TheUnknown
Active member
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2007
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Hello everyone, this is my first post. I don't really know where to begin with my current issue but I guess I'll just start from the top...
Well, my entire life I've been alone. It's always been an issue but one I could live with. I always had friends but very rarely female ones. This year that seemed to change in that I acquired two female friends. I really wished that in my mind I could have kept that relationship at a friendship level but for one, I just couldn't do it. I met this one girl mainly because she was friends with just about all of my friends. Through talking, she asked me for my phone number so I could possibly get her in at my job because she took an interest in it. It was no big deal for about a week until she started to text me and then I just texted back. The texts went back and forth so much, i'm lucky I had unlimited texting. The relationship filled with small talk now evolved. By then I knew her for one month. Within a week we were having goofy conversations through text, serious and deep ones over instant message. Then after a week or so she wanted to hang out - so we did and by the end of the second month I was listed as one of her best friends. I realized I liked her and I ended up hinting as much as I could (even when I tried not too). I also realized that the ship of relationship might have already left the dock as I was "friended". So now I'm one of the best friends of someone I can't help but think about every second. We have barely nothing in common but for some reason we both remain extremely close because we can relate to each other, no matter how awkward it sounds. I'm a hopeless romantic and crave the love so much, my normal hurt has been amplified to levels that I can't even stand as my dreams are even now becoming invaded. I haven't considered suicide since I found God but this really hurts and I do what I can to make it stop. I try to believe that something will happen if i'm persistent but here is where the problems come in...
She has a boyfriend but because of things in his life - she really doesn't know how much longer they can be together. She even said that if they do break up she will be happy to be single again and even told me who she might consider if that didn't pan out! (If only she knew the pains of being single!) I feel like i'm delivering the support but her boyfriend is getting the payoff. She also used to be ultimately in love with one of our friends. When they used to date he was hard to read so she ended up leaving him, he is also one of my best friends at this point so when she talks about how much she used to love him - it kills me. I never want to feel jealousy towards a friend. She always does things that makes me follow her tracks but in the end I am the one getting my head run over. It's probably because my mind wants to tell me it's something more but in reality she is just an outgoing person. She is one of the first women to hug me but she doesn't realize just how much it means to me, she gives them out like candy though. The realization that I am nothing but a good friend destroys me. All of my life I have had internal warfare and it feels like the enemy has found a new way to breach my defenses with poison I can't help but crave. She usually gets all the love she needs from her friends considering that she is better friends with guys then girls - she almost takes it for granted and doesn't realize just how amazing it is. She has been hurt like me - but I found God and she told me how impressed she was by my drive and focus on what i want for my career. She knows that i've never been with anyone but tells me everything just as I can tell her, I don't want to ruin this friendship by blurting out my inner-most feelings. Whenever she is down, I do what I can to pep her back up and try to tell her to reach her dreams because she has the potential to go above and beyond a life of mediocrity but she hasn't seen the light of that until this past week. This all brings us to the current week. This Tuesday was the last time I saw her and she said I seemed really down, and I was.
We end up talking everyday if not in person, over text or phone. I've decided though, maybe I try to much and It's been two days since we've talked. She's attempted contact such as leaving me a voicemail - asking if I was mad at her and leaving me a myspace message because she seems lost since she hasn't talked to me in. I've pretty much broke contact with the world for this weekend. I don't want to go the whole weekend without making contact with her but at this point I don't know what to do. I had to just stop and think what I can do to make this go in the direction I want it too.
So... that's about it. This is where I need someone's help. Please, whoever reads this - leave a comment about this situation. I'm on my last leg and really don't know what to do or what's going on.. or even what's going through her mind. I don't even know if she caught onto my hopelessness and my sudden but almost constant depression and love/sad songs on my myspace. I've been writing stories, feelings, anything that I can and end up posting it on my myspace then rip it down because I forgot that she will end up reading that and might assume something. I'm sure she has read the things I put up and caught on. At first she even admitted to being addicted to hanging out with me but as of late, she seems to be distancing herself but still wanting to hang with me. I don't know what to do anymore! My life is going down the drain but hers is going great with her new job (not mine). Everything is falling apart while my friends are too busy with their girlfriends to notice... not to mention that my best friend is getting married. Everyone feels to tell the single guy how happy they are, or only come to me for advice. Apparently i'm not good enough to have someone? I only know one friend right now who is not single, and I know quite a bunch of people.
Sorry to bog you all down with this, i am just so blown away by this situation everything has become distorted. It's probably all in my head. I might not be on right away to respond for a day or so but please keep commenting as much as you can - I can use all the help I can get right now. I'm going to go try and relax. Thank you guys.
Well, my entire life I've been alone. It's always been an issue but one I could live with. I always had friends but very rarely female ones. This year that seemed to change in that I acquired two female friends. I really wished that in my mind I could have kept that relationship at a friendship level but for one, I just couldn't do it. I met this one girl mainly because she was friends with just about all of my friends. Through talking, she asked me for my phone number so I could possibly get her in at my job because she took an interest in it. It was no big deal for about a week until she started to text me and then I just texted back. The texts went back and forth so much, i'm lucky I had unlimited texting. The relationship filled with small talk now evolved. By then I knew her for one month. Within a week we were having goofy conversations through text, serious and deep ones over instant message. Then after a week or so she wanted to hang out - so we did and by the end of the second month I was listed as one of her best friends. I realized I liked her and I ended up hinting as much as I could (even when I tried not too). I also realized that the ship of relationship might have already left the dock as I was "friended". So now I'm one of the best friends of someone I can't help but think about every second. We have barely nothing in common but for some reason we both remain extremely close because we can relate to each other, no matter how awkward it sounds. I'm a hopeless romantic and crave the love so much, my normal hurt has been amplified to levels that I can't even stand as my dreams are even now becoming invaded. I haven't considered suicide since I found God but this really hurts and I do what I can to make it stop. I try to believe that something will happen if i'm persistent but here is where the problems come in...
She has a boyfriend but because of things in his life - she really doesn't know how much longer they can be together. She even said that if they do break up she will be happy to be single again and even told me who she might consider if that didn't pan out! (If only she knew the pains of being single!) I feel like i'm delivering the support but her boyfriend is getting the payoff. She also used to be ultimately in love with one of our friends. When they used to date he was hard to read so she ended up leaving him, he is also one of my best friends at this point so when she talks about how much she used to love him - it kills me. I never want to feel jealousy towards a friend. She always does things that makes me follow her tracks but in the end I am the one getting my head run over. It's probably because my mind wants to tell me it's something more but in reality she is just an outgoing person. She is one of the first women to hug me but she doesn't realize just how much it means to me, she gives them out like candy though. The realization that I am nothing but a good friend destroys me. All of my life I have had internal warfare and it feels like the enemy has found a new way to breach my defenses with poison I can't help but crave. She usually gets all the love she needs from her friends considering that she is better friends with guys then girls - she almost takes it for granted and doesn't realize just how amazing it is. She has been hurt like me - but I found God and she told me how impressed she was by my drive and focus on what i want for my career. She knows that i've never been with anyone but tells me everything just as I can tell her, I don't want to ruin this friendship by blurting out my inner-most feelings. Whenever she is down, I do what I can to pep her back up and try to tell her to reach her dreams because she has the potential to go above and beyond a life of mediocrity but she hasn't seen the light of that until this past week. This all brings us to the current week. This Tuesday was the last time I saw her and she said I seemed really down, and I was.
We end up talking everyday if not in person, over text or phone. I've decided though, maybe I try to much and It's been two days since we've talked. She's attempted contact such as leaving me a voicemail - asking if I was mad at her and leaving me a myspace message because she seems lost since she hasn't talked to me in. I've pretty much broke contact with the world for this weekend. I don't want to go the whole weekend without making contact with her but at this point I don't know what to do. I had to just stop and think what I can do to make this go in the direction I want it too.
So... that's about it. This is where I need someone's help. Please, whoever reads this - leave a comment about this situation. I'm on my last leg and really don't know what to do or what's going on.. or even what's going through her mind. I don't even know if she caught onto my hopelessness and my sudden but almost constant depression and love/sad songs on my myspace. I've been writing stories, feelings, anything that I can and end up posting it on my myspace then rip it down because I forgot that she will end up reading that and might assume something. I'm sure she has read the things I put up and caught on. At first she even admitted to being addicted to hanging out with me but as of late, she seems to be distancing herself but still wanting to hang with me. I don't know what to do anymore! My life is going down the drain but hers is going great with her new job (not mine). Everything is falling apart while my friends are too busy with their girlfriends to notice... not to mention that my best friend is getting married. Everyone feels to tell the single guy how happy they are, or only come to me for advice. Apparently i'm not good enough to have someone? I only know one friend right now who is not single, and I know quite a bunch of people.
Sorry to bog you all down with this, i am just so blown away by this situation everything has become distorted. It's probably all in my head. I might not be on right away to respond for a day or so but please keep commenting as much as you can - I can use all the help I can get right now. I'm going to go try and relax. Thank you guys.