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CenotaphGirl

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No other man has that one thing my ex had in droves, well aside from his wealth,
He had this ability to make me feel beautiful, every time he was with me, never once did I catch him looking at anyone else,
I always had his undivided attention, affection, admiration, it became like an addiction.
Sometimes, I would look at another girl in a revealing outfit and think "when I turn around I bet he's looking at her"...
Only to find, nope, just me, just looking at me while I am... looking at her.. okay that just got weird lol
But you know what I mean... he told the world about me, he'd show me off, I'd be his display on WhatsApp, his wallpaper,
He used to call me his "fantasy girl", he would buy me outfits, treat me like you know.. like I was his. In fact, he still acts like this with me till this day.
I am still his display pic on WhatsApp, I am still his wallpaper, he has a girlfriend and still keeps it there, no idea why she don't slap him (joke joke)
I know it was all smoke and mirrors, I know it wasn't true, I know he messed a zillion girls one girl behind my back,
I know he beat me more times than he kissed me, so maybe I just expect men to live up to this unrealistic expectation because i'm a toxic skank...
But thats what makes it so confusing... so hard to really leave him... because no other man has even pretended? to want me that much...
No other man could ever want me that much, he literally would have worn a top with my face on it, if I look down he'd stop everything to make sure I was okay,
Where do you find something like that, that is pure, that is real?... I just don't know... should you even want something like that or is my narcissism peeking through again...
 

insecure

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This confuses me.
So he was never looking at other girls, but then you say he messed with one girl behind your back?
And then he beat you more than he kissed you?
Doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship.
If he really wanted no one else than you, he shouldn't have beaten you.
To me it sounds more like being possessive, like you were his property.

But I can understand that if someone really gives you lots of attention, it is very addictive.
I had that once, and made me feel very special.
If she would start beating me in a non-erotic way (I hope) that would kill it for me, because no one deserves violence against them, even if it goes hand in hand with someone being obsessively into you.
 

CenotaphGirl

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This confuses me.
So he was never looking at other girls, but then you say he messed with one girl behind your back?
And then he beat you more than he kissed you?
Doesn't seem like a very healthy relationship.
If he really wanted no one else than you, he shouldn't have beaten you.
To me it sounds more like being possessive, like you were his property.

But I can understand that if someone really gives you lots of attention, it is very addictive.
I had that once, and made me feel very special.
If she would start beating me in a non-erotic way (I hope) that would kill it for me, because no one deserves violence against them, even if it goes hand in hand with someone being obsessively into you.
Our dynamic was a strange one, I view cheating in a weird way so the cheating wasn't the exact deal breaker, but it did damage my self-esteem a little bit.

My issue is, I search for the good parts of him in a potential new partner, but is it even something to hope for when his other side was sooo ugly.

Started off nice enough, then this happened.
Just for reference, from what you wrote, plenty of guys can offer you that. The wealth part, not so much. But is it that really important to you? Because most wealthy young men are utter jackoffs.
Nah it's not important at all, I hope he has zero in his bank and would like to sponge off me, nothing turns me on more.... 🙃
 

randomguy

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Sometimes, I would look at another girl in a revealing outfit and think "when I turn around I bet he's looking at her"...
Only to find, nope, just me, just looking at me while I am... looking at her.. okay that just got weird lol
If he's not spending the majority of his day looking at or thinking about boobies he's probably gay Princess. 😇 😁
 

Claudia1794

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Is this the guy your mother doesn’t approve of? I mean, if so, that’s reasonable I think. My mother went at my sisters boyfriend with a wooden bat when her boyfriend hit her. She too craved his attention at the price of getting her ass kicked. Surely that’s not the price you are willing to pay for attention.
 

Rohini

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I'm so confused here..
He made you feel the best about yourself but then proceeded to damage your self-esteem by cheating on you?

:unsure::unsure:
 

Deosil

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It sounds like he was treating you like an object and if I dare say, pretentious.
I'm not exactly an expert on relationships though...
 
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insecure

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It sounds like he was treating you like an object and if I dare say, pretentious.
I'm not exactly an expert on relationships though.
Yes, it gives me that feeling too.
Like someone who loves his car, different from loving a person.
Considering it his property and if anyone else takes an interest in it, he gets furious.
Not healthy.
 

Claudia1794

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No, not healthy unless a person wants to be treated like property. Then some will argue that it’s still unhealthy but people want what they want until they don’t want it anymore.
 
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I Love YOU! I HATe you! I LOVE YOU! I HATE YOu! Add a bunch of other drama in here too. Does that make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

The only thing that really matters is that a MAN should NEVER beat / hit a woman period! PERIOD!!!! That is never acceptable. Ever! Also a real man doesn't need to put a woman down to feel better about himself.

But, I understand that some women, in my experience, many, are raised in that kind of environment so it's what they are used to. They need it to feel normal. BUT, one can get help and retrain themselves to appreciate the healthy things men do and stay clear of the men that do the unhealthy things.
 

CenotaphGirl

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Is this the guy your mother doesn’t approve of? I mean, if so, that’s reasonable I think. My mother went at my sisters boyfriend with a wooden bat when her boyfriend hit her. She too craved his attention at the price of getting her ass kicked. Surely that’s not the price you are willing to pay for attention.
I thought it was love you see, I thought he loved me, despite the abuse, I thought thats honestly what love looked like, still to this day I think, maybe he did love me... sometimes, then I remember love is not that.

I'm so confused here..
He made you feel the best about yourself but then proceeded to damage your self-esteem by cheating on you?

:unsure::unsure:
Yeah, like the good side of him made me feel my best, I just dont think I can ever find that again, but should I even want it? It was all fake because behind it lurked the bitter truth.

It sounds like he was treating you like an object and if I dare say, pretentious.
I'm not exactly an expert on relationships though...
Yes, it gives me that feeling too.
Like someone who loves his car, different from loving a person.
Considering it his property and if anyone else takes an interest in it, he gets furious.
Not healthy.
No, not healthy unless a person wants to be treated like property. Then some will argue that it’s still unhealthy but people want what they want until they don’t want it anymore.

I just like that I felt important to someone and not like a piece of actual **** for on once, but you know...

I Love YOU! I HATe you! I LOVE YOU! I HATE YOu! Add a bunch of other drama in here too. Does that make you feel all warm and fuzzy?

The only thing that really matters is that a MAN should NEVER beat / hit a woman period! PERIOD!!!! That is never acceptable. Ever! Also a real man doesn't need to put a woman down to feel better about himself.

But, I understand that some women, in my experience, many, are raised in that kind of environment so it's what they are used to. They need it to feel normal. BUT, one can get help and retrain themselves to appreciate the healthy things men do and stay clear of the men that do the unhealthy things.
It's my lacking English skills with this one, it's not what I want, you dont miss the beatings you miss the care, the unrealistic care someone once had for you, the care no one will ever give you. I have to go counselling every week due to my job, and we unpicked this together and I thought wow...

AND..... just for laughs, you aren't toxic. Ha! ha!

I'm totally joking! You aren't a skank either. Ha! ha!
Whoopsie I started to go on a rant there.... nice thoughts... happy thoughts.... positive thoughts... Ceno is a princess :)
 
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It's my lacking English skills with this one, it's not what I want, you dont miss the beatings you miss the care, the unrealistic care someone once had for you, the care no one will ever give you. I have to go counselling every week due to my job, and we unpicked this together and I thought wow...
But, the two are linked together. This needs to be understood! The lows take you way down. Say to -50. So, then a high comes +80 and it feels SUPER high because you were so low 50+80=130 difference. That's like crack to your brain!

If you had a constant nice guy, which is how I roll, say I love you +80, you are pretty +85, you are smart +75, etc, etc, etc, the difference would be very little 85-80=5 difference. That's boring! It's too easy to get used to that. You would continually hover around say 80 points. While that's great! It does not compare to 130 points.

This is why women feel like men that abuse them are so much more intense with their feelings of love. They really aren't. I use this to train people, like my neighbors. It's just basic positive and negative reinforcement. But, it's powerful and it works.
 

CenotaphGirl

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But, the two are linked together. This needs to be understood! The lows take you way down. Say to -50. So, then a high comes +80 and it feels SUPER high because you were so low 50+80=130 difference. That's like crack to your brain!

If you had a constant nice guy, which is how I roll, say I love you +80, you are pretty +85, you are smart +75, etc, etc, etc, the difference would be very little 85-80=5 difference. That's boring! It's too easy to get used to that. You would continually hover around say 80 points. While that's great! It does not compare to 130 points.

This is why women feel like men that abuse them are so much more intense with their feelings of love. They really aren't. I use this to train people, like my neighbors. It's just basic positive and negative reinforcement. But, it's powerful and it works.
Omfg Finished, this is so well broken down, ******* hell my brain is like... come on miss psychology pants, why have you never done the math. Thanks, oh god, I was thinking I was just toxic, but theres this hidden mind game.
 

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