Was I wrong here?

[Seahorse]

I just think most women don't want to be called hot by their male friends... I lied...it is creepy in my opinion

---

Unless a gay guy calls me hot, because I know he's not trying to bang me...

 

[TheSkaFish]

I feel like this is one of those no-win scenarios. If you say nothing, you're not asserting your sexuality, which is seen as meek, timid, loser behavior. However if you do say something, it's chauvinistic. It's one of those things where if you're not "cool", then whether you do something or nothing, it's still the wrong answer. I hate things like that. Then, when you say it's a popularity contest, they say you have bad attitude, which adds insult to injury. I never would have said that girls were "hot" until relatively recently, but I think it would probably go the same way for me. It's just one more frustrating thing about all this.

All in all, no, I don't think you did anything wrong.

 

[Seahorse]

As my first reply stated complimented a woman or a man is a nice thing, but in my humble opinion the words hot or sexy have a sexual overtone that might make some one feel uncomfortable

 

[TheSkaFish]

As my first reply stated complimented a woman or a man is a nice thing, but in my humble opinion the words hot or sexy have a sexual overtone that might make some one feel uncomfortable

I used to think that way for a long time, and I still kind of do.  I don't really like those words, I don't think they are very tasteful.  I've tried to avoid words like that as much as possible because I don't want to be seen as low-brow or a creep.  And I'd like to communicate that while yes, I think a girl is sexually appealing, but I also value her for more than that.  But the problem is, if you don't say anything sexual at all, then they don't see you as a sexual option.

 

[Seahorse]

As a decent and hopefully attractive woman I would be much more flattered if a man told me something like "you look great" , "wow" always works...basically any thing but hot or sexy... I'm just trying to help a guy out in his quest for love

 

[kamya]

The person he called hot is someone that isn't really his friend. Just someone that he knows. 

He told a friend that he ran into this other person and thought she was hot. This is normal behavior. The friend he told it to is a ridiculous for reacting that way.

Something tells me that if para was 6'7" , rich, and built like the rock that his friend would have immediately went to her to share the exciting news!

 

[bleed_the_freak]

^ Yes, it was jealousy. She was mad he bucked male orbiter status by showing attraction toward another female. He was supposed to dwell in the in-between phase of possibly being attracted to her. This is all subconscious.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I feel like this is one of those no-win scenarios. If you say nothing, you're not asserting your sexuality, which is seen as meek, timid, loser behavior. However if you do say something, it's chauvinistic. It's one of those things where if you're not "cool", then whether you do something or nothing, it's still the wrong answer. I hate things like that. Then, when you say it's a popularity contest, they say you have bad attitude, which adds insult to injury.

Not really.

 

[Paraiyar]

I should mention that she was friendly with me again afterwards and we haven't spoken of this since. Maybe she was just stressed out from her kid or something.

 

[bleed_the_freak]

You will gradually be allowed back into the orbit.

 

[ardour]

As my first reply stated complimented a woman or a man is a nice thing, but in my humble opinion the words hot or sexy have a sexual overtone that might make some one feel uncomfortable

Women commenting on male friends (it's a friend of friend in this case) like that isn't judged...at all really. I've heard women refer to their male friends that way, in person and on social media. No one has a problem then.

 

[Moetan21]

Hot or sexy means physical attraction, just barely physically attracted.

If someone was to say oh that person looks beautiful...it has a deeper more meaningful tone to it like oh that person is beautiful I want to get to know her and see how she is.

lol

If that makes sense.

On the original post though, nothing wrong with what you said. Maybe it was just the wrong time and your friend is going through her own personal issues, OR she had a good talk with Lydia.

 

[kamya]

As my first reply stated complimented a woman or a man is a nice thing, but in my humble opinion the words hot or sexy have a sexual overtone that might make some one feel uncomfortable

Women commenting on male friends (it's  a friend of friend in this case) like that isn't judged...at all really. I've heard women refer to their male friends that way, in person and on social media. No one has a problem then.

Don't worry I'm sure someone will eventually come try to explain it.

They always have an excuse why it's creepy for you to do things but "ITS DIFFERENT!!!" when they do it.

 

[beautiful loser]

You will gradually be allowed back into the orbit.

LOL...true.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

I feel like this is one of those no-win scenarios.  If you say nothing, you're not asserting your sexuality, which is seen as meek, timid, loser behavior.  However if you do say something, it's chauvinistic.  It's one of those things where if you're not "cool", then whether you do something or nothing, it's still the wrong answer.  I hate things like that.  Then, when you say it's a popularity contest, they say you have bad attitude, which adds insult to injury.  I never would have said that girls were "hot" until relatively recently, but I think it would probably go the same way for me.  It's just one more frustrating thing about all this.

It's at this point, where one has to choose the safest option to lose the least. I feel that if you're seen as meek, you'll be given an afterthought at best, but mostly left alone. But take the chauvinistic approach, and guess who's IM is getting plastered to her wall in her sassy rejection play of the day.

 

[TheSkaFish]

As a decent and hopefully attractive woman I would be much more flattered if a man told me something like "you look great" , "wow" always works...basically any thing but hot or sexy... I'm just trying to help a guy out in his quest for love

Thanks.  As a man, I'd feel more comfortable saying "you look great" to a woman instead of calling her "hot" or "sexy", "you look great" is more "me", and I'd only want to say "hot" or "sexy" to seem assertive enough for a woman so she doesn't think I'm some kind of weakling or loser.  

I don't want to creep someone out as a friend though by complimenting their looks, but at the same time, I am not simply trying to "bang" them either.  I'm trying to get a relationship but I'm not good at it because I've never done it, I don't know the right moves.  I'm trying to say, look, we got off on the wrong foot here, I messed up, but I actually don't suck or at least I'm trying not to, so I'm trying to steer things towards being seen as someone who is actually connection worthy.  My inexperience just got in the way before, of how I really meant to portray myself.