Unrequited emotions

[Solo Dolo]

Having been just a browser of these forums for a while, I felt it was time to get a bit of my life out there.

So there's this girl...I fell for her about a year ago when we became quite close friends. Strong feelings have developed since then, feelings that she's very much aware of and although she's always said she likes me, she doesn't want to enter an uneven relationship where she believes she's just going to hurt me.

Whilst I completely understand her rationale, it just doesn't take away the pain of not being able to be with her. She truly is the most beautiful person in the world to me and despite knowing that she may not be the best person for me as she has a lot of unresolved issues, I still can't help but think about her all of the time. Yes this may just be fleeting teenage 'love' but it still feels very real right now and I'm desperately seeking a way to forget about her and move on. This whole situation is fuelling my depression and is slowly consuming my time and energy.

Thanks for reading, any words at all would mean a lot. XD

 

[EveWasFramed]

Having been just a browser of these forums for a while, I felt it was time to get a bit of my life out there.

So there's this girl...I fell for her about a year ago when we became quite close friends. Strong feelings have developed since then, feelings that she's very much aware of and although she's always said she likes me, she doesn't want to enter an uneven relationship where she believes she's just going to hurt me.

Whilst I completely understand her rationale, it just doesn't take away the pain of not being able to be with her. She truly is the most beautiful person in the world to me and despite knowing that she may not be the best person for me as she has a lot of unresolved issues, I still can't help but think about her all of the time. Yes this may just be fleeting teenage 'love' but it still feels very real right now and I'm desperately seeking a way to forget about her and move on. This whole situation is fuelling my depression and is slowly consuming my time and energy.

Thanks for reading, any words at all would mean a lot. XD

Hi, Solo, and welcome to the forum.

What you're going through sucks...that's about all I can say. At least she is being honest with you about how she feels. Time is the only thing that's going to help your situation Im afraid. Try to keep yourself busy with other things, to keep your mind off of her.

((hugs))

 

[Wandering stranger]

Solo, I went through a situation like that and she said the same thing...next day I met someone even more incredible, problem solved. I hope you get through this buddy. I refuse to be honeysuckle on because of some strange befuddling answer for her wanting to break up, her loss, only forward to look for with me.

 

[Danielle]

solo, there was a guy i had re-met well over a year ago now. We talked everyday, spent time together, and slept together quite bit. I had fallen for him, and i *thought* he was falling for me too...

one evening while in bed... he told me that my body didn't do anything for him, yet still wanted to go on fooling around... I just ended up getting up, and leaving his house... i haven't returned. it was hard, because I had fallen for him, and he hadn't for me. he would keep trying to contact me, talk to me and want to hang out, but i just couldn't because of how I felt, and how hurt i was.

I have had no contact with him for months now, but when i see him on FB or online i still get butterflies... which makes me wonder if I have actually gotten over him yet.

Anyway... i know how you feel, and it really sucks. I think you need to break off all contact, and move on from this girl....

good luck... we are here for support.

 

[Solo Dolo]

Thanks for the replies peeps, means a great deal. It's comforting to know other people have experienced similar things.

I guess no contact and time is what I do need, it just pains me to remove her from my life despite the hurt I'm causing both myself and her. What needs to be done, needs to be done I suppose, there's just a smidge of a worry that I'll never get over her...

I'm sorry to hear about how that guy treated you Danielle, some serious douches out there and it's a great shame we fall for them but it's his huge loss

Love the attitude Stranger, I only hope my problem can be solved as fortunately! Although it looks like it might only be through, as Eve said, time. Drat

 

[QuietGuy]

Welcome to ALL, Solo, and very sorry to hear about your current situation

although she's always said she likes me, she doesn't want to enter an uneven relationship where she believes she's just going to hurt me.

It must be very painful for you to hear her say that, but in the long term, it's good that she's being honest with you now. The alternative would be much worse - if she pretended that she likes you as much as you like her, and then later on once you're in a relationship, she eventually admits that she doesn't like you that much after all. That would be truly soul-destroying. So I admire her for not stringing you along - it shows she has a good honest heart.

Yes this may just be fleeting teenage 'love' but it still feels very real right now

It doesn't matter what people choose to label your feelings, it's how you feel that matters. A romantic attraction is extremely powerful no matter how young or old you are.

This whole situation is fuelling my depression and is slowly consuming my time and energy.

there's just a smidge of a worry that I'll never get over her...

That's certainly how it feels, but it's not true, trust me. I had several experiences of unrequited emotions during my teenage years, so I know exactly how you feel. Each time, the girl in question would absorb every single moment of my thoughts every day. But I would always get over them, eventually.

Of course, people's feelings can change, and it's possible that one day she will feel as much for you as you do for her. But it wouldn't be wise to hang all your hopes on that possibility.

Try to keep yourself busy with other things, to keep your mind off of her.

Wise words from Eve there! I constantly find that the only way to deal with unhappy things I can't control is to keep myself so **** busy with other stuff that I forget about them. It's harder than it sounds, but it's the only reliable way. Do you have any hobbies or other activities that you like to immerse yourself in?

Again, welcome to ALL! And please keep us updated with your situation...

 

[Solo Dolo]

Thanks for the words QuietGuy.

That is exactly what she's done in absorbing every single moment of my thoughts every day but I am comforted that you managed to get over them eventually. I just really wish I saw her as only a friend so she could still be a positive thing in my life. Right now it's nothing but pain, especially when I have to see her or think about her with other guys.

I am off to uni in a month or so, so I should be able to fully emerse myself in all of that, it's just surviving the next month that seems impossible at the moment.

 

[sadface]

;_;

I know its hard, but trust me when I say, it will get easier. Appreciate the fact that she was honest with you, though, that takes courage. If you can walk away with anything from this experience, walk away with confidence that someone has liked you, that you are likeable to someone. Chances are someone else will come along, and you'll like them too.

 

[Solo Dolo]

;_;

I know its hard, but trust me when I say, it will get easier. Appreciate the fact that she was honest with you, though, that takes courage. If you can walk away with anything from this experience, walk away with confidence that someone has liked you, that you are likeable to someone. Chances are someone else will come along, and you'll like them too.

Aye you're right, I can walk away with that at least but it really is so hard. Almost unbearable. Thing is, I know how pathetic I'm being whilst writing this. All this pain and sadness over an undeserving girl who just doesn't want to be more than friends. Comparing it to the majority of other problems had by people in these forums it really seems miniscule but I just don't know why it's affecting me so much.

It's the unfairness of reality that's so heartbreaking. I get shafted because I'm pretty much the only guy who's ever truly cared for her and her wellbeing (and that really isn't as vast as an exaggeration as it sounds). I can't be with her because I care too much. Yet I have to watch her getting with countless guys who couldn't even care less and all I can think about is how much it would mean to me to kiss her and how badly I want to be them. Such is the life of the 'good' (relatively speaking) person. On the wrong end of the stick so **** often. Makes me seriously consider being a complete *********

Apologies on this little rant and if it seems like I'm just bypassing all of you guys' advice, but I have taken it all on board, just needed to vent through the frustration!

 

[NOAH_FX]

Hey Solo, rant away buddy, it's why your here, to HELP you through things. I know exactly what you mean dude, my situation is kinda the same. I've even blown off other girls, because i just compare them and try to make them match this impossible standard i've now made... Everytime she calls and i see her name on my phone my heart skips a beat.. It's always a call about nothing really lol, but your mind plays tricks.. But you have closure atleast.. thats what allows you to move on and continue along this silly roller-coaster ride. I don't know honeysuckle really lol. Be thankful for that atleast.

Goodluck buddy, you sound awesome.

If you ever need to talk just let me know

 

[Sweetlucyblvd]

It's the unfairness of reality that's so heartbreaking. I get shafted because I'm pretty much the only guy who's ever truly cared for her and her wellbeing (and that really isn't as vast as an exaggeration as it sounds). I can't be with her because I care too much. Yet I have to watch her getting with countless guys who couldn't even care less and all I can think about is how much it would mean to me to kiss her and how badly I want to be them. Such is the life of the 'good' (relatively speaking) person. On the wrong end of the stick so **** often. Makes me seriously consider being a complete *********

THIS.
You've know idea how much I empathize with this. How being a good and decent person somehow marks you as undateable, and how maddening it is to watch that special person make mistakes while you practically have "i love you" written your forehead. I've been there, but I've also pulled myself out of that pit. Because I realized that if I had to wait hand and foot on a guy to make him feel even a fraction of what I felt for him, it wasn't worth it. You want to be with someone who is just as happy to be around you as you are to be near them. It's hard, but we all deserve someone who will appreciate us. That is all.

 

[Solo Dolo]

Hey Solo, rant away buddy, it's why your here, to HELP you through things. I know exactly what you mean dude, my situation is kinda the same. I've even blown off other girls, because i just compare them and try to make them match this impossible standard i've now made... Everytime she calls and i see her name on my phone my heart skips a beat.. It's always a call about nothing really lol, but your mind plays tricks.. But you have closure atleast.. thats what allows you to move on and continue along this silly roller-coaster ride. I don't know honeysuckle really lol. Be thankful for that atleast.

Goodluck buddy, you sound awesome.

If you ever need to talk just let me know

Cheers matey, much appreciated. Sorry that you're in a similar situation, I'm completely on par with everything you've said there. Closure aint all that though, believe me XD although I hope you get some form of it and can move on.

THIS.
You've know idea how much I empathize with this. How being a good and decent person somehow marks you as undateable, and how maddening it is to watch that special person make mistakes while you practically have "i love you" written your forehead. I've been there, but I've also pulled myself out of that pit. Because I realized that if I had to wait hand and foot on a guy to make him feel even a fraction of what I felt for him, it wasn't worth it. You want to be with someone who is just as happy to be around you as you are to be near them. It's hard, but we all deserve someone who will appreciate us. That is all.

Really sucks don't it? Where are the women like you in my life?! Nicely put and a great way of thinking that has made me feel better about things. Hope you find that guy who appreciates you.

 

[Pair-O-Dox]

I think almost everyone goes through that or a similar situation in they're lifetime. Love's like a Rubik's Cube. You gotta work and work, and work some more until you get lucky (cause you never actually solve one of those things on purpose). You'll be just fine.

 

[Badjedidude]

Love's like a Rubik's Cube.

I don't mean to be an ass, here, but...

Your analogy is flawed.

A Rubik's Cube can be solved easily after memorizing a series of patterns of manipulating the various sides of the cube. After much practice, it's possible to make it pretty much instinctive, to the point where one doesn't even necessarily need to pay attention to the cube while "solving" it.

I can solve a completely scrambled Rubik's Cube in about 4 minutes (or less).

Lol... so NO, love is NOT like a Rubik's Cube.

 

[QuietGuy]

As BJD says, love is not like a Rubik's Cube, because that can always be solved.

No, love is more like the card game, Solitaire. I know there are different variations of Solitaire, and love is like the most difficult variation, with an extremely low average success rate.

Every time you meet a girl, it's like being given a random game of Solitaire to play. Some skill is required to know how to play the game, but the random ordering of the cards in the piles is the biggest factor. Even if you're the best Solitaire player in the world, once you get stuck (eg. because the King or Ace you need is buried in one of the piles), then it's Game Over.

Love is a game of chance. You may get lucky on your first attempt. Or you may play hundreds of games, and lose every single one. If you want to win, there's only one possible course of action - play the game over and over and over again. And because the average success rate is so low, you know you're very likely to fail on each attempt.

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^Much better analogy. ^_^ lol