shawn81
Member
I'm here just to post a life experience I went through that still has a pull on me today and to get it off my chest. Just kind of a ramble because I need to. So if you make it through I applaud you.
I was 18, I decided I would stay with a friend after class so we could hang out all weekend. He said he wanted to go to the neighborhood near his house to hang out with his girlfriend at the time. I sighed and agreed to go with him even knowing I would be a third wheel, again. When we got there it was me, my friend, his girlfriend, and her neighbor.
Her name was Sarah. A short girl with long blonde, big beautiful green eyes, shy and geeky. I instantly feel for her. Like a dweb I awkwardly introduce myself and kind of mesh in with the conversation they had already started. After about an hour my friend and his gf decide they need to go "find something" but we all knew what was going on.
While they where gone I took the time to get to know sarah. I found out she was an art student, same age as me, same taste in video games and music, and found out she was single. I looked at my phone and realized almost 2 hour had past, also that my friend had texted me saying he would be back later. So I offered to walk sarah home since it was dark. Instead of going straight to her house we walked around the neighborhood for awhile talking about everything under the stars. By the time I get her home 4 more hours had passed, just talking, and it was almost 1 a.m
The next week I practically begged my friend to let me stay with him just so I could see sarah again. And I did we would go hang out with them till late I'd walk her home then we'd leave rinse and repeat next weekend. There was quite a few times that they would all drink, add a few people, and I would be the one to take car of my little posse of friends. I was enjoying that. Well one day I was walking her home and I thought this would be my chance, so I went for it. I asked her if she'd maybe like to go out some time (probably in the most awkward way possible) she looked at me in kind of a sad face. She said she had to go back to Chicago in a few months and didn't want to make any kind of relationships. I was crushed. She continued, you are a very nice guy shawn, and if it wasn't for that I would in a heart beat. I took that as I win, sort of.
I continued my routine of hanging out with her and watching her when she got drunk. It even got to the point where I was paying for parties to be thrown at my friends house just so I could spend more time with her. We'd all go to his house and a few others from the neighborhood would to. I don't really enjoy parties but this wasn't alot of people 7 people max. And I didn't drink but there was a few times sarah would beg me to and I take a few sips just for her. I watched over her while she was drunk and was always the one to make sure she got home. Even to the point where there was a few times I carried her almost passed out to her house a few blocks away.
Almost a year of this passed, I didn't get to see her every weekend but at least one weekend a month. And she knew how I felt about her, we talked in detail about it plenty of times. I was head over heels for her. But soon I'd get a rude awakening.
A Rumor had been going around that sarah was dating chase, a 13 year old dude who was on her street that always came to the parties. Apparently they were hiding the relationship because of the age. I didn't believe she was with him. He was a annoying kid who was incredibly idiotic. Not to mention she had to go back to Chicago in less than 2 months.
A few weeks later after noticing a few hints, I decide to talk to her about it. At one of the parties I waited till late to take her outside to talk. I asked her about it and she denied, but I could tell something was off. So in a emotional state I grabbed her hands and I asked her what she thought of me and if there was or would ever be a possibility of "us" I remember this exactly. She looked me in the eyes and just said "shawn" then looked down and sighed. I knew what that meant. I dropped her hands and went inside. I grabbed my stuff and left. As soon as I got out the door, chase and my friend stopped me. They asked me what's wrong. I wouldn't tell them. I got chase alone after that and told him to tell me the truth man to man what was going on. He told me it was false that he loved the other girl at the party. Even went as far as to cry to me about their situation.
After a while i calmed down and decided to come in and go to bed. I woke the next morning before everyone else, I went through the house to see where all the drunk people had passes out. I found chase and sarah cuddled in one room. I was furious, I was devastated, I was wrecked. I went home after that before anyone even woke up. I didn't talk to any of them for a month except my friend.
I know she was my girl and she's allowed to date whoever she wants, but I was so deeply in love with her, even though it wasn't returned. And for some reason my heart and mind both told me to not give up on her to keep trying, that's why I tried for so long even after she said no.
After about a month, and alot of my friend telling me it might have just been them drunk cuddling to give her the benefit of the doubt. So I did. Later that week I found out from one of her close friends that not only had chase and sarah been a couple for almost 6 months, but also that day I f I understand them was when she lost her virginity to him.
I had not words. She sent me a few messages apologizing. Saying she was sorry she lied and lead me on for so long. And he tried to talk to me to but it took all I had not to knock him out. Not only had he took the live of my life, but he bold face lied to me and cried to me. I decided I wouldn't talk to them at all
A few months passed and I found out she's on alot of drugs, courtesy if that d-bag, never moved back to get her degree. I felt sorry for her so I started small talking to her again through Facebook etc. I've continued to talk to her ever since. I'm 22 now, I still talk to her once a week at least. Still love her more than anything. I've tried to make other relationships but too no avail. She still make me happy when we talk even though she's still with him. I still love her. I haven't seen her face to face since that night but I still talk to her as much as possible.
To be honest it was doomed to start with. But my heart wouldn't let, won't let me give up on her. She's a beautiful 100lb princess. And I'm a 275lb hideous monster. But she is one of the few things that make me happy, but also hurt me just as much.
Thanks for reading this I just had to get it off my chest. I was texting her yesterday, and all of it was going through my head. Thank you .
I was 18, I decided I would stay with a friend after class so we could hang out all weekend. He said he wanted to go to the neighborhood near his house to hang out with his girlfriend at the time. I sighed and agreed to go with him even knowing I would be a third wheel, again. When we got there it was me, my friend, his girlfriend, and her neighbor.
Her name was Sarah. A short girl with long blonde, big beautiful green eyes, shy and geeky. I instantly feel for her. Like a dweb I awkwardly introduce myself and kind of mesh in with the conversation they had already started. After about an hour my friend and his gf decide they need to go "find something" but we all knew what was going on.
While they where gone I took the time to get to know sarah. I found out she was an art student, same age as me, same taste in video games and music, and found out she was single. I looked at my phone and realized almost 2 hour had past, also that my friend had texted me saying he would be back later. So I offered to walk sarah home since it was dark. Instead of going straight to her house we walked around the neighborhood for awhile talking about everything under the stars. By the time I get her home 4 more hours had passed, just talking, and it was almost 1 a.m
The next week I practically begged my friend to let me stay with him just so I could see sarah again. And I did we would go hang out with them till late I'd walk her home then we'd leave rinse and repeat next weekend. There was quite a few times that they would all drink, add a few people, and I would be the one to take car of my little posse of friends. I was enjoying that. Well one day I was walking her home and I thought this would be my chance, so I went for it. I asked her if she'd maybe like to go out some time (probably in the most awkward way possible) she looked at me in kind of a sad face. She said she had to go back to Chicago in a few months and didn't want to make any kind of relationships. I was crushed. She continued, you are a very nice guy shawn, and if it wasn't for that I would in a heart beat. I took that as I win, sort of.
I continued my routine of hanging out with her and watching her when she got drunk. It even got to the point where I was paying for parties to be thrown at my friends house just so I could spend more time with her. We'd all go to his house and a few others from the neighborhood would to. I don't really enjoy parties but this wasn't alot of people 7 people max. And I didn't drink but there was a few times sarah would beg me to and I take a few sips just for her. I watched over her while she was drunk and was always the one to make sure she got home. Even to the point where there was a few times I carried her almost passed out to her house a few blocks away.
Almost a year of this passed, I didn't get to see her every weekend but at least one weekend a month. And she knew how I felt about her, we talked in detail about it plenty of times. I was head over heels for her. But soon I'd get a rude awakening.
A Rumor had been going around that sarah was dating chase, a 13 year old dude who was on her street that always came to the parties. Apparently they were hiding the relationship because of the age. I didn't believe she was with him. He was a annoying kid who was incredibly idiotic. Not to mention she had to go back to Chicago in less than 2 months.
A few weeks later after noticing a few hints, I decide to talk to her about it. At one of the parties I waited till late to take her outside to talk. I asked her about it and she denied, but I could tell something was off. So in a emotional state I grabbed her hands and I asked her what she thought of me and if there was or would ever be a possibility of "us" I remember this exactly. She looked me in the eyes and just said "shawn" then looked down and sighed. I knew what that meant. I dropped her hands and went inside. I grabbed my stuff and left. As soon as I got out the door, chase and my friend stopped me. They asked me what's wrong. I wouldn't tell them. I got chase alone after that and told him to tell me the truth man to man what was going on. He told me it was false that he loved the other girl at the party. Even went as far as to cry to me about their situation.
After a while i calmed down and decided to come in and go to bed. I woke the next morning before everyone else, I went through the house to see where all the drunk people had passes out. I found chase and sarah cuddled in one room. I was furious, I was devastated, I was wrecked. I went home after that before anyone even woke up. I didn't talk to any of them for a month except my friend.
I know she was my girl and she's allowed to date whoever she wants, but I was so deeply in love with her, even though it wasn't returned. And for some reason my heart and mind both told me to not give up on her to keep trying, that's why I tried for so long even after she said no.
After about a month, and alot of my friend telling me it might have just been them drunk cuddling to give her the benefit of the doubt. So I did. Later that week I found out from one of her close friends that not only had chase and sarah been a couple for almost 6 months, but also that day I f I understand them was when she lost her virginity to him.
I had not words. She sent me a few messages apologizing. Saying she was sorry she lied and lead me on for so long. And he tried to talk to me to but it took all I had not to knock him out. Not only had he took the live of my life, but he bold face lied to me and cried to me. I decided I wouldn't talk to them at all
A few months passed and I found out she's on alot of drugs, courtesy if that d-bag, never moved back to get her degree. I felt sorry for her so I started small talking to her again through Facebook etc. I've continued to talk to her ever since. I'm 22 now, I still talk to her once a week at least. Still love her more than anything. I've tried to make other relationships but too no avail. She still make me happy when we talk even though she's still with him. I still love her. I haven't seen her face to face since that night but I still talk to her as much as possible.
To be honest it was doomed to start with. But my heart wouldn't let, won't let me give up on her. She's a beautiful 100lb princess. And I'm a 275lb hideous monster. But she is one of the few things that make me happy, but also hurt me just as much.
Thanks for reading this I just had to get it off my chest. I was texting her yesterday, and all of it was going through my head. Thank you .
