torn apart on the inside. just want to yell.

[NoLifeInMe00]

I do not know what is happening with me lately. I'm terrified of losing self control and I'm not sure how to handle it. My so called best friend and I have not been talking and a big part of my anxiety is from her bc she knows how in love i am with her and her 4 kids but she tells me that she doesn't want a relationship and that it needs to be a friendship love and now she's in a relationship with someone else and it tore my heart out. Every time I get a text message I fear that it's her and immediately have a panic attack. I'm always the one who needs to start a conversation with her and it hurts to know that being a 35 year old single male living with my parents that I might actually die alone. I've been going to the gym to kill some stress but it still hurts inside. What do I do? Where do I turn? Who do I talk too? I'm so lost right now it's tearing me apart from the inside. Why is it so hard to be happy and find someone to love me for me? God help me. I know she's probably not the one but why does it feel like she is. What did I do to deserve such heartache in my life? I don't and probably never will understand it.

 

[jaguarundi]

It is very, very hard and painful to love someone and not have it returned in the way that you want. I don't think you have done anything to deserve it, or not deserve it. It just happened, that's all.

Keeping in contact with her will only keep the wound open, so you are right not to be doing it. She has made her feelings clear, and now she has found someone. You must do your best to move on. Handling the stress at the gym is a good idea - well done you for doing something positive about it.

I myself don't believe that the world only offers 'the one'. I think that there are many 'ones.' Keep trying, keep looking, and keep you spirits up as much as possible. And keep posting here if you need to vent - you are not the only one!

 

[9006]

This is probably not what you want to hear but it's best for you to cut contact with her. The problem is that you're always going to have feelings for her, and by the sounds of it it's not something that she wants. It kinda puts her under pressure because she may not want to hurt you, but she has her own life to live and will want to date who she wants. From your perspective it'll probably seem mean but really she's just living her life.

By remaining friends you're always going to see her more than that, and it's making it harder for you to move on and find someone else. It's not just you this happens to, but you are one of the unlucky ones. It wont last forever but it's not going to help the longer you remain in contact with this girl.

 

[Triple Bogey]

This is probably not what you want to hear but it's best for you to cut contact with her. The problem is that you're always going to have feelings for her, and by the sounds of it it's not something that she wants. It kinda puts her under pressure because she may not want to hurt you, but she has her own life to live and will want to date who she wants. From your perspective it'll probably seem mean but really she's just living her life.

By remaining friends you're always going to see her more than that, and it's making it harder for you to move on and find someone else. It's not just you this happens to, but you are one of the unlucky ones. It wont last forever but it's not going to help the longer you remain in contact with this girl.

yes I agree, cut all contact

 

[ladyforsaken]

This is probably not what you want to hear but it's best for you to cut contact with her. The problem is that you're always going to have feelings for her, and by the sounds of it it's not something that she wants. It kinda puts her under pressure because she may not want to hurt you, but she has her own life to live and will want to date who she wants. From your perspective it'll probably seem mean but really she's just living her life.

By remaining friends you're always going to see her more than that, and it's making it harder for you to move on and find someone else. It's not just you this happens to, but you are one of the unlucky ones. It wont last forever but it's not going to help the longer you remain in contact with this girl.

I kinda agree with this.

 

[NoLifeInMe00]

Thanks everyone. I was tested yesterday when she text me and asked how everything was going. I stood my ground and did not message her back. It hurt and I had a slight panic attack but I made it through.

 

[jaguarundi]

Thanks everyone. I was tested yesterday when she text me and asked how everything was going. I stood my ground and did not message her back. It hurt and I had a slight panic attack but I made it through.

Hey, well done you. The more you do it, the easier it will be.

 

[WildernessWildChild]

I myself don't believe that the world only offers 'the one'. I think that there are many 'ones.'

I've been thinking this as well.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Yup...I have to agree with the above poster(s). The more you ignore her, the easier it will become.
I also agree on many "ones."

 

[ABrokenMan]

i am doing the same thing right now. I've been getting the distancing treatment, a complete 180 degree turnaround from what she had professed only months before. It is hard not to check, but I won't even turn my phone on anymore. i don't feel like talking to anyone anyway.

 

[LifeCoachWithL]

glad you are keeping your strength and not contacting her. It's hard but it will only get harder later on and you will be pushing others away because you are so distracted by your best friend.

 

[NoLifeInMe00]

Thanks for the support everyone. It has been alot easier and iam distancing myself even tho she tries to talk to me but now that I have met someone online its making it even easier to keep my distance and move forward.

 

[9006]

Thanks everyone. I was tested yesterday when she text me and asked how everything was going. I stood my ground and did not message her back. It hurt and I had a slight panic attack but I made it through.

It's something that will get better in time.

 

[NoLifeInMe00]

So I haven't talked to her in a few weeks now but she keeps texting me and read the message but then delete it but it still gives me a panic attack.......any advice?
I also deleted her number im my cell and deactivated my Facebook account because of her.

 

[sk66rc]

So I haven't talked to her in a few weeks now but she keeps texting me and read the message but then delete it but it still gives me a panic attack.......any advice?
I also deleted her number im my cell and deactivated my Facebook account because of her.

How about being direct? Sometimes the most direct way is least painful way of dealing with things... You also mentioned you have met somebody... Well, there ya go... Tell her you met some one & you're in the process of getting your feelings in check & you've met someone... Tell her you respect her decisions of wanting to remain just as friends... Unfortunately, you're in the process of moving on with your life & doing so involves someone else & you're asking for a little space so you can concentrate on your new found relationship... Let her know gently how you value & respect her friendship but you also need her to value & respect your space & need to be left alone to pursue your own life & happiness... Basically, nicer way of telling her to leave you alone...