What Movies/Songs Affect You Adversely?

[Case]

Based on the recommendation of a friend I trust, I just saw the Lars von Trier film, "Melancholia," starring Kirsten Dunst. I knew the basic plot, so I was ready for what the movie had to offer. After the film ended, I found myself with my hands shaking from the experience and dealing with such heavy feelings of sadness that I wonder if I should avoid movies that might affect me negatively even in the slightest. It was a great film, but what I'm feeling right now is not fun.

Funny enough, I used to be able to watch any kind of movie without a problem. Anything from extreme themes, to graphic violence, to graphic nudity, to horrifying behavior, etc, would entertain me to no end. These movies made me feel things I could never feel in my own life because I live a rather normal, safe existence. Movies have always given me a vicarious thrill into a fictitious character's emotional journey, and I have always thrived on that.

But as I age, I realize more and more that I am unable to watch the kinds of movies I used to love. I'm finding that certain themes, certain behaviors, certain plots, trigger emotions in me that turn the movie-going experience into something I don't want to experience at all.

And it's not just movies that adversely affect me. It's music, too. I can name a list of songs that will turn me from the happiest guy you know to the most depressed guy you'll ever meet in a matter of minutes. Friends of mine have even warned me not to play music from certain bands because they know how horrible I will feel afterwards.

Maybe it's not my age, but my experience with life. I got divorced, so many songs that remind me about my former marriage will bum me out. I'm currently single, so romantic comedies might feel more real to me than if I were in a relationship. I'm often lonely, so movies or songs that touch upon this subject will feel more real to me than they did 20 years ago. Both of my parents passed away, so any movie or song about "death" or "loss" puts me into a sad emotional state I would not have experienced when I was 20 or even 30 years old.

So, I'm finding myself avoiding more and more movies and music that will trigger these more extreme, emotional responses. For example, this year's Oscar for Best Picture went to "12 Year's a Slave," a true story about a free black man kidnapped and sold into slavery. I told a friend of mine that I didn't think I was ready to see such a brutal film. My emotional state would be too heightened, and I didn't think I could sit through the film. This is a drastic change from when I sat down to watch "Schindler's List" in the theater. THAT movie was a colossal mind-job, but I was able to see it, and even pronounce its greatness. But if "Schindler's List" was being released now, I would probably need Xanax or Prozac just to get through it.

Part of the reason I'm writing this is to bring my emotions down from the movie I just watched. I'm alone, so I have no one to talk to about it. The other reason is I wonder if this is normal.

Do we all have songs we'll turn off, movies we won't see, or TV shows we won't watch because they would trigger sensitive emotions in us? I'm not talking simply about stuff we don't like, think is crap, or just isn't our cuppa tea, but stuff that if we watch it will essentially ruin our day.

I don't know anyone in my life who has mentioned this. Tell me I'm not alone.

 

[VeganAtheist]

Maybe it's not my age, but my experience with life. I got divorced, so many songs tat remind me about my former marriage will bum me out. I'm currently single, so romantic comedies might feel more real to me than if I were in a relationship. I'm often lonely, so movies or songs that touch upon this subject will feel more real to me than they did 20 years ago.

Before I got dumped, I could watch anything and everything. I could watch the most violent movie and soon after watch the most saccharine sweet movie. I could watch anything and everything. Hell, some of the videos on the darker side of the internets didn't bother me.

After I got dumped, I have to be careful of what I watch. Anything with even subtle romantic themes is a problem. Since she was from the UK, anything with a british accent is a problem, which is unfortunate because I love David Mitchell. Anything that reminds me of her is a problem. I have often turned off a movie because it was reminding me of her.

I have been listening to the same band for the last couple of months. We would often listen to music together and I can't bear to listen to songs we shared.

There are a bunch more odd little things I avoid too.

 

[johnny196775]

A movie called murder set pieces i recorded a couple years ago. I watched it and i think that night i had a very vivid dream with the same guy in it. That dream freaked me out and i haven't watched that film a second time yet and will maybe never will.

 

[user 115627]

There's a couple of movies (romantic films and some comedies alike) and almost one complete musical genre I cut out of my favourites because they would probably stir up unwanted memories...not that I don't have these anyway, but there's no reason to deliberately wake up sleeping dogs.

It's not much use though. Sometimes I have found myself strangely "touched" by certain songs and movie scenes that I even had heard/seen before. And when that happens I don't even have flashbacks of anything...it's just some kind of out-of-the-blue emotional attack where I feel nothing but the most intense grief.

 

[Case]

I'm reminded of when "Saving Private Ryan" came out. The opening 30 minutes (or so) was an almost non-stop barrage of war violence, and actual WWII veterans from the D-Day landings said that it was so realistic that they had emotional flashbacks.

I was not a part of those Normandy landings, so I could experience "Saving Private Ryan" as a film, but these vets "felt" things while watching the film that I could never feel.

I suppose each of us, as we accumulate the occasional bad experience in our lives, has memories that we don't want to trigger.

 

[painter's radio]

There's nothing I enjoy more than listening to amazing music that I haven't heard in years. As emotional and sentimental, or regretful as I can be, I refuse to let honeysuckle people destroy good music for me. It's just too good to miss out on. There are a couple of songs which I don't want to hear though. Songs that we discovered together. But anything I already had in my life before they were corrupted, they are mine. I'll share them with anyone but no one will take them away from me.

The film 'Me Myself and Irene' will always remind me of the time my girlfriend went out to a party and messed another guy (I had to stay home that night, it was on TV), so I might not want to watch that if I'm feeling particularly shitty but I can tolerate it.

I think I've mentioned this film before but if anyone wants to see the most depressing film ever (no, it's not Requiem for a Dream, ffs!) then check out Dancer in the Dark, starring Bjork. It's really good, but if you're sensitive it will hit you pretty hard.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Anything in which it suggests that you are not unlimited. Anything that suggests the bad guys always win. With music, anything too sad, too angry, too cynical/pessimistic, or too political affects me adversely. I have kept a few bands around that I like for other reasons, that may sing about that stuff but I don't associate those feelings with them. Last year I decided to give away a bunch of music that was not aligned with where I want to go.

For example - I like a lot of punk rock, I like the speed, the energy, the passion - the catchy melodies and riffs. But what I don't like is the anger, cynicism, pessimism, and politics that are common in the genre. So I gave those CDs away. I can't listen to Bad Religion moan about politics anymore, I can't listen to NOFX tear down absolutely everything, and I can't listen to Minor Threat be violently angry. It's just not healthy for my new mental state. For the first time in my life I am starting to believe in life and myself, and I just can't listen to people tell me how everything sucks. It's toxic.

 

[LonelySutton]

I don't know anyone in my life who has mentioned this. Tell me I'm not alone.

You are not. When I was a kid the love of my life was movies. There was nothing I didn't find great. My mother, not so much. I could NEVER get her to see a movie or sit down for one. I could never get an answer out of her as to why she didn't like them. I don't think she really knew. But as I get older, I am losing my love for movies.

I think the truth is... when you are young.. you haven't had any experiences... so the movie doesn't bring up any sad or scary memories. But now, I have lived a life and about 50% of movies have something in it that makes me sad or reminds me of something that did happen.

I cannot watch ANY movie concerning dying or cancer anymore. These movies somehow made it seem romantic to have cancer. Even something as dire as Terms of Endearment. But the reality of my mother's short bout with cancer was so so so much more horrifying than anything in a "movie"... wow. I now think that is why my mother didn't want to watch movies. She had many experiences in her life and I now get.. most movies that to me.. as a kid seemed new and interesting reminded her of some bad memory.

Recently I watched "the Joy Luck Club".. to be fair that made me cry even when I was a kid. But when I last watched it.. at the parts where the woman has a mentally abusive boyfriend I know I was thinking.. I will never stand for that. But watching it this time I realized... I have had an abusive man boss for 10 years and I just put up with it.. because I was afraid to move on. I don't have the strength I thought I did.

I work in the law and I cannot watch legal thrillers anymore. Real life has ruined that for me. I find myself resentful at the way they portray the law. There is so little than I can watch and enjoy.

I guess I give thanks for Game of Thrones.

And I guess I will also say most movies these days also suck badly.

 

[Case]

First of all, I'm glad I am not alone.

I can't listen to Bad Religion moan about politics anymore, I can't listen to NOFX tear down absolutely everything, and I can't listen to Minor Threat be violently angry. It's just not healthy for my new mental state. For the first time in my life I am starting to believe in life and myself, and I just can't listen to people tell me how everything sucks. It's toxic.

Yeah. I can see that. I'm a bit different, though. I don't often get angry, so when I listen to angry bands like Bad Religion, Minor Threat, or even Rage Against the Machine, I'm experiencing their aggression through their music. It doesn't affect me the way it affects others, I guess. Anger doesn't become a larger part of my personality when I listen. But I understand how anger and rage can be toxic for someone. It's a bit like alcohol, perhaps. Some people are angry drunks and some are not.

I think the truth is... when you are young.. you haven't had any experiences... so the movie doesn't bring up any sad or scary memories. But now, I have lived a life and about 50% of movies have something in it that makes me sad or reminds me of something that did happen.

I think you nailed it here.

On this same topic, a friend said to me that it's not age but experience that makes the difference. I had been focusing more on age as the main factor because I assumed that the greater the age, the greater the experience. And while that may be statistically true, it doesn't mean that young people don't have traumas and don't seek to avoid movies or TV shows that trigger these memories. I had to concede that point to my friend.

 

[Peaches]

Must say that Lars Von Trier makes me physically ill, and sometimes Bergman

 

[LonelySutton]

I had been focusing more on age as the main factor because I assumed that the greater the age, the greater the experience. And while that may be statistically true, it doesn't mean that young people don't have traumas and don't seek to avoid movies or TV shows that trigger these memories. I had to concede that point to my friend.

Yes, I think it is the experiences. On music... when I was younger.. I wanted to move out of my house so I went and rented a place. I thought my parents would be upset but not that much. I was wrong. What happened was a dreadful summer where I had to cancel the apartment and face the scorn of my friends. So now.. certain songs from that summer bother me so much. I think there is a Tina turner song that I can't even listen to.

In addition I have noticed this... when I was younger I might see a movie and think, I am going to do that / be that... when I get older. This would usually make my quite happy. But now... I see a movie and I know that stuff isn't and can't happen. I won't be a leader, I would be traveling the earth.. it dims the experience for me.

It is extremely disheartening to me. When I was younger I felt like I would be all set when I got older because I would be able to be propped in front of a tv and get all the happiness in the world. I also wonder sometimes if this is why books have become things I don't want to read.

 

[Littlesecret]

The film 'Leon: the professional' makes me pretty emotional! 'Vera Lynn - we'll meet again' will always make me cry because it was played at my grandad's funeral and he asked me to play it for him a few days before he died.
I can't think of any others, if I do I'll add them later.

Edit: It may sound lame but 'Good Charlotte - hold on' I remember listening to it when I was 14/15 and was in a very honeysuckle place, the lyrics really helped me.

To be honest it's full albums that spark some kind of emotion in me, like 'Audioslave - Out of exile' and a number of 'The smiths' albums, meat is murder, louder than bombs and the smiths. 'HIM' - love metal, razorblade romance and 666 ways to die. Also Placebo - sleeping with ghosts, I borrowed it from the library and never returned it when I was 15 (I moved away), goodness know how much the fine is now.
They're just very nostalgic and takes me back to a place I love and hate but reminds me how free I felt whilst listening to them.

 

[LonelySutton]

I was thinking the other thing also kind of applies to everything. When I was younger I used to like self help but I just feel like that era is over for me. I have read them all... or the basic ideas seem so simple and useless to me now. Mostly I can't see them as being much good at all.. most of the time.

 

[insomniac779]

As far as movies, I do my best to avoid any movie with a rape scene. I just can't deal. No history of sexual abuse in my life. I just can't deal with it.

I wouldn't call the effect it has on me as being adverse but Laura by Bat for Lashes gets to me. No idea why. First time I heard it my eyes actually watered up a little. Only song to ever do that to me.

 

[OnlyMe]

I can watch most things without issue, however I refuse to watch any film or program that depicts cruelty to animals (simulated or real).

Also I shed quite a few tears when watching 'Marley and Me'

 

[Triple Bogey]

Songs by The Smiths - 'I know it's over', 'never had no one ever', 'last night I dreamt that somebody loved me'

 

[Nicolelt]

I don't like John Mayer because my dad used to listen too him all the time, and the song "Waiting on the World to Change" was the ringtone for him on my phone when I was a teenager. And the only reason he called me, was because I was in trouble. So can't listen to him anymore.

 

[lifestream]

Every time I watch the last half hour of "Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me", it hits me with the force of an oncoming train.

 

[GirlwithCuriousHair]

grave of the fireflies. my god. just reading the wikipedia page makes me want to bawl my eyes out

 

[johnny196775]

I used to love horror movies where it was based on hurting people only and I just cant watch those type of horror films any more. Like the film halloween by rob zombie. I love but its too hardcore for me right now. And the devil rejects i would love to be able to watch that again.