The Life of a Statue

[Divinitywolf]

A broken mind, ever watchful.
Frozen eyes that never see.
Standing tall amidst chaos and corruption
Bitter envy wells up at the lives of others
And the subtlety of life goes unnoticed.
Emotions merely drifting through a cold heart,
Homeless and forgotten through the ages of time,
Struggling before harsh winds and unremitting rain.
The cruel chink of a chisel marked its creation;
A single purpose marking its boundaries,
An unwanted purpose shaping its meaning.
Never befriending a soul or shedding a tear.

Thus: The life of a statue.

 

[Jesse]

A broken mind, ever watchful.
Frozen eyes that never see.
Standing tall amidst chaos and corruption
Bitter envy wells up at the lives of others
And the subtlety of life goes unnoticed.
Emotions merely drifting through a cold heart,
Homeless and forgotten through the ages of time,
Struggling before harsh winds and unremitting rain.
The cruel chink of a chisel marked its creation;
A single purpose marking its boundaries,
An unwanted purpose shaping its meaning.
Never befriending a soul or shedding a tear.

Thus: The life of a statue.

It's good. I like it. I was thinking, I prefer things to be less clearly laid out. For example, the end part, "Thus: The life of a statue." could have been left out and the title changed a bit so that people had to guess at what you are talking about. I don't mean where they don't have a clue, but make it to where it isn't completely obvious, yet not completely obscure either.

But then I was also thinking, perhaps the meaning of what you wrote is about more than just a statue. Maybe the reader will notice it's about something else, yet in comparison is much like a statue. In that regard, "Thus: The life of a statue." and the title fit well so the reader must look deeper to find the true meaning.

Unless you're just talking about a statue. If so, I still like it.

 

[Divinitywolf]

thanks for the insightful comments.

I was relating the statue to human life when I wrote it, how not only the "chaos and corruption" displays human behaviour but also that the statues situation can be related to human emotion, where you can feel empty, forgotten, left out in the rain.

And I always say if a poem only seems to have 1 meaning, find another meaning yourself because there are always things you can make from a poem, no matter how simple or obscure.