Up honeysuckle creek with no paddle.

[Gothmother]

Today has been a bad day where I just feel im drifting further up honeysuckle creek with no paddle.
It started last night, just sat trying to do some course work (and failing) and I just felt so overwhelming drained. It dint help that I did have 2 very large spiced rum and blackcurrant over ice, to just try and chill out, switch off and sleep. It dint have the effect I wanted as I just got depressed and decided on a clear out of things on the pc, which did also include 28 msn contacts.
Washing the dishes this morning, looking out over my garden, I just started to cry and couldn’t stop. The dog nudges me in the backside as if to say cut it out but I cant and now my eyes are sore again because I’ve cried and made them dry, flaky and itchy.
My head hurts with the amount of things going around in there and I cant seem to find an order to put them in and the brick wall I hit each time when I look for an answer just looms ever in the way.

I took my son(who is 14) to see the doc at half 4 as he has to have a review every time he is prescribed his meds to make sure he is growing ok and that his blood pressure and weight is alright.
His doc asked if he was ok and if the meds was working for him, he said no and said that he just couldn’t help himself in regards of temper and anger.
The doc asked me how things where, so I told her everything and she was rather horrified that we have had no proper help for a long time, as he was meant to have been seen by some other doc in April and hasn’t.
I told her about his natural fathers reaction to me asking him for help( a last resort i can you) and how he knows most of the therapists my son has seen on first name terms being that he is in that field of work.
She was not impressed and is going to write to the place of therapy and get someone to see my boy ( yes I am using that term as that excuse of a man doesn’t deserve to be called his father )ASAP. She also suggests that I visit my doc to talk about how I am feeling as im pissed off being told I look tired, but then ive tried dealing with this day in day out for the last 12 years what does she expect.

I have no faith left in any of the therapists he has seen and especially not now I know that dickwad has a know in who is who (on a professional level you understand *cough cough* my arse)
All I want is to be an average family, doing normal family things with happy kids and a happy home.

Maybe I should just ask for the moon instead?

 

[NakitaKita]

My beliefe is that your situation is actually very beautiful. With whats been going on and still to be going thats strength to me. You are a women of strength! Super Women! Why would you want to be like a normal family? it has no originality plus I think its actually something to brag about when your kid gets older he would be amazed and say "wow mom you did all this to make sure me and you were well off."

Just keep in mind your a good women (unlike the father) and you will prosper over this!

 

[Unacceptance]

You've got a dog AND a garden, wow, someone is living the life.

 

[Gothmother]

You've got a dog AND a garden, wow, someone is living the life.

and a cat and a rabbit and chickens (who have just started laying) as for living the life.. i wish.. im skint!

 

[Naleena]

Godmother, first of all the biggest cyber hug I can muster for you!
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((*))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I am sorry to hear about what is happening in your life. I know the stress of school and a family can be overwhelming. People do not realize how much time, energy and self sacrifice it takes to get through that.

As far as your child, I know it hurts you to see him go through this. As a mom, I would much rather suffer than see my child suffer and I know you are the same way because you have a heart. I have seen it in your posts. As far as your ex goes, I know that must hurt as well. How could a man not help his own child? No doubt he doesn't see the things you do. He isn't there and doesn't have to see your child suffer, so how could he possibly have a clue? I have to disagree with you in that he doesn't sound like a dickwad. To me he sounds like a selfcentered, egotistical, arrogant, dickwad to the tenth power. But what do I know?

I always say, whatever you do in this life will come back to you. Karma will bite him in the ass. You might not see it today, or next year but you will see it.

If you need someone to talk to sometime, I am here. I know what it is like not to have support from an ex. when your child needs it. Thank god that doctor took the time to listen and is finding help for you. Hang in there. You made it through 12 years girl, you can do it! Don't forget to take some time for yourself. Yes, I know. WHEN are you going to find time.....lol You need to take care of you too. It's easy to get so focused on other stuff and neglect yourself till you get run down. I will be keeping you in my thoughts [/quote]