "Individualism". Not to be ruled, not to be governed. I don't feel any kind of sad or pity towards anyone, I stopped feeling them a long ago.

Even, I see a heart wrecking news, I am normal both outside and inside. It's hard to find people similar. So, what I do is, I study about myself. Why I am thinking this?what is the reason? It's more of a self-care thing.

Since, it's confession, I wanted to kill my ex (out of rage). But, then I realised, people just go and flow. I'm no murderer, the thing or incident that happened, no longer exist, it mixed in time. What I feel is a moment of present. Feel happy about myself, enjoy a little bit by making myself happy.

Coming to my next date, I'm not gonna date anyone. Because, my thoughts are too far from dating. I'm a possesive a**hole, I see dating more like, a emotional connection and if you have someone who can take my place, I'm no longer there. I'm indirectly a narcissist (possesive, but doesn't torture intentionally, I just wanna be around with them, it makes me happy). And I realised after my heartbreak, no woman in this world is worth, ruining my Life.

I just realised feelings are nothing, they change overtime and attachment kills. Since, you read my qualities, I bet you thought "THIS A**HOLE, IS NEVER FINDING ONE". But, I think, Life can be good without the family or partner, by living individually and working on something I love and with a couple of drinks and Netflix on my bed by myself.


Yeah, if I could change anything in my past, I wish I never download Facebook. My Life would be just like others (normal). But, my thoughts are philosophy, my actions are psychological, I'm not longer a part of the herd. I'm all by myself and I wish I never met my ex. I had this belief that, you would meet someone, where you live with that person happily for the rest of your Life. I no longer believe in it.

So, a lonely, depressed, individual whale (I'm fat) in the ocean.
Click to expand...
My deep compassion for what has made u go in the direction of lonely and depressed. Individualism, in my opinion, is not a sin, exactly like my thing, idealism, isn't. bad or good is only what we do to the others, no matters what kind of general philosophy and views we have.

I think, you will have options to decide to allow someone else inside ur cave. And, in my opinion, that will be great. Not everyone else is like the persons who hurt us. Whatever the direction of the hurt.

Best wishes!!
 
@lori.f oh ok, I'd just call that being over-sensitive, or super-sensitive. As for people being good to each other, well, unfortunately humans have been difficult since they first roamed the Earth, and the bigger the population and ease of communication grows, the more exposed the poor behaviour we are, but at the same time, there are some wonderful people around.
 
okidoke said:
@lori.f oh ok, I'd just call that being over-sensitive, or super-sensitive. As for people being good to each other, well, unfortunately humans have been difficult since they first roamed the Earth, and the bigger the population and ease of communication grows, the more exposed the poor behaviour we are, but at the same time, there are some wonderful people around.
Click to expand...
:) The relation between over-sensitivity ad over-vulnerability is like the relation between good intentions and road to Hell. If add to it also an over-urge of analysis/explanation, and it becomes a great opportunity to look like a total freak; which i admit is my case too, in about 90% of times. But, it is what it is.

Agree agree w the other part.
 
I have a “friend” that always has something bad going on and I never really care to hear any of it. I mean it’s life just deal with it. I confess I’m not a good friend.
 
Im more attracted to myself than to men 😅 but not attracted to other women usually 🙃 how’s that work?
 

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