What do you want?

[grundel70]

What is it that you are looking for? What brought you to find this forum?

Life is hard. There is no doubt in that. We all suffer through many things. The common bond that we all share, however, is loneliness.

Maybe we are lonely because we are socially awkward and have trouble making friends

Maybe we are lonely because we have never found anyone to fill that speical, intimate need we all long for

Maybe we are lonely because we have found that special someone and they have rejected us, left us, or otherwise hurt us

Maybe we are lonely because no one can relate to us at all.

Maybe we are lonely because we find ourselves always standing in a large group of people, yet feeling totally isolated.

Maybe we are lonely because we have a physical problem that is a stigma for us...like a weight problem, a handicap, or a scar.

Maybe we are lonely because we have no family

Maybe we are lonely because all those that we have known have moved away and/or don't keep in touch with us anymore.

Maybe we are lonely because we have these feelings inside of us that push us away from others...like anger or sadness

Maybe we are lonely because we lost someone speical in our lives and that hole they left in our heart is unfilled.

Maybe we are lonely because of a combination of many of these things I have typed above.

Whatever it maybe, it brought you here. And it brought you here for a reason. Maybe you want a sympathetic ear. Maybe you want to meet new friends. Maybe you simply don't want to be lonely any more.

You are now here. I want you all to ask yourself what it is that you want.

Remember that by the simple fact you are here you are not alone. there are MANY others on this forum that can relate to you. There are people here who know what pain is. I hope that you utilize this resource...this network of people...to help ease that pain. There is always a solution to what is going on in your life. There is always hope, no matter how bad it may be. There is always a path, a way to a better future.

I hope that you come here not to give up! Pour out your heart. It is ok. You will not be ridiculed for doing so! But when you are done pouring it out please don't close it! Leave it open. If you choose to close it, then what you seek...be it love, friendship, compassion, etc...will be unable to find its way in. Cry your tears. Let them flow gently down your face. It may not seem like it, but they will eventually end. There is a chinese saying I heard once...

"When you are sad, then cry. Cry as much as you possibly can. When there are no more tears left, then move on with your life"

I hope you seize the opportunity to help better yourself, to grow, and to blossom into that person you so desperately want to be. I urge you to open your heart! It will never heal if you don't allow it to. Listen to those that have been where you are. Don't be afraid to reach out and talk to someone, send someone a pm.

Don't let fear hold you back.

And, most of all, don't find comfort in your pain.

It is easy to fall into that self pity trap. It traps you, and soon you will find comfort there. Don't be! It will only destroy you and leave you broken. When you find yourself only thinking of the negative stop. Reach out your hand! I can't promise anyone I can take away the pain, but dammit, I will do my best to help pull you out of muck and mire you may find yourself in.

But before you can grow, before you can heal, before the pain can stop you must take the first step. It is hard, difficult, and painful. But nothing will happen until you do.

Another famous saying...

"I can show you the door, but you must choose to walk through it"

Thank you for indulging this old man in is rant. I love you all, and I am here for anyone. I will do my best to provide any type of comfort and help I possible can.

Finally, to quote my dear friend Naleena,

"Whatever it is you are going through, it will pass"

Remember that.

So, what do you want? Only you can answer that question.

Love you guys!

 

[Bella]

I'm lonely because I'm socially awkward and stereotyped to the point where I'm too afraid of being misunderstood to really "put myself out there." The stereotyping has even happened on the internet. On this website, where you'd assume people wouldn't be as judgmental as the non-exluded and non-alienated. But that's okay. Better to weed out people who aren't worth your time right away, to make room for people who are. That's why I'm trying to become more active. I genuinely want to talk to people and get into discussions.

Part of my loneliness stems from a huge void. I know what the void is caused by but I don't really want to get into it. Especially because it cannot be filled for a specific reason. But it's there and it contributes to my unhappiness.

I'm also a very cynical person. I tell myself repeatedly that I don't envy happy people, because I find perpetual happiness and positivity to be exceptionally baffling. But I guess I'd prefer not be THIS dreary of a human being. I used to say I was "comfortably miserable", but that was a lie. I declared myself as that, because at times in my life when I've been truly happy, it's been ripped out from under me with no warning. The unpredictability of life is crippling. I'm constantly anxious and just trying to prepare for anything, even the most outlandish things that couldn't logically happen to me. I'd like to change my outlook. I'm on a waiting list for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I've been on this waiting list since last January; welcome to the Canadian healthcare system.

 

[Terminus]

Great post grundel70. It kinda opened my eyes to the fact that there are so many reasons why a person could feel lonely, depressed etc. It's easy to feel like you're the only one, while in fact there are so many others just like you out there.

Part of my loneliness stems from a huge void. I know what the void is caused by but I don't really want to get into it. Especially because it cannot be filled for a specific reason. But it's there and it contributes to my unhappiness.

I can't express how much I can relate to this, probably for a different reason altogether, but that's just how it affects me too. It's difficult to come to terms with things that you just can't really change, that you have to accept and live with... somehow.

Personally, I believe that I'm lonely becouse I've had to deal with alot of different things (mental disorders etc.) since I was pretty young, it kinda got me "out of the loop" and lead me into isolation, pretty much. It's not easy to get back from a position like that. I keep on trying but most of the time I just want to crawl back to where I'm "safe", where I can deal with things.

 

[Bella]

Personally, I believe that I'm lonely becouse I've had to deal with alot of different things (mental disorders etc.) since I was pretty young, it kinda got me "out of the loop" and lead me into isolation, pretty much. It's not easy to get back from a position like that. I keep on trying but most of the time I just want to crawl back to where I'm "safe", where I can deal with things.

And I can't express how much I relate to THIS.

I dealt with a lot from five years old. I had a very unfortunate experience when I was that age and it forced me to grow up really quickly. My friends at school and I were suddenly in completely different places. I felt alienated because I had "changed" involuntarily, but everyone else was the same. It lead me to isolation too.

I'm glad I wrote you.

 

[eh?]

Removed.






Reason for edit: eh.....

 

[Twingle]

I'm a member on several other forum boards, and lately the trend seems to be an "see how mean/rude/obnoxious you can be to someone else .. MAKE THEM BREAK DAMNIT!" attitude.

Personally, I'm sick of it. I've never really been "gun ho" about doing it, but sometimes, I'll admit, I think it's funny and might fan the fire a bit (especially if I (or my buddies) don't really care for the person being picked on), but I recently saw some stuff go down that I just thought had gone too far (still is actually).

So, basically, I came here looking for some solice. Some peace, some like-minded folk who just want to hang out and keep each other company without being jack-asses every other post because someone might think it's funny for a few minutes.

Seems on the other forums I'm on .. no one else (minus a select few perhaps) feel the same way. And considering I said somethign about it I've found myself pretty much left out in the cold, so to speak, on those forums where it comes to posting (and actually getting responses).

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It was one crazy year.
A long term relationship break up and a death of a person I love very
much. Depression, isolation, insanity, pain, anger, loniness, hate,
miserable, numb, despair, fear...the whole nine yards all rolled into one.
One step away from the nut house or blowing my brains out.

I was having a conversation with a dead woman..for whatever
reasons I just kept seeing her face. I couldn't get her out of my
mind no matter what I did....it was freaky and I felt like a lunatic.

Life was unfair...but I dug a pretty deep hole for myself too.
I couldn't accept life on life's term . I couldn't accept that she
was dead.

I wanted it to stop oneway or the other. I knew i wasn't well
at all. For the most part...I think i just wanted someone to understand me.
I didn't cared if i lived or died oneway or the other.
I had no hope..didn't want anything. It felt wierd to actaully
not to want anything. There was onething I wanted...I wanted
her back, alive and living. That's something that I can't have.

Her death had a profound change in my faith and perception of life.
It's almost like a double edge sword.

Nothing really seems to bother me anymore...you can't take anymore
from me....what people think or say about me..dosen't really bother
me. You can't hurt me anymore. I'm not as afraid of living anymore.
I'm more afraid of living than dying...that' the truth.

F-it...I actaully hit on a very beautiful woman tonight....
I had nothing to lose and everything to gain.
well..i didn't get a yes or a no...it didn't bothered too much that I'll probably
never see her again in my life....I've been there and done that to the core of my being or processed it before.

 

[heretostay]

thank you for your post grundel. it was very beautiful and did bring tears to my eyes.

ive been alone most of my life, but never felt lonely. in the past people would tell me all the time that i never talked. i hate talking, in general. i had one lady tell me that if i ever wanted people to understand me i was going to have to talk. i had no idea what she was talking about. i didnt know why she thought i cared if people understood me. and i wasnt aware i didnt talk much.

but then i took her advice and i talked. that got me a referral to a psychiatrist. i was so disillusioned that i didnt know i was a little 'off' to most people. now that im a little more 'normal' it kind of makes me laugh to look back and realize i was really living in my own little world.

maybe i feel lonely now b/c i am a little more 'normal' and so im actually cognizant of attachments to other people. i guess now that i feel ive 'woken up' i want to talk. but im looking around and i really have no one that would understand, or that i really want to talk to.