Trying so hard but life treats me like honeysuckle

[megahexen]

Hi im an engineering undergraduate studying in final year. There is something wrong with my life. I dont really remember when this really started but i guess i had mental break down ever since i started to go uni. It may be a different reason too, but i cant figure out what the cause is. In my childhood i wasn't a social character but i enjoyed my life and never hated my life. But things got different from the past 4 or 5 years. I started to feel i was left behind and i was not being the person that i really should be. I quit waiting for someone to make me feel good, make me happy and successful but after ages nobody came. So i convinced myself that i am the one who should do something about this may be im missing something, well known fact that others know so they are happy but im not. I did lots of experiments too.. I acted like a cool dude all the time in my university and it just stressed me out alot even though i was bet popular. It didnt work actually. Now i act like a loner who is an inside person yet this depressed me alot. I don't have a social life at all now. I'm in a band and with my band members i really had a good time but we are all too busy to get togethre and jam some cool music. So the band things doesnt seem working either. I dont have a girlfriend now. I had one but that was also over the phone type of relationship and she cheated me all that time. It was a one year long affair and we never got a chance to meet. No wonder she didnt want to since she was playing around. So now im bit worried of starting an affair plus i dont know where to start. I dont want to hook up with someone through facebook or a social network.I expect it to be normal social encounter but i never get that chance. So from recently i convinced myself im better off without a girl. But i wanted to hang out with my own set of cool friends and enjoy the life. Ive been at home for almost a week now and that drives me crazy. I want to go out but have no place to go. Im not from a rich family and i dont get inveted to parties so my social life inthat aspect is zero. Is this normal? Im trying so hard to get over this frustration about life but life seems pulling from leg. Now my heart is burning with frustration. I dont wanna be like this forever. Sorry for my bad english

P.S I had medications for anxiety and depression i was an insomniac for some time. All these started with a relationship or may be i started a relationship to get over this not sure what came first. The best part is nobody believes i dont have a girlfriend i have to admit that i do look good. Still im single desperate home boy. Please advice me

 

[IgnoredOne]

You're an engineering student. By that, it indicates a lot of your particular focus and intelligences - its not what your 'average college' student has. Accept that you'll be different and take pride in it.

First, get adequate sleep(~8 hours). Make that your primary goal at this moment - otherwise, it'll impact every other aspect of your life, especially your thinking. Do you wear glasses? If so, would you want to try to go through life with incorrect prescription? Imagine trying to learn in class, do exams, or even drive with inaccurate vision - it would be possible, but annoying and difficult. In the same vein, there's plenty of research that lack of sleep causes symptoms of depression and impairs your thinking, so if you plan on resolving your issues, that's an easy thing that you need to fix.

Secondly, ask yourself on what you truly want to be. You seem to be acting on several roles, but none of them have especially brought you happiness. Personally, I think that it has a large part that you need to relate more to people with the same level of intelligence and awareness as you are.

Spend some time finding what you'll like to be, then put your heart and mind in finding it. Everything else you seek will come. Let me know if you have more specific questions.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Life can be like honeysuckle for a lot of poeple...just make the best of it.
Try no to isolate or over think too much. Dont be so hard on yourself, give yourself more credit.
Not having friends or a girl friends can be a challenge from the loneliness.
Sometimes relationship seems or is harder than what it's worth or the work, time and energy you put into it.

If you're a musican..you know it's a skill that can be improved upon and you don't really master music. it's endless and unlimited.
See you're self in that light. You have unlimted protintials and unlimited growth..so don't trip if you're not perfect.
Social skills are the same. It can be learned and developed. You get better as you go as long as your applying it or putting it into practice.
Yes small steps..short term goals and long term goals...as you would do when learning a song....sections or riffs at a time.

Stop beating up on yourself..all that dose is rob or drain your energy or eats away at your selfesteem.

Yes...I can relate. Alot of my issues or problems stems from one particular relationship. So I get involved with all kinds
of women to get over that relationship. i'm not as young as I used to bebut I'm still sexually active.
A touch of a woman gives me comfort..at the other end of the stick..I'll have to tolerate her being woman.
So much eaiser for me to just date..not fall in love or make a commitment. Some women are ok with this..some arnt.
Some just plain falls in love with me even if they dont have the intensions of falling in love with me.
Some say they'll love me forever but don't...so it's like a mind bend or heart rip.

Maybetry reading the 7 habits of effective people. it dosnt have all the answers but it's giving me some answers
or different ways of looking at things.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Stop acting. You acted like the cool dude, that didn't work, you acted like the loner, that didn't work. Why are you acting like something you obviously are not, instead of trying to be who you are? When you act like someone you are not you are presenting yourself in a false ideal, you are fake. People eventually see through that and it pushes them away. If you haven't figured out who you are yet, which it sounds like you haven't, you really need to take this time you've been spending alone and do some soul searching with it. Figure out who you want to be, the type of person you want to be, no more acting. Do what comes naturally to you, don't force it or fake it.

You are at a point in your life where you need an identity. Solve the greatest riddle of all, who is Megahexen?

 

[jjam]

...

 

[floffyschneeman]

Calm down. It's ok to be lonely and disappointed with your life. We all get to that stage. Specially when reality starts to sink in that ''this'' is life. When we were kids, we were always looking forward and so life seemed bearable. If there are things we can be thankful about loneliness, is it sits us in one corner and force us to face who we really are as a person. In loneliness, we can reflect in our lives and in ourselves and it reveals understandings we often neglect when we're enjoying life too much. So, calm down.

 

[Solitary]

The problem seems to be your inability of getting out of one specific way of thinking. That is: if I want to be happy, I have to change and adapt. In my opinion this is holding you back. Others have correctly pointed out that you're acting too much and you must find yourself. If you allow me some speculation, I would like to say that it looks to me like you've been acting from the very childhood. If you were happy then, it may be because it was easier as you haven't fully developed a sense of your own identity. Now, however, when you see where you are and you kind of know who you are, you feeling incompatible with this life. For example, did you go into engineering only because you wanted to or maybe someone pushed you in the right direction? And your saying "I started to feel i was left behind and i was not being the person that i really should be" really indicates that you developed yourself to a point where you realize what you want and need and that acting which was easy earlier now becomes very difficult.

My humble advice would be to further understand yourself, drop all the acting as others have suggested, and take action to direct your life towards where you want it to be.

And also, I would suggest against wanting relationships and social activity just for the sake of themselves. Relationships bind people together and point them towards something other than the relationship itself. And socially people also, as I like to think, think not about the fact that they are socializing, but that they are striving for some other cause. Relationships and connections may only be tools, and not the goal itself. If you would think that way, maybe you would not focus so much on making those relationships work but rather try to use those relationships for something else; for example taking up a new hobby or skill and bonding with a new friend over it. Once that initial bonding passed, you might have just gotten yourself a real friend. If we pay too much attention on walking, we might trip and fall. Same thing here, if you desperately want the relationships to work out of frustration, it is likely that you will fail. People will notice that you're doing the socializing for yourself rather than for them or at least for both parties.

My humble advice. Stay positive!

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Hmm I think college jades us. Especially around the end of it. Trust me I have been there as well. I think it is college more than anything. You are on your last year. As you see the end nearing. The set path you followed for 20+ years is vanishing. It is ******* stressful. You are now master of your own identity.

So I say finish up strong and get out into the world. Once you have your own life then you can think about these things.

I also recommend focusing a bit on yourself. You know do something nice for yourself. Treat yourself because you are awesome.