Torn down.

[dreamer8]

I recently moved back home for financial reasons from my university dorms.
I'm realizing my time spent there was kind of in vain. My mom,and aunt still have a tendency to be antagonsts;they tear me down,so completely and try to build me back up by buying things for me,or offering food as an olive branch...both of which are detrimental. I can't be bought off. I've never had any emotional support from them,ever.

I'm not close to either my aunt or mom,and both relationships with them...for years has poisoned me completely.

Now,I'm trying to save myself(mentally and physically) so I can get out of,or at least be independant and distance myself from my triggers,essentially.

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

sorry about your family troubles.. rough family relationships seem to be pretty common..

i wish you luck and strength in getting away from the negativity..

 

[shells]

I can relate.

I'm proud of you for taking the high road.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Now,I'm trying to save myself(mentally and physically) so I can get out of,or at least be independant and distance myself from my triggers,essentially.

These are excellent first steps, first identifying your triggers and then figuring out new ways of coping with them instead of resorting to the same old destructive habits.

I'm so sorry that the most important women in your life have not been there to support you and be a positive force. Few things enrage me more than when women tear each other down. I know it's naive and lame of me, but I always hope for a sisterhood solidarity and get bitterly disappointed when I see that it is often just not so.

((((dreamer))))

 

[AndrewM]

Hi Dreamer,

I had a very similar experience. In my case I found that by making an effort I could change the dynamics in the family for the better (even if only a little bit). It's not easy and obviously it requires cooperation, but in my case I realised some of the things I was doing, and some of the ways I was reacting, were contributing to the way other family members behaved. By being prepared to admit I was wrong I was able to generate a bit more trust.

Perhaps there are some deep unhealed wounds which lead your mother and aunt to behave as they do? Recognising that they are trying to deal with their own pain may be the first step towards building a healing environment at home.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

If you want my honest opinion... please run... gather up what you can and run as far away as you can.

A relationship like this will only serve to feed the fire of your self-hatred. To be honest, I want to do the same.... but I am to possesive to do so. My recommendation, look for a job out of state. While I should take my own advice, and get out of this negative state.

Anyway, just run... run as far as you can...

 

[AndrewM]

If you want my honest opinion... please run... gather up what you can and run as far away as you can.

You can run (and sometimes of course it's the only thing to do), but the psychological wounds stay with you. Life can be easier to deal with if you achieve some kind of understanding with your relations. If that's not possible, then you have to find some other way to deal with the damage. But just running an expecting everything to work out seems a bit optimistic to me.