ClosetGeek
Well-known member
Whether one is lonely or not, one does run into a person or people who seem to effect your state of mood and feelings, and this in a negative way. I would call these relationships toxic relationships.
If these people are merely strangers or casual friends, it is easier to move away from them than if they are your relatives.
Toxic people can be people with narcisstic personality disorder, control freaks, or even people with serious issues such as psychopaths and sociopaths.
My mother has been a control freak after I reached my teenager years. This went on for years and years on end. In the beginning every attempt for me break free and establish my own foundations was evaluated as me being mean and disrespectful. I tried to bring a family counselor into the game, and this after counselors from school told me that it was not me who had the issues but my parents. My parents were highly offended. My dad has been depressed for over 33 years and my mom has always kept this as a secret. She would not want me to invite people to our house cause she did not want people to realize that my dad was depressed. I sort of consoled in some of friends and counselors about my dad's situation and my mom went bezirk. She treated me as a "traitor" and punished me by not talking to me for some time.
After my mid twenties, I tried harder to cut off the cord. My mother and my father were always preaching how I cannot make it on my own. One day I came back home earlier than usual, and accidently heard my mother on the phone saying to her best friend that she did not want me to live alone and establish my own life cause she feels lonely.
I got myself a good job and after a couple of months later, I packed some of my belongings into a bag and found a flat and "inofficially moved out". However I still could not tell them that I really moved out. After everything was settled with my apartment and my trial period was over at my work, I told my mom that I am not coming home anymore.
She supposedly became "sick" like she always did when I wanted to do something on my own. She shrieked, screamed and cried and and and.
Years went by and I continued to live on my own. She always hoped that I would come back and share her loneliness and her problems. This could be normal if she shared other things with me. I am the only child and my parents do not let me get into family business. I am still treated as the child. As long as they do not accept me as a grown up, I refuse to share the problems they see as appropiate.
Today I had another big argument with my mom. I told her I was feeling down and she said I can come over and stay for two days. However the past months I had this argument with my dad, in which he asked me to pay his bills. He did this in a way that he told me that I was responsible for paying the bills cause it was me who broke something in his internet connection. However when the guy who there to repair it told me and my dad it was because of something technical and nothing was broken. I found this whole thing to be totally manipulative, and knowing my mom she plays lots of manipulative games when it comes to our relationship. I refused to pay. Again my mom made a huge scene.
Last year I loaned them some money cause they had some financial difficulties and my father did not want to pay me back when I needed the money. We had lots of fights and arguments. My mom called me all sorts of names. Again, I was not allowed to mix into family business and talk about wealth management, but I was old enough to give them cash.
I went to my dad's neurologist cause I have had this burning feeling on my neck. He told me this is all because of stress and later I told him about my toxic interaction with my parents. He told me to keep my distance with them and visit them every now and then. Interestingly enough the burning feeling goes away when I don't talk to them or see them.
I am sorry this is so long.
I just want to know how you guys handle your toxic relationships. What do you guys do? Most importantly what do you do to make yourself feel better after you interact with such individuals?
If these people are merely strangers or casual friends, it is easier to move away from them than if they are your relatives.
Toxic people can be people with narcisstic personality disorder, control freaks, or even people with serious issues such as psychopaths and sociopaths.
My mother has been a control freak after I reached my teenager years. This went on for years and years on end. In the beginning every attempt for me break free and establish my own foundations was evaluated as me being mean and disrespectful. I tried to bring a family counselor into the game, and this after counselors from school told me that it was not me who had the issues but my parents. My parents were highly offended. My dad has been depressed for over 33 years and my mom has always kept this as a secret. She would not want me to invite people to our house cause she did not want people to realize that my dad was depressed. I sort of consoled in some of friends and counselors about my dad's situation and my mom went bezirk. She treated me as a "traitor" and punished me by not talking to me for some time.
After my mid twenties, I tried harder to cut off the cord. My mother and my father were always preaching how I cannot make it on my own. One day I came back home earlier than usual, and accidently heard my mother on the phone saying to her best friend that she did not want me to live alone and establish my own life cause she feels lonely.
I got myself a good job and after a couple of months later, I packed some of my belongings into a bag and found a flat and "inofficially moved out". However I still could not tell them that I really moved out. After everything was settled with my apartment and my trial period was over at my work, I told my mom that I am not coming home anymore.
She supposedly became "sick" like she always did when I wanted to do something on my own. She shrieked, screamed and cried and and and.
Years went by and I continued to live on my own. She always hoped that I would come back and share her loneliness and her problems. This could be normal if she shared other things with me. I am the only child and my parents do not let me get into family business. I am still treated as the child. As long as they do not accept me as a grown up, I refuse to share the problems they see as appropiate.
Today I had another big argument with my mom. I told her I was feeling down and she said I can come over and stay for two days. However the past months I had this argument with my dad, in which he asked me to pay his bills. He did this in a way that he told me that I was responsible for paying the bills cause it was me who broke something in his internet connection. However when the guy who there to repair it told me and my dad it was because of something technical and nothing was broken. I found this whole thing to be totally manipulative, and knowing my mom she plays lots of manipulative games when it comes to our relationship. I refused to pay. Again my mom made a huge scene.
Last year I loaned them some money cause they had some financial difficulties and my father did not want to pay me back when I needed the money. We had lots of fights and arguments. My mom called me all sorts of names. Again, I was not allowed to mix into family business and talk about wealth management, but I was old enough to give them cash.
I went to my dad's neurologist cause I have had this burning feeling on my neck. He told me this is all because of stress and later I told him about my toxic interaction with my parents. He told me to keep my distance with them and visit them every now and then. Interestingly enough the burning feeling goes away when I don't talk to them or see them.
I am sorry this is so long.
I just want to know how you guys handle your toxic relationships. What do you guys do? Most importantly what do you do to make yourself feel better after you interact with such individuals?
First of all, you can't choose your parents like you can choose your friends. You get what you get. 
