WHAT HAVE I DONE AND WHAT THE HECK DO I DO NOW

[Brian]

So Brian the Brilliant went and started 'going out' with somebody.


"YAAAY! HOORAAAY! Not lonely anymore! Begin the fanfare, let loose the festivities! Meat and mead all around!"

It was all warm and fuzzy until about 2 days ago at work, when something occurred to me.

Eventually, if things continue, this is going to lead to physical intimacy. Something I am obviously clueless about and the source of thousand-fold anxiety, which I am just now discovering. This is only made worse by the fact that I *know* she's had quite a few partners, and I have this foreboding feeling that I am going to be a massive disappointment to her. Lack of experience aside, let's just say I...um...in terms of gum, my flavor doesn't last and last and last. It's more like you chew it a few times and before you can even blow a bubble with it, it's more like chewing on glue. If you catch my drift. Chewing time is about 7 minutes. And the rest of the pack is empty.

But forget all that, even. I'm just awkward when it comes to general touching and physical cues/body language, and I'm in totally foreign territory when it comes to expressing affection or disccusing more personal topics.

And I'm ******* afraid.

This is bad enough that I find myself once again wishing for that much sought-after Rewind Button. I would lean on that ****** to several weeks ago and I would stop myself from pursuing her like I did.


Looking back, being 'alone' was so much more comfortable, and I'm honestly starting to wonder if that isn't how I should naturally be. This anxiety, this fear, it's the EXACT same sensation as those 'lonely' nights I've had so often where I fear being 'lonely' forever. Now, I wish I WAS lonely forever; the tightness in the chest, the dread, the tense shoulders and the tears...it's all here in force. And we've only kissed once. I'm realizing what I've gotten myself in to and it's too late.


I've told her through text about my social anxiety before. I guess she's ok with that or she wouldn't be chasing me. Do I tell her I've never really had a girlfriend before? Would she understand that (would any of the females reading this understand that, or would it bother you?)? Should I just continue head first and take things as they come?

I hate being like this.

 

[PurpleDays]

Okay, first off... breathe.

Take a while to feel pleased about the latest developments. She's pretty, she's nice, she makes you happy. WOO!

Take things as they come. She's not gunna expect you to assemble and use the tantric sex swing within the first week (see, I made a joke...). Everything is different with every partner... have fun, keep smiling. Keep talking to us, it's quite exciting!

WOO BRIAN!

 

[Brian]

She's pretty, she's nice, she makes you happy.

NOT EXACTLY SEEING ANY HAPPINESS HERE. JUST FYI. IN ALL CAPS.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Brian if she truely cares for you, your lack of experience won't matter to her. If all she cares about is how good the sex is, she's not worth it.

Any girl worth half her salt would take the former approach. You are a great person and if she doesnt like what you have to offer then she is really really missing out on a great person.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

Do I tell her I've never really had a girlfriend before? Would she understand that (would any of the females reading this understand that, or would it bother you?)?

I'd talk about it with her, yeah. If it were me, that wouldn't bother me. I'd be understanding. I'm thinking back to the 22-year-old Me and I think that I'd have been understanding if my partner hadn't really had many girlfriends before me. fresia, at that age I hadn't exactly had a long string of boyfriends either, so I was dealing with my own insecurities.

Forget the issue of experience. I'm just awkward when it comes to general touching and physical cues/body language, and I'm in totally foreign territory when it comes to expressing affection or disccusing more personal topics.

You know, one thing I have noticed is that this can be something that is particular to each couple. I mean, each person has his/her own personal body language cues, so in a way, with each new partner, it's like you're learning a different language or dialect each time. Well, there are some things which are likely to be universal, but there still is a learning curve every time. But treat it as a fun learning environment.

And I'm ******* afraid.

Take heart in the fact that she seems to be into you. She already knows a bit about your shyness/social anxiety and she's still texting you and wants to hang out with you. Who knows, she may end up being a "take charge" sort of girl.

Looking back, being 'alone' was so much more comfortable, and I'm honestly starting to wonder if that isn't how I should naturally be. This anxiety, this fear, it's the EXACT same sensation as those 'lonely' nights I've had so often where I fear being 'lonely' forever. Now, I wish I WAS lonely forever; and we've only kissed once.

Change is always scary, even when it is change for the good. (((Brian)))

 

[eris]

I really do understand your concern, but these are just nerves I think it would be worth it to continute, and I think this girl is a keeper. Youll learn physical intimacy fast. Its something natural that just takes over your body, so I think youll "do" ok

Good luck. Im really genuinly happy for you

 

[futurecatlady]

Brian, I can understand your panic. I've never had a boyfriend, but on the (very) few dates I've been on, I've always panicked and wished I was alone again. But I've never regretted stepping out of my comfort zone. Will your first time be awkward? Of course. But it can still be an amazing experience. Like PurpleDays said, she's not expecting some kind of mind-bending nirvana sex on the very first go. If you drink, then I would suggest a couple of glasses of wine to take the edge off your anxiety (just don't get drunk, or it can make business a little more difficult). This might help with the whole knowing-where-to-put-your-hands bit, because you won't think about it as much and just let your instinct take over.

My advice is: whatever you do, let the animal Brian come out. Do whatever YOU feel your body telling you to do, instead of worrying so much about her. Then the basic stuff will come easy, because we're all programmed to do it.

Good luck, and don't stress about the anxiety! It's normal, and when you're all hot and bothered, I'm sure it will be easier to set it aside.

 

[Brian]

if she doesnt like what you have to offer fresia HER.

I want you to know I enjoyed the ironic pun.

You're right. It wouldn't be so bad maybe if she wasn't on the fire department.

I don't know. It's just...embarrassing. It's like failing a hose or ladder evolution or not being able to keep up with a work crew; I'm missing an accepted standard and it's eating away at me.

I ALWAYS TOLD MYSELF I WOULD NEVER DATE WITHIN THE WORKPLACE. I never thought it would actually become an issue.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

This might help with the whole knowing-where-to-put-your-hands bit, because you won't think about it as much and just let your instinct take over.

My advice is: whatever you do, let the animal Brian come out. Do whatever YOU feel your body telling you to do, instead of worrying so much about her. Then the basic stuff will come easy, because we're all programmed to do it.

Oh, yes. This. This is good, too.

 

[Brian]

Thanks for the replies, guys. Er. Ladies.


I'll keep going with it. I think. I shouldn't let fear stop me or make me irrational. If I can keep my head on straight then some of this might not even be an issue.

If nothing else, I guess I'll be an interesting case study for other anxiety-suffering men here Like a bunch of squirrels watching one squirrel cross the freeway to see if it's safe or not!

On another note, I bought a box of condoms today, just in case. I can't remember if she's ever mentioned a latex allergy; I think she might have and I think she's on the pill because of it. I've decided I'll stuff a latex hospital glove in my pocket and jokingly try to stretch it over her head next time I see her, and ask her if she's allergic first. One way or another, I'll either find out or get to stretch a glove over somebody's head.

Suave Brian overthinks things in a very suave way, from time to time.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Brian, girls won't squish you like a car-tire squishes a squirrel. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaad metaphor.

 

[lomojojo]

Of course it's easier to be alone, you don't have deal with anyone but yourself. If you really like this girl everything you are worrying about ^ ^ won't matter once you give it a shot, if you don't you'll never know if she's worth it or not. About the experience, if she's really interested in you it won't matter at least that's what I would think in fact teaching is more interesting for me. About the chewing issue probably won't even be an issue when you are with her. All I'm saying is let go of your fears and go ahead with it. GOOD LUCK

 

[Brian]

Brian, girls won't squish you like a car-tire squishes a squirrel. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaad metaphor.

Therein lies the nature of my difficulties, Sophia. Entirely skewed perceptions.

---

About the chewing issue probably won't even be an issue when you are with her.

See, I'm not so sure about that. It was an issue with the LAST one, last I checked. And I get too nervous after that to get ready for a second round.

What's proper protocol there? Do I take evasive maneuvers and go back to foreplay and hope for the best or do I confront the issue openly and be like "Well, just hang on a minute, we gotta re-prime the motor and reset the choke and we'll be ready to go again!" ?

 

[Badjedidude]

BALLS TO THE WALL AND FEARS TO THE SHITTER, BRO!!!

******* GO FER IT!!

Fear and anxiety is part of the game but if you let it stop you, you'll never get past it. Better to get it over and done with and conquer that ***** (the anxiety... not the girl, lol)!!

Haha GUM... love the metaphor. I believe most guys's "gum chewing" lasts about 5-10 minutes on average anyway, if they're going at a goodly pace. And yeah, it usually takes about ten minutes to half an hour to "reset." Generally what I did was when going for a second round (and you don't always have to go for seconds), I would just cuddle and chat with the girl until I felt I could go again. Or we'd make out and before I knew it--BAM! I was good to go again. Haha

Seriously, most women understand that guys operate like that, and it's generally not a big deal as long as you show her you're willing to keep going as long as she wants to... and if she DOES want to, then HELL YES you keep playing the foreplay game, man! That's like half the fun of sex for women anyway.

And hell, sometimes one is enough. Just be straight up if you don't feel like going again.

"Babe, it's been one fresia of a day, I'm not sure I can go again... I kinda just wanna hold you right now."

Sounds gay but chicks diggit.

lulz

 

[futurecatlady]

FYI, if she DOES have a latex allergy, keeping latex anywhere on your person means she'll probably start having a reaction the minute you get close and won't be able to touch you till you shower. =( So maybe go for the latex-free gloves.

 

[EveWasFramed]

lol, when the time comes, just let her know you're not that experienced, and ask her if she would mind teaching you a few things. SHe will take you up on it, lol.

 

[suckaG]

I watch with a mix of hope and intrigue. you are a braver squirrel than I!

 

[SofiasMami]

What the hell is this gum-chewing? Plain English, please? Is that the in-out stuff??
And re-set? Is that like a semen refill?

Good for you, man. My only advice is don't think about things too much. You'll be fine. I agree too, that if you don't mind drinking alcohol, have a drink or two with her (but don't get smashed). There's a reason it's called a social lubricant.

Teresa

 

[Brian]

Sofia: You translated properly

So we spent a similar evening together tonight and I'm feeling a lot more comfortable/confident about this. I guess part of the problem is I just keep waiting to wake up from it all and find out I'm late for work.

We were kissing and I was fumbling to pull her pony-tailer (rubber band-like hair...thing....) out because I like to play with her hair. She laughed a little and pulled it off herself and said "You'll learn...I'll teach you."

That made me feel a lot better like maybe she does understand.

TO THE OTHER SQUIRRELS: THE FREEWAY IS PRETTY COOL, COME ON OUT AND GO FOR IT. IT ONLY LOOKS SCARY.

Edit:

And she DOES have a latex allergy; I slipped the question in during related medical discussion. Now what? I'm really not comfortable relying on the pill if things go that far, and I think they probably are going to at least once.

 

[cheaptrickfan]

That made me feel a lot better like maybe she does understand.

Awesome.

And she DOES have a latex allergy; I slipped the question in during related medical discussion. Now what? I'm really not comfortable relying on the pill if things go that far, and I think they probably are going to at least once.

Can you find the non-latex ones easily where you are? There's one brand Lifestyles SKYN condoms which are made of a rubber, not latex. There are also lambskin ones, though since they're more porous than latex, they're not the best at STD prevention if that's a concern.