frey12
Well-known member
I just came back home from vacation from NY, to Cali. And while I was in NY I was not happy either, and though I wasnt as lonely, their were times when I really really was. And on my way home on the plane, I got in a fight, not a physical fight(I was hoping it would of been because I would just take the punch and make it my mission to ruin the guys life).
But I enjoyed it so much, I only feel happy in conflict, its the only thing that can truly brighten my day. I was happy for the next two days after then here I am on day three. And I hit a new personal low today, I wont say what it was. Partly due to shame, partly because I dont think its appropriate. But I dont know how to have fun with others, I dont know how to just generally deal with people. I do know how to argue and fight though. And it makes me so sad that i cant physically fight anymore, partly because when i was 15 you got brought up on charges, and now that im 21 going on 22 its just out of the question. However its the only thing that truly makes me happy even if its for an instant.
Now I am back completely alone, in my house again. Trying to find a way to pass the time, and im hurting myself in doing it. I am trying to rack my brain in thinking of a way to try something new to improve my life. But I keep coming up empty.
But I enjoyed it so much, I only feel happy in conflict, its the only thing that can truly brighten my day. I was happy for the next two days after then here I am on day three. And I hit a new personal low today, I wont say what it was. Partly due to shame, partly because I dont think its appropriate. But I dont know how to have fun with others, I dont know how to just generally deal with people. I do know how to argue and fight though. And it makes me so sad that i cant physically fight anymore, partly because when i was 15 you got brought up on charges, and now that im 21 going on 22 its just out of the question. However its the only thing that truly makes me happy even if its for an instant.
Now I am back completely alone, in my house again. Trying to find a way to pass the time, and im hurting myself in doing it. I am trying to rack my brain in thinking of a way to try something new to improve my life. But I keep coming up empty.