What are you thinking right now?

[edgecrusher]

i am SO tired of letting fear control me. why cant i just let myself take a chance and jump into this? why the fresia is it so hard? ugh... i hate myself right now.

 

[wonderful.electric]

I am thinking about how I'm going to quit smoking and not properly flip out. I dont see it being an easy transition. Also I am thinking that i should get up and clean the kitchen up. I'm a good cook.. but I make a mess.

 

[Peaco]

I think, i think i might start screaming until my throat is bloody. My arms are going numb.

 

[edgecrusher]

meh.... you never know.

 

[evanescencefan91]

oh internet it's been a while

all done with finals, yet to see my grades, worked over the weekend, but I'm not getting many more hours and I'll probably be done in may until the fall semester starts

and I can't find another job

I am sad

filled out two more applications online, i hate job hunting and I can never seem to find a perment job

it makes me sad

 

[floffyschneeman]

I miss yooooou -___- MWAH (L)

 

[jjam]

I find myself thinking about this woman seemingly everyday but I don't call her everyday. When things are going well with us, I may call her once a week. I seriously respect her time and don't usually feel I have much interesting to talk about. Conversations don't spark up from me naturally, and I'm often not in the right state of mind to carry one, ESPECIALLY over the phone. I worry about my awkward side emerging to cause confusion and wrongly express my ideas.

From my perspective, we just "made up" after what I thought was a terrible series of misunderstandings. In my mind, our endeavor to become better friends and possibly more was sinking like the Titanic. It felt like tragedy. It was easily the lowest point of our relationship, and I was very miserable about it all. I feel welcomed by her again but, as was the case before things started to go awry, I do not want to wear it out. I've considered long ago that it's possible I can do this by being TOO quiet. Yes, I think that COULD be a mistake I should be demonstrating to her that I've learned from, and yet I feel like I could be failing again! I don't know how she feels about it. I wish I knew. I wish she could know that I don't mean to be inconsiderate by not calling. My not calling should not be indicative of disinterst. Of course I'd like to know that her day went well and any other details she'd be interested in sharing about anything going on with her. Of course I'd like for us to make plans to do stuff together.

I think I'm doing this all wrong but I know of no other way. This is who I am.

??? (meaning I don't really have a question but I'll take whatever feedback I can get)

 

[Rosalyn]

Unless she is very busy, you should call her more. Once a week really isn't much. Doesn't she ever call you, though?

 

[Lawrens]

ahh i don't feel like working, there's a project due friday, so far it's almost done but I just don't have the motivation to finish it up, not to mention there are a few things I need to wait for to complete it, but my brain just don't want to organize all the information I have or don't have and properly organize them. I just hate having to do things once and then find out there're a lot of things I need to go back and correct, so inefficient.

---

Sometimes I know I should feel grateful for a lot of things, but it's just so hard.

Sometimes I know I should be a good person, but I'm really losing empathy for people everyday, it feels like I just don't care about others, and I know this is why people don't care about me, but you know, it's really hard to care, perhaps everyone feels the same way, so they also don't give a fresia anymore.

 

[evanescencefan91]

*hugs Lawrens* i can relate, sometimes it's hard to care about much when so much is going on

and I am thinking OMFG!!! I got a B+ on my biogeography final I am estactic!!!

didn't do so great on my gis final but who cares i got 100% on my project 40/40 bitches WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OMFG, if I'm lucky I could possibly get a B in those classes, unless my calculator is busted becuase I totalled it up and got above 80%

so unless there's a terrible curve throw off or something

I could very well be kicking it up honor student stlye

 

[evanescencefan91]

man I got a lot of cleaning and packing to do before thursday, and still questing for a job, but i had a good couple of days

I went climbing again with one of my friend's brother, I made it up the wall 3 times with 3 differnt routes , before getting too tired and then getting a smoothie, it was good, I got some endorphins and now I have that satisfactory sore feeling in my arms, legs and hands as well some impressive knee bruises, then I'll have to find someone else to belay with since he'll be leaving for an internship in june

 

[evanescencefan91]

man I am sleepy, i should get to sleep

i finally moved the couch and cleaned behind it, man it was like freakin narnia back there

 

[Lawrens]

Good job on your marks Evanescencefan~

I just had one of the best sleep since forever, I'm not sure why, usually I wake up feeling terrible. Gonna spend today finishing up work, sure it's online freelancing and I don't really ever have to show my face ever, but I don't know why I still feel pressured when everything is on my hands.

 

[edgecrusher]

why do i always find myself attracted to women that are "out of my league" so to speak. not in terms of appearance, but in terms of lifestyle. they always end up being kind of wild in terms of partying, drinking, smoking, or something else like that. that is not me. i dont get it.

 

[lonelyfairy]

i'm thinking how lonely i am and why i'm too shy to talk people... i want new friends, but its so hard to get them! (T_T)

 

[Callie]

stupid migraine... go away :'(

 

[Lawrens]

why do i always find myself attracted to women that are "out of my league" so to speak. not in terms of appearance, but in terms of lifestyle. they always end up being kind of wild in terms of partying, drinking, smoking, or something else like that. that is not me. i dont get it.

Maybe because they have something you don't? people are usually attracted to the opposite sex that has a different set of qualities and lifestyle than their own.

I'm attracted to bright, happy, honest woman because I'm the complete opposite of those qualities, I don't know though, sometimes when I think deeper about it, it has to do with me wanting to have that kind of lifestyle, so I project it to people I'm attracted to, that's just me though, can't say for others.

Maybe you just wanted something to push yourself into a different direction, even if it's not "you".

 

[Catcher]

Thank jebus for good friends! They can always pick you up when other people make you feel like utter crap.

 

[Lawrens]

I think I'll go jog, even though I always get tired of it after a few minutes, better than sitting at home doing nothing.

 

[Rosalyn]

i'm thinking how lonely i am and why i'm too shy to talk people... i want new friends, but its so hard to get them! (T_T)

*cuddles*

I'm sure you'll find some here.